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I hurt someone  

husdog 48M
1 posts
4/12/2022 4:40 pm
I hurt someone


I lost my wife in september and did not wait to try and find someone to be with. I should have taken time but my widows fire was unrelenting. I was very aggressive and ended meeting a fellow widow. she lost her husband years prior and me a couple months.

She said I needed time to heal and at the time I felt fine and eventually we gave in to temptation. around the holiday I fell into a bout of depression and I didn't want to be with anyone. At this time she said should could see us getting married. This scared me and I asked if we could take a break and remain friends and she agreed. In Janurary I got covid and could barely move. I was kind of out of it for a couple weeks. We chatted the entire time and during this time she met someone and I thought ok great Ill meet someone too maybe. I gave her advice and wished her well.

A week later she said the guy invited her down the shore for the night. This hit me like a punch in the gut. I said hey great have a wonderful time all while secretly dreading it. She goes and I am feeling sorry for myself wondering did I let a great one get away?
I confronted her on how I was feeling and my head was all over the place I was secretly angry and sad. She said it was because I couldn't have her now and I disagreed because im stubborn.

We ended hooking in her car and I felt better but I was falling in love with her. I talked with her and said I loved her and she said she loved me and always had. But I agreed to let her do her thing and I will do mine. About 2 weeks later I went on a couple dates and was feeling more confident. Then she tells me the guy broke up with her.

She was very sad and kept saying why doesnt anyone want to be with me etc. I said we will be there eventually. We are now in mid february and we are hooking up again sexually. I didn't care about teh other guy she slept with even though I was secretly jealous. We kept with the FWB thing and I went out again with someone else with nothing really brewing chemistry wise like I have with her.

We then eventually go exclusive I said I will stop what I am doing and we will be together. Everything seemed wonderful. let me preface that our time together is very limited with my not being ready for me to move on. and her work life so we had her off days and some nights to be together. I was still talking to different girls just as friends nothing more. I told her this and she wasn't happy but relented.

A few weeks later I told her I am looking for a new car and she didn't like that I wasn't considering her in my future plans. We had a couple of other problems where I just wasn't ready to give her the kind of committment. I thought I was ready but I needed more time with my family. I said I would not go looking for women im done with the dating sites. (I am on here because I have friends mostly that I talk to on here) So we talked and decided to go back to being friends but she was hurt by this. She understood and was just frustrated because she is beyond ready. So she said she needed some time and said not to contact her. I said ok I will be here.

Now the problem. I told a couple of the girls whats been going on and they felt for me. took me ax throwing and and to grab a drink or . We had fun and I talked to her boyfriend even. The next day I was working near fo the other girls and she said hey we should meet. I said sure why not. Well you can guess we ended<b> sleeping </font></b>together. This has never happened to me before and I felt kind of guilty about it and continued to think about her. weekend goes by and I spend it with my we did some family things and I really enjoyed it.

Monday comes and she calls me saying she misses me and its very hard staying away. I said I thought about you teh entire time which was true. She contacted me again and talked about getting together then I blurted out I was with someone on Friday. She was livid and hurt and called me every name in the book. 4 days and you stick your dick in the first person you see (which isn't true she was the 2nd). She thinks I planned this and thinks I have been<b> sleeping </font></b>around the entire time which I wasnt. She said she thought we were on a pause but she said we will break up . So now I am devistated because I lost her for good it seems and I hurt her badly.

I took advantage of a situation and granted I am never offered sex but I gave in to temptation again. so now I will be going in a dating hiatus to do some soul serching. I miss her and I feel terrible . But as I look back on it now that I have had a few days to settle in. I really didn't do anything wrong. Granted the timing was suspicious but we were broken up and not on speaking terms. The first time we took a break I never even dated nor even looked at another woman I was so focused on the holiday. So I think we both have insecurity issues that we need to work on. I will respect her wish to not contact her but I am mad that she accused me of cheating the entire time. Everyone says they want complete honesty but some simply can't handle it.

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