Don't Ask How I Found This...
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Posted:Apr 1, 2008 10:02 pm
Last Updated:May 20, 2008 7:48 pm
59829 Views
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...Because I really don't know myself. But it fits into that entire celebrity fucker thing.
Yes ladies, even the ugliest of us can fuck a celebrity. Well, one who was almost a real celebrity and whose star has fallen fast.
This is from Vincent Gallo's website. He's a washed up actor/director best known for getting a blow-job on screen in the dreadful movie, "The Brown Bunny" and claiming to put a curse on Roger Ebert when he gave the film a bad review.
So at the risk of being sued, here's Vincent Gallo's ad, from his merchandise website, pimping himself out as a for rich women:
Have you ever watched a movie and fallen in love with one of the actors? The way they looked or a character they played? Afterwards you thought of them over and over. Daydreaming, imagining things, sexy things. When I was very young I was madly in love with Tuesday Weld and Charlotte Rampling. On my 14th birthday I went to see the film Rolling Thunder and had my biggest crush of all on the actress Linda Haynes. I wished and wished and wished everyday that I could meet all these girls. I thought of a lot of sexy things with Susan Blakely after seeing her in Lords of Flatbush. In my mind I could do with her anything I wanted to do. So believe me, I know and understand what it's like to wish and dream about spending time with a movie star. Doing things that couples do. Couples in love. At least couples where the guy is hot and knows how to handle a chick.
I, Vincent Gallo, star of such classics as Buffalo 66 and The Brown Bunny have decided to make myself available to all women. All women who can afford me, that is. For the modest fee of $50,000 plus expenses, I can fulfill the wish, dream, or fantasy of any naturally born female. The fee covers one evening with Vincent Gallo. For those who wish to enjoy my company for a weekend, the fee is increased to a mere $100,000. Heavy set, older, red heads and even black chicks can have me if they can pay the bill. No real female will be refused. However, I highly frown upon any male having even the slightest momentary thought or wish that they could ever become my . No way Jose. However, female couples of the lesbian persuasion can enjoy a Vincent Gallo evening together for $100,000. $200,000 buys the lesbos a weekend. A weekend that will have them second-guessing.
I am willing to travel worldwide to accommodate . However, travel days are billed at $50,000 per plus all premium flight fees. Scanning for STD's is required as is bathing and grooming prior to our encounter. Detailed photos of potential also required prior. An extra fee for security to protect me is charged on top of the fantasy fee. Security fees will vary depending on the details of an encounter and how much security I will need.
Potential are advised to screen the controversial scene from The Brown Bunny to be sure for themselves that they can fully accommodate all of me. who have doubt may want to test themselves with an unusually thick and large prosthetic prior to meeting me. You may be surprised just how much you can handle and how good it feels.
Yep. So which one of you ladies has that kind of money to spend to have a one night stand with a misogynistic, racist, right-wing, washed-up has-been with mental problems? Mind you, he and Chloe Sevigny had been having sex before that scene in "The Brown Bunny" and he's quoted as saying this about her: "Chloe Sevigny, who when she's not drunk and posing in movies is busy out spreading Harmony Korine's herpes."
So did Gallo get herpes from Sevigny? Does this mean some star fucker is going to pay a massive amount of money and walk away with herpes? Oh, who are we kidding, who would pay 25c to fuck this lunatic?
But if you have a cool mil to spend and aren't one of "those of extremely dark complexions", you can buy a vial of his sperm to inseminate yourself.
God, what woman could resist? Someone get me a winning Powerball ticket.
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15
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Um, Yeah. That
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Posted:Mar 26, 2008 10:50 am
Last Updated:Jun 12, 2008 1:21 am
59764 Views
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Am I the only one who finds the seduce a celebrity fantasy contest a bit disturbing? When I got the email last night, I thought it was amusing. I thought about what the average member on this site looks like. Sure, some of the younger ones have what it takes, especially the women. But most of the men and women who enter these contests, well, let's just say if any of us (myself included,) were to have a chance with a major A-List celebrity, ruphies, ether, Visine, rope, shackles, a rustic cabin and acoustical tile would be in order.
Which got me thinking.
What celebrity would be the least likely to even look at a short, fat old hag?
