The A-Z Guide To 2012 Armageddon: Part 4
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Posted:Jan 30, 2012 4:24 am
Last Updated:Feb 7, 2012 8:59 am
39804 Views
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‘Tis time once again for another instalment in this truly invaluable guide to surviving the upcoming apocalypse everyone
So without any further ado, let us examine the next letter, namely D which relates to…..
Dinosaur Rampage!
So there you were erroneously and smugly believing that the events of Michael Crichton’s book and Steven Spielberg’s movie franchise, Jurassic Park were just the works of fiction? Well think again for even as I sit typing this, mad scientists somewhere are this very moment (possibly) manipulating prehistoric DNA in an iniquitous bid to resurrect these fearsome, extinct brutes and for reasons best known to themselves, to (maybe) unleash them unto we, the innocent, unsuspecting and woefully unprepared members of society!
What to do if confronted by a dinosaur: Your first priority will be to determine if the behemoth that stands towering over you is a) A carnivore i.e. wants to devour you or else is b) Herbivorous i.e. would prefer the lettuce sandwich which you happen to be holding in your hand at the time. In regards to this, if you have no prior knowledge of all things paleontological then as a general rule of thumb, if the beast before you possesses rows of sharp teeth, the chances are that you had better turn tail and run like a bastard for it’s intention is in all probability to make you a starter. On the other hand, if after looking carefully inside the mouth you find what appear to be rows of molars, the chances are that you are not on the menu - Phew! Having said this, even herbivores have off days and cranky dinosaurs do have a tendency for clumsy aggression so it is best to back away with haste at any rate to avoid being trampled.
The best advice I can offer during a dinosaur invasion however is to stay in your home as dinosaurs thankfully, cannot open doors. Oh wait……except for those little bastard Velociraptors in Jurassic Park…… …Shit!…
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The A-Z Guide To 2012 Armageddon: Part 3
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Posted:Jan 20, 2012 5:11 am
Last Updated:Jan 30, 2012 4:50 am
40592 Views
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Salutations once again good readers as we continue with this invaluable survival guide to the apocalypse One of the most commonly feared catastrophes that scientists have repeatedly warned us against is our beloved planet being struck by large scale debris that has broken away from the gravitational orbit of the asteroid belt situated between our earth and Mars. The results were this to happen could prove truly devastating.
The most obvious and foremost danger is of course the inevitable wide spread destruction at the impact location but quite aside from this, there are a number of other equally cataclysmic scenarios which we should consider. For one, there is the very real possibility that a large asteroid colliding with the earth could potentially knock our planet from its gravitational orbit. This would result in us either hurtling closer towards our sun i.e. we end up frying to death or else alternatively we may be pushed further away from it resulting in us eventually freezing to a sorry state of dissolution sans its warming rays. Not only this but there is also much scientific speculation that the initial impact of an asteroid hitting us would likely send up so much dust into our atmosphere that it could block out the suns rays resulting in a solar winter wherein all plant life will wither and die as will subsequently all life forms that depend upon it for both oxygen and nutrients i.e. we all suffocate and starve to death.
All very cheerful stuff eh?
As it happens asteroids aren’t the only astronomical bodies which could potentially collide with us either. Indeed…..
C Is For: Comet Collision
Since the dawn of human kind, comets have always been viewed as harbingers of doom. Indeed one has only to perform the most perfunctory of research in order to glean the historically believed correlation between the visitation of comets and earthly disasters. But if the mere proximity of a comet in our heavens bodes as an ill omen upon earthly affairs, what would happen if one were to actually hit us? According to many speculative scientists, it wouldn’t be the first time….
Tunguska, Siberia. On the date of June 30th 1908 at approximately 7.14 am, an unprecedented and huge explosion devastated the region, levelling out an entire 830 square mile radius of trees and with such force that people were knocked off of their feet some forty miles away. In fact the sheer power of the explosion has been estimated to have been the equivalent of that released by a 50 megaton Hydrogen Bomb. Most curiously of all, just like the nature of just such a bomb, whatever caused the explosion apparently detonated some 6 miles above the ground as was clearly evident by the circle of perfectly untouched and undamaged trees left directly beneath the blast.
