Paul's Place 🍸 β˜• πŸπŸ–οΈπŸ”₯🍾
 
Welcome...
πŸ”™ (Click the picture for a crisp view)

Scroll around and make yourself at home.
The vibe here is relaxed...

Vodka slushie ? 🍸 Irish coffee ? β˜•,
I just moved the furniture
about,
but the fridge is still in the kitchen.
Help yourself.
...

I laughed... You might... Β 
7 Men Some Squirrels and The Blond Girl

. 😢 Good sex is like good bridge.
If you don't have a good partner,
you'd better have a good hand.

* Words are like meatloaf - they can be sculpted into any shape you choose. . . . .
(* Β©April 2018-19 April Paul P. )
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My Private Mail Box
Posted:Jul 12, 2018 9:41 am
Last Updated:Apr 21, 2019 1:14 am
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My Private Mail Box πŸ“© ....
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They Met... On a Hot and Sticky Day In... Fate Texas...🌡
Posted:Apr 23, 2019 12:55 am
Last Updated:Apr 23, 2019 5:45 am
75 Views
Note : A F F is deleting words in the text. Please be patient.

Imagine... someone readin' this story to you, in a slow ... Texas drawl. Every word... stretched, and misspoke, in that Texas way. That's the way... I heard it.

It was long past noon... and it was hot. A rusty green pickup, slowly rumbled by that diner. The gun rack bolted to the rear cab - was empty. Brown dust... kicked up from the gravel dirt road... billowed thick in the air, and hovered. Barely a sole walked outside. It was too damned hot, for that. It was a typical day, in "Fate" Texas.

The lights, in the diner, were off. Inside... scattered about... sat a bunch of shadows. Sunlight blazed, through the dirty windows and cast a yellow haze, on the scuffed, wooden floors.

He sat there. His head was bent, over that plate of potatoes and steak. She sauntered over to him. The soles of her shoes... shuffled across... the sandy floor. She held a full pitcher, of iced water, in the way she was used to. And placed her other hand, against her hip... like a counter-balance, I guess.

"How's things goin' dear? How's your meal?" she spoke... sweetly. She was young and beautiful. And she had these crystal blue eyes, that could bore a hole, in your soul.

"Things are good. Real good. But it'll take me all day... to finish this. And even then... I'm not sure, if I'll be done." He ran his fingers, through a tuft, of his thick brown hair and rubbed his chin, with his thumb and a finger.

"You can take, all the time you need honey. Even if you don't finish it... I'll still be here..."

She glanced at him and then... turned that pitcher of water away and swung her hips, several steps over... to the next table. She looked back, as she walked.

He looked at her, and nodded. Then he bowed his head and dug, back into that steak.

She come up to him again, later. His glass was empty. She filled it with the ice water, as she spoke.

"There's no shame... in wantin'... to nudge a woman. I know, you may want to. I'm just lettin' you know... I'm fine with that."

He slowly, lifted his eyes from his glass, looked at her and smiled.

Later... they done it .

Everyone was gone, 'cept him and her. That back room... where they keep the dishes? Hell... those things, were rattlin' on the shelves. He had her from behind, standin'. She was bent over. Her dress was pulled up, on her back. Her legs were spread wide. Her ass was pointed high and her panties... well her panties... were down, around one ankle. Her arms gripped the counter, with all her strength. He pulled on her hair, and with every thrust... she moaned. When her time come... she screamed. Finally he leaned over... held her breasts and lay his head, against her back. He pushed himself in, as deep as he could. She could feel his heat. She could feel all of him, throbbin' and twitchin'. They didn't say nothin'. They were both, outta breath. Just pantin'... and sweatin'.... like two dogs, after a race.

I would tell you more, about that day. I just don't know, if y'all really care. Nobody really does. Most people, wanna hear that other part. About the day after. And that's the part, I ain't too keen, on tellin'. The part about the bank... and the shootin'.

I know this ; years and years later... she eventually, told her son. Straight out, she says to him: "All that stuff, you hear about your father? Well... believe it! It's all true" That's what she says to him.

Her boy... he was old enough, to understand. That's just the way things turn out, sometimes - don't they? Yeah... that's just the way, things turned out... that day, in "Fate" , Texas.


...........................................
So...
Do y'all believe in fate and destiny; or do we all make and control... our own future?
Ever been to Texas?