Johnny Depp, of course. I'm amazed his pro-ana girlfriend even weighs enough to bleed, let alone give birth. Although, she does look like she could crush Kate Moss if she sat on her.
So, I decided to go for it. However, the more I try to get past that first sentence, the more it sounds like it's a bad rip-off of "Misery."
So, this is what I have:
Johnny Depp looked at me and once again sighed in disgust. "MissAnn, you know I only dig much younger pro-ana chicks. Now leave before I have to call the cops to let them know you're violating the restraining order. Again."
That's when I pretended to leave, but instead snuck up behind him with the ether. He never saw it coming.
What do you think? And why won't my pic of Johnny Depp stick? And does anyone remember what I originally named this post?
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9
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Idiots and the Auto-Reply
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Posted:Mar 23, 2008 8:27 am
Last Updated:Jun 23, 2008 11:54 am
60200 Views
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Some of you have seen my auto-reply. Others haven't, some haven't seen it in a while. This is the first paragraph:
This is an auto-reply. That means, I wrote the text, yes, but I don't send it. TSdates.com sends it automatically to let you know your mail was received. Therefore, don't send me snotty comments about getting an autoreply. If you're so stupid you respond to the autoreply, trust me when I say there isn't enough chlorine in your gene pool for me to even consider writing back to you.
It was written that way because this site is so rife with air thieves. For years, that auto-reply worked. I didn't get reported to abuse for having an auto-reply. See, a few years ago, some inbred moron reported me to abuse because he kept writing and getting an auto-reply that he didn't like. He got pissed that I wasn't writing anything else. The thing was, I had a broken video card during all of that, so I didn't get his ten emails and find out I was suspended until after the fact. One call to abuse fixed things though.
But then came yesterday. In the space of an hour, I got four emails from someone who was incredibly unable to grasp the concept of the auto reply:
Date: Mar 22, 2008 12:34 PM CDT Subject: hello how are yuoooooooooo!
hope your having a great day....
Normally, I'd look at a mail like that, send a quick reply and be on my way. But he sent four more...
Date: Mar 22, 2008 12:50 PM CDT Subject: hell yes
nice responds but you can do better if you try put more thought to it now. I will not stop how about you?
Like, WTF? I have a barely literate obvious foreigner challenging me to do better? OVER AN AUTO-REPLY???????
Does this imbecile really think that I wrote something personally and pretended it was an auto-reply? Because, as I said before, he wrote back...
Date: Mar 22, 2008 1:02 PM CDT Subject: hello
I could write nasty things but I like to use my mind-soooo I,m sorry your not a happy person and need me as a kicking post. I good for it and strong backed...... love (handle deleted)
HE LIKES TO USE HIS MIND????????? Then why the fuck can't he tell it's an auto-reply and I'm not sitting here taking perverse joy in sending him the same thing over and over and over again? Hell, I've been visiting [blog neveragain80] all week and we weren't even here when he was sending his barely literate drivel.
But as all things must pass and this particular air thief decided I wasn't smart enough for him, this was the last email I received:
Date: Mar 22, 2008 1:39 PM CDT Subject: hello
your still a good looking lady to me.. so have a great dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy....... love (handle deleted).....
Well, you know when I found what he had written, I just had to set him straight. Here's what I sent him this morning:
Whether the concept of the AUTO-REPLY is lost on you completely, or you think you're being witty, guess what? You're coming off as a complete imbecile. You do need to work on both your grammar and reading comprehension. This Yankee bitch is not impressed.
So , tell me. How do I make my auto-reply more clear for the air thieves out there who don't seem to understand how the site works? I mean, this guy has American Indian down as his race. No, they have better schools than that. This guy is either Pakistani or Mexican, as they're the ones who do that leaning on a key and not letting up, thinking women find it charming.
I do know, I'm waiting with bated breath to see what I get back from him.
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12
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Idiots and the Auto-Reply
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Posted:Mar 23, 2008 8:18 am
Last Updated:Apr 7, 2008 11:59 am
58971 Views
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Some of you have seen my auto-reply. Others haven't, some haven't seen it in a while. This is the first paragraph:
This is an auto-reply. That means, I wrote the text, yes, but I don't send it. TSdates.com sends it automatically to let you know your mail was received. Therefore, don't send me snotty comments about getting an autoreply. If you're so stupid you respond to the autoreply, trust me when I say there isn't enough chlorine in your gene pool for me to even consider writing back to you.
