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Sensual Dreamscape
My thoughts, dreams, stories and just general day to day .
Keywords | Title View | Refer to a Friend |
Standing Up For Yourself
Posted:Aug 31, 2021 10:12 am
Last Updated:Sep 1, 2021 11:02 am
Sometimes in life, you get caught in a relationship with someone that turns sour. All the sudden there is nothing about you that they like. Nothing that you do is good enough. You find yourself afraid to be yourself. Afraid to be the person you thought they found wonderful.

Red flags,
Red flags big time.
Red flags already been down that road of being controlled.

Then you have to gather all the strength from your boot straps and stand up for yourself.

Now I know there is always a lot of room for improvement in myself. We all can always improve, no one is perfect. But at 57 years old, I am who I am. I fought long and damn hard to get to where I even liked myself. I have overcome so much, and still am overcoming even more.

I am standing up for the woman I am now. I couldnt as a , but I do now. I even told my self that nothing that happened to her was her fault. I realized that inner pain.

But I do like the woman I am. I am kind, loving, caring and will have your back. But I am not going to be told how to be. My husband finally understands that I do have needs that he hasnt been able to and now cant meet. He wishes he could, but knows that I will occasionally have a lover that I see to fulfill that part of my life.

No one is a bad person. Just sometimes you find that your lifestyles and the people you are is too different. I am not going to morph into someone else's idea of who I should be. But you do always learn and take away something positive.

Everything and everyone is a lesson or a blessing.

Whose Watching?
Posted:Aug 30, 2021 9:07 pm
Last Updated:Sep 1, 2021 11:08 am
Do you ever wonder?

Do you ever wonder who might watch you and think about you?
Someone that you might never notice who watches you every time you walk by them.
Who thinks about you, fantasizes about you.
Who might even take pictures of you without your knowledge.

You never know, do you. I had a man when I was in my early 20's who had a crush on me. I had no knowledge of this until about 30 years later when he confessed this to me. All those years he lived across the street at the time. He watched me day in, day out he said. He used to try and be outside when I was leaving for work.

Makes you wonder even who on here might look at your profile. You never know, because settings can be set to private. They could check everyday, print out your picture. They might be your neighbor, friend's husband, co worker. Or just someone who is too shy to say a word to you. But secretly they watch, and wonder.

Now you are looking around, arent you

In The Heat Of It All
Posted:Aug 29, 2021 3:50 pm
Last Updated:Aug 30, 2021 8:51 pm

~~~~This blog and post it aimed at no one, nor is it about anyone in my past or present relationships~~~~~~~~~

Today I needed to go outside and bundle up a bunch of cardboard that had been left there for far too long. Of course our landlord for our lot is complaining to everyone around here, so I wanted to get that taken care of right away. But lord almighty, all the bugs. Scorpions, huge spiders, ants galore, crickets, beetles, earwigs, and roily polies. I had neglected to grab any gloves so I was armed with a can of Raid and made fast work of it.

It was so blazing hot out today, I think I got a bit of heat stroke. Since I am so far skinned it does not take much for me to even pass out if I am getting too hot. But I have recover enough to cook dinner and some lovely fresh walnut cinnamon apple reduced sugar bread.

Anyway, really enjoying the friendships I have made on here. You all mean a lot to this woman who often feel invisible.

Group Hug

Keeping Your Head Up
Posted:Aug 29, 2021 6:48 am
Last Updated:Aug 30, 2021 8:53 pm
~~~~This blog and post it aimed at no one, nor is it about anyone in my past or present relationships~~~~~~~~~

like today you wake up with this heavy foreboding feeling. Weighing so heavily on your mind and heart. I sat outside for a very long time with my dogs, just soaking up the suns rays. Letting them perforate my soul and gradually let me feel lighter and lighter.

It's a beautiful day out, and I am a beautiful woman inside. I do have a lot on my shoulders right now, and all I can do somedays is tread water. But I keep treading, keeping my head above the water. Knowing this is just a phase in my life, that everything eventually works out just as it should be. We really do not have much control over it if we are honest.

I had to ask myself this morning also: Do I like who I am?

Yes, I do. We all have areas that we could improve on, but I generally do like myself. I have survived much, as we all have. Each event has shaped and molded us. We all handle things differently, see things differently, and respond to the best of our abilities. I am no different and I am doing the best I can right now. That is all I can do, and keep working on myself in a healthy positive manner.

