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The tuck rule
Posted:Apr 15, 2019 5:17 pm
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2019 4:47 pm
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“Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to be a woman. I have a full-length mirror in my bathroom, and before I get dressed I will tuck myself between my legs just to see. And, um, it's uncomfortable. So maybe I do understand.”

Michael Scott

The name Tuck Rule Game originates from the controversial game-changing . In the , Raiders' cornerback Charles Woodson sacked Patriots' quarterback Tom Brady, which initially appeared to cause a fumble eventually recovered by Raiders' linebacker Greg Biekert. If it was a fumble, it would have almost certainly sealed the game for Oakland. Officials reviewed the , and eventually determined even though Brady had seemingly halted his passing motion and was attempting to "tuck" the ball back into his body, it was an incomplete pass and not a fumble under the then-effective NFL rules. As a result, the original was overturned, and the ball was given back to the Patriots, who subsequently moved the ball into field goal range.

This weekend there was a fundraiser/thing for the 10th anniversary of Iowa saying gay marriage was fine . There were several people at this event who some would say were men wearing what some would say were women’s clothing . This led to an extensive conversation about tucking . I had never really thought about it before but now I have it doesn’t seem to make a ton of sense . How do you sit down without crushing your balls ? How do you even stand straight ? Seems like would be really hard on your junk .

There’s a new show on Showtime called Warrior is about Kung Fu fighting in San Francisco in the 1800s . I’ve only watched the first episode yet I feel comfortable saying if you like 100% nude Asian ladies this show is for you . A while back with Breaking Bad and Mad Men and so forth they decided it was the golden age of TV . I pretty sure now , thanks to the influence of Game of Thrones we are in the golden age of TV nudity . A while back in one of the episodes of the Simpsons where they were in the future they made a joke about hardcore porn being on normal TV . I think we’re solidly on track for being rule in a couple .

They released a teaser trailer for Star Wars 9 – The Skywalkering . It was pretty cool but confused/annoyed because it seemed like in the Last Jedi (which everyone hated) they put to rest the idea Rey is Luke’s daughter , which I was glad of because was too obvious for , but now it seems to be back in . I mean what else could it be about ? But I did like the Emperor is coming back . See in the extended universe the Emperor became a dark side ghost and went into a clone body he had prepared just in case anyone threw him down a huge Death Star Shaft . Which is neat .

I watched a trailer for the Joker movie . It looks pretty great . I predict the end of the movie will be one of the people stirred by all the Joker’s shenanigans killing Martha and Thomas Wayne and creating the Batman .

In 1990 there was a TV movie called Archie – To Riverdale and Back Again which was sold on VHS as Archie Return to Riverdale or sometimes Archie Reunion Weekend . They used to do a lot back in the day , change the name of a TV movie when it was sold on VHS . I wonder why . Must be some legal thing ?
Even though I wasn’t into Archie all I loved this movie . For some reason I really liked the dude who played Archie . And this could be a false memory because it doesn’t seem like the kind of thing would be on an NBC Sunday Night Movie in 1990 but I feel like there was a mildly racy scene of some kind 13 was really into .

The internet says this movie is “awful” but it has a 6 on IMBD so it can’t be bad . Even though there’s not many things 13 loved hold well . It was supposed to be a pilot for a series but it got crushed in the ratings so it didn’t happen . I assume ’s why the end of the movie Archie stays in Riverdale for essentially no reason .

In this movie Archie and Betty discuss an incident wherein they had to visit a sleazy motel together after their car broke down , Betty's parents misunderstood and tried to force them into a shotgun wedding . Archie misremembers the events and thinks they did actually have sex . What was supposed to be about ? Are they saying Archie was such a huge man- he can’t even keep track of his sex life ? I feel like if you were about to be shotgun weddinged you’d remember clearly if you banged . Or was Betty lying about them banging for some reason ? What was happening ?

The NBS Sunday movie the week before was the New Archies and the week after was Sabrina the Teenage Witch . I never saw either of these , was the entire Sunday Movie lineup based on Archie ?

I never saw the new IT movie . Did they keep the part where they’re lost in the sewers and all hope is lost so they run a train on the in the group which gives them the resolve to fight on ? I feel like I asked this before and no one answered . Steven King , he’s a heck of a writer !
1 comment
Whore VS Vampire - Dawn of Justice
Posted:Apr 8, 2019 5:21 pm
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2019 5:14 pm
626 Views

I am a fire burning
And I've held onto the fury
So there's just no need to worry
I won't give up

Even though
I've been misused
I've been humiliated
I've been laughed at
And called all kinds of names

But then I see you again
And you smile like a long lost friend
And I know I'm not alone

When I got to work this morning one of the few cars that gets there before me looked like it had SNOW on it sop I checked it out and it was some kind of powdered white stuff . It put me of a mind of the time I took my car to the car wash and after the soap was sprayed on I came to realized said car wash had no water and the soap congealed on my car .

Postscript to that incident , I went to the cars in line behind me and told them not to go in because there was no water - the guy directly behind me seemed like he was pissed at me personally for some reason and the lady behind him went in anyway and then started cursing .

I went up the owner of said car and said "Hey Goober what's the deal with your car ?" and they said that always happens when they drive in the fog - and the said it like it was a normal occurrence and I was weird for asking . So I says "Bro you car is fucked up that shouldn't happen" .

Is that a thing ? Some kind of fog residue ?

The price I had to pay was then they started talking about their daughter who they claim is a model - you know what a modelling mecca Des Moines Iowa is . They said they were going to NY for a shoot and I like "uh-huh , sure , whatever" but then they showed me some pictures and I have to say - she's a real knockout . Maybe it's true .

I have a tendency to disbelieve anything people say when they're bragging .

That's probably why I don't get along so well with people . Well , one reason anyway .