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6 Comments
The Easter Bunny... Got Laid... 🐰😱
Posted:Apr 19, 2019 1:31 am
Last Updated:Apr 23, 2019 3:37 am
2280 Views
Note : A F F is deleting words in the text. Please be patient.

I sat there in my kitchen, behind the keyboard of my laptop and stared at the ticking clock - hanging on the wall. Damn... an hour... and nothing, had come outta my brain or been typed, on the screen. The doorbell rang. I let *FrankeeZee in, sat back down and continued my consternations. FrankeeZee poured himself a coffee and sat down, beside me.

"Hey Paul, you're not writing your blog, are you? It's Easter weekend, for fucks sake! Take a break and shut it down. Nobody gets on sex sites, on Easter weekend. Everyone gets religious. They all see their families and kids and grandkids and pretend they don't fuck or masturbate."

I looked at FrankeeZee and blinked." Did you shut your blog down? "

"Oh course Paul. I'm not getting back on my site, till Monday. I don't wanna go to hell!"

"Well Frankee... I think I've already got enough points accumulated, that I've earned the 'speed pass'. And the elevator I'm on..... ain't goin up. I've got nothing to loose," I looked at FrankeeZee and then peered back, into my screen.

"Paul... You mean to tell me that you, don't believe in God? Woah.... you ARE, going to hell bro! I feel really, really, sorry for you."

"Look... It's just a blog Frankee. I was going to write something funny.... to amuse those, who don't celebrate Easter. I have a title... it's called; The Easter Bunny... Got Laid. "

FrankeeZee's face turned ashen white. "Paul... if you post a blog, with THAT title, you'll get crusified, by all your fans. You'll never recover. Everyone on your site, will iggy you... forever. Don't do it!"

I thought for a moment. "OK... ok... You've made your point Frankee. I never knew that you, were so religious. I won't post anything."

"Good thinking Paul. Now close your laptop and let's get outta here. There's this brand new strip club, that opened up in Laval. I heard that it's fantastic. The women there, are sooo... fucking.... hot. If we hurry... and I drive like a nut, we can still catch Happy Hour."

I looked at FrankeeZee and just sighed. I didn't have the strength to say anything. Besides..... I'd heard about that place. The free buffet they serve, is to die for. I shut my laptop and grabbed the keys to the house.

"Alright Frankee... let's get outta here. I'm fricken hungry."


..................................................
So....
Are you celebrating Easter this weekend or do you have other plans?

Bonus Question : How's your week been? What's up?


*FrankeeZee is a member and top blogger, of β„’FOGCAF - Friends Of Good Clean Adulterous Fun

Happy Easter to all! 😊

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40 Comments
She Told Me... I Was Lucky... πŸ€πŸ˜‰
Posted:Apr 18, 2019 1:51 am
Last Updated:Apr 20, 2019 1:44 pm
4776 Views
Note : A F F is deleting words in the text. Please be patient.

It was bound to happen. In a city, of over four and a half million people, odds were good. It was only a matter of time, before I accidentally, ran into a fan, of MY, 'A F F' blog.

Last week, I was headed downtown, to meet my oldest daughter for dinner. Her choice and her treat. I brought the wine - a very nice Brouilly... her favorite. There's no quicker way, to move around this town, than the bus and subway. If you ever visit, leave your car at home. Traffic is a mess.

I had 20 subway stops to navigate and the train was jammed, with a mΓ©lange of rush hour commuters. I was lucky, when I spied an empty seat. It was at the end of a bench, lined with a bunch of women. I nestled down next to one of them. She was younger than me, smartly dressed, wearing a white, ruffled blouse and a black, leather skirt. Her head was buried, in a laptop. The subway system here, has free WiFi.

I casually, glanced over to her (on my right), as one might innocently do... while riding the subway. Alright... so I'm nosy. To my surprise, she was on that sex site... 'A F F'. Then I took a closer look. She was on, MY blog. Well... that, was interesting... to say the least! I kept trying, not to stare. But I was curious to see, what blog post she was reading. Unfortunately, I wasn't very subtle. She noticed me, moved her laptop to her chest and glared at me.

"Oh. I'm sorry... I... I didn't mean to be rude. I just noticed, that you were... on that web site. I happen... to KNOW, that blogger," I smiled.