It was written that way because this site is so rife with air thieves. For years, that auto-reply worked. I didn't get reported to abuse for having an auto-reply. See, a few years ago, some inbred moron reported me to abuse because he kept writing and getting an auto-reply that he didn't like. He got pissed that I wasn't writing anything else. The thing was, I had a broken video card during all of that, so I didn't get his ten emails and find out I was suspended until after the fact. One call to abuse fixed things though.
But then came yesterday. In the space of an hour, I got four emails from someone who was incredibly unable to grasp the concept of the auto reply:
Date: Mar 22, 2008 12:34 PM CDT Subject: hello how are yuoooooooooo!
hope your having a great day....
Normally, I'd look at a mail like that, send a quick reply and be on my way. But he sent four more...
Date: Mar 22, 2008 12:50 PM CDT Subject: hell yes
nice responds but you can do better if you try put more thought to it now. I will not stop how about you?
Like, WTF? I have a barely literate obvious foreigner challenging me to do better? OVER AN AUTO-REPLY???????
Does this imbecile really think that I wrote something personally and pretended it was an auto-reply? Because, as I said before, he wrote back...
Date: Mar 22, 2008 1:02 PM CDT Subject: hello
I could write nasty things but I like to use my mind-soooo I,m sorry your not a happy person and need me as a kicking post. I good for it and strong backed...... love (handle deleted)
HE LIKES TO USE HIS MIND????????? Then why the fuck can't he tell it's an auto-reply and I'm not sitting here taking perverse joy in sending him the same thing over and over and over again? Hell, I've been visiting [blog neveragain80] all week and we weren't even here when he was sending his barely literate drivel.
But as all things must pass and this particular air thief decided I wasn't smart enough for him, this was the last email I received:
Date: Mar 22, 2008 1:39 PM CDT Subject: hello
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Morality In Red States
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Posted:Mar 16, 2008 10:57 pm
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2008 2:32 pm
60127 Views
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I'm sure you've all read that teenage girls in this country account for 1 in 4 new STD infections. The most common is HPV, which causes cervical cancer.
But I heard something on the news tonight that made me take more notice. 70% of new infections in Oklahoma are among young men and women in the 15 to 24 years old age group. So much for only being allowed to teach abstinence and crap like Silver Ring Thing, which I wrote about in The New ImMorality. I've also read recently that Omaha, Nebraska pretty much leads the country in new STD infections, especially herpes.
What is it with the red states? They lead the country in violent crimes, drugs, STDs and teenage pregnancy. Is this some sort of morality backlash?
St. Louis, Detroit, Kansas City, Atlanta, Mikwaukee, Nashville, Houston, Dallas, Tulsa, Oklahoma City, Phoenix, Indianapolis and others all have much higher violent crime rates per 100,000 than New York City. Especially when it comes to murder. Let's take Tulsa for example. The city's population is 386,414, yet there were 15 murders per 100,000 residents in 2006. Compare that to New York City with 8,115,690 and 6.6 murders per 100,000. Yet people here consider New York City to be Sin City. Even though you're safer on the subway at 3 AM there than you are going for a walk at 9 PM in Tulsa.
Oklahoma is the meth capital of the country as far as making the shit and Tulsa has the highest meth user rates in the country.
Teenage pregnancies are another thing. It's so common to see teenagers that look 12 walking around looking like they're going to spawn at any minute. OK, sure, they're probably new welfare babies for the grandparents. In NYC, granted, you see that once in a while, but most come up with the money to buy condoms or get an abortion. But here, try to find a clinic that will perform one even if you are the age of consent. You can have all the sex you want once you turn 16, but you can't have an abortion without parental consent unless you're 18. That bothers me. I feel the minimum age for receiving such services should be the age of consent.
But then, how many would have one anyway? In Tulsa, you have three religious colleges, including Oral Roberts University. The fundie attitude of women are breeders and good for nothing but breeding, cooking, cleaning and groveling at her man's feet is alive and well here. I was actually told I was selfish a few weeks ago for never having . How dare I not allow a man to infect me with his seed and spawn his progeny? The egg doesn't matter, the sperm does.