What to do if a comet hits us? Despite the calamity posed by such an event, the chances of us being hit by one later this year are fortuitously very small. However, if one should happen to slip by NASA’s detection then fear thee not; Remember, if the aforementioned occurrence is a rule of thumb, then the survival solution is patently obvious: As soon as you see the comet hurtling down towards you, simply run directly underneath it and much like the lucky trees beneath the blast in Tunguska, you’ll be perfectly safe. Problem solved!
PS. Unfortunately I couldn’t find a photo of an actual comet impact so instead opted for the following, which in all likelihood very accurately displays the expression and sentiments of the depicted unfortunate chap having just spotted a comet heading towards him…..
Please join me next time when I will continue this invaluable and life saving guide with the letter, 'D'
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The A-Z Guide To 2012 Armageddon: Part 2
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Posted:Jan 10, 2012 4:24 am
Last Updated:Jan 27, 2012 1:03 am
43775 Views
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Welcome back one and all as we continue with this invaluable instructional guide on how best we as a species may survive the imminent end of the world as has been prognosticated by a myriad of dubious sources throughout history.
So without any further ado, let us recommence shall we?
B is for: Bombardment by mind control rays:
A staple plot in more than a few Sci-fi and conspiracy novels, the concept of Microwave Weaponry (MW’s) despite its seemingly outlandish and farfetched sounding nature is nonetheless a very real technology which has been seriously investigated (and implemented) by covert agencies such as the CIA and the former Soviet Unions notorious KGB.
What Do MW’s Do? There are in fact a number of applications of said technology but by far the most controversial and many would say terrifying, involves remotely directing a modified MW signal to a chosen victims cerebrum. The subsequent results are said to range from extreme, irrational paranoia and/or panic on the victims part to the even more startling phenomenon of the fabrication of subliminal audio signals (frequently manifesting as ‘voices’ which only the victim can subsequently hear), utilising the microwave frequency as a conduit in effect, which is picked up and deciphered exclusively by the victim’s auditory system. Either way the intent of the perpetrators is the actuation of altered patterns of behaviour in accordance with their nefarious agenda. It sounds like something from The X-Files right? In fact in light of previously often hugely unethical experiments revolving around such technology, emergency laws were hastily drawn up to effectively prohibit its use in warfare.
Of course, given their decidedly sinister history, there can surely be little doubt that an institution such as the CIA are going to let an inconsequential little law stand in the way of furthering their research into such potentially, wondrously heinous technology. Now ponder for a moment……what if they were to turn this technology against us on a large scale? Yes, in conjunction with the supposed New World Order’s insidious plan to eradicate at least two thirds of the world’s population, such a weapon could prove hugely effective indeed. Just think of the chaos they could instigate via such mind control applications….
But fear not, for there is a simple solution to this all too common risk of MW assault. Everyone knows to never put metal utensils into a microwave oven and due to the very same inherent principle behind this, microwave energy can be scrambled/deflected away from ones brain via a very simple measure. Yay verily, it’s time to don thy tin foil hats everyone and rest assured that the bastards won’t be able to invade your mind Now I know what you’re thinking: ‘But I’ll look like a prize imbecile wearing tinfoil upon my bonce!’ Well in order to dispel this popular myth, please allow me to unveil unto you the examples below which clearly show how the simple tin foil hat can not only save your mind, but can also simultaneously serve as a wonderful, versatile and highly individual fashion statement…..
From the top left we have the following amazing styles: The Baseballer, The Abraham Lincoln, The Cyclist, The Alien, The Invisible Man, The Monarch, The Mariner, The Tupac Shakur and last but by no means least, The Ron Paul. Observe also how easy it is to also protect your pets against Government mind control by similarly fitting them with tinfoil headwear. Yes, the possibilities are truly endless and as the final few pics clearly show, one can proudly wear tin foil upon ones head and still look completely normal.
