A Herd of Exes  

New2Midlo 52M  
758 posts
4/28/2020 6:23 pm

Last Read:
4/29/2020 3:17 pm

A Herd of Exes

At some point, over the past few weeks of lock down, I recall seeing something on social media on a trend of people reaching out to reconnect with their exes. I quickly dismissed it, because it's just not something I would do. That's not to say I wouldn't like to reconnect. With the exception of those like the thing that wouldn't leave and borderline ex-wife, I still respect the hell out of most of those I've been intimate with. Unfortunately, these are also the women who I was unable to give them what they wanted from me. Trust me, I miss interacting with a few of my previous partners and had tamped impulses to reach out, before the quarantine. But the last thing I want to do is dredge up feelings they've hopefully put in their little boxes. Causing others pain because of my own selfish motives isn't something I can allow myself to do. I just wish that someone would tell the ones I miss about the selfish thing.

This evening marks the third woman, who lives on the above list, to reach out. Two immediately ghosted me, one remains present and in communication.

How many exes have you reconnected with, during the lockdown?

New2Midlo 52M  
1065 posts
4/28/2020 6:24 pm

In honor of those who've fallen, I'm baking a carrot cake, tonight. If you're in KC, stop by for a piece.

tsn4fun2 46M/44F  
257 posts
4/28/2020 9:27 pm

Sorry, I have no exes I’m interested in reconnecting with. That would take considerable effort since I would have to dredge out the old year books from high school. Which I honestly don’t even know where I have them stored... fortunately I have the one who matters most to me next to me
Best of luck to you stay safe

New2Midlo replies on 4/29/2020 10:33 am:
I think it's safe to say that your circumstances are much preferable.

Thanks for commenting.

author51 59F  
129328 posts
4/28/2020 11:39 pm

My ex husband and I remain in contact only due to our three children.As for ex lovers,they are ex's for a reason and will forever remain that way..I have one ex lover from the site that messages me here but only as a friend now and not one to get back together with.. Good post.

VenusRedux2 46F
557 posts
4/29/2020 5:33 am

Posts like this remind me of how old I'm getting. I now have enough experience to KNOW that nothing ever gets rekindled when reaching out to exes. The magic doesn't get recaptured.

Not even with exes, but it applies even old friendships that may have languished for benign reasons (marriage, kids, career advancement, moving to another area, etc). We're in different places in our lives now. I truly am glad to hear that things are good with them, but anything more than that just doesn't work. I loved all my friends from college, but the reality is that we've grown apart for a reason. Those friendships won't be re-established in any meaningful way. So why try forcing it?

New2Midlo replies on 4/29/2020 10:43 am:
I've also learned that lesson...when it's over, it's usually over for good, which is why I don't re initiate communication. One of the goals of my post was to understand the motivation to be the initiator. I don't think any of the ones who contacted me were hoping for a return to the previous state, considering they're all a thousand miles away.

Where the two ghosted me, it actually stings a bit. Both are incredibly smart (slumming with me, I guess) and I valued our interaction. So, I was actually glad to hear from them because since moving to the midwest, intelligent discourse has been difficult to come by.

BiggLala 49F  
30157 posts
4/29/2020 10:13 am

I tend to agree with Venus.

That said, if you want to reach out...reach out. Just have an open mind about the reception you receive, i.e. absolutely no expectations. Whatever feelings you dredge up, or whether you cause them pain is not within your control. You might open up old wounds or you might encounter polite indifference. How they react depends on where they are in their lives emotionally, whether they still hold onto any ill feelings, etc.

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New2Midlo replies on 4/29/2020 10:47 am:
Speaking of receptions, I'm curious what the expectations were from the recently returned...

BiggLala 49F  
30157 posts
4/29/2020 11:33 am

New2Midlo replies on 4/29/2020 12:47 pm:
Speaking of receptions, I'm curious what the expectations were from the recently returned...
Well...wonder no more. It's a good question. You don't seem like a shy man, so...you won't know until you ask...them.

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