But I digress. What is it about these red states that crime is so high, much higher than liberal states in most cases and STDs are so common? Is it because you have to ask someone at the store to unlock the condom case for you? Or is that just in the city, where they're afraid people are going to steal them? Then again, our one Congressman, Dr. Tom Coburn insists that condoms don't work, won't protect against any STDs, except for protecting men from gonorrhea in some cases. , if used properly, condoms protect you from 99% of germs transmitted from semen to vagina or vagina to penis. Sure, they're not going to protect against genital warts or herpes unless the lesions are on areas covered in rubber. But that's just common sense.
But the murder rate in these moral cities really bothers me. So do the rates. in the first degree can get you the death penalty in this state. I'm sure other red states have such laws too.
Is life really that cheap in red states? I know it's boring, but hell, even adultery is illegal in Oklahoma, that can get you five years if your spouse presses charges. So what are all you married Oklahomans doing here?
There are some weird laws on the books. Such as, "Any willful attempt, by means of threats or violence to compel any person to adopt, practice or profess any particular form of religious belief, is a misdemeanor."
Um, wasn't that what Oral Roberts did for years, broadcasting from Tulsa? Isn't that what churches do when they tell you not to associate with anyone who doesn't go to your particular church and especially not those heathen Catholics and Jews?
Another little morality clause I found was, "If any person shall utter or speak any obscene or lascivious language or word in any public place, or in the presence of females, or in the presence of under ten (10) years of age, he shall be liable to a fine of not more than One Hundred Dollars ($100.00), or imprisonment for not more than thirty (30) days, or both."
Now, I doubt this law is enforced. Especially when it's a woman swearing. Not to mention, I haven't been fined yet. Everyone thought Raritan, NJ was the first to have this one on the books. Nope. The last time this law was challenged in OK was 1974.
I seem to be getting off track here. Again. My question is, why are moral states so immoral? Why are they the ones where , murder, manslaughter, drugs, teenage pregnancy and other immoral acts are so high?
I'd like to hear from people in these moral states. How much you feel religion plays a part.
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6
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Roundabout Way Of Doing Things, I Know...
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Posted:Mar 6, 2008 12:52 pm
Last Updated:May 22, 2008 10:45 am
59799 Views
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Today, I clicked on [blog lookinnflirtin] and found her post, [post 1306252]. I followed the link and it's some guy who really does need to rethink his style of facial hair bitching about picky fat chicks. Some of you may have already seen his post.
He says in his post:
Ok....I have nothing against lonely overweight chicks looking for love. With that said....I would like to express my aggravation with all the girls on here who make their profile as long as a novel and it's full of everything THEY want. Profiles full of demands of what they want or don't want in a man. Get a clue ladies....this is a SEX site...very few will find love here....go somewhere else with your bullshit demands and leave this site to those of us who actually like casual sex. You know.....I would think that you would be less picky and consider yourselves lucky to be able to get a man at all!
Consider ourselves lucky to get a man at all? Oh yeah. You know I had to open my mouth on that one.
I just love these fucktards who think their orgasms matter more than ours. I pretty much told him that.
I still marvel at all these guys who think we're call girls working for the site and we're nothing but holes to please them. If that was the case, a gold membership around here would be a few thousand a month for unlimited visits. But this isn't the Netflix of the service. So come on folks, help educate this lonely redneck (check out his truck, you'll see I'm not being catty).
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8
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Yummy!
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Posted:Mar 3, 2008 8:19 pm
Last Updated:May 20, 2008 3:18 pm
59370 Views
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Guess what arrived today?
The Girl Scout Cookies!
Cookies, cookies, cookies, cookies, cookies, cookies, cookies! Cookies, cookies, cookies, cookies, cookies, cookies, cookies!
Have I mentioned I love Girl Scout cookies?
The roomie's came over tonight with the orders for everyone up and down the street. Of course, half the people who ordered weren't home tonight. Murphy's Law in action. I wish I still had my sash. So I could pin it to my coat as I deliver the rest tomorrow.