Be sure to come back again when next time I will continue my A-Z of Armageddon with the letter ’C’
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The A-Z Guide To Armageddon (2012 Edition)
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Posted:Jan 4, 2012 6:09 am
Last Updated:Jan 11, 2012 3:43 pm
45310 Views
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So here we are in 2012 everyone (may I wish you all a belated Happy New Year by the way). Feels pretty normal so far doesn’t it? But don’t be lulled into a fallacious sense of security because according to many sources, this is to be our final year as a species on this wonderful green planet ‘Oh shit!’ I hear you exclaim but fear thee not; all is not yet lost because being the ever genial and altruistic soul that I am, I have decided to help out my fellow humans in putting up a valiant last stand against whatever shit shalt hit the metaphorical fan. Yay do I say that armed with the knowledge of the potential calamitous scenarios we may face, we tellurians may still make it through the apocalypse yet. With this in mind and out of the pure goodness of my heart I’ve therefore taken it upon myself to compile for you a handy A-Z guide to surviving this imminent Armageddon.
Taking each letter of the alphabet in turn, I will list a proposed cataclysmic event/scenario and then subsequently offer a survival strategy to combat it. Remember everyone, knowledge is power and to be forewarned is to be forearmed; Truly this guide could prove the decisive difference between capitulating and turning up your toes or else surviving and looking rather fucking cool.
So let us begin
A is for: Alien Invasion
The Mayan Indian’s, from whence many of the 2012 end prophecies are ascribed, made a number of ostensible references to an alien race that visited us in ancient history, possibly even bestowing great knowledge upon we as a species and facilitating our technological evolution. There is also mention of said alien race returning once again in the end times. But are they coming back to help us or else destroy us? Taking each possibility in turn:
If the Aliens are friendly: Remember, these beings will likely be highly unaccustomed to our ways here so try to make them feel at ease whilst gently educating them as regards our culture. Always try to be courteous and patient with them and remember to try to glean as much information about them as possible for future reference and understanding. Of special note, should any alien happen to reveal some new and amazing technology unto you then please do not rush out and immediately patent it falsely as being of your own design for this is both deeply disrespectful to our extraterrestrial visitors and indeed is highly fucking cheeky and bloody annoying to your fellow humans.
On the other hand, Should the aliens prove hostile: Bastards! But wait; We’re not finished just yet for thanks to Hollywood over the years, we’ve been granted some efficacious techniques on how to combat this dire extraterrestrial menace. One has only to think back to M.Night Shyamalan’s 2002 film, Signs to know that all aliens are highly allergic to water. Therefore have your hose pipes at the ready and start simultaneously stockpiling glasses of water around your homes now. Don’t forget also that according to H G Well’s, the aliens can not long survive here on earth at any rate due to the germs in our air so when the time comes, make sure to breath over these bastards as much as you can and if you happen to have a cold at the time, even better!
Be sure to come back next time when I will continue my A-Z list with the letter.....B
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HNW For Christmas
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Posted:Dec 21, 2011 5:21 pm
Last Updated:Sep 17, 2018 4:36 am
57451 Views
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Ah, the season of good will is upon us once again and Christmas is only but a mere few mere sleeps away now. I hope that everyone is looking forward to the wonderful festivities? Me? 'Bah Humbug!' But enough of my Scrooge like, miserable sod ways and in the tradition of the Christmas spirit I thought that I would post a Christmas themed HNW pic .....Unfortunately, after wrapping a seeming mountain of presents earlier my mind was ostensibly attenuated and discombobulated somewhat and I subsequently failed to think of anything particularly creative Therefore in a decidedly lazy and wholly half arsed move I opted to don a scarf, citing the tenuous link that people wear scarfs around this time of year.....sometimes For what it's worth, I did initially muse that adorning myself with some tinsel might be quite a nice touch but then I pondered that it would likely itch like a bastard so decided against it. Besides, I don't have any tinsel laying around so that idea went right out the window at any rate
Fear not - I'm jesting of course and am not really such an Ebenezer like git (honestly) - I actually thought that a scarf would be an interesting and relevant adornment Anyhoo, without any further waffling from me, here is the pic....