Today I saw a dude in a Goodwill t-shirt come to a crosswalk and stop for maybe 3 seconds before walking directly out into traffic - causing much honking and the slamming of breaks . He casually ambled across the street - not on the crosswalk but about 8 feet away from it - and then when he got to the other side he stared at the convenience store for maybe 7 seconds before spinning around and walking into traffic again .

I read and article today about how the Romanian mob has hacked most of the ATMs in the touristy parts of Mexico and I passed along a tip to my sister and parents since they go there every year . If your phone detects a wireless network coming from the ATM it's been hijacked by the Romanians .

Through NO fault of my own this turned into a big fight with my sister about whether or not we're entitled jerks . She invoked the old chestnut that she works "hard" and "deserves" to go to a resort in Mexico . I feel like she was proving my point . She of course didn't see it that way .

Family is interesting . You're required by law to love them but if you weren't related you wouldn't talk to them ever . What a strange system .

As I'm sure you all know last weekend was Wrestlmania weekend . At the Hall of Fame ceremony (which is a thing) a fan jumped into the ring and tried to tackle Bret "Hitman" Hart . There's a grand tradition in the wrestling world that when a fan tries to get in the mix the wrestlers beat the snot out of them .

They don't show it on TV of course - much like when someone runs onto a football or soccer field - but I've been to enough live shows I've seen it several times . Plus what with the internet and all there were 17 videos of it in Twitter 10 seconds after it happened .

I wasn't a kid when I first saw it but I was pretty young and it was mildly disturbing - here I am enjoying this colorful fake violence and then some real violence gets in the mix ? No thank you sir .

Also it's 100% unnecessary - they could easily just grab the guy and hand him off to security but they don't . And here's the thing , they're fake fighters sure , but that still makes them 77 times stronger and tougher than your average wrestling fan . And of course many of them are also legit hardcases . What's the sense in them punting a dude's head off ? It clearly doesn't deter anyone from doing it because it happens way more than at real sporting events .

What I find most interesting those is in these incidents I have never heard of a wrestler facing any criminal charges and only in one case have a heard of the dude who got stomped suing - which kind of doesn't count because that guy had gotten into a bad car accident a few days later and admitted he was just doing it because he needed money for medical bills .

How is that possible ? People sue for everything . I wish I knew a lawyer who worked for the WWE because I have so many legal questions about wrestling .

I was reminded recently of a thing I had forgotten about attention whores - them getting lots of attention is not enough , it's also important that no one else get any attention . Even if they're in the midst of getting lots of attention they'll pause that to stop someone else from getting any .

I remember in junior high when I first learned that lesson - an attention whore puts more value on you getting nothing than on them getting everything . Man I got such a beating that day .

Anyway , it got me to thinking that the term attention whore isn't really apt - because you get something from a whore , sex . There's a trade off - you give them something and you get something back . Whereas an attention whore gives nothing , they only take .

Ipso facto I hereby declare that the term attention whore be replaced with attention vampire .

I've been feeling kind of out of sorts lately . Unless I'm hanging out with my best gal I've just been rattling around the house . I don't really feel like reading , writing , or watching TV - which is pretty much all I do when I'm left on my own . I've been saying for years that I need another hobby that I can do alone .

Knitting has been recommended but crafts aren't really my thing .

Maybe I should start putting fake reviews on Amazon , that seems pretty popular .

I guess a lot of people spend time watching the YOOTOOB but that's just an inferior form of TV .

Remember a while back when I tried volunteering for a few months ? Talk about barking up the wrong tree .

In conclusion I don't know why this debate is going on because Jabba the Hutt clearly gets more fiber than the Uruk-Hai . I know that the Uruks have a line about eating maggoty bread but that was because they were on the move and didn't have access to meat . Jabba has a palace - I guarantee you he has feasts . We just didn't see one on screen . And a feast is going to have all kinds of fiber . It's just that simple .

How big to you think Jabba's sail barge was ? I could never get a good sense of it's size . I think it's smaller than I think .
2 Comments
Who's more foolish the fool or the fool that follows ?
Posted:Apr 1, 2019 5:57 pm
Last Updated:Apr 3, 2019 5:08 pm
2310 Views
I can't remember the last time someone played an April Fool's joke on me . It may never have happened . I mean there was the time Matt Madison hit me in the stomach with a 2 by 4 but that's less of a "prank" and more of an "assault with a deadly weapon" . People did think it was funny .

But today I came home to this -



It's pretty fantastic .

I figured if I start working now I should be finished with the world's largest Santa suit in time for Christmas so I can put him out again .

A lot of people believe that April Fool's Day originated from Christians making fun of a pagan new year celebration but that's an old wives tale/urban legend - the calendar we use now didn't even exist then .

Some smart people think that it really comes from the "Nun's Priest's Tale" in which a vain cock Chauntecleer is tricked by a fox on Syn March bigan thritty dayes and two - which people thought mean April 1st . This is also incorrect .

April Fool's day has it's origin in pre-Colombian America . A fellow by the name of Howah was nailing a married lady called Iguin (as the tale goes she had a lazy eye but a killer rack and a tight caboose) when her husband Chiricahua walked into the hogan . He was quite upset by the side of another man giving it to his lady so Chiricahua took up his club to dash out the brains of Howah but Howah said "I'm just kidding !" which brought everything to a halt . No one had ever tried that before .

Well , I mean Aymer de Valence did try it on Robert de Clifford before the battle of Bannockburn when Robert walked in on him railing Maud de Clare but we all know how THAT turned out .

Chiricahua eventually agreed that this was a pretty good prank and soon everyone was getting in on the action - hilarious joke sex was happening all over the place . Eventually the people who didn't have spouses felt left out and they started doing tricks other than marital infidelity . As time went by and marital infidelity became normalized it lost its cache as an April Fool's tradition .

There's a legal battle going on in some states now about if it's legal for your employee to require you to sign as part of your employment contract an agreement that if you want to sue them for whatever instead you go to arbitration in a state that will favor them .