Before I even realized how I was scarfing them down, I went through a quarter of my box of Do-Si-Dos. *sigh* So, if I want them to last to the weekend, I have to slow down. But they're so good. Burry stopped making Gauchos years ago and Girl Scout Cookie time is the only time you can get them anymore. All other peanut butter cookies are a pale imitation. I know Burry doesn't make them anymore, but it's the same recipe.
I'm thinking of robbing a bank, so I can buy the extras her troop got. Like a case of them. Then I realize I'd end up the size of Deidrababe if I did that. Don't know who she is? Look her up. So, it's probably best that I can't afford to feed my yearly obsession.
Yes. I know I need to get laid. You're not telling me anything I don't already know.
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5
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Night Fright?
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Posted:Mar 3, 2008 7:23 am
Last Updated:Mar 25, 2008 10:05 pm
59643 Views
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I went out for a walk on Friday night and I'm still trying to figure out what to make of this.
I really had a craving for fast food and ice cream. I haven't had fast food in months. So, I took a walk to the nearest fast food place. Got my order to take home and then went to the ice cream place a few doors down. I got a half gallon and started home.
I really was thinking to myself that it was probably stupid to get a half gallon of ice cream, as it was in the upper 50s at the lowest at that point of the night. (And today, snow is in the forecast.) So, I figured I'd walk more quickly.
Of course, I'm having a tendonitis flare-up in my right ankle. It's lasting more than its usual week too. This has been happening since I was about 15. But wearing really flat flats seems to make it hurt more. So, it wasn't long before I was limping. Which is really pissing me off. Especially since this is the OTHER ankle. I wondered outloud and to the sky how I was going to get the ice cream home before it started to melt.
At one point, I noticed someone come off a side street and start walking behind me. I didn't think anything of it. Normally when that happens, they pass me in no time. It was when I heard a second voice I knew there were two people behind me. Still, no big deal. People do walk and I figured I didn't see the second person because it was dark.
I thought they were too quiet for a pair of teenagers. I also thought it was odd that they weren't passing me. Then the weird shit started.
People driving by started slowing way down. I thought that was really odd. Then an SUV that was coming off a side street just angled himself and shone his lights behind me for a good 30 seconds, before moving on. I just figured he was lost.
Then a car going in the other direction goes by slowly, stops and turns around. The driver pulls up next to me and opens the passenger side door and tells me that he really didn't like the way those three young men behind me were eying me, or acting towards me. Now normally, I tend to feel danger or feel threatened if I am in any sort of danger. Either my radar was off that night, or this guy was just being paranoid.
But then I turned around to look and those three guys had taken off. I mean, they fell a good block back. They had been close. That's when I decided to take the ride I was offered.
I listened to a tiny tirade about how it's not safe to go out after dark in this town, how things are changing and the scum are running the streets. Nice.
I got home, thanked him for the ride and came in. I was a bit freaked, but mostly because of how scared for me this guy was. It's not like it was the middle of the night. It was 9 PM on a Friday night in a residental area where people live cheek by jowl. A woman screaming for 911 wouldn't have gone unnoticed.
But then I started wondering. The behind me were of a certain minority group. Would anyone have noticed or acted like that had they been white? White commit crimes too. As I said, I was well aware they were behind me. They weren't in stealth mode or anything. Or if they were, they were really, really bad at it.
So I'm wondering if this was a case of white fright, or if I really was in danger. It's not like they took off running, they just fell back. Which of course, tells me they were up to no good. But was it directed at me?
Is it really safer for a woman to ride the subway in NYC alone at 3 AM, (which I have done a number of times,) than it is to walk in a residential neighborhood of Tulsa at 9 PM? Was this an isolated incident? Chances are they were from this neighborhood. Why be stupid and shit in your own back yard?
Opinions?
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4
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Yeah Baby, That's Right. I'm One Hot Bitch!
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Posted:Feb 25, 2008 6:53 pm
Last Updated:Jul 19, 2008 6:48 am
60242 Views
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What is it with dogs in this state and me? I never used to have this trouble.
This evening, I went for a walk to the tobacco shop. I took my normal route. As I got a few blocks from the shop, a I always say hello to got out from under the fence and ran up to me.
I extended my hand so it could sniff me. He sniffed and licked my hand a few times. I called him a good puppy and tried to pat his head. He backed off and I figured that was that. Nope, he started following me and jumped up for me to pet him.
