Just My Middle Finger Away
 

Of what use is a philosopher who doesn't hurt anybody's feelings?

Most men are within just a finger's breadth of being mad.

-- Diogenes

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Dio's Private Mailbox
Posted:Sep 23, 2018 3:12 pm
Last Updated:Aug 5, 2020 6:33 pm
38326 Views


This is a good place for comments, critiques of my blog, general observations or questions. Confidentiality is NOT guaranteed and subject to public ridicule at my discretion.

Constructive critique is highly welcomed as I work to improve my writing.

If you have a question for Dio, this is a good place to privately ask and he can answer it anonymously in his column. Don't be shy.

You're welcome.

Dio

0 Comments , 5 Pending
Embracing the Inner Hag ...
Posted:Aug 4, 2020 5:07 am
Last Updated:Aug 5, 2020 5:10 pm
414 Views

Deny an allegation of "hag" and post a photo to prove it.

Say "cheese"!!

5 Comments
Fun Math Fact #1
Posted:Jul 30, 2020 5:51 am
Last Updated:Aug 4, 2020 6:35 am
1085 Views


A woman's level of desperation is directly proportional to the number of comments, quotes and re-quotes of herself she makes on a post.

16 Comments
Fight Night
Posted:Jul 29, 2020 5:30 am
Last Updated:Aug 5, 2020 5:02 pm
2675 Views

IT'S TIME. (best Bruce Buffer voice)

In the red corner, MamaC

In the white corner, PaulX

Have at it.

Pass the popcorn, please.

PS. I haven't posted anything lately and never anything that entertaining so ...
.
61 Comments
Mandated Masks ...
Posted:Jul 22, 2020 4:48 pm
Last Updated:Jul 26, 2020 2:59 pm
1555 Views

Well, the governor issued an executive order mandating masks be worn in all indoor areas/crowded public areas. We've been required to wear them at work since March unless at our desk, eating or drinking. I've been doing a lot of sitting on my ass at my desk, eating and drinking. No mask and not much work.

But now that the governor has imposed a hundred dollar fine, it's mask time. I was going to make a mask out of a Franklin but it turns out that's considered defacing currency which is a federal crime with an even stiffer fine. Sound's like an expensive circular reference issue waiting to happen. Oh well, it was a good idea.

So I've tried to change my outlook on "the wearing of a mask". Changing it's name from a "diaper of dork-dom" has helped a little. I call it my "cloak of compassion" because now people think I care about them. I don't, at least, not any less than I did before but if it makes them feel like I do, great. Shut the fuck up and back up. Give me my ten foot social distance. Better yet, make it a mile.

I'd much rather have my Harry Potter "cloak of invisibility" back and not have to wear a mask or deal with people but I set that fucker down someplace and can't find it anywhere. Somebody told me I'll finally find it the last place I look. What a stupid fucking thing to say, why would I keep looking for it after I found it? That's something a "mom" would say. Or a "Karen" if she's not bitching at me about being mask-less.

Anyway, anyone know where I can pick up a "cloak of immortality"? That's the one to have.
5 Comments
Thoughts I Have When I See A Genie Poll
Posted:Jul 21, 2020 5:22 am
Last Updated:Jul 30, 2020 2:51 pm
1682 Views

How many noise complaints have been filed due to the bats flying out to feed every night?

Since when did a proctologist need a third hand?

At what point does that proctologist say, "I've seen enough, time for a new career."

If the gravitional pull of a black hole is so great that light can't escape, how is he still around?
9 Comments
How Many (of the same) Pictures A Day Does It Take Before People Notice?
Posted:Jul 20, 2020 7:10 pm
Last Updated:Jul 28, 2020 7:05 pm
1830 Views


... that you don't know how to use a camera.
11 Comments
Turns Out Masks Are a Big Deal ...
Posted:Jul 13, 2020 5:51 pm
Last Updated:Aug 3, 2020 2:42 am
2276 Views

So Trump finally caved and wore a mask on his visit to Walter Reed Hospital. Detractors made comments that anyone making a big deal of it could be likened to how proud Melania was when Barron took his first dump in the potty. Neither feat can be compared to how proud Jill Biden will be the day Joe finally quits eating the butterscotch pudding out of the cat box.
13 Comments
Rocks in Her Head ...
Posted:Jun 22, 2020 7:57 pm
Last Updated:Jul 28, 2020 7:05 pm
2767 Views
... only $945.00 (Canadian).





Probably worth twice that price since it comes with a LBD ....

7 Comments
Reactions: Opposite and Equal
Posted:Jun 21, 2020 3:09 pm
Last Updated:Jul 13, 2020 6:46 pm
2694 Views

I'm a firm believer in consequences. You reap what you sow. For every action there is an opposite and equal reaction. So before I take any kind of action, I usually take the time to reflect as to what the reaction might be. Not always. I try, but sometimes shit just happens. Especially when I talk. Or write.

TheWife is out of town this week. Over Father's Day weekend. It has been The .Best. Father's. Day. Ever! It's not so much I can do whatever I want to do, it's I don't have to do the things I should be doing.

I haven't done shit.

Yesterday, I was looking for something in the laundry room and happened across our old battery operated fly-swatter-zapper thingamajig that fries the fuck out of pesky flies when they get into the house. It was under a bunch of stuff that we never use. Like someone hid it or something. So I set out on another fly hunting safari that I haven't been on in years.

Not a fucking pesky fly in the house. Nary a one.

Bait! I need bait. So I dug in the garbage for the bag of fresh shit that I had picked up earlier in the day and dumped it out the floor of the sunroom, as close the open screen door as I could get it. There had be at least four pounds of it. My dogs can shit some stinky poop. And a lot of it. In retrospect, I probably should have laid down newspaper first, like usual but hey, it's been a while. Fuck, this is going be great. Both dogs are giving me the "What the fuck? You usually yell at us when we do that! Just wait till "she" gets home!" look but I didn't let that deter me from my mission. Plus, they don't know "she" wouldn't be home until late next week.

I must have killed fifty flies in the next fifteen minutes. The big horsefly ones were the most fun, they sparked, sizzled and then their legs and wings would twitch around postmortem. I had enough foresight make a point of not swinging the swatter around the piles of bait, no sense in slinging shit over the walls and ceiling. This ain't my first rodeo.

Both the dogs and I were having the time of our lives until the pup licked the zapper as I was stealthily stalking what turned out to be the one that got away. First rule of fly hunting with dogs, keep your finger off the power button. Lesson learned, he'll never lick a zapper again. Party's over.

Later that evening, I was reading the news about what is going on in that shithole in Seattle. Some of those fuckers need to lick a zapper one time.
4 Comments
Cure for Covid
Posted:Jun 8, 2020 7:15 pm
Last Updated:Jul 13, 2020 6:47 pm
3174 Views

Have you heard the joke about a cure for Covid-19?

It's a riot.
5 Comments
Timing is Everything ....
Posted:Jun 1, 2020 6:10 pm
Last Updated:Jul 13, 2020 6:48 pm
3387 Views
Just got this email ...



Wonder who was in charge of their marketing?
3 Comments
To All You Chortling Republicans ...
Posted:May 28, 2020 5:50 am
Last Updated:Jul 13, 2020 6:47 pm
3688 Views

... just because most of the COVID-19 deaths are in Democratic districts doesn't mean they won't vote come November.
9 Comments

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