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| Blogs > secret_lade > Ramblings of the depraved..... |
Does a long term relationship ruin you for all other relationships?
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Does a long term relationship ruin you for all other relationships? I have wondered this many, many times. I often find myself doing the comparison game. Having been with my ex-husband years, there was a lot that I could compare a potential mate to. Not in physical appearance.... But, in how he was as a person. How did this new man treat other people? How did he treat me? What were his goals and aspirations? What were his hobbies? Do I want to be with this potential mate the way I had wanted to be with ex-husband? Even after having been divorced now 9 years... I still look those similarites. I know this is wrong... I know it with every fiber of being as I know there will never be another person who embodies all those qualities, minus the drinking problems and arrogance. So, the time has come that I change this way of thinking. What exactly is it that I'm looking ? I'm looking a shower partner. Someone to soap me up and wash hair, someone who will let me do the same him. I'm looking someone who will undress me at night and want to sleep naked, someone who won't be grumpy with me when I wrap arms around him at night, or caress his hand when he rests his arm on side. I'm looking someone who can understand sarcastic personality and will watch scary movies with me so we can pick apart the plot and grumble at the dialogue. I'm looking someone who will be patient with me as I know I have bad days, and I struggle with anxiety, and I'm working on becoming a better version of myself. I think maybe if I focus on what it is I need, and less on what I had, it will get easier me to be happy with what I may have. |
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Does a long term relationship ruin you for all other relationships? ....It sure can. How close you were. How much you fought. How much you loved. How young were you , how much time together.... Any children... Familiar touchings, scents, emotions....tying memories of the past to the present situation.... Yes, all kinds of things can ruin you, or your chances , for all other relationships.
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2/3/2020 1:05 am |
I LOVE what you are looking for.....shower partner? Check😘 Sleep naked with you? Check😉 Someone to soap you up? Check😉 Someone to undress you? Mmmmm Check😍
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If you let it ..Never forget where you have come from and the friends you had .
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I myself question what I would want in a partner. I thought with the first guy I dated after hubby left that I would enjoy some closeness, but then it was too much closeness. Then I thought I would be ok with some sex and then please leave type of thing. But then there is no communication between that so that isn't working for me either. I have no idea what I want in the end, but hoping something suitable happens sooner rather than later because I miss having a best friend like that in my life.
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thanks for sharing I agree with you there is a marked change in how you are writing your blogs from the time I started reading that's great the only perception that matters is yours, because that is your reality go for it I think your life and future relationships are what you want them to be hmm the version of you with the version of him that matches is all that matters now you get to fill in the wish list, the way you see it Sasha Sloan - "Version Of Me" Can you love, can you love Can you love the version of me I don't let, I don't let I don't let anybody else see? When I choke, when I choke When I choke, would you try and help me breathe? Can you love, can you love Can you love the version of me That isn't happy all the time? I get outta my head, get outta my mind Can't get outta bed sometimes And when I look at myself as if I might cry 'Cause I got some trauma, some family drama Just thought I'd warn you
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who could be grumpy with someone putting their arm around them at night, I settled for a butt to butt hug for years.
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I myself question what I would want in a partner. I thought with the first guy I dated after hubby left that I would enjoy some closeness, but then it was too much closeness. Then I thought I would be ok with some sex and then please leave type of thing. But then there is no communication between that so that isn't working for me either. I have no idea what I want in the end, but hoping something suitable happens sooner rather than later because I miss having a best friend like that in my life.
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thanks for sharing I agree with you there is a marked change in how you are writing your blogs from the time I started reading that's great the only perception that matters is yours, because that is your reality go for it I think your life and future relationships are what you want them to be hmm the version of you with the version of him that matches is all that matters now you get to fill in the wish list, the way you see it Sasha Sloan - "Version Of Me" Can you love, can you love Can you love the version of me I don't let, I don't let I don't let anybody else see? When I choke, when I choke When I choke, would you try and help me breathe? Can you love, can you love Can you love the version of me That isn't happy all the time? I get outta my head, get outta my mind Can't get outta bed sometimes And when I look at myself as if I might cry 'Cause I got some trauma, some family drama Just thought I'd warn you To leave private messages, please use my confidential mailbox at my blog: Good luck!!! 
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2/2/2020 6:25 pm |
who could be grumpy with someone putting their arm around them at night, I settled for a butt to butt hug for years.
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On the occasions I forget the hassle of dating, I've tried to push the comparative thoughts out of my head. I met and lost the one great love of my life and no one else will be the perfect partner to me that she was. Every woman will fall short, every time, because no one else is as dirty, smart, funny, and beautiful (to me) as she was. Instead, I do my best to focus on how a woman makes me feel, when I'm with her. That's enough to build upon, in my opinion. So long as she doesn't show up unannounced at 1 a.m.
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On the occasions I forget the hassle of dating, I've tried to push the comparative thoughts out of my head. I met and lost the one great love of my life and no one else will be the perfect partner to me that she was. Every woman will fall short, every time, because no one else is as dirty, smart, funny, and beautiful (to me) as she was. Instead, I do my best to focus on how a woman makes me feel, when I'm with her. That's enough to build upon, in my opinion. So long as she doesn't show up unannounced at 1 a.m.
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That's not too much to ask for in my opinion.
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That's not too much to ask for in my opinion.
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well crafted thoughts... yep... i understand
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Everyone is different, and if you keep your mind open you will find someone who may be different that what you had but will still give you what you need and want.
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Yes, you absolutely do get it. I still feel like there is someone else out there for me, I've just been focusing on the wrong thing. I need to be focusing on what I need, not on replacing what I had.
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Everyone is different, and if you keep your mind open you will find someone who may be different that what you had but will still give you what you need and want.
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well crafted thoughts... yep... i understand ... is there another way to look at it Going Too Fucking Far NEW Blog Features RevealeD O O A Foolproof Method Posted Over on that NEW site O O
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sometimes its the way an ltr ENDS that makes it hard to be open to another . . . 
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Sounds like you answered your own question... 
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sometimes its the way an ltr ENDS that makes it hard to be open to another . . . "well only get through this if we work together. if we dont, none of us will"
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2/2/2020 11:55 am |
Sounds like you answered your own question...
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Does a long term relationship ruin you for all other relationships? I have wondered this many, many times. I often find myself doing the comparison game. Having been with my ex-husband for 17 years, there was a lot that I could compare a potential mate to. Not in physical appearance.... But, in how he was as a person. How did this new man treat other people? How did he treat me? What were his goals and aspirations? What were his hobbies? Do I want to be with this potential mate the way I had wanted to be with my ex-husband? Even after having been divorced now for 9 years... I still look for those similarites. I know this is wrong... I know it with every fiber of my being as I know there will never be another person who embodies all those qualities, minus the drinking problems and arrogance. So, the time has come that I change this way of thinking. What exactly is it that I'm looking for? I'm looking for a shower partner. Someone to soap me up and wash my hair, someone who will let me do the same for him. I'm looking for someone who will undress me at night and want to sleep naked, someone who won't be grumpy with me when I wrap my arms around him at night, or caress his hand when he rests his arm on my side. I'm looking for someone who can understand my sarcastic personality and will watch scary movies with me so we can pick apart the plot and grumble at the dialogue. I'm looking for someone who will be patient with me as I know I have bad days, and I struggle with anxiety, and I'm working on becoming a better version of myself. I think maybe if I focus on what it is I need, and less on what I had, it will get easier for me to be happy with what I may have.
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