After about five minutes of petting this and telling him what a good puppy he was, I tried to continue on my way. It wasn't happening. Then it sniffed my ass.
Did I mention yet that this was a pit bull? The one in the picture looks almost exactly like it, right down to the orangey eyes.
Well, I thought I showered this morning with my rosemary-mint body gel. But obviously I showered with, "Gee, Your Ass Smells Terrific." Because that's when the leg humping started.
And the nipping. Not the pit bull attack nips, the amorous, you will submit and bend over nips.
I kept trying to get away, but it kept following me and jumping me. To get to the smoke shop, I have to cross a very busy main road. Yes, there is a cross walk and yes, most times there are big enough gaps in traffic that I'm not there more than a minute before I can cross, but even if this did deserve to die at that moment, I wasn't going to be responsible.
So, I knocked on the one neighbor's door, as the owners weren't home. Just my luck. Mexicans and only the smallest spoke English.
No, they don't know the neighbors. No, they don't know the dogs name. Yes, the likes to get out and rip out their garbage. The owners? They get home between 8 and 9. Great...
So, I decide to psyche this out. I hop the huge puddle at the bottom of the owner's driveway and open the gate for the dog. I put the in the yard and well, he just ran for the gap under the fence and was back to trying to make love to my right leg. *sigh*
This is when the really decided I was going to submit to his will and be his bitch. This was also when a nip at my thigh actually made contact with skin. Not hard enough to break it, but hard enough to really piss me off. This is also when I had to start walking with a pit bull firmly attached to my right leg.
Yeah, laugh all you want, you bitches. But if you do your news search, you will find out a two year old in Upstate NY was by the family pit bull last autumn. The county prosecutor thought the family was using the to cover for abuse in spite of the witnesses, but the DNA samples of the semen did come back as belonging to the dog. This news story came flashing back to me as this attached himself firmly to my leg.
I decided to try my luck with the neighbors on the other side, who had a fenced in yard, front and back, with no breaches.
I knocked on their door with this still attached to my leg. I explained the situation and asked them if they could fence it in long enough for me to make my escape.
After some levity at my expense, they agreed. They were familiar with the and play with it when it gets out.
SUCCESS!
Or so I thought...
I was barely out of their driveway when the rear attack of my right leg happened. So, I walked back with it. Then we tried again. Same thing. Finally, they went inside and got some treats for the to get it inside their fence and I thanked them heartily and promised to take another route home.
Yeah, I'm one hot bitch, alright. Just ask the dogs in this neighborhood.
I think I'm going to have to start walking another route. *sigh*
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16
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Mother Nature Is A Bitch
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Posted:Feb 20, 2008 10:21 pm
Last Updated:Feb 27, 2008 10:11 pm
64258 Views
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Tonight was a full lunar eclipse. Which could be seen all over North America. Except for around here, where it's been cloudy for two damned days!
Mother Nature, you're a fucking bitch . Yeah, you. You know how I love to watch eclipses. The last time, you HAD to schedule it during the World Series. Yeah, 2004. And that bastard Kurt Schilling had to spill blood on the pitcher's mound under the light of a total eclipse, leading the Red Sox to actually win the series.
Yep. Funky things tend to happen around the time of an eclipse. But this one has affected me personally. More personally than those scum sucking pigs from Boston getting their shiny rings.
I've been noticing a slow drain in the tub. Water welling around the drain, instead of going down, long after a shower has been taken. This started Sunday night. Today, the raw sewage started coming up. Well, overnight, really. I woke up to a filthy disgusting tub.
So no one has been very happy today. I've been running across the street to use the bathroom at the one neighbor's. I can deal with sponge baths from the sink. My hair, well that got washed yesterday and if I wash it more than twice a week, it's trouble for my overly dry scalp. It actually takes a week for my hair to get oily, my skin is so dry. So no major personal issues there. Other than, I really don't want to use the backyard as a bathroom in the middle of the night. I can't exactly knock on the neighbor's door when the urge hits at 3 AM. Which it will, because Mother Nature hates me.
This morning, drain cleaner with sulfuric acid was poured down the tub trap. Not only did it not work to clear the drain, but I have a feeling it just ate the pipes clean away.
