Is It Cheating?  

MissAnnThrope 61F
8008 posts
8/15/2005 11:08 pm

Last Read:
2/23/2007 10:20 pm

Is It Cheating?

This is purely to get opinions from anyone who reads, so please put in your two cents.

Is cybersex or webcam sex cheating?

Also, if you found out your lover, spouse, significant other, whomever, was getting naked on cam for strangers, how would you feel?

Please explain why you think it is or isn't cheating. In a few days, I'll tell you why I asked. (No, this isn't something that happened to me recently.)

rdy2try4 56F  
3305 posts
8/16/2005 7:12 am

Wow, tough call. It may not be physically cheating, but I definitely would feel 'cheated on' if I caught my guy doing this without my knowledge. I would have to ask why and see if I could understand his reasoning. I know I would feel as if I was inadequate or not fulfilling something if he was doing this. But being as no actual physical contact was made I would not treat it as horribly harsh as I would if it were. If physical contact was made, I would not wish to even ask anything, I would just leave that relationship.

pseudohippie 54F

8/16/2005 9:54 am

I figure it's a matter of personal decision. An easy gauge: if a person feel s/he'll need to hide her/his behavior from his/her spouse, s/he feels it's cheating.

I once asked this question of a group of people in a chatroom where sex was not the focus, but cards. The entire group came to the conclusion that cybersex was cheating. I think this was based on the idea of one person "doing it" with one other person. I wonder how they would have responded to the question if I had known to also ask if putting yourself on webcam for anyone to see was a cheating offense. Eh, I suppose the answer is the's cheating if you or your spouse feels it is.

Personally, I wouldn't want my spouse engaging in romantic lovey-dovey-ness with anyone but me, even if it didn't technically fall under the "cybersex" or "websex" categories. But if he amused himself perodically talking a little sexy-like to someone he'd never meet and doesn't care about or showed his penis to a buncha women who'd just tell him they didn't want to see a disembodied cock waggled around anyway...well, eh, who cares?

1 post
8/16/2005 10:48 am

I absolutely think it is cheating. Doing anything sexual with someone who is not your lover in my opinion is cheating without their knowledge. If your lover has to have cybersex,phone sex or get naked on cam with a total stranger or chooses to watch others on cam it is total disrespect to thier lover. It would make me feel like I am not fulfilling his needs,wants and desires.
If he needs to watch others on cam or to be seen by others on cam would only mean 1 thing to me,and that is that he is not satisfied with me and needs more to get his needs he requires. And if that isn't doing it for him,then he would take the next step and cheat on me physically.
Anything done behind your lovers back is cheating.

justsayhi2005 56F

8/16/2005 2:41 pm

Unless it goes something like this...

Man "I think I'll go and get naked with another woman online for awhile."

Woman "Okay honey, have a great time!!"'s cheating.

I actually know people who've left relationships for this very reason. If you are in a committed and/or monogamous relationship
I don't think intimacy with others has to include an actual physical
act to be considered cheating.

nietchze 48M

8/16/2005 3:58 pm's a violation of trust. pretty simple to me.

MissAnnThrope 61F
11481 posts
8/20/2005 6:00 pm

OK, the reason I asked this...

I was in the NYC room and someone was saying in one breath, they've never cheated on their spouse in 25 years of marriage. In the next breath, going on about all the cam sex they have on here, when their spouse isn't home, or is asleep. The spouse doesn't know about the cam sex. In my opinion, if you're going behind the back of someone, it is cheating. If you're camming with that person's blessing, or even with them watching or helping, that's not cheatng. But anything behind the back of ones spouse is cheating, in my opinion. I just wanted to know how others felt.

rdy2try4 56F  
3305 posts
8/23/2005 4:21 pm

I agree with you MissAnn. As I said, I know I would definitely 'feel' cheated on. There would be some splainin' to do Lucy!!!

rm_scarzack 60M
1080 posts
9/4/2005 5:36 pm

I agree. A few years ago my ex and I got on a site and had cyber-sex. We were together and we were in a chat room for lesbians. It was new for us and I’m sure it was a guy we were talking to, pretending to be a woman. My point is that it was fun for us as a couple.
I definitely considered her cyber relationships cheating because it was intimacy I did not get out of the marriage. No blame or name-calling. It’s just the way I felt about it.

On a lighter note, I like your blog.

rm_flion2005 55M/47F

2/23/2007 10:06 am

Seems like there's no "real" answer to this. My husband and I play and we agree on the ground rules. And we draw the simple rule that it's not realtime and we secure our identities. And it works great for us.

But it wouldn't if we crossed the line we drew together. And to us, that's the bottom line. Draw the boundaries together and change them if they aren't working for both.

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