Keep your head above

Easy thoughts of being Mellow.
Posted:Aug 28, 2021 9:18 pm
Last Updated:Aug 31, 2021 9:09 pm

~~~~This blog and post it aimed at no one, nor is it about anyone in my past or present relationships~~~~~~~~~

This is one of those rare nights that I am actually a bit bored. No real reason be such right now. Normally I have plenty of rirends with, but tonight is not the case. Which is fine, nothing is wrong, had a pretty good day. House is spic and span, freshly showered and ready for bed.

So I will leave you with this thought. No one but you can make yourself happy. People who come into your life can enhance your life, but only you can find inner peace and happiness. Let no one else destroy you.

Painting Moments
Posted:Aug 28, 2021 1:58 am
Last Updated:Aug 29, 2021 8:06 pm

~~~~This blog and post it aimed at no one, nor is it about anyone in my past or present relationships~~~~~~~~~

I often will get in the-middle of the night if I have been asleep and paint. It is my soecial time, the house is quiet. I feel free at that time, loving that I can just express myself fully.

I have been working hard improving , for . Not letting the events in my past contiue suck the like out of . I have too much I want ti experience, and achieve. I always feel like there is a rush todo things. What that really is, is my fear for everything apart. I know lot of the reasons why do what my mother would do

I just thought I would hare a little more about , other then I am s very sexually charged woman.

Be Good

Embrace Your Sexiness
Posted:Aug 28, 2021 1:44 am
Last Updated:Aug 30, 2021 8:56 pm
~~~~This blog and post it aimed at no one, nor is it about anyone in my past or present relationships~~~~~~~~~

Don't you just love it when you are writing a blog and apparently fall asleep while doing so. And then think you have posted it, later realize that it is the lost blog cloud, next the random sock cloug.

I was thinking about how delicious it is , that sexual excitement. The wonderment of what might go on. Will it be one of those epic moments that you catch yourself thinking about at the most random moments. being a very sexual but yet picky women, it is like a huge bag of candy. Sorting through those few pieces that are so enticing. then ready the ingredients or description and deciding on that one morsel that will fix your sweet tooth the very best. Knowing the moment you begin to taste it, you are either hooked or fing that it is nothing like you hoped.

I think we should embrace our sexual essence. That sexual hunger, prowling around ladies until we find the right one. Letting him think it is him who has captured you. But lets face it, we know that we women pretty much hold the card.

Yes I am feeling very hungry, and have a clear cut object. I never ever kiss and tell, so no need wonder on the who. Whew, isnt it wonderful have this sensuality and sexuality bubbling over.

Embrace yourself

To Thy Own Self Be True
Posted:Aug 27, 2021 2:46 am
Last Updated:Aug 29, 2021 8:03 pm

~~~~This blog and post it aimed at no one, nor is it about anyone in my past or present relationships~~~~~~~~~

It amazes how life can twist and turn, without a single missed step. That i the beauty of life .

I was thinking about having your self-confidence and not letting anyone break you. There is the saying that now everyone will be happy for you. That is so very true, wlf in sheeps clothing.

I have always struggled with my self-esteem. But I am getting better, and I feel very lucky have such wonderful friends and my love.

A few kind words, sad jokes, and I am back my old self, well maybe a bit wiser.

Ones Purpose
Posted:Aug 27, 2021 12:16 am
Last Updated:Aug 30, 2021 9:32 pm

~~~~This blog and post it aimed at no one, nor is it about anyone in my past or present relationships~~~~~~~~~

Been a very rough night, which leads one ponder.....

Why am I here? What is my purpose?

intensive purposes is that I am bewildered and struggling keep my head above water.

So many areas of my world, in the air.

Just know if you yourself are struggling, I am here. I am a good listener, and I can be a great friend. Sometimes that is we really have in life is bestowing friendship when you feel all alone.
Setting That Sexual Stage
Posted:Aug 26, 2021 3:53 pm
Last Updated:Dec 3, 2022 7:4 pm
~~~~This blog and post it aimed at no one, nor is it about anyone in my past or present relationship~~~~~~~~~

Apparently again last night I typed out this very long post,and then never posted it - lol. Its okay though because it was around 4 am and would have been more gibberish then sense.

I was sitting here looking out at my window, thinking about "Setting the Stage" for any kind of sexual act. Whether it is making love, or any kind of tryst really. Doesn't matter is you are casual FWB or perhaps involved in a relationship with each other that is much more entwined.

SEtting the stage I think is so important. Like I am a woman who loves scents, candles, soft lighting. I love to be kissed at length, and tenderness. I love the tenderness until we relaly get those fires going, then it may turn into a much more raw sexual experience. To me even making love has a whole ebb and flow to it. The softness,tenderness, foreplay, then really roaring, and then back into the softness. Then cuddling and kissing and resting for another tryst if possible. If not just touching, playing flirting.