The trouble is under the house, not with the main sewer line. So, the boy got to start digging a trench and space to get to the pipes when he got home from school. Mind you, the past few days have been beautiful and warm and spring like. Today, it never got over 35. He was miserable and I sent hot chocolate out periodically. If the freezing rain holds off, I do believe tomorrow will be a repeat of today in that regard.
Tonight after dinner, we all headed off to a truck stop, so the menfolk could get showers. I went along for the ladies' room. As I wandered the store, I was eyed by the staff. Could they help me? No, I'm waiting for the roomies to get their showers.
To top things off, I have raging PMS. These days, I never know when I'm going to get my period or if it's going to be heavy or light. But I can FEEL it coming. So I was in the ladies' room every ten minutes.
I thought they were taking forever. I finally saw the boy asking for change of a five. I followed him, he was taking it to his father. It seems the truck stop has slots in the truckers lounge where the showers are. He ended up winning $135 in store merchandise. Tobacco and gasoline were excluded.
Know how hard it is to spend $135 in a truck stop when you can't buy gas or tobacco?
Truck stop convenience stores aren't like normal convenience stores. You can't get a loaf of bread, but you can get pre-made sandwiches. So looking for necessities was a chore. I don't think we got any.
But we did walk away about an hour later with flashlights and a bunch of snack food. And of course, a few sandwiches. Heh.
But even better, a few weeks ago as a bust, due to my age, a friend signed me up for a free sample of Poise pads. Bitch. They arrived today. Two pads. Ultra thin, with wings! and a liner. As if she knew something was going to happen. I'm sure she won't admit to it, she's going to continue with my age and how I'm definitely in peri-menopause. . I was on the phone with her when they arrived and yes, I did call her both those things and she still won't admit that she just KNEW there would be a non-leakage use for them. She's still going with, "at your age..."
Which wouldn't be so bad, but she's only a year younger than I. *sigh*
So, how was your day? Did the eclipse fuck up your lives or plumbing? Got flashlights with fresh batteries so you can go urinate in the back yard at 3 AM and NOT fall into the trench?
Ask me about my mood in about two days. I hope things are fixed by then.
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30
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Sale Day... A Survival Story
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Posted:Feb 16, 2008 4:11 pm
Last Updated:Feb 27, 2008 7:22 pm
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As you can see, I survived. I'm sitting here writing this with a nice, warm grilled cheese sandwich and a bag of chips. You know, one of those tiny I shouldn't be eating these bags of chips. I wish I had thought to buy a can of tomato soup on the way home. I wish I was sitting here with homemade cookies and cocoa too. It's just that kind of day.
I was going to get there an hour before opening, as the women who work there told me that it's insane on half price day. But because of the weather, I waited to get there. Rain, freezing rain, as I was waiting for the bus, hail was bouncing into my coffee cup. Yep. It's just that kind of day.
The bus dropped me off at about 8:50. Just enough time to find my place on the line and have a cigarette before they opened. Then I did a second glance. The parking lot was more than half full, but only about a dozen people were at the door. All standing under the overhang.
I took my place in line, away from the overhang, as I was smoking. That's when the bitches started getting out of their cars and pushing their way under the overhang. The group was friendly, but the air was thick with tension. I commented to them that I was expecting a line halfway around the building. The veterans of this sale told me that today was nothing, the weather was keeping them away. That normally the line IS halfway around the building at opening.
That wasn't a major disappointment for me. It meant I got a shopping cart when I got inside. But just barely. THAT is when the vicious scene started. There was no way anyone wasn't getting a cart at that point, including the people who were waiting in their cars until the doors opened. But tell that to those women. I almost got trampled and one little bitch practically broke my arm as I was getting my cart, cutting me off. I said, "excuse me," in the snidest voice possible, she got a sheepish look and gave me the cart and took her own. Oh yes, the mob mentality was starting.
I fully expected women to just be grabbing as much as they could off of racks and heading right to the dressing room. But once past the mad rush for carts, it became civilized. Shoppers were actually courteous of each other. The royal bitches the staff had warned me about the day before were nowhere to be found.