It therefore only remains for me to take this opportunity if I may, to wish you all a very, very merry Christmas. I sincerely hope that whatever you have wished for this year, will be waiting for you under your trees And as a final note, if you happen to have an open fire place in your home, please don't forget to extinguish the flames on Christmas Eve.....Santa gets really pissed off otherwise
Happy Christmas everyone
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Cryptozoological Exclusive!
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Posted:Dec 13, 2011 1:00 pm
Last Updated:Jan 24, 2012 10:27 am
52698 Views
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Here it is! An amazing first peek of what scientists believe to be a previously undiscovered and unclassified member of the crustacean genus. This is truly quite incredible ladies and gents...... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Experts are still presently unsure as to the nature and/or function of the bulb like appendage upon the creatures back so if anyone has any ideas, please let me know and I will forward them to the scientific community
Yes, you guessed it correctly: this is in fact yet another somewhat unique example of penile modification with the chap here having made an incision into his foreskin so as to push the head of his weener through it. Quite as to why however, I am admittedly befuddled
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New And Exclusive: The Latest Breakthrough In Penile Lengthening Technology….
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Posted:Dec 7, 2011 5:53 am
Last Updated:Jan 3, 2012 6:36 am
55228 Views
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Yes, here it is! Now we chaps can all have peckers comparable in dimension to that formerly possessed by the late, great John Holmes and furthermore, we can see the phallic-tastic results swiftly and (relatively) painlessly with the help of this inexpensive and revolutionary apparatus. Ladies and gentlemen, may I proudly present unto you, The Johnson Stretcher . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Remember, a 14, 15 or maybe even 20 inch cock could be only weeks away from now!
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Testicle Tuesday
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Posted:Nov 29, 2011 7:06 am
Last Updated:Jan 19, 2016 12:54 pm
59157 Views
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Verily it's time to once again to celebrate the joys of bollocks with the lovely pussNbooties's, Testicle Tuesday And what a fine pair of balls I have for you today which incidentally, clearly demonstrate that a cock and man danglers can indeed be a true work of art..... . .
Quite incredible isn't it? Behold if you will how this chap has meticulously and cleverly sculpted his dick to (presumably) mimic the after effects of a gnarled old tree struck and split by lightning and pay special attention also to his scrotum (clearly the representation of the tree roots) which has the amazing added detail of a badger hole at the base of the trunk
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Some Erotica For You...
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Posted:Nov 24, 2011 4:59 am
Last Updated:Jan 19, 2016 12:57 pm
55676 Views
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….Kneeling gently down before him, she looked up intently into his eyes, informing him nonverbally of her intentions which were all too overt from the intense sexual arousal which her expression so patently betrayed. With her soft lips sensuously pursed, she leant her head slightly forward, eager to take him into her warm, wanting mouth….. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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QUARTER-Nekkid Wednesday
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Posted:Nov 23, 2011 6:31 pm
Last Updated:Jun 7, 2012 1:05 am
51024 Views
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Ah....What can I say? - It was really cold when I snapped this so I kept my vest on You wouldn't want me to catch a cold now would you?
Happy HNW every one
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Testicle Tuesday
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Posted:Nov 22, 2011 5:42 am
Last Updated:May 3, 2012 5:05 pm
48886 Views
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Yes, 'tis time once again for the lovely PussNbooties's homage to the titanic glory of the testes namely, Testicle Tuesday; A day wherein balls doth swing merrily as nature intended and in some instances, such as that featured below, as nature most certainly didn't.... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Well, what can I say? You learn something new every day; Indeed I was previously, blissfully entirely ignorant that plunging ones finger down the end of ones cock can produce gonads comparable in dimensions to a respectably sized pumpkin
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