"Reeeelly? Lucky... fucking... you!" she declared, in a loud, sarcastic voice. Then quickly, she tilted her laotop, completely, so that the back of it, faced me. It ... was a 'Dell'.

That... pretty much, shut me up. I never had a chance to continue, with any polite banter.

The other riders in the car, stared at me. I grinned back at them... sheepishly.

The rest of my trip, was kinda awkward. I focused my eyes on the dirty grey floor. I turned to the left, once... where inches from my nose... was a man's groin. He wore LΓ©vis, button down jeans. I couldn't help but notice them. It's the same brand, I wear. I preferred... to look at the floor.

When it was her stop, she squeezed by, and glared at me once more. Her boyfriend, who was standing next to her (and whom I hadn't noticed), grabbed her hand and gave me a dirty look, as well.

"Ahhh.... a boyfriend. No wonder, she didn't want to talk," or so I preferred, to believe.

My stop came. I got up. That guy, with the LΓ©vis in my face, took my seat and smiled at me. I walked out through the sliding doors, trudged along the subway platform, then rode up the escalators and finally... strode into the street. I felt, somewhat relieved.

I hoped, my daughter... had picked a good place to eat. She always did... and I was starving.


........................................
So...
Do you ever look over the shoulder, of random people, in random places; or is that just rude?

Bonus Question: I was carrying a bottle of Brouilly, What type, wine do you prefer ?


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46 Comments
I Just Wanna Stop... and Tell You What I feel...
Posted:Apr 16, 2019 8:11 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2019 4:41 pm
5023 Views
Note : A F F is deleting words in the t.ext. Please be patient.

Everyone has had, someone they've loved, or perhaps... someone they thought - they loved. I had.

It was '1979'... my band was just starting out. We were young, arrogant, confident.... and fucking talented. We thought we were on top of the world. When we'd p.lay a.t dances and events, they'd always have a table reserved, for the band and our 'guests' - our girlfriends. Privileged young ladies in their prime. They were dressed to the nines and proudly strutted, into a hall... as if they owned it. They walked with as much sass, ass and style... as you could possibly imagine. Everyone knew them as... the "band widows".

Nobody... in the hall would ever, approach them. To talk to them, would be a "no - no". They sat there, stoically. Soaking in the vibe and stroking our egos, when we'd take a break. Always reminding us, how great, we were playing. Regardless of any fuck ups on stage. They were our Queens... and we were their Kings.

At the time, there was a song playing on the charts, written by a Montrealer, named Gino Vannelli. He wrote this song called, "I Just Wanna Stop" . I only danced this song with her, once. It was in a huge hall and the DJ working with us, played it for me. We held each other, as if we were afraid to let go.... as if we were going to be together, forever.

Of course... t.hat never happened. Things moved on. Coincidentally, today I watched the morning news and they had Gino on, promoting his set of concerts here - in Montreal this week. More coincidence. Last night, I got a t.ext from a friend, about t.hat g.irl... the one I danced with. I thought about her and this song. Maybe you have a special song t.hat reminds you of someone. I hope you do. It's one of the best feelings in the world. No matter how long, or how short, t.hat feeling might have lasted.

Yep... I hope you do!

.................. .
Here are the lyrics... and the U Tube link... is a.t the bottom of the page. Check it out and perhaps, you might feel the vibe I felt with her... so many y.ears ago...
..........

Gino Vannelli
"I Just Wanna Stop"


For your love
When I think about those nights in Montreal
I get the sweetest thoughts' of you and m.e
Memories of love above the city lights
Ooh, I tried so hard to take it
But oh Lord my heart won't make it

I just wanna stop
And tell you what I feel about you babe
I just wanna stop
I never wanna live without you babe
I just gotta stop
For your love

When I think about the way the world must turn
I get the saddest thoughts for you and me
Memories of life and times go on and on
Ooh, I've tried s.o hard to forget it
But oh Lord my mind won't let it

I just wanna stop
And tell you what I feel about you babe
I just wanna stop
The world ain't right without you babe
I just wanna stop
For your love

Ooo, I've tried so hard to take it
But oh Lord my heart won't make it

I just wanna stop
And tell you what I feel about you babe
I just wanna stop
The world ain't right without you babe
I just wanna stop
For your love


https://youtu.be/PbF4-Zla3UY
or search... Gino Vannelli I Just Wanna Stop

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36 Comments
FrankeeZee... and... The Brazilian Wax Challenge... 😱
Posted:Apr 15, 2019 12:52 am
Last Updated:Apr 17, 2019 2:45 pm
6227 Views
Note : A F F is deleting words in the text. Please be patient.

