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Gary Project - Day 3
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Gary Project - Day 3 Well, texts from him last night. after I went bed. Improvement? Not sure. Early morning workout with him. No interaction with any other people. Barely anyone there at 5am at the gym near him this morning. My normal gym is packed at 5am. I’ve been racking my brain on remembering what Russ taught me years ago on building my confidence teach him. I can’t really follow the same path for Gary. I do remember the pain of it. Probably a thousand different rejections, tens of thousands of insults I endured, but it created something the men I work around me don’t have. I not good at comebacks for insults, probably because I’m not interested in verbally hurting anyone. I might have gone down that path, but Russ’s words about people that throw out insults are trying make themselves feel better but are cutting their soul in the process. I still don’t really understand his meaning. The email I got yesterday has me wondering, why is this person angry when according the other people involved I make them happy. Society norms I guess. I used swear in traffic, but when I had a , that stopped when my started repeating what I said. I wish I could take those words back…Jeeze. My mom should have warned . How come they don’t hand you a manual when you have a ? No wonder the world is fucked from the start. If I was in charge, first thing, a class for Dads on how change a diaper. I think I fucked a whole box before I got it right. Second class, examples of following your around for decades so they don’t kill themselves. try very hard kill themselves. I must be broken. I know this is strange, but I miss the pain of those times. around people talk about being happier, and I want be in more pain? I want feel the strain in my body, a strain my mind, strain in other things. His quietness today reminded of the times I was that way in my youth, thinking I wanted fix things my own. I was too proud to ask for help and silently suffered as my life spiraled out of control. His life seems controlled from the outside, except I didn’t answer his texts this morning when I woke. I decided to wait him out this morning, and he said when we were about to part ways “Same time, tomorrow?” I used it as an opening. “Sure, bring a protein shake for afterward. You ok?” I said. “uh…No…I did like you said and blocked my Mom. I feel weird like I’m letting her down. My cell feels dead in my hand. She would text me almost every hour I was awake.” He said. I got out my cell, texted him quickly as he stood there, “You had a great workout today. I’m proud of you.” “I’m right here.” He said defensively as he read. “Would it be the same if I told it to you in person?” I asked. “It means more in person.” He said. I'm not sure he understood the irony. “I’m here in person, and the texts you sent me last night I didn’t answer,” I said. “You read them this morning. Now, they don’t seem important.” He said. “I’m proud of you. We are days in now. It would be a good idea monitor how much pain you feel after these workouts. Chart it every four hours, from one to ten with your workout log. “I said. “I don’t understand. Chart my pain?” He asked. “Yes, like right now I feel like a one since nothing is sore. If my muscles were sore the time and I hated moving, that would be a ten.” I said. “I feel like a I guess. What’s wrong?” He asked as he looked at my face. “I was aiming for a two for this week for you,” I said. “The stuff we did Monday didn’t till yesterday. Yesterday’s muscles, I don’t feel anything, yet anyway.” He said. “It’s ok, we’ll go lighter than I planned anyway just be sure. Small steps start.” I said. He nodded and we went our cars. Once I was in my car I texted him as he drove away. “Hey, I farted. Good thing you are not riding work with .” At lunchtime, I got a LOL response. I laughed, when I got my first cell phone decades ago, my ten-year-old explained what LOL meant. “Dad, everyone knows what that means.” She said. I miss that kind of pain too. ( confirmation 246597 ) |
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Well, nine texts from him last night. All after I went to bed. Improvement? Not sure. Early morning workout with him. No interaction with any other people. Barely anyone there at 5am at the gym near him this morning. My normal gym is packed at 5am. I’ve been racking my brain on remembering what Russ taught me years ago on building my confidence to teach him. I can’t really follow the same path for Gary. I do remember the pain of it. Probably a thousand different rejections, tens of thousands of insults I endured, but it created something the men I work around me don’t have. I not good at comebacks for insults, probably because I’m not interested in verbally hurting anyone. I might have gone down that path, but Russ’s words about people that throw out insults are trying to make themselves feel better but are cutting their soul in the process. I still don’t really understand his meaning. The email I got yesterday has me wondering, why is this person angry when according to the other people involved I make them happy. Society norms I guess. I used to swear in traffic, but when I had a kid, that stopped when my kid started repeating what I said. I wish I could take those words back…Jeeze. My mom should have warned me. How come they don’t hand you a manual when you have a kid? No wonder the world is fucked from the start. If I was in charge, first thing, a class for Dads on how to change a diaper. I think I fucked up a whole box before I got it right. Second class, examples of following your kid around for decades so they don’t kill themselves. Kids try very hard to kill themselves. I must be broken. I know this is strange, but I miss the pain of those times. All around me people talk about being happier, and I want to be in more pain? I want to feel the strain in my body, a strain on my mind, strain in other things. His quietness today reminded me of the times I was that way in my youth, thinking I wanted to fix things on my own. I was too proud to ask for help and silently suffered as my life spiraled out of control. His life seems controlled from the outside, except I didn’t answer his texts this morning when I woke. I decided to wait him out this morning, and he said when we were about to part ways “Same time, tomorrow?” I used it as an opening. “Sure, bring a protein shake for afterward. You ok?” I said. “uh…No…I did like you said and blocked my Mom. I feel weird like I’m letting her down. My cell feels dead in my hand. She would text me almost every hour I was awake.” He said. I got out my cell, texted him quickly as he stood there, “You had a great workout today. I’m proud of you.” “I’m right here.” He said defensively as he read. “Would it be the same if I told it to you in person?” I asked. “It means more in person.” He said. I'm not sure he understood the irony. “I’m here in person, and the texts you sent me last night I didn’t answer,” I said. “You read them this morning. Now, they don’t seem important.” He said. “I’m proud of you. We are three days in now. It would be a good idea to monitor how much pain you feel after these workouts. Chart it every four hours, from one to ten with your workout log. “I said. “I don’t understand. Chart my pain?” He asked. “Yes, like right now I feel like a one since nothing is sore. If my muscles were sore all the time and I hated moving, that would be a ten.” I said. “I feel like a three I guess. What’s wrong?” He asked as he looked at my face. “I was aiming for a two for this week for you,” I said. “The stuff we did Monday didn’t hit me till yesterday. Yesterday’s muscles, I don’t feel anything, yet anyway.” He said. “It’s ok, we’ll go lighter than I planned anyway just to be sure. Small steps to start.” I said. He nodded and we went to our cars. Once I was in my car I texted him as he drove away. “Hey, I farted. Good thing you are not riding to work with me.” At lunchtime, I got a LOL response. I laughed, when I got my first cell phone decades ago, my ten-year-old kid explained to me what LOL meant. “Dad, everyone knows what that means.” She said. I miss that kind of pain too. ( confirmation 246597 )
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