Most states seem to be leaning towards saying this is fine .

I have mixed feelings about this . On the one hand if you don't want your company to assfuck you in arbitration should it become necessary you don't have to work there .

Buuuuuuut , that's not really how it works - all companies will do it and they have the luxury of being united in their quest for money whereas we , the workers , have no power because we'll sell each other out in a split second if it means more for us - there is no big picture from the employee side . So as much as I hate it I suppose the government should protect us .

They won't of course , but they probably should .

I stopped watching Last Week Tonight because it went from a show I thought was funny and good to a endless Trump complain jerkoff fest but I heard they had an episode about the WWE last night so I watched it .

It was pretty good but I'm not really going to talk about that . They showed an actuarial graph of how wrestlers die like fruit-flies compared to the norm but what startled me is that they showed NFL players who were below the norm .

With all this talk of CTE and injuries and whatnot NFL players have a longer lifespan than us normal slobs ? I would not have guessed that . I suppose it makes sense , even with all the wear and tear on their bodies they were professional athletes right so they must have pretty good physical gifts or genetics or whatever you want to call it .

And as many of them go to hell after they retire probably the majority of them stay in pretty good shape compared to the average - if you spent 30 years working out all the time and learning about nutrition and exercise you can probably take that down a few notches and still be more healthy than most people .

That was an interesting surprise . I wonder how that line looks for various kinds of athletes . Any actuaries out there ? Give me your trade secrets .

The only thing I know from my work is that most millionaire athletes have shitty credit and often don't know how money works .
3 Comments
I'm on a byway to heck
Posted:Mar 30, 2019 6:45 pm
Last Updated:Apr 1, 2019 5:23 pm
1900 Views

Growing up is in large part about adjusting to a narrowing of possibilities . Which each year we surrender what could have been . When you’re little you can become a spaceman as easily as you can become a fireman . When you’re a liberal arts major you’re still holding open the door to being a novelist . When you’ve reached adulthood your choice have narrowed to private sector wageslave (good pay) or public sector wageslave (ability to not hate yourself) .

Time accelerates as you grow up as well . A fly can avoid your crushing hand because it perceives the world 12 times faster . At twelve a trip to the dentist can seem like an never-ending quest . At forty life can feel like a series of waves crashing one after another – each existing for only a few seconds .

Gaining knowledge is wonderful . I can change a tire , throw a perfect outside breaking ball , and do basic functions in Excel . I couldn’t do any of those things when I was a kid . But what you don’t know is just as wonderful as what you do , sometimes moreso . When I was 7 I could open a book and just look at the names and places . When you’re just learning about buttoning your shirts and walking without getting run over every shred of information is pregnant with the potential to give birth to something extraordinary . I could look at the name Van Lingle Mungo in the encyclopedia and instantly build a world around it . And then another . And another . Dozens of worlds all spinning at once .

I remember being afraid as a kid . When my mom went to work or my dad went to a meeting I had to fill my mind with something because the sheer possibilities surrounding me were overwhelming . As much as it is exhilarating to have the universe stretch out before you it’s terrifying as well . How will you manage ? Every time you pick up one thing you’re letting go of something else .

I miss that overwhelming potential though . I have a car , a house , a computer , books , collections , kitchen appliances , battery powered sexual devices – and I find myself wishing I had nothing .

The resonance of the images in comic books come from that sense of possibility . They promise us a chance to play with that possibility and to conquer the fear that comes with its immensity . The comic book is a direct expression of possibility . What if the fears in our lives became powers ? And what if the powers we read about could become real ?

I order things online all the time . I’ve become inured to the wait . When I was a kid though the weeks between one comic and the next were interminable . They were a journey of possibility – time when you’re allowed to believe what you bought was everything you hoped that it would be .

Or course it was all just a metaphor . We all have to grow up and we all do . We find our own way . Inevitably we get stronger and tougher . Some challenges , even when overcome , disappoint us . Only a few of us grow up to be spacemen . With each choice we make and each hill we climb we lose possibility .

Why are we drawn back to that world again and again ? Whatever power we may have as adults it will never match the horizon that was before us as children . It’s a little scar and we poke that scar once in a while and remember the feeling we had as kids . When anything could happen .
2 Comments
Iggy Azalea VS Jesus - Dawn of Justice
Posted:Mar 26, 2019 5:42 pm
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2019 2:14 pm
1990 Views

"Bloggers are gross. Bloggers are obese. Bloggers have halitosis. You're going to love them. " - Dwight K. Schrute

I'm not much of a U-TOOBER but today when I was looking for something I stumbled across series of YOUTOOBS where a religious couple tells you what's wrong with videos . Turns out that barely clothed women writhing around in champagne fountains while people swear and make threats of violence is sinful . Who knew ?

I don't like to mock people's beliefs (usually) but honestly what do these people think they're accomplishing ? Do they think there's people out there that love Jesus and don't understand what's "wrong" with videos and they need it pointed out for them so they can stop watching them ?

The American Dream is pretty great but there is a downside - unpredictability and unpreventable downward mobility .

Remember that time during the civil war that Abraham Lincoln suspended habeas corpus in Maryland so that the mayor , police chief , entire Board of Police and the city council of could be arrested without charge and imprisoned indefinitely without trial ? And then the Supreme Court said "You can't do that !" but he ignored them ?

What's the court supposed to do in that case ? Once the court rules on something they rely on the executive to make it happen right ? So what if the executive is like "nah bro" ? Clearly all three branches of government should have their own private armies . I see no way that could go wrong . The conspiracy people would love it !

Remember back in 84 when someone sabotaged the Union Carbide plant in India and released poison gas that killed 20 thousand people and injured half a million ? Do you think the person that did that knew what would happen when they caused a backflow of water into a MIC tank ? Can you imagine being that pissed off at your job that you were okay with released poison gas on people ?

