Finally Some Relief
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Posted:Apr 2, 2012 10:17 pm
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2024 12:52 pm
5415 Views
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Hello everyone!
I have finally found a therapist that accepts my insurance and she really knows what she's doing. I have been seeing her for about four months and I should probably credit her with saving my life! Step by step she guided me through a process of discovery that allowed me to gain a thorough understanding of what was happening to me.
I am the same person I have always been but I understand who I am so much better now. I don't have to change who I am to identify as a woman. Sure, I need to modify my appearance and mannerisms but I am still the same person with the same qualities I have worked to maintain all these years. What a relief!
Life is much easier now that I'm not freaking out thinking I need to transition ASAP or I may explode. I can take my time and create a more forgiving environment before I jump in with both feet and there's no turning back. The torture of living a dual life is gone even though nothing has changed except the depth of my understanding.
Good Night for now,
Angela
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The Price of Honesty
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Posted:Jun 15, 2011 9:56 pm
Last Updated:Aug 18, 2011 9:59 pm
5734 Views
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Testosterone round two. The endocronologist I'm seeing has run about every test possible and can't find any reason for my T levels to be so low(40). He is just not convinced that I can't be fixed with T shots. So now I get T shots every three weeks and guess what, No Change At All! He really wants me to come out to my wife and wants me to bring her along to an appointment so we can tell her together.
Uh oh. Wife found giant dildo under the sink in my bathroom. Okay it is mine and I like to slide in my butt. "It's Huge!" Well have you seen my butt lately? Before she could really get going with the questions she pissed me off so bad I left the house for awhile.
The next evening at dinner she started grilling me. Okay, it's time I said to myself and I told her everything.
More questions the next evening. More answers from me. Tears, lots of tears. We just may survive this, I think...
With Love,
Angela XOXO
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Therapy
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Posted:Aug 9, 2010 9:18 pm
Last Updated:Jun 15, 2011 9:06 pm
6317 Views
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Hi everybody!
Sorry I've been absent for so long but I just can't believe how time flies. I've been in therapy for about 10 months now and it has been quite interesting. One of the last things my therapist said was "don't expect any therapist or doctor to tell you what your gender identity is, you have to figure it out". Now wait a minute here, then why did I spend 10 months in therapy if no one can tell me what my gender identity is??
Granted, we were able to work through many issues both past and present but the bottom line is you have to figure out the gender part for yourself. Well I do have a better understanding than at any previous time in my life so that is an improvement. I am transgendered. Both male and female. I'm still taking Black Cohosh and Estroven and they do make me feel more feminine and allow me to connect more closely with my feminine side. But, I'm still part male in my brain.
TG, stuck in the middle of constant conflict, neither here nor there, every step forward followed by a step back. This is a difficult way to live. Guy friends think your gay and girl friends think your a freak. A nice freak but still a freak. I don't have any local friends that are TS/TG which is a real bummer. I need to remedy this situation ASAP so I can relate to someone and create a connection that relieves the loneliness I feel. It sucks to be TG and not have any local friends to hang with and just talk about feelings and emotions that only another TG can relate to. So here it is, the ultimate friend request. If you live in the eastern half of Maryland and you could use a loyal and caring friend please drop me a note.
So now what?? What about my marriage? My wife's biggest complaint is that my dick doesn't work. I can satisfy her in other ways but she still wants the real thing. Candid suggestions to find a stud and let me watch are no help. It's not going to start working again. It's worse for me with the thought of experiencing sex as a woman constantly in the back of my mind. Of course, I don't know if I could actually handle it. I think this is why I fantasize about being mildly forced to experience sex as a woman, again and again and again...
My regular doctor said he would refer me to a endocrinologist so I hope I can start a real HRT program soon. It seems like transitioning into a woman is the best option. This way I can get as close to one gender identity as possible in my situation. Definitely not an easy path but what are the alternatives?
Wish me luck... I'm going to need lots of luck.
With love to all,
Angela XOXO
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An Interesting Twist
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Posted:Mar 4, 2008 9:48 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2018 10:40 pm
6468 Views
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Hi everybody! Especially to those sisters who have been so loving, kind, and understanding.
Here's my attempt at explaining what's been going on. Back in September of 2007 I was diagnosed with avery low testosterone level. As I recall it was around 65. I was prescribed a testosterone gel to apply to my abdomen. I swear it seemed like I had to rub on a gallon a day!
I discovered this group shortly after starting this treatment and I was experiencing the strongest gender identity issues I've ever had. I continued with the testosterone gel through December and part of January. During this period I was pretty wacky when it came to sexual issues and the plumbing wasn't working despite the ttestosterone and other meads. So I decided to stop showering in tester one gel and see what happened.
I entered a very purge phase which I am still experiencing. Rest assured, there is no doubt I am transgender and I understand it much better than I used to but the purge phase is downright baffling.
If nothing else, this is an interesting journey and I look forward to the next phase.
Whatever that may be...
Love to all,
Angela
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Who is Angela?
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Posted:Nov 2, 2007 1:59 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2018 10:38 pm
6737 Views
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Where does one start with a BLOG? If you start from childhood you're sure to bore everyone to tears. On the other hand if you don't, you run the risk of leaving everyone wondering how you ended up in this state at this point in your life. I guess a compromise is the only option but you will need to get involved, or not, it's up to you. I'll try to leave out the boring stuff if you will ask questions if I leave you wondering about something. The beauty of anonymity is I can be completely honest here. Real life just doesn't seem to allow true honesty in this age we live in.
Did you ever think about who taught you to lie?
Ah but here I can tell you I've lived a conflicted and confused life. Only recently I found out this is most likely due to a condition called GID or, gender identity disorder. This has not been confirmed by a proffesional yet because finding a specialist in this area has proven to be more difficult than expected. Or is it the fear of finding out the truth. Maybe it's both? A woman living in a man's body? How did this happen to me? I really do need to find a good therapist to help me sort this out.
A beautiful thing has happened here on this web site. I have found some of the best friends I have ever had. I started out looking to fulfill a fantasy of mine and ended up finding support, understanding, knowlege, and comedic genius. To my new found friends, I trust you know who you are, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking me under your wing and befriending me. No matter how this all shakes out I know I can count on you. I will love you all forever.
Sincerely,
Angela 
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To link to this blog (Angela51758) use [blog Angela51758] in your messages.
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