This weekend, *FrankeeZee and I, were in that huge food court, at the West Island Mall. The enticing aromas, of coconut Thai chicken, and BBQ ribs... and Szechuan shrimp, filled the air. I kept eyeing my watch. Is 10 am too early for lunch? FrankeeZee's laptop was open and as usual, he was working on his blog.

"Hey Paul... do you know any places that do a 'Brazilian Wax', for guys?"

I looked at my buddy and blinked. "Why the fuck, would I know anything about that?"

"I don't know. You're into kinky stuff. I'm doing some research into women and the time they spend, taking care of their bodies. It's part of my 'Woman's Self Help Series'. I'm going to check it out for myself, next weekend. Wanna come? It should be fun. I dare you! " he said, grinning.

FrankeeZee always played, a little left of center. I'd think about it. FrankeeZee continued...

"I'm including a section in my blog, about female masturbation. I read an article by Caitlin Moran. She writes for Esquire and Cosmo. She wrote a book called - How To Build a Girl ?"

I looked at FrankeeZee and shrugged.

"Oh yeah... you don't fucking read books, do you Paul? Anyway... very interesting stuff. Did you know that women masturbate as often as men? And they start at a younger age. You should read, what this Caitlin woman, writes. You might learn something. It might also give you, some blog ideas. I've been reading a few of your blog posts recently. You're really scraping, the bottom of the barrel Paul. That piece on ancient Dildos... seriously?"

I looked at FrankeeZee, and blinked again. "So what are you going to do? Teach women how to masturbate?"

"No... that would be stupid Paul. I'm just going to remind ladies, that it's alright to masturbate. Slut-shaming is just wrong. In fact... it's all right to admit that they do it. Let's face it... many girls never figured out how to manage a clitoris, until they were well, into adulthood. Can you believe it? Poor women."

I was about to nod, in agreement... when FrankeeZee, jabbed me in the ribs.

"Oooo... Paul. Take a look at the woman, by the Thai food counter. My gosh!"

She was, a stunning woman. Spring had arrived in this city and she was dressed in a beautiful, floral dress.

"Hey Paul... Watch my laptop. I'm gonna get some Thai chicken."

Before I could say anything... he had jumped up from his seat and was casually, bounding towards that food counter.

I pulled FrankeeZee's laptop towards me and googled; 'Brazilian wax in Montreal' . Holy crap! Tons of locations flashed up on the screen. There was one place, about 5 minutes away. "Hmmm..."


...........................................
So....
Eating right, is a huge thing these days. When is it too early, to eat a big lunch; or should one eat whatever, whenever one feels like it?
πŸ™„

Bonus Question: Have you tried waxing or are you more of a - 'just keep it trimmed', kinda person?
πŸ€”

*FrankeeZee is a member and top blogger, of β„’FOGCAF - Friends Of Good Clean Adulterous Fun

Note : A F F is deleting words in the text. Please be patient.
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48 Comments
What The Frock.... Is Your Fricken Problem?.... 😱... 5
Posted:Apr 12, 2019 4:42 pm
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2019 1:49 pm
8424 Views
A F F is still deleting words in t.he te.xt here . Please be patient.

Hello everyone. It's Friday and this regular feature of mine is back. Complaining never helps, right? Although, it's a proven scientific fact ; you'll have better sex and a bigger erection, if you're less stressed. I don't know. Is it true? Relieve some of your stress here. Go ahead and vent. I a.m ready, to listen.

Did anyone get 'frozen out' , of their own blog page, by t.hat, A F F boo boo today? πŸ˜™
Seriously... this blog land, is such a cluster fuck of ineptitude.

So last week here (if you recall), I decided to serve y'all, those mini pizzas. Turns out, t.hat can, of tomato sauce I used, expired in 2016. 😱 Who the fuck knew? Did anyone get sick? I didn't. Maybe... my stomach, is used to my own cooking.