Do sociopaths have limits ? Or is their whole deal that it doesn't matter ? Would they just as soon blow up half the world as steal their co-worker's heart medicine because they got the last bagel ?

I found out the other day that most cities have lost confidence in the Federal Government's ability to create accurate flood maps so they're doing they own . I assume this will lead to the collapse of the nation and Balkanization .

Is the Breakfast Club a good movie ? I know people like it but is it any good ? Lots of enjoyable movies are no good .

Remember that movie I Am a Fugitive from a Chain Gang ? Someone the other day said that Sergeant James Allen was wrongfully convicted in the plot of that movie but that's not how I remember it - he was part of the bank robbery right ? I think is he's innocent the movie is not as good . I'm not sure why exactly .

Maybe that undercuts the message though , that once you're in the system you're kind of stuck in the criminal underclass . It just seems like a better story to me if he turns to crime because of his poverty in the first place .

I've had "Amanda's bra" written on my blogpad for a long time and I don't know why . I don't know any Amandas .

On the plus side last week Good and Evil fought and in a surprising twist Good won . So enjoy that .
3 Comments
A history of violence
Posted:Mar 24, 2019 12:42 pm
Last Updated:Mar 25, 2019 5:36 pm
2775 Views

That movie was pretty good in the beginning but the ending was weak .

Last night I was hanging out with Double D and we were discussing the autonomous cars and how they should be programmed which naturally flowed into the old question of – if you found out that someone was an active serial killer and they weren’t going to get caught would you take them out ? Which then turned into a discussion about self-defense and I expressed my belief that I’m not sure I would resort to violence even for self-defense . So then she asked “Just for yourself or also in the defense of others ?” And I said probably in either case .

Then she asked me “Even if one of your nieces was being attacked ?” which is a horriblye thought that will stick with me for a while but I’ll call fair on that because I ask her terrible things all the time . My answer was kind of wishy-washy on that but I also think we weren’t communicating very well – I didn’t mean imply that I wouldn’t care enough do anything , more that I wasn’t sure I COULD do anything .

She was so disgusted by this admission that we almost didn’t have sex . I mean she eventually caved obviously because just look at me – who’s going pass all this up ? But this revulsion got me thinking more about the question .

The first thing that came mind is when I worked the strip club in college and two of the goons there curb stomped a guy . I was definitely frozen in that moment . Even if I had wanted to I doubt I could have done anything to intervene in that scenario . If for some reason they had me I probably would have been able run away but that’s probably about it . Granted I was a college kid and they were professional goons so maybe I get a pass on that but regardless it seems support my stated position .

But then the next thing that came mind was the time those kids were trying hurt my cat and I went berserk and chased after them (and tripped and fell on my ass) . Which kind of blows the whole thing out of the water . As you may remember that incident was so disturbing me that I eventually sought out religious advice ! It was also 0% useless and stupid as you may remember . So I guess I can’t claim be 0% nonviolent .

The next thing that occurred me was the time my old job I shoved I guy (I swear I barely touched him) and he lost his balance and fell down the stairs . That was like wild pier six brawl of course but it pokes another hole in the non-violent theory .

The next car in the through train was back in the day when the gang and I would D&D into the wee hours of the night and a belligerent drunk redneck started pounding on the door saying someone had fucked his dog . All my friends went out to confront him and I did not . My friend Gedo , who’s house this happened , said “I don’t blame you he could have had a gun” but the truth is I wasn’t thinking about that – I was just scared . I had a real hard time facing my friends for a long time after that .

My friend Jado thinks that I became fearful and paranoid in HS after I sucker punched a dude and he started stalking me and was arrested brandishing a pistol and saying he was going to kill me . But I’m pretty sure I was already like that . However that puts further kibosh on the non-violence theory because I did punch a guy .

One of the many reoccurring stress dreams I have is being out on a date and some dude or dudes starts hassling my lady and I don’t do anything about it . I would probably have this dream anyway but it probably happens more because of two things . One that my first girlfriend loved getting into it with dudebros . I don’t know if she wanted to see me get my ass kicked or if that was just the way it was but it got to the point where I didn’t want to go anywhere with her because I knew there was a good chance she was going to mix it up with someone and likely she wasn’t the one who would reap any potential consequences .

Second that in HS a bunch of my friends went to a shitty part of Chicago to see some loud screamy band after which they decided it would be a good idea to try and score some drugs . It was not . In addition to being robbed the women in the group were taken to a house and sexually assaulted .

I know I’ve referenced this at least 3 times already and that Louis CK is on the list now , but there was an episode of Louis that really hit home with me where he was out on a date and some bros in and are being loud and obnoxious and he says something them and they make like they’re going kick his ass and he doesn’t exactly beg them not but he abases himself for sure get them lay off . And afterwards his date can’t even look at him . She admits logically he did the right thing but emotionally she just can’t be with him after seeing him get punked like that .

I feel like that’s probably how that would go down IRL . It sucks but that’s probably true most of the time . I remember one time being in bed with a woman and she sighed and said that she felt so safe with me and I said “Why ? The list of things that I can protect you from that you can’t handle yourself is pretty thin” . Smooth right ? Although in her defense just having another person in the mix does make you a lot safer – or maybe not since most women are attacked by the guys they’re dating .

Anyway , it was a blow the old ego when I saw the revulsion on her face but that’s why I try keep it real – I should be judged appropriately . I don’t as some people claim TRY drive people away but I don’t want bullshit them either . I understand the impulse try and pull the wool over people’s eyes so they’ll like you but if you’re not being genuine they don’t really like you . So what’s the point ? They might as well like someone else . quote Popeye the sailor man “I am what I am” .

Anyway , this morning I watched a compilation of the best DPs from 20 set the music of "Work Bitch" so I feel better now .

