quiz a
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Posted:Jan 29, 2021 5:37 pm
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2024 9:27 pm
5606 Views
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This is a quiz for people who know everything! I found in a hurry that I didn’t. These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers...
1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.
2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?
3 Of all vegetables, two can live to produce on their own for several or More growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the two perennial vegetables?
4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
5. In many liquor stores, you can pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn’t been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?
6. three words in standard English begin with the letters ‘ dw’ and they are all common words. Name two of them.
7. There are punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?
8. Name the vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.
9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter ‘S.’
Answers To Quiz:
1 The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends: Boxing.
2 North American landmark constantly moving backward: Niagara Falls ... The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute
3 two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons: Asparagus and rhubarb.
4 The fruit with its seeds on the outside: Strawberry.
5 How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.
6 Three English words beginning with dw: Dwarf, dwell and dwindle...
7 punctuation marks in English grammar: Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.
8 The vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh: Lettuce.
9 or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with ‘S’: Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.
PLEASE DO YOUR PART ; Today is National Mental Health Day. You can do your part by remembering to send this e- to least one genius challenged person. Okay, my job’s done!
Don’t send it back to . I’ve already failed it once.
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Puns For the Slightly Higher IQ!
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Posted:Jan 3, 2021 6:18 pm
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2024 9:27 pm
5987 Views
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Puns For the Slightly Higher IQ!
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.
A man needs a mistress just break the monogamy.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dancing cheek--cheek is really a form of floor .
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is tired.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
She was engaged a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don’t your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
A lot of is tainted - taint yours and taint mine
A boiled egg in the morning is hard beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
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I HOPE THIS BRINGS A CHUCKLE!!
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Posted:May 28, 2020 2:10 pm
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2024 9:27 pm
6608 Views
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A neat summary of some of the quaint things that affect us today...
LIFE IN TODAY’S WORLD!!
- 2019: Stay away from negative people. - 2020: Stay away from positive people.
- The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house, and their are yelling at them to stay indoors!
- You think it’s bad now? In 20 years our country will be run by people home-schooled by day drinkers.
- This virus has done what no woman has been able to do ... cancel sports, shut down bars, and keep men at home!!!
- Do not call the police suspicious people in your neighborhood! Those are your neighbors without makeup and hair extensions!
- Since we can’t eat out, now’s the perfect time eat better, get fit, and stay healthy. We’re quarantined! Who are we trying impress? We have snacks, we have sweatpants – I say we use them!
- Day 7 at home and the is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture!”
- Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands???
- I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6 foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!
- Me: Alexa what’s the weather this weekend? Alexa: It doesn’t matter – you’re not going anywhere.
- Can everyone please just follow the government instructions so we can knock out this coronavirus and be done?! I feel like a kindergartner who keeps losing more recess time because one or two can’t follow directions.
- I swear my fridge just said “what the hell do you want now?”
- When this is over ... what meeting do I attend first ... Weight Watchers or AA?
- Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house day looking for food. We are told “no” if we get too close to strangers, and we get really excited about car rides.
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It's sort of Ironic, When everybody has all this time
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Posted:Mar 26, 2020 8:56 am
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2024 9:27 pm
6507 Views
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It's sort of Ironic, When everybody has all this time because of the world slow down, We aren't supposed meet anybody.
Me I'm using my time work on paperwork, Exercise, try lose a about # get my BMI where it should be. Do work around the house, spring cleaning, sorting boxes of stuff, I haven't gone thru in years (I think if I haven't needed it in 3-5 yrs I don't need keep it)
Well, I hope everybody else is doing something productive with all this "Spare Time".
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My job search
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Posted:May 17, 2019 3:05 am
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2024 9:27 pm
8071 Views
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My job search
1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. Couldn’t concentrate.
2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.
3. After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn’t suited for it, mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.
5. Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn’t have the thyme.
6. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it ... I couldn’t cut the mustard.
7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually found I wasn’t noteworthy.
8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but didn’t have any patience.
9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. Tried hard but just didn’t fit in.
10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered I couldn’t live on my net income.
11. Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.
12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.
13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.
14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but had to quit because it was the same old grind.
15.SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT AND I FOUND I’M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!
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Thought for the Day:
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Posted:Dec 10, 2018 5:43 pm
Last Updated:May 17, 2019 3:06 am
8356 Views
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Thought for the Day:
I’ve been sick and NEEDED a doctor. I’ve encountered trouble and NEEDED a police officer. I’ve lived through times of war, when our nation NEEDED our military. I have even NEEDED an auto mechanic, a plumber, a house painter and a lot of other every-day people.
But I have NEVER, not even once, NEEDED a pro athlete or Hollywood entertainer for ANYTHING.
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Things That Sound Dirty At Thanksgiving, But Aren’t..
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Posted:Nov 18, 2018 7:26 am
Last Updated:May 17, 2019 3:10 am
8430 Views
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Just in time for American Thanksgiving,
Things That Sound Dirty At Thanksgiving, But Aren’t...