I realized, perhaps... I should check out the rest of my fridge and pantry, for expired food. I have a HUGE side-by - side fridge; yeah... it's o.ld. I haven't dug into the back of it, in y.ears- ever since the kids left. πŸ€”

Holy shit! I found a jar of seafood sauce... dated 2015. When I opened it, the stuff was green and it was moving. I wasn't going to try i.t. Then... I went into my pantry; canned beans from 2018, corn from 2017, tuna from Sept. 2018. Bottom line is .... I should be paying closer attention, to the expiration dates in my kitchen.

Or should I? I mean... It's in a sealed can. It's air tight. Don't they last forever? Is this just a scam?

I a.m going to go and give those canned food items, a shot . I'll let you know how things turn out. If I.m not posting blogs, by Tuesday or Wednesday... someone, c.all ... 9 1 1.

So... What's been going on with you people? Anyone get laid, recently?

Bring it on... I a.m listening!
.......................................
So...
Β° WhatΒ the frock is your problem?
Β° If you have nothing to complain about... How was your week? Whatcha been doing?


Irish coffee, β˜• is always ready. Pineapple slushies 🍍 in the freezer. Pomegranate (yep something different) juice for those, into alcohol free. And mini pizzas - again. This time, with fresh, tomato sauce! I just bought it... today.


You don't have to worry about jiggling the handle on the toilet. I fixed it... finally.
.........................................
53 Comments
Women Have Dildos and Vibrators... They Don't Need Men... Or Do They?... πŸ€”
Posted:Apr 11, 2019 2:00 am
Last Updated:Apr 17, 2019 12:20 pm
9195 Views
Note : A F F is deleting words in the t.ext. Please be patient.

Part of my, 'Self Help Series', on sexuality... 😁

Women have been using artificial penises (for self pleasuring), since they first discovered, they each had a clitoris and a vagina. However, the oldest 'hard' evidence, was uncovered in 2005. German scientists got wet, when they unearthed a twenty-eight thousand (28,000) year old, eight inch (20 cm) phallus, of polished siltstone.

The stone dildo was discovered, in Hohle Fels Cave near Ulm, Swabia
, by an Early Prehistory team from the University of TΓΌbingen.
Scientists were impressed with how smooth it was, remarking; "... it must have taken hours and hours to polish it, to such a fine level." I guess... if it's going in there , it would have to be smooth - right?

With the invention of the battery, came the creation of the vibrator and the ultimate evolution - of the the dildo. How prevalent is the use, o.f this toy today? In 2009, in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, Debra Herbenick (and her g.roup), published the findings of a survey from 2,056 women, between the ages of 18 to 60. Here are some of the results, of their study.

(1) 52.5% of the women admitted, to having used a vibrator either ; masturbating, during intercourse, and with a partner, as part of foreplay.

(2) Vibrators were used more frequently, for clitoral stimulation: 83.8% of users.

(3) Only 64% of women, also inserted them.

(4) Over 98% of women never experienced any negative side effects. Numbness, pain, irritation, inflammation, tears or cuts were rarely reported. Therefore, vibrators are very safe!

Here's my question to this whole thing. Do Vibrators improve sexual enjoyment and functioning for women? Or.... do women who already have, better sexual functioning, incorporate those vibrating toys, into their sexual repertoire; as a means of experimenting, and enhancing their experience?

I used to get a c.all, from a woman: she only phoned, when her batteries were dead. 😱 She just wanted, to use my penis... and fuck me! I was fine with that... I guess. 😢


..........................................
So
Would you be able to 'do without', your favorite vibrator, dildo or toy?
Have you ever enjoyed using a vibrator or dildo with your partner?


Note : A F F is deleting words in the t.ext. Please be patient.
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Instructions on how to use a dildo are included in the diagram, below.
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45 Comments
Sexy and Salacious... In Elevator Number Six.... 😱
Posted:Apr 10, 2019 11:41 am
Last Updated:Apr 12, 2019 12:17 pm
9076 Views
They walked out of the office and waited by the elevator. He glanced at her and smiled. She looked at him and smiled back. Her fingers, took a firm grip of the purse, she clutched nervously... against her thighs. They stood apart. No one would know.

A friend walked by. "Hi... Are you two going to the company party? It's on the twentieth floor, right ?"