From there on, I went looking for things in my size that weren't matronly or dreadful. I chatted with employees and customers. I heard the same thing over and over. "Normally there are at least three times this many people for this sale. I guess the weather kept them away." Well, to the women who stayed away who are my size, I want to give you my most heartfelt thanks. I scored some lovely things.
I went in looking for sweaters, as in spite of 70 degree days all over this winter and the feeling of spring, winter has returned. But while I only found a few of those that weren't dreadful or the wrong color or the wrong size, there were a few big scores. I got a pair of Ralph Lauren black chinos that don't even have to be shortened. A White House Black Market lacy shirt that's just adorable and perfect for the increasingly rare occasions where I turn on the cam. A pair of Liz Claiborne sueded jeans, which do need to be shortened, but which were actually short waisted enough for me. The most expensive thing I got was $3 and I managed to go $10 over budget by spending $40. Oh well. It isn't like I'm going to need the chocolate money for the rest of the month.
The fitting rooms were a nightmare. My first trip was fine, no line. Then as most of what I had picked out ended up in the discard pile, I looked around some more. Which is when I started to find really cool stuff, which had been discarded by people who had hit the fitting room before me. On my second trip to the fitting room, I was handed a number. I was 39 and the person with 30 was just going in. So, it was outside for a cigarette, more browsing and after I don't know how long, my number was called. They were letting everyone take the carts into the fitting rooms. That made for cramped changing. Finally, I made my final choices, discarded most once again and hit the check out line.
As I was on line to check out, people started hitting me up for my cart. An old lady ended up being the winner, as she was the only one still in the area when I was done. Then it was out into the pouring rain to catch the bus home. It was 11:45 at this point. I can't believe I spent nearly three hours in there.
I got outside just in time to see the bus going in the direction I wanted to go pass. Ten minutes early. Which wouldn't be a problem in a city with a REAL transit system. But in this town, it means contingency plan, or wait an hour for the next one. I decided to take the bus going in the other direction and hope I could catch either the same route going the other way, or the other bus that goes into my area at the Memorial Street Station.
As I was standing there, I must have looked like an orphan of the storm. An SUV pulled up and the woman on the passenger side rolled down the window and asked if I'd like an umbrella and gloves. It was like they were out looking for people who needed an umbrella and gloves. I had the umbrella under my arm, I wasn't using it. But I gladly accepted the gloves, as I've been looking for a pair all winter in the wrong stores. All anyone seems to have are mittens. What adult wears mittens? But to that nice lady in the SUV, thank you very much for the gloves. They were appreciated.
The bus finally came and when we got to the station, the other route I wanted was sitting there waiting. Waiting as in the driver was on a bathroom break. So, I got that bus home. Well, that 8/10 of a mile from home.
By this point, I was well aware of my left ankle swelling and the calf tightening. I really do need acupuncture in the worst way. The RLS is kicking in as I write this and I'm not even trying to sleep. Yeah, tonight is going to be fun. To top things off, for the past week, my right ankle has been doing the tendonitis thing and I've been limping in such a way it's pissing me off. So, as the supermarket was right there and I had to stop off for eggs, conditioner and Diet Coke, I did what any woman with a handy house boy, er, I mean roommate's teenage sitting home would do. I called and asked him to come help me carry. OK, I didn't so much ask as tell him to get down there. There'd have been no way the eggs would have survived if I was carrying all of that.
By the time I got home, I was soaked from the thighs down. I do wonder if the Rockports I was wearing will ever be the same. I do have to say they kept my feet dry, but they're out of that moleskin type leather. So I will see what they're like when they're dried out.
So, was it worth the trip? I got some very nice things at a deep discount, so yes, that was worth it. I was disappointed that the weather kept so many way. I really did want to observe mob mentality. I should have thought to ask them if they have a mailing list. I'd love to see that half price sale in full insanity.
BTW, beadchick you really should have come with me. You would have had fun.
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Pray For Me
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Posted:Feb 16, 2008 5:39 am
Last Updated:Feb 17, 2008 11:29 pm
57962 Views
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I've decided to hit the big winter sale at Goodwill. I've already been warned what it will be like by the women who work there. Think Filene's Basement during the bridal sale. But I swear, I have to see a scene like that, simply so I can blog about it later today.
If I survive.
Pray for me.
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