“Whew, that’s one terrific spread!”
“I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.”
“Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.”
“Talk about a huge breast!”
“It’s Cool Whip time!”
“If I don’t undo my pants, I’ll burst!”
“Are you ready for seconds yet?”
“Are you going to come again next time?”
“It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it?”
“Just wait your turn, you’ll get some!”
“Don’t play with your meat.”
“Just spread the legs open & stuff it in.”
“Do you think you’ll be able to handle all these people at once?”
“I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!”
“You still have a little bit on your chin.”
“Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it.”
“How long will it take after you stick it in?”
“You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.”
“Wow, I didn’t think I could handle all of that!”
“How many are coming?”
“That’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen!”
“Just lay back & take it easy ... I’ll do the rest.”
“How long do I beat it before it’s ready?”
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we’re all gay
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Posted:Jun 15, 2018 4:59 pm
Last Updated:May 17, 2019 3:07 am
8563 Views
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“Listen to me when I tell you this: we’re all gay; it’s just to what extent are you gay.”
He goes, “That’s bullshit. I ain’t gay at all.”
I’m like, “Yeah you are, and I’ll prove it to you.”
He goes, “Fine. Prove it.”
I’m like, “Alright. Do you like porn?”
He goes, “Yeah, I love porn. You know that.”
I’m like, “Do you only watch enes with women together?”
“No, I watch a man and a woman making love.”
“Do you like the guy to have a small, half-flaccid penis?”
He goes, “No, I like big, hard, throbbing cocks.”
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One Liners
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Posted:Apr 1, 2018 11:52 am
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2024 9:27 pm
8801 Views
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Algebra – what mermaids wear to hold up their breasts.
Cannibals serve food at a wake. It saves a lot on the burial costs...
Adam was a White man. Did you ever try to take a rib from a Black man?
A candidate for the police force was asked, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother”? He replied, “Call for backup.”
When you are dead, you don’t know that you are dead. It is difficult only for others. It is the same when you are stupid.
People my age are so much older than me.
I want to grow my own food, but I can’t find bacon seeds...
Just spent 15 minutes searching for my phone in my car. Using my phone as a flashlight...
What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu? One needs tweetment, and the other requires oinkment.
I’m starting meetings at my house for people who have OCD. I don’t have it, I’m just hoping they’ll take one look and start cleaning.
I don’t understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1964, but I can’t remember why I walked into the kitchen...
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Count how many of the following you remember!
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Posted:Jan 4, 2018 5:55 pm
Last Updated:Apr 1, 2018 11:53 am
9514 Views
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Count how many of the following you remember!
blackjack chewing gum
wax coke shaped bottles with colored water
candy cigarettes
soda pop machines that dispensed bottles
coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
party lines (for the ph)
newsreels before the movie
P.F. flyers
butch wax
teleph numbers with a word prefix (olive - 6933)
peashooters
Howdy Doody
45 RPM records
78 RPM records
Records
S & H Green stamps
hi-fi’s
metal ice trays with levers
mimeograph paper
blue flashbulbs
Beanie and Cecil
Rollerskate keys
cork popguns
drive ins
Studebakers
Wash tub wringers
If you remembered 0-5 - You’re still young!
If you remember 6-10 - You’re getting older!
If you remembered 11-15, don’t tell your age!
If you remembered 16-25, you’re older than dirt! (NOT THAT THERE’S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT!)
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A oldie , But I still like it
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Posted:Oct 4, 2017 8:18 am
Last Updated:Apr 1, 2018 11:53 am
10082 Views
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Banana Loaf
2 laughing eyes
2 bowing arms
2 well-shaped legs
2 firm milk containers
1 fur-lined mixing bowl
1 banana
Look into laughing eyes, spread well-shaped legs and slowly squeeze and massage milk containers gently until mixing bowl is well greased. Check frequently with middle finger. Add banana and gently work in and out until creamed. Cover with nuts and garnish with a sigh of relief. Bread is done when banana is soft. Be sure to wash mixing utensils and do not lick the bowl.
WARNING: If bread rises, LEAVE TOWN!!!!!!!!
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laying awake at night wondering
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Posted:Sep 7, 2017 9:40 am
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2024 9:27 pm
11306 Views
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I know you have been laying awake at night wondering why baby diapers have brand names such as “Luvs”, “Huggies,” and “Pampers’, while undergarments for old people are called “Depends”.
Well here is the low down on the whole thing...
When babies crap in their pants, people are still gonna Luv’em, Hug’em and Pamper’ em. When old people crap in their pants, it “Depends” on who’s in the will!
Glad I got that straightened out so you can rest your mind.
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Applies to a lot of drivers in Florida
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Posted:Aug 25, 2017 12:10 am
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2024 9:27 pm
12133 Views
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Two old ladies are in the car. The passenger says to the driver: May-Bell, that is the third red light you've driven through without stopping.
May-Bell answers: Oh, wait-a-min ... am I driving?
Applies to a lot of drivers in Florida, not just the old ones, Seeing too many running red lights.
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