Before they could answer, the doors to elevator number six, opened. They walked over, with the horde and stepped in. He stood behind her, invisible... against the mirrored wall. Bodies pressed and squeezed, against each other... searching for space. She was pushed back, onto him. She felt him. She could sense his hands as they brushed lightly, up against her waist. The doors closed. Butterflies... flickered in her stomach, as that tiny, moving room, descended. The nape of her neck, beckoned him. He could smell her scent. He could feel her hair, against his cheek.

At the floor below, they lurched to a stop and some of the others, left. He took a chance. No one would see that first kiss, as his lips touched her neck. It sent a shiver, down her spine. Quickly... more people bustled, into their space. She was pushed into him, again. This time, she could feel his hardness. She smiled and bit her lip. Butterflies captured her once more... as their cramped room, descended.

The ding of a bell, a rush of air through the opening doors, a rustle of feet and soon... people walked out. His opportunity was brief. He kissed her neck, again. She sighed, at its simplicity and eloquence. Her knees buckled (just slightly), as the doors shut and they plunged, to the floor below. This was the floor , they were both, thirsty for. It was the floor, with the 'company party' . EVERYONE... got out and no one, looked back. That tiny, mirrored room, with those sliding doors... was their's. Those doors... finally closed.

His third kiss met her lips, as she turned her head to meet him. That ... was the kiss... she had waited for. She closed her eyes. Butterflies and shivers now fluttered and tingled, through her whole body. She flung her arms around his neck and squeezed him. Their hips pressed together. Their mouths, opened and they felt each other breathe. He clutched her breasts, as she reached between his legs and held him. He pushed her up against the glass wall and kissed her... harder.

The floors between the twentieth and ground floor, were being renovated. Their descent... would take a while. At least long enough, for their kiss... and those butterflies... to linger and expand.

In another part of the building ('The Dungeon' , as they called it); Mike sat down, put his hat on the table, and opened his lunch box. He peered into, one of the many video screens, in front of him.

Steve (his partner), trudged into the control room. "Whatcha doin' Mike?"

"Oh... hi Steve. I'm watching the video feed, from Elevator Number Six. You know that couple in lust, who work on the twenty third floor? The ones always groping each other? They're riding... alone. Hey... ya wanna shut down the main power - to Number Six? I'm gonna call them and tell them, we'll have it up and running, in about twenty minutes. Let's see what type of show we get... when they've got the time, to play."

"Ooo... yeah. Good idea." Steve ran to the panel, and flipped a red switch. "Push over and make some room for me. I'm having ham and cheese. What's on your menu?"

"The hot couple there, in the elevator," Mike replied laughing, as he dialed the emergency elevator phone. He watched the screen, as the man and woman, in Elevator Number Six... stopped kissing and groping each other... and picked up the phone.

When they hung up... that salacious couple, continued the show, they had begun. They had no idea, that an appreciative audience, was enjoying every moment... of their lust.

Even if they had, I'm wondering... would they have stopped?


.......
So...
Are you concerned about the invasion of your privacy... with so many hidden, security cameras everywhere; or is it an issue, of who is looking at those videos?
😱

Bonus Question: Do you think those security guys should be fired?
😢

Note: A F F is still dropping or deleting words, from text. Please be patient.
.......
31 Comments
Finally... The Secret To Getting Laid... Is Revealed... 😱
Posted:Apr 8, 2019 12:41 am
Last Updated:Apr 21, 2019 7:38 am
13206 Views
Note : A F F is deleting words in the text. Please be patient.

Part of my, 'Self Help Series', on sexuality... 😁

This , is a sex dating site (supposedly) and you're all here, looking for someone. Hookups, might be for quick sex, or something more permanent - like a third date... at least. What trait are women looking for, that men can offer... which will seal the deal? Humour! Women... are attracted to funny men.

Read the profiles, on this site. The majority say it (mine as well); "... looking for someone with a sense of humour". Why is humour so important? Woman equate humour, with intelligence!

Women are attracted to witty, funny men and men... are attracted to women, who laugh, at all their jokes. The science on this matter is clear. Check out the online dating stats, that are available out there. Don't ask me where. I read it somewhere, for fucks sake.

Women see humour, as a sign of intelligence and weed out the less competent. Men use humour to impress women, and the funny ones ,succeed. Curiously, most men don't really care, if the woman is funny. Although... I do... hmmm. πŸ€”

Men - You want to increase the traffic on your profile? Make it funny. Include jokes and keep it light. Women - You want to attract the man you're looking for? Include in your profile, an expressed desire, to find a humorous man.