The dirty coward is the slime of the earth , working exclusively for themselves and shamelessly retreating from harm's way even if that harm is about hit the person that just saved his or her life two seconds ago . They'll take every advantage and are not above using dishonorable tactics and dirty tricks , but they'll cry and moan every time the tables are turned and someone uses the same tactics against them , asks for a volunteer or reminds them of that promise they made . They’re often full of vicious plans for anyone they dislike , as long as they aren't in need of that person's skills at the moment .

Though the dirty coward may be a sociopath (or one of the Social Darwinists) they're certainly not heroic or comedic . And if they're a bastard , they're certainly not meant be magnificent . They're usually only marginally competent start with and even the cleverest of them tends be short-sighted . Even when they know that breaking ranks will leave a hole in the defenses that will let the enemy in , leading far more danger for them in the long term , they will generally run for it anyway .

Their allegiance almost always lies with whoever can cause them the most immediate harm , even if that threat isn't likely last. They'll be happy badmouth people their faces when they can not immediately hurt them , only attempt curry favor when the roles reverse . Dirty cowards are especially prone suffering a karmic death , usually at the hands of whatever they were trying run from , and are similarly likely suffer a villainous breakdown .

Usually a villain unless used comically , although they may sometimes be a certain type of civilian that gets in the way . When used as a villain , this is a cheap way make the heroes look good in comparison , even if they're not everything they should be . Villainous dirty cowards tend fall squarely into Neutral Evil , since they are first and foremost out for their own hides the expense of others . One of the best ways demean the big bad is by making them out be a coward . It's doubly ironic if the one who brings fear into the hearts of others turns out to be a pathetic scaramouch who hypocritically makes others feel weak because they are really the weak one and try to hide it .

It's tough to make a main character into one of these without them coming off as more slimy and irritating than funny . Unlike most villains , the dirty coward doesn't even have finesse , which can make them extremely annoying . The dirty coward may or may not have a horrific past to explain their actions , but it doesn't usually redeem them , at least not in the minds of the audience . When their backstory doesn't seem all that convincing , but convinces the hero anyway , it can be seen as a major cop out .

The dirty coward is pretty much always , for the dubious reason that women aren't expected be brave in the first place .
4 Comments
I tend not to give advice but this is by request
Posted:Mar 22, 2019 7:11 pm
Last Updated:Mar 24, 2019 12:43 pm
2681 Views

Is there anything more pure , more full of possibility than a happy human infant ? A human infant is mostly free of any energetic baggage and that’s why their ease and joy are so enviable . When an adult releases their energetic baggage they may find that their “good days” are coming more often than their “meh” or “bad” days . They may find that they are less bothered by the little things , that they feel a adult infant-like contentment , enthusiasm and passion for life .

People might start to comment on how vibrant they look and be drawn to their shagginess . They will discover that the universe is now gifting them with things they’ve always desired and they will suddenly become more creative , curious and adventurous than they’ve been in years . Juvenile bison will walk up to them in Walgreen's and nuzzle them gently with their giant head. This is all because they are now closer to the mattress in their soul. They’re the diamond in the rough , only without the rough ! LOL

Being happy is a good indication that you are in touch with your soul mattress . When you are happy you feel good . When you feel good , there’s no mountain too high to climb . Just look at annoying little kids and their vast imaginations , their unwavering beliefs in stupid stuff that could never be true . The imagination is what connects us to mattress , I think , and thus to our own beautiful spirits – which is where the mattress is BTW . Each of us is born with joy in our hearts because that is where our gifts originate — in joy . When we are joyful we can share those gifts with the world . When we are joyful we can move mountains .

For many years, the mattress in my soul was trying to guide me , but I wasn’t paying attention . Even when the mattress in my soul tried to communicate with big glaring WARNING signs or GO HERE billboards , I disregarded them .

Thinking back to the year 2000 , I have to laugh when I think about how my former wife and I stood in line for three hours at the courthouse to get our marriage certificate . And finally , when we were at the very front of the line , belly up to the courthouse clerk , there was a (banned word) threat .

I’d already received other, more subtle hints that foretold the destructive patterns that later became impossible to ignore . But I overlooked them , just like I ignored the flashing red (banned word) threat that forced us to evacuate the courthouse .

Why did I ignore such blatant mattress soul guidance ? Because I was attached to marrying this lady , so I wrote it off even though somewhere deep within me , I knew better .

Consider the times you’ve ignored the guidance of the mattress in your soul .

Chances are good that you did so because you thought you should . The wedding invites had been sent ALREADY , so you should go through with the wedding – those were damn expensive . Plus you’d look like a fool for backing out . You’ve already spent so many years training for the job your mattress in soul wants you to leave . The money is good . It’s a secure job in an insecure economy . You should stay .

The mattress is telling you that you don’t have to take care of the elderly relative who treats you like shit , but another part of you thinks you should . You’re working yourself to death to pay for the fancy house and the private school and your mattress is telling you to simplify , downsize and send the kids to public school where they can be savagely beaten on a daily basis . But you don’t think you should sacrifice their quality of life for yours .

The mattress in your soul doesn’t want to go to church anymore , but you should . The mattress in your soul doesn’t want to hang out with the friend you’ve known for twenty years anymore , but you should . The mattress in your soul doesn’t like the missionary position and wants to get down and dirty , but you should not let on that you fantasize the way you do . The mattress in your soul wants to dance with the devil in the moonlight , but you should go to the gym . The mattress in your soul wants to eat sweet , sweet chocolate cake , but you should eat kale chips and gauc .

God forbid you actually follow the mattress’s guidance . There could be anarchy . And hell followed after .

Because we’re so full of ideas and judgments about what we should and shouldn’t do, we tend to talk ourselves out of the guidance of the mattress in our souls . We don’t trust that our mattress knows what’s best, so we tend to write off the guidance as whimsy or even folly ! To both pay attention and heed guidance may require radical acts of courage and that can feel terrifying – like confronting a phantom . Or even a phantasm . But not a phantasmagoria .

