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| Blogs > secret_lade > Ramblings of the depraved..... |
What's in a memory?
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What's in a memory? Everything... When you are losing your own. The Spawn and I were talking in the car while we waited for the groceries to be brought out. She was telling me about the family meeting that took place last weekend while she was at her dad's house. It kind of broke my heart a little. For 17 years, his family was my only family, I still get along with them all to this day. It was no surprise when the Spawn told me her aunt had inquired as to how I was doing and told her she had always liked me because I was so sweet. The meeting was in regard to my ex-mother in law and whether or not she should go in a nursing home. Apparently its a differing of opinions as my ex and one sister want her to remain at home. (She currently lives with the sister who wants to keep her at home.) The other three want to sell off her stuff and put her in a home. All I could see was greed from those three. They didn't come to a decision so another family meeting is scheduled... It's hard for me to think that this woman, who was a pillar of strength to us all for so many years, could be spending the rest of her days in a home somewhere. "I think Dad was her favorite." "Why do you say that?" "Every time she gets a new stuffed animal she names it [ex]." "She does?" "Yah. Plus, she calls Dad every day. Even when I was watching her, she kept saying she wanted to call him." My ex is her oldest , he was 37 when I got pregnant with our oldest. Everyone had always remarked that they didn't think he would ever settle down, let alone have . And, then he did. She was at every soccer game, every birthday party, every Christmas program..... Everything. Now she can't remember what she did 5 minutes ago. There are a lot of different things that are anxiety triggers for me... Losing my memory has now become one as well. |
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It's always difficult to know someone's mind and memories are going. The only thing you can do is keep loving them and try to keep their memories for them.  Pagan  Hmmmm....I know I left that wand around here somewhere!
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Thank you all for your kind comments.... I've been kind of down and out since this conversation with my daughter, it really touched my heart. Maybe because Mother's Day is this weekend.... Or my birthday is coming up on the 18th and I'm feeling old and getting older. It doesn't help that the Governor has extended the stay at home order until the 28th and I'm feeling trapped. 
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My Gran, my uncle and my Mother all had Alzheimer's and It's such a cruel disease. It's heartbreaking.
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Sad situation. But even sadder is the fact that care homes for the elderly are essentially almost death sentences at this point in time and for anyone that is so quick to send their parents off to said places shows either a lack of awareness or a lack of concern or worse. Vive La Difference
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Awfully sad for you all McLade. Such a shame to see our parents deteriorate in front of our very eyes, so difficult. We managed to keep parents out of care homes, and looking back it's the best thing we could have done. It was certainly a lot more effort on everyones' part, but my goodness it was worth it. People are proud, need their independence, and deserve our effort in maintaining that. Oh, we also had the greedy and the lazy too. But at least after our parents have passed leaving such lovely memories we don't have to ask ourselves if we did everything for them that we could. Some people in life are givers. Some are takers. And the weans are great with the olds too. As much contact as possible is so good for them all. Anyhoo, I hope things work out.
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I hope things work out in the best interest of your ex mother-in-law.
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I understand. I know that I ate because of the dirty dishes. Sometimes, I can't keep my balance. I rarely know the date or what day it is. I don't qualify for assistance and, my immediate family is concerned. It may be best if I were put away but, I'd rather be found bloated and two weeks dead on my terms. Getting old sucks. Being told what to do and what's best for me at this point... fuck you! I live with my choices. I'll die knowing that they built the world around me too. I'm so sorry that this is in your life. There are no easy answers or solutions. Love the people involved unconditionally. They are scratching and shaking their heads too. Nobody gets out alive. Trust your gut and choices then, face the wind.
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5/5/2020 6:40 pm |
That's so sad. My parents are getting up there in years. Already I know my Dad is losing his memory, he keeps voting Republican because he doesn't remember how bad all the previous ones fucked things up. 
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It's always sad when you see someone age, before your eyes. I understand what you must be feeling. 🌹 That's why I, never look in the mirror.😶 ... is there another way to look at it Going Too Fucking Far NEW Blog Features RevealeD O O A Foolproof Method Posted Over on that NEW site O O
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thanks for sharing another piece of the puzzle I'm sorry that you are going thru this with your ex mother-in-law it does bring out our vulneabilities when we see this happen to people we knew and/or loved dementia and alzheimer's are heart-breaking I hope that they come to a peaceful resolution that is in the patient's best interests be safe To leave private messages, please use my confidential mailbox at my blog: Good luck!!! 
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