There it is. Women... you know what to look for now. It's a sure sign, if he's funny... then he's also likely to be, that intelligent man - attached to that cock, you seek.

Men... I've given you all, the secrets to successfully seduce women. Take some humour, add some confident swagger and you've got the winning formula. A big dick, should help as well. Some women here, might know more, about how important that is.

Now what I haven't given you men - is a sense of humour. Who's to say, she'll laugh at your stupid jokes and dumb ass, witty observations? That's what you , have to work at. This might be a topic, for another blog.

Oh... and here's a tip, men. Don't let her find out, that you can barely read or write! She'll probably stop calling you back. πŸ€”


..................................................
So...
How important is humour for you, in attracting, or seeking a partner?
Bonus Question : Or is dick or tit size more important?


HumourΒ ; is spelled in different ways. The USA form, does not include the letter 'u'. The version with the 'u' in it ; is considered the British, or world version.Β 

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68 Comments
What The Flock... Is Your Problem...? 😱4
Posted:Apr 5, 2019 4:43 pm
Last Updated:Apr 8, 2019 12:58 am
11935 Views
A F F is still messing with the text here . Please be patient.

Hello everyone. It's Friday. And this regular feature of mine is back. Complaining never helps, right? Well... it might, make you feel better and relieve some stress. Here's your chance to vent. I am ready, to listen.

Should I mention again... how this site... is... Nah... It's getting boring! 😢

Spring is springing here. The lakes and rivers are free of ice. And... the Canada geese are back, from wherever it is, they go. I live not far, from the river shore. This week, I was, on the way to work, when I see the cars in front of m.e screech and smash, to a stop. I missed hitting the truck in front of m.e, by an inch. We all got out to see, what the problem was. πŸ€”

Evidently... one guy, tried to avoid hitting, one of those Canada geese, as it waddled into the street. The bird, with the white trim feathers, lived. T.hat bird lover's rear bumper, was crumpled, like an accordion. The guy who h.it him, was looking a.t a smashed grill. All .... to save, a fat goose.

Later t.hat day, I was driving home, in the opposite direction, past t.hat same park. Guess what I saw... dead - lying there by the ditch? Yep... t.hat Canada Goose, with the white trimmed feathers. ... I would be pissed, if I was the driver of either one of those cars t.hat morning. Thousands of dollars in damages and they don't even get, to taste... t.hat fois gras?

Here's a safety tip: don't brake for geese, or you'll p.ay the price. Yeah... yeah.... I love animals. But in the city, or highway? Don't fricken stop for a duck. A fuck... ? Ok.... But not... a duck! 🐧

So... What's been going on with you people? Anyone get laid, recently? I bought some condoms yesterday... just in case. 😁

Bring it on... I am listening!
.......................................
So...
Β° WhatΒ the flock is your problem?
Β° If you have nothing to bitch about... How was your week? Whatcha been doing?


Irish coffee, is always ready. I've got a brand new batch, of pineapple slushies in the freezer. Lemonade for those, into alcohol free. I am serving little... mini pizzas tonight. They'll be ready in a bit... if I don't burn them. Help yourself.


Please don't jiggle the handle on the toilet. It's slightly fucked .
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49 Comments
Do I Look... Like a Condom Expert...? πŸ€”
Posted:Apr 4, 2019 12:29 pm
Last Updated:Apr 8, 2019 1:14 am
13082 Views
Note: A F F is chopping and deleting words. Please be patient.

It was early evening. I was meandering about, through my usual, grocery store 'giant'. I was looking, for any specials... and a tube of toothpaste. There was a wide screen TV on sale, right next to the cucumbers. I'd pass on that. As I walked down, the healthcare aisle, I noticed, a vast array of condoms, on my left. It was curious... I had never noticed them there, before. I leaned forward and scanned the inventory. Such a selection!

Studded, thin, ultra-thin, lamb skin, lubricated... each one offering a variety of sensations to explore and find your pleasure. The promise of sensory satisfaction, was printed, like a guarantee... right on the package.

I realized, that I was hogging the space, when she brushed up beside me. She smiled, shyly and peered at them. I smiled back and spoke...