Where will the mattress in my soul lead me ? How uncomfortable will I have to get ? Like anal uncomfortable ? How much uncertainty will I need to tolerate ? Like buying an actual mattress without testing it out uncertainty ?

The soul mattress doesn’t give a FUCK about certainty . The mattress in your soul cares about freedom . Like William Wallace . Not the real one but the one from the movie Braveheart . The real one was a kind of a pill . But now he’s dead so whatever .

Every time we override the mattress’s (the soul one not the real one) guidance , it gets LOUDER , not because you don’t have free will and not because you’re being punished , but because you are being such a dum-dum Dugan . The mattress doesn’t necessarily speak the same language as you , it may speak Portuguese , so it may not just start rattling off guidance in your ear . Instead, it will use anything it can- dreams , chain letters , spam emails , people who show up unannounced and knock on your door a 2 AM like in the Strangers , stabbing physical pain , gut instincts , gut worms , bumper stickers , synchronicities – to make you pay attention . The mattress in your soul is always trying to guide you (unless it takes a break) but when you repetitively ignore it , it has to get crafty . Sometimes you wind up clobbered with a surgical 2 x 4 right up the ass .

The guidance of the mattress in your soul may start as a guiding dream or a persistent thought or a book or blog post (like this one ! )that seems to speak directly to you . But if you ignore this , the mattress may guide you through painful interventions , like loss or illness or getting it up the butt . The mattress is screaming for you to WAKE UP , it’s begging you to free yourself from all the should . By any means necessary it will make you face the TRUTH about who you are and what is aligned with your true self .

Because so many people suffer from what the shamans and mattress salesmen and podcast commercials for Purple Mattress call “mattress loss” , they lose touch with the guidance and wind up feeling lost , confused , disconnected , lonely , ugly , smelly , gross , bloated , vile , flabby , riddled with STDs and out of touch with the purpose and meaning in their lives . Reconnecting with the mattress in the soul is medicine for the mattress in the soul .

If you feel like you’re not optimally tapped into your mattress soul and would like to learn more about how your mattress might be speaking to you , (SOLICITATION REMOVED)

Or are you trusting and acting on your guidance ? Share your stories of how your mattress has guided you or how you’ve resisted it and paid a terrible terrible price in the butt .
3 Comments
Lion and hyena
Posted:Mar 20, 2019 6:07 pm
Last Updated:Mar 24, 2019 12:44 pm
2732 Views

For million years lions and hyenas have done vicious battle neither one able to gain the upper hand . But soon thanks to humanity they will know peace in the blessed calm of extinction .

Sometimes I forgot how much some people are afraid of the police . A lady was talking about being pulled over and someone was telling her that the reason she got pulled over was bullshit and she said "I just didn't want it to turn into a MeToo moment" . The person talking to them is a real human rights nut so they kept trying to tell her about what she should have done in that situation and she followed up by saying "I just wanted to get out of there without getting my pussy grabbed . Tits and ass I can handle but not the pussy ."

Seemed a little beyond the pale to me but then not the type who needs to worry about being hassled by the police nor getting grabbed for the most part so what do I know ?

Today for work I read the final police report and some other documents about the driverless Uber in Arizona that killed a woman . If you believe the police report (see above) the final analysis is that the car detected the woman but it the program that allowed it to brake in emergencies was turned off . Why ? because it was breaking too much - as programmed it would break for birds and squirrels and the like . A woman was in the car for just such scenarios but she failed to react . She had 1.29 seconds to do so .

Since this incident a man has been arrested for pointing a firearm at a driverless van and many people have been observed shouting and throwing rocks at driverless cars .

A bill to allow autonomous cars in Iowa without a driver passed the House recently and is expected to pass the Senate .

The fact that the car was stopping for birds and squirrels made me think about the 1st law of robotics -

A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm

I never thought about it before but if we do start to have robots running around it's going to have to be more than humans - you don't want your robot butler to step on your dachshund . So there will have to be some rules about not harming living beings . But that's going to make things real tricky because you don't want your robot to hurt your pet but if an angry mastiff runs at you you certainly want your robot to stop it .

And for that matter there's going to have to be a hierarchy . Obviously the robots will be programmed to save humans over anything else but how does that ranking work ? What if it has to choose between a valuable heifer and someone's beloved family dog ? Who's going to make those rules ? Should it always attack bears ? Or only if it a bear is threatening a human ? Aren't bears threatening by nature ? What about beavers ? Generally not an issue but they've killed people from time to time .

Is there a conversion ? Is a herd of horses going to be saved over a housecat but one cat beats one horse ? What if it's a racehorse that won the Belmont Stakes ?

People worry about robots for a lot of reasons , some more legitimate than other , but the only thing that really bothers me is that they're programmed by people and people don't have a clue what they're doing .

About 18 months ago I wrote up an outline for a movie where hackers (a word everyone in IT hates) take control of autonomous cars and demand bitcoin or they're ram them into heavily populated buildings . I think it was actually a pretty good idea for a movie (he said humbly) but there was no ending .

But I had never thought of his driverless cars in terms of the three laws before . So now the ending would be that all the other cars see that humans are in trouble and they come to the rescue - boxing in the compromised cars and slowing them down and bringing them to a halt like a pack of hyenas attacking a kongoni . A maneuver that only the machine like precision of autonomous cars would pull off .

Will technology save us or destroy ? Both of course .

I, Robot was not a great movie but I did like the scene where all the old obsolete robots try to protect the humans from the evil new robots because they are programmed with the three laws . I generally am able to avoid anthropomorphizing or sympathizing with machines but that scene got me a little bit .
2 Comments
I bet a lot of disappointed pervs go to Disneyland After Dark
Posted:Mar 18, 2019 5:40 pm
Last Updated:Mar 22, 2019 7:15 pm
3266 Views

In Iowa the penalty for participating in an office March Madness pool is 1 year in jail (not prison) and a fine of up to $1875 . ASSUMING it's your first offence . Please check your local jurisdiction before you participate .

