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| Blogs > tresennui > Succumbing to Curiousity |
Semi Self Imposed Celibacy
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Semi Self Imposed Celibacy It’s now been the longest (@ 9 months) I have gone without sex in the last 15 years (post divorce)...sex with someone else, that is, I do masturbate frequently. It certainly isn’t because I am not horny or feeling the desire, but I just can’t get myself to make the effort, or more so, can’t find someone I want to make the effort of meeting for the possibility of having sex with. I can imagine there is a least one man out there reading this raising his hand saying pick me. But, I most often am getting uninspiring emails and IM’s these days, on this site and other sites (vanilla ones that don’t necessarily say pick me for sex, though ultimately that’s what it comes down to, not complaining, I don’t deny I am looking for it too). Meeting someone online use to start with flirting by amusing banter, filled with innuendo, not necessarily for extended periods of time, but long enough that both of us looked forward to meeting and there was a sexual tension that had developed and we pretty much knew that in person there would be sparks flying. The art of cyber flirtation seems to have vanished. I can even remember not so long ago hours on the phone, and it wasn’t all phone sex. Not denying that it is partly my fault. I suspect that an over-indulgence in recreational, indiscriminate, and somewhat adventuresome sex for quite a few consecutive years caused me to crave something more. It’s kinda the old “too much of a good thing, etc”. The easy fuck that used to be a mainstay just no longer does it for me. Sure I can orgasm, but once I’m done I’m ready to call it a night (or nooner, if apropos). And the whole encounter just doesn’t feel like it was worth it. No offense to any of the men, some were perfectly nice guys, I just didn’t feel a connection...other than a brief physical one. Hence, seldom a second date. Not that I haven’t had relationships of any sort, just none monogamous and most recently for a few years a very good friend, a fellow foodie, who lived here, but travelled a lot and I saw on a fairly regular bases. We enjoyed restaurants, a couple vacations...we were friends who enjoyed each other’s company....FWBs. Sex was not extraordinary, but there was strong affection for each other. He recently relocated out of state, so that easy relationship ended. So my current dilemma is, how do I find a man that amuses me so that I want to spend an inordinate amount of time talking to as well as having sex with. Of course, to make it more difficult for myself, I want someone no more than 12? years younger or 5 older and who lives close by. That’s an urban close by that in heavy traffic on congested surface streets (not highways, or as we call them in Chicago expressways). I also have the added factor that I currently have an adult living with me in a 2 bedroom condo. We often work opposite hours; however, if I entertain a man at home, unless we are in an established relationship, no sleepovers at my place and well scheduled privacy. Not even sure how much I miss sex on a regular basis. Even writing that shocks myself. It’s soooo not me! So that’s my story at the moment. Care to share yours?  |
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2/9/2020 4:57 pm |
i think it an amazing post. It was worth the time and effort for me to read it. Such an intriguing lady. I am working on my life story of sorts. I have been without sex for 5 years or so but it is because I have to have a connection myself.
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Then when you least expect it, something good pops up and lasts!
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I have to wait a year and move to the Chicago burbs..... Good read
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Oops did that read I haven’t had sex in 15 years? Oh jeez...more like 9 months🤪!
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563 words is too long? Hmmm.. I try and keep mine under 600... I don't think it's too long... if it's interesting. True.. less is more though. Otherwise... what...? 100 words where someone describes what they ate for breakfast? Wtf can anyone say in that short space. Naw... length here was fine. But that does explain a lot... 🤔 ... is there another way to look at it Going Too Fucking Far NEW Blog Features RevealeD O O A Foolproof Method Posted Over on that NEW site O O
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Yep... I hear ya! 😶 There has to be an intellectual, humor 'thing' going on before I'll go back twice. I bore easily if it's just sex. The women I meet are needy, lacking self confidence and terribly inflexible. So used to their way of life... new things or perspectives are a challenge to introduce. So... perhaps it's just me. I just hate having to do all the entertaining.. all the time. It would be nice, once in a while, to be entertained. You know what I mean? Food is one of my passions... I love to cook. Chi town is too far for me to invite you over.. Too bad.. Oh well. Good luck hunting. I'm sure it's just a spiral that will reverse itself. It usually does... if you let it unwind the other way. No? 🤔😘 ... is there another way to look at it Going Too Fucking Far NEW Blog Features RevealeD O O A Foolproof Method Posted Over on that NEW site O O
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I am in the same boat. Just exhausted with it. The mindless fuck no longer appeals to me. I think this is the wrong site. All I get is ugly old marrieds or kids. Btw, thanks for letting me vent. 🙋♀️
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It's pesky sometimes, my need to actually "like" the guy before wanting to have sex on a regular basis now.... There's a definite lack of effort in the correspondence I get, and even when there's a spark, it usually peters out within a few conversations.
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5/14/2019 3:05 am |
LAD my dear! it is all about LAD for most life after divorce is just not the same. or is it just getting older and wiser? but in most cases just more stubborn i enjoy sex. i enjoy the warmth of a woman in my live... i find myself less patient with attitudes going out for dinner is a pleasure, a movie,a show... for sure telling me the shirt and tie don't match... a definite faux pas yup my dear blame it on the LAD there is a world of difference between insanity and stupidity
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I don't like sexual banter when we haven't even met yet. However, I do remember when many guys actually carried on a conversation. The good conversations led to meeting for coffee or drinks, and then, if the chemistry was there, we could start to banter. Doesn't seem to happen any more. Unfortunately.
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5/14/2019 1:17 am |
Really
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Not much different to your condition my lady Just keeping it simple, on the move,and hopeful - above all (there's only so much one can do in that age ...) Cheers - P
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Can’t speak for you when I say this, but my divorce took a lot out of me, a lot of interest that is. Same as you I want sex, but I don’t feel like putting the effort into it any longer. I am a very chill, and relaxed person, very passionate I am told, can be a bit kinky most of the time, and once again told I am a nice change of pace, and fun in bed. So what gives I can’t figure it out. I think a bit of it has to due with the women on sites like this now days, a lot seem to be way to much drama, and I choose not to deal with it anymore, and most of the time, when talking to women, no matter what my approach is, I tend to be met with instant sarcasm, which immediately turns me off. Like you I keep coming back for more in hopes I can find that one that suits me, I’m told she’s out there, but I guess I haven’t found her yet!
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Nice
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I read it all and put my hand down when you mention that. I'm in a similar drought but for different reasons. I live in an area with few women members on this site and it is also rather conservative minded. The big city is 100 miles away so they aren't interested. I imagine my age isn't helping either and I have little interest in the 20 and 30 y/os that sent flirts from across the country. But I have had a number of discussions with interesting women, including bloggers, who live fairly far away. But actually making the arrangement to meet gets bogged down by time/money and other considerations. When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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I think you articulated what a lot of us feel about meeting folks. LOL It could be good material for a potential guy for you to navigate. As if to say...guys, you need to be proficient in sexual banter.  Independently Romantic Sounds Better Than Lonely
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An awful lot to read. If I came across a blog this long, there is a good chance I wouldn’t read it all.
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