So if we were going to be together, I would want to walk into possibly some flowers, they need not be expensive. Candles lit, soft music, scented lubes. Lubes, any tyous you might wish to use, you eager to have methere. Greeting me with a huge hug and kiss, softly, but passionately. Anyone can get rough, and touch without sensual intent. I want all that passion, even with a FWB. While benefiting go all out. Why not.

Caressing, massaging, then leading the way to us making love, or other scenerious. I am a woman with a very vivid imagination. Trust me, those who know me, know this. No wonder I am a artist.

Anyway, whoever you are with, in whatever context. Set the Stage. Man or woman, or anything in between will love that you did. If they are excited, it always results in a wonder coupling.

Fall is Approaching
Posted:Aug 25, 2021 1:46 am
Last Updated:Aug 26, 2021 3:37 pm
~~~~~This blog and post it aimed at no one, nor is it about anyone in my past or present relationship~~~~~~~~~

Oh yes, it is getting to be that time of the year. Can you feel it, that excitement?

In all its glory
the scents,
Leaves changing colors
Pumpkin everything
the rich eart tones equated with this time of the year
Crisp Air
Cuddling in front of a fireplace.

Sigh I love fall, what about you?

1 comment
Trust in Yourself
Posted:Aug 25, 2021 1:40 am
Last Updated:Dec 3, 2022 7:4 pm

~~~~~This blog and post it aimed at no one, nor is it about anyone in my past or present relationship~~~~~~~~~

Oh to dare to grow as a person.

Funny how life works out, but I have learned a few things even recently.

First never try to force anything. If things just seem off, they probably are. If you are not ablt to click with your person, perhaps they are not the right one. I feel like even it is a FWB or more, they should still give you butterflies in your stomach. But that is just my thinking.

Trust your gut instinct. This is a big one for me becuase everytime I do not listen to my inner voice, I have come to regret my decision.

Learning to start to let go decades of anger and hurt through medication is a powerful thing. Recently I was overcome with the emotion of sadness and wanted to weep. It helps me center myself, focus, and have over all clarity. I recommend it to everyone. .

Never stop having goals and dreams. Whether they are big or small, it is a wonderful thing to have. A vision board, of planner, or just in your head. However it works for you.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful week so far. Labor day fast approaches.

Knowing Who You Are and Who You Will Never Be
Posted:Aug 22, 2021 10:28 pm
Last Updated:Aug 25, 2021 8:27 am
As we all age, we come to find out who we are, and who we will never be. There is always room for improvement, and you take bits of information from this person, and that site and make up your own recipe that works for you. There is no absolute right or wrong way. Everyone conversely is entitled to their own opinions and beliefs.

I can tell you that I am a adult with Asperger's Syndrome/Autism Spectrum. I will never be Neurotypical, so I just have to be me. I am on the emotional side of things, that is how I am wired. Probably why I am a artist. My grandson is the opposite, and what I Like about him is he is very blunt about his feelings also. I find that refreshing.

What I do not understand is why does everyone seem to think that once you hit adulthood, the Autism would dissipate into thin air?. Poof! Gone like acne. Gone along with the ADHD, that rides on it's coat tails. Everyone seems to work to understand , but not us adults. When I was a , there was not the therapies, programs, and knowledge. I was dosed with high amounts of drugs, and it is no wonder when I think about it right now that I couldn't sleep and still fight it. The drugs had a short shelf life and would wear off about bedtime, and then one had to be onguard for things that happen in the dark.

There is only so much formatting one can do to fit in with society, and I have learned that pretty well as far as in the work place, schools, some social situations. But I still am shy and would rather hang in a corner and just watch people. I enjoy watching the cams here, the couples. Their interactions with each other, such a variety. I enjoy the ones were they are just talking to each other too. I enjoy watching people anywhere I go, I am better being the observer.

But social situations I do not get most of them. EVerything is very black and white to me, always has been. Yes I still have friends from junior high on, and I cherish those friendships very much. But I have never needed to be in a crowd or part of the "in" crowd. Give me art supplies and I will go into my own world happily. My mentor in college knew to just let me wear my headphones with my music and let me be. I would work for hours in the studio, many times not realizing the crowd that was behind me. I miss that so much.

But I am going to rebuild myself. I can only be myself, whether that is liked or not. I do not know how to be anyone else, nor do I wish to be.

Be good to yourself, you are an original masterpiece


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