Yesterday I saw a listicle I thought you be fertile ground for one of my class/lazy make fun of a listcle posts - 20 signs you should worry about your sexual health . But there was nothing funny about it , it was just sad and gross .

It baffles me that for the majority of people it seems that sex is an integral part of a relationship . My brain tells me that if you love someone but they're not into hardcore PIV you should just be able to masturbate and be happy that you found someone - but that doesn't seem to be the case .

I remember being utterly disgusted by a lady at who said that she was divorcing her husband not because she didn't love him but because he was no good in bed . That's insane to me . I have to assume she didn't really love him because nothing else makes sense to me .

The thing that makes it really weird to me is that most couples report their sex lives aren't satisfying anyway - so what are they getting all upset about ?

It's been a long time since Adam Sandler has done anything worthwhile , actually it's been quite a while since he's done anything that wasn't aggressively awful , but Conan O'Brien was talking up his new Netflix special so I checked it out . It was decently funny , which by the standards of what he's done since the 90s is high praise indeed .

Towards the end he did a tribute to Chris Farley . He died more than 20 years ago . It got me to wondering , if/when one of my close friends die how much will it still impact me 20 years later ? Oh , BTW if I didn't mention it the dude who was a super jerk to me in the parking lot at my work died of a heart attack recently . For real .

Patton Oswald is pretty hit-miss for me when it comes to stand-up to the point where I don't bother to watch his stuff anymore but I am curious about his special Annihilation which is the one he did after his wife died . I haven't watched it yet and I may not ever because I'm not sure how I feel about that , but I did watch an interview where he talked about it and he said something interesting .

He talked about how you're programmed to think that when you lose someone close to you that you're in horrible anguish but what you don't get prepared for is the numbness . He talked about how for months after his wife died he'd get up , make his daughter breakfast , take her to school , sit in the car waiting for her to get done with school , take her home , help her with homework , make dinner , put her to bed , and then do the exact same thing the next day . Just the same thing over and over again without ever really feeling anything or talking to anyone . He said at some point he wonder if he was the one that had died and that this is what death was .

Back in the 90s there was a syndicated TV show called Amazon that was about a plane crashing in a remote part of the Amazon (title drop ! ) and the survivors dealing with the weirdo tribe that was there - which was the descendants of other people that had been trapped there going back to the 1500s . It was kind of a Bermuda triangle situation . I enjoyed that show but I bet it's awful .

I wonder if that show had any hand in inspiring Lost .

I wonder if first run syndication is even still a thing .

I feel like I could be a writer on a first run syndicated show . But I'm probably wrong .
2 Comments
Defiant to the end
Posted:Mar 16, 2019 10:40 am
Last Updated:Mar 17, 2019 8:08 am
3284 Views

For a hot Texas minute at the turn of the millennia lady boxing was a thing people cared about . At the height of this fad a lady wrestler and a lady cagefighter have some kind of legit beef so they decided to have a boxing match . I remember this being on NBC but I feel like that can't be true , it must have been on Fox right ?

For four rounds the wrestling lady absolutely lambasted the cagefighting lady - it was pretty hard to watch . You know how in a Rocky movie or other boxing movie the matches show 10,000% more punches than land in a real boxing match ? It was like that - although is was mostly one sided . The match was stopped after the 4th round because the cagefighting lady had a cut they couldn't stop from bleeding .

But she never quit . She kept answering the bell . Now I understand that part of the cultural spirit we're trying to build here says that this should be admired - she didn't quit , she didn't back down , she had grit , guts , determination , etc. But realistically that's just stupid right ? I'm no doctor but I would wager my X-Men Gold #17 that she suffered some kind of brain trauma from that . I mean what is the point really ?

At the time I didn't know much of anything about MMA and I still don't know a lot , but I'm given to understand that generally speaking they train in 3 disciplines - grappling , whatever martial art they think is cool , and you know , boxing . So in retrospect I wonder why this lady was so wide open the entire fight - honestly it looked like she had no idea how to protect herself - she kept getting blasted in the face time and time again . I suppose at that time the whole MMA scene was a little more loose and maybe she didn't have a ton of training .

Around this same time there was a short-lived reality show about lady kickboxers . The climax of the show was them going to Thailand , where kickboxing is a big deal , and fighting in some bouts there . There was one lady who after 30 seconds it was clear she was hopelessly outmatched and she bailed on the fight after the first round . And she was mocked and ridiculed for being a quitter quite soundly . At the time I was one of those people who sneered at her lack of fighting spirit . But I see now that I'm older and wiser that there's literally NO reason to get a savage beating from a Thai woman like that .

I mean my buddy Sparky pays money for that but that's a whole different scenario .

I get why as a nation we we need to socialize braver so young dudes will go fight wars for us when we want them to , but I wonder what it is about our psychology that makes it so appealing . It can't be evolution because the sneaky coward gene is going to live long enough to procreate a lot more than the brave warrior gene . I mean when the saber toothed hippo shows up to eat the clan of the cave walrus the guy who rushes out to fight it is the guy that doesn't pass on his hero genes .

So why do we like it so much when the square-jawed hero stands on the bridge and says "You shall not pass !" to the ravening horde of leather-clad mutants ?

Someone has been captured and incapacitated . What do they do , cooperate with their captor or beg to be spared ?

Hell no .

They make it abundantly clear that they have absolutely no respect for their captor . They'd never Kneel Before Zod in a million years and they're not afraid in the slightest to say so . Sure , Baron Bloodlust could kill them where they stand if he decided to , but you wouldn't know that from the insults . This is done when a defeated character laughs or snarks at the one who beat them , often when they're in no position to do so , possibly broken in pain on the floor or behind bars . This could even be for something that has absolutely nothing to do with them . They just can't let the other character get a complete victory .