"I was just reading the ingredients and admiring the selection."

She laughed. "So... you're a condom expert?"

"Do I look... like a condom expert?" And perhaps I did.

"Well... I have no idea what to get." She spoke, shaking her head.

She was an attractive lady, younger than me. She held no basket in her hands. She looked, as if she was dressed up... and on her way somewhere... much more important.

"You have no idea? Well, is it for you... or a gift for a friend?"

She laughed again. "It's been a while, since I've purchased these. May I ask you a question? What would you suggest? What do you like? " she smiled... tilting her head to the side.

I paused. I'd never been asked for my opinion on condoms... by a pretty lady... in a store. I felt a touch, self conscious as I replied.

"Well... to start with, what size is he?"

She giggled, as she measured her hands in the air. "I can't believe, I'm doing this," she laughed, blushing. "About this big... I think? I've never seen him. I've only felt him," she whispered.

Such... an honest response. It must be, the third date.

Her hands, seemed to be separated, by the exact length... of my little fella. "It looks, like he's a 'regular', a bit smaller than me," I smiled coyly.

She laughed, as I replied. Had her eyes, just drifted down there? I was positive, they had. This banter might have continued, back and forth, for a while. We hadn't yet touched on; the lubes and vibrating eggs, on those racks. Yet, I realized, I should probably... not push it. She was (after all), dressed for a date. I chose for her; The Ultra Thin - a ten pack. Sheepishly... (since I was already there), l also picked up a pack, for myself. I'd figure out, a use for them.

"Thanks for your help. I really appreciate it," she smiled.

"No worries. Uh... It was my pleasure. You're gonna text me, and let me know how it all worked out, ok?"

Her genial laughter followed her, as she walked away. Sheesh... the people you meet at these stores, right? I picked up my toothpaste and walked to the cash... while passing, that wide screen television. Who buys, a TV, in a store selling English cucumbers?

Obviously... quite a few people. There was only one left.


...............................................
So...
Would you buy a TV, or other electronics at a grocery store?
Y'all wanna talk about: condoms and meeting random people in stores? πŸ€”


Note: A F F is chopping and deleting words. Please be patient.
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49 Comments
Niagara Falls... Glass Globes... and Crystal Rams... πŸ€—
Posted:Apr 3, 2019 1:20 am
Last Updated:Apr 8, 2019 12:48 am
13341 Views
Note: A F F is still chopping words. Please be patient.

They were poor. They had been, on only one family vacation... ever. It was, the only gift, her father, had given her... that she had always, cherished. The dolls and toys and whatever else there might have been... had disintegratted or... just, been thrown away. I held that glass, snow globe, carefully... in my tiny hands. I was captivated, by its beauty.

"Niagara Falls", is what it said; I would learn, much later. I was three and a half years old. I marveled, at that smooth glass. I peered into the ephemeral world, it held within. I stared, as those tiny sparkles of white snow, fluttered about, so gently.... sooo slowly. They took forever... to rest, before I could shake, that glass bulb, again.

When that globe, slipped from my fingers... I didn't know what to do. I ran to her. She ran back with me. She fell to her knees, when she'd seen, what I'd done. She didn't speak. She didn't say a word. She buried her hand in her face, clutching one broken piece of glass and cried. I'd never seen my mother, cry before. I cried along side her. Leaning my head against her shoulder. I didn't know why, but I felt, as if my world... had just crumbled.

I recall speaking. "I.m sorry mommy." She looked at me and held me, as tears streamed down her face.

Many year's later, my oldest daughter, came running to me, with something in her hands. "What's this daddy? It looks like a goat. Is that what it is?"

It was indeed - a ram. A miniature crystal ram; that my mother, had given me, for my birthday. It symbolized who I am; an Aries. I looked at my daughter and smiled. "Yes it is."

I took it, from her little fingers and put it, in a place I knew, she'd never reach. Those small things (once broken), just can't be put, back together. Not even with duct tape.

It's nice, to be able to hold memories, in your hands, isn't it? They feel real... when you can touch them.


.................................................
So...
- . What are the most cherished, gifts that hold memories for you; or are pictures and videos more important?
- . Have you, or someone else, ever broken anything that has meant something special?


Note: A F F website, is still chopping and deleting words. Please be patient.
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34 Comments

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