SUPER ULTRA MEGA SPOILERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As you all know I gave up on the Walking Dead some time ago but when I heard they were going to kill off Rick Grimes I wanted to see how that would go down so I watched a couple episodes leading up to his last episode . It started out promisingly enough - he did something stupid like the characters in that show do constantly and he actually paid for it . It was a little cliche to have him hallucinate seeing all the beloved characters that had died but it was nice too .

And then they RUINED it . Him blowing up the bridge in a unnecessary heroic sacrifice was lame to begin with AND THEN HE DIDN'T EVEN DIE !!!! They show him flying off in a fucking helicopter .

They suckered me back in and then sucked worse than ever .

Speaking of , as you've heard me complain about Shameless is really starting to go downhill and as further proof Fiona's exit was a HUGE disappointment . Not only did she not die she just left basically for no reason and with no build up at all .

Why are TV writers such pussies ? If someone is leaving the show I want that character to die . Horribly die preferably .
3 Comments
Sexy time sex poll about sex
Posted:Mar 15, 2019 6:04 pm
Last Updated:Mar 18, 2019 5:18 pm
3428 Views

Privacy is a fundamental human right, and is central to the maintenance of democratic societies.
Agree
Disagree
Not sure
8 Comments , 29 votes
Insert freedom speech from Braveheart here
Posted:Mar 12, 2019 5:36 pm
Last Updated:Apr 19, 2019 7:20 pm
3565 Views

Some people think that movie is better than the Patriot . I wish them well .

For maximum freedom there should be ZERO regulations for ANYTHING . If a fellow American should make a product that kills me , well friend , I should’ve read the fine print . And do you know what it woulda said ?

“Sorry if you die from this , I’m just living the American Dream .”

Nuff said

Why do you think genies are such jerks ? It's been well and truly established that any wish you make they'll twist evilly to hurt your feelings but why ? There's tons of literary examples along with movies and TV but I've seen this behavior in real life . One time an efreet offered by friend 5151 an wish and she wished that she would never have to work again - the next day she was fired and blacklisted . One time a marid offered my friend Fausto a wish and he asked for world peace - so the genie gave him a piece of the world . My friend Bramanda asked to be a sex object and she was turned into a butt plug . My friend Slater Heath asked for riches and a bunch of dudes named Rich turned up and then sued him for not taking care of them . My buddy socks asked to live forever and was transported to the big bang because he said FOREVER so he had to start at the beginning .

I endeavored to find this out so I went up to the attic and dug out the old water bottle I found in '03 that had a genie in it - I had never messed with it before because I know the deal but I was willing to risk it for science . So I rubbed the water bottle (if you know what I mean) and a genie appeared . I wished for a lower interest rate on my house and you know what this guy did ? He made all the stuff in my house disappear and said "You're rate of interest in this house just went way down didn't it ?"

So I said to him "Is that really what you thought I meant ?" And he admitted that no , he knew exactly what I meant , so I asked him why he was being a dick about it and he said it was because he was sick of people coming up to him and asking him for wishes all the time .

And I says to him I says "You initiated this whole thing . I freed you from the old water bottle and the first thing you said was that you would grant me a wish - I didn't ask you for anything before you offered ."

And he said that I he meant in a general way , that most people harass him for wishes and he got sick of it centuries ago .

"Well that's not fair" I said "I didn't do that to you , you're punishing me for what other people did ? What kind of a way is that to be ?"

And the genie said "You probably would have wished for more wishes anyway - everyone does that and I hate it !"

"But you just saw me not do that " I protested "you said one wish and I wished for a lower mortgage rate . I didn't ask for more wishes . You're doing the same thing - you're taking your issues out on me for stuff other people did ."

The genie started getting real defensive then and starting trying to spin some tale about how they perverted wishes to teach us a lesson .

"How is that helpful ? Wishes aren't a thing we deal with outside the context of genies , the only time we get wishes are from you guys - so what's the use of trying to teach us this lesson ? That's like me randomly punching people on the bus to teach them that I shouldn't be allowed on the bus - it makes no sense ."

The genie started getting all hot under the collar then and I'm not proud to admit that we both said some nasty things but then he said "Yeah well Kazaam sucked !"

And I says "Yeah , that's fair , I understand why you mess with us now ."

This was all just for fun of course (and maybe a lower interest rate) because obviously we all know why genies don't like humans . Genies were gods original creation and they didn't take kindly to the fact that after Maramus started kill them all god was too busy creating us to help them much . Being abandoned by your creator is bad enough but then getting your ass kicked and being replaced ? You can scarcely blame them .

What wishes have you or someone you know turned out wicked ?
0 Comments
Has anyone told you you'd look better as a brunette ? (66 Taquitos)
Posted:Mar 11, 2019 5:22 pm
Last Updated:Mar 12, 2019 5:07 pm
3644 Views

Yeah , yeah

Ayo , kitties , it's time
It's time , kitties (aight , kitties , begin)
Straight out the rolled dungeons of

The beep drops deep as does my taquito
I never roll , 'cause to roll is the son of pepito
Beyond the walls of taquitos , life is defined
I think of taquitos when I'm in a fridge state of mind

Hope the peptito got some gauco
My smoko don't like no dirty conoco
Run up to the rocco and get the mako

In a fridge state of mind
What more could you ask for ? The baked cheese ?
You complain about not having taquitos
I gotta love it though - somebody still speaks for the bonito

I'm rappin' to the sour cream
And I'm gonna move your chicken

Fried , tortillaed , sexy like a flauta
Boy, I tell you , I thought you were a mata

I can't take the not having tacquitos , can't take the chicken.
I woulda tried to bake I guess I got no stricken

I'm rappin' to the chicken
And I'm gonna move your sour cream

Yea , yaz , in a fridge state of mind

When I was young my son I had a tease
I waz kicked out without no freeze
I never thought I'd see that ease
Ain't a soul alive that could take my taquito seize

A great goat is quite the coat

Thinking of taquitos , Yaz , thinking of taquitos (taquitos)
2 Comments

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