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First Rule of Friends With Benefits ..Be a FRIEND... No Really!!
Posted:May 2, 2021 10:05 am
Last Updated:Nov 13, 2021 3:28 pm

Guys forget the F in friends with benefits.... No it's not
But ,could,should lead to that IF I like you! really..
As a friend... I hafta...

What I have come to realize is the men who were friends and lovers were true fucking friends
And THAT is rare....
Bonofied friends...
Do anything for friends..and me I was true fucking blue....
{{but here do that and men will fucking use the shit out of get off on a mind fuck then hurt you}}


And OMG the men I have know who have been unfucking believeable friends
Where are those men... not here
Do they exist anymore?
Yeah, yeah I hear it I get it {males not real men} will say this is a sex site}

BUT SEX the good kind... the REAL good kind is with a man that likes my flaws my faults my quirks...
Who I can trust..OMG trust
Feel safe... secure guarded
SO I CAN let down my guard and "go places"
ding ding ding

Use to be men... the ones that were without trying to hard & were REAL at that "got that"
Cuz OMG is that the fucking best!

Random thoughts of a work hours overnight still haven't sleep woman that wants a man.......... the real kind

No no please if you have to be a dick burst my bubble give a dose of reality of what is here ..Don't

These are my thoughts
Real raw genuine so don't shit on them
My Beautiful Wild Woman
Posted:May 15, 2020 8:35 pm
Last Updated:Jul 17, 2021 10:13 pm

Oh, A Dear Friend From Who Loves My Romantic Soul he wrote this for me awhile ago & it was so Honest &heartbreaking in its truth

My beautiful, wild woman you—won’t ever get that Mr. Nice Guy you’ve heard so much about, because for you he just wouldn’t have been enough anyway, but I do promise that you will get a good man.
You are a mix of moonshine and lemonade—sweet on the lips, but sometimes hard on the heart. You spin stories with each sway of your luscious hips, and your feet—bare and dusty from walking in the messy realness of life—always seem to move forward regardless of what obstacles lay in your way.

Maybe you are a goddess—but you are a warrior too.

You are the kind of woman that tales are told about, spun over campfires, raging shadows being cast against too many empty whiskey bottles, as young men quietly wonder how they would ever be able to handle a spirit like you—yet secretly praying they find you all the same.

You were never meant for the nice guy—because deep down you know that you would do nothing but chew him up and spit him out over his complacency and over eagerness to please you.

His agreeability would have wound its way into your soft skin, as the deepest of thorns, causing you nothing but irritating pain.

However, there isn’t anything wrong with you that you couldn’t ever be happy with a nice guy—it’s the fault of disillusioned society for making women believe that we all require the same thing to be delighted by love. The bitter belief that we all need to be led with a silver spoon in our mouths, and a patted atop our heads, in order to find love and satisfaction in our life.

Because for a woman like you, the last thing you ever need a man to do is patronize your wildness.

There isn’t anything wrong with craving fire, nor are you erroneous for knowing that the love you seek in this lifetime does exist even if it hasn’t found you yet.

Perhaps one day soon, you will meet him.

And this man will come into your life more wild than a September hurricane, except when you’re standing next to him and time stops, leaving you motionless unable to do anything except kiss him again and again growing intoxicated off his lips that taste like freedom and honeysuckle.

This man won’t appease you in the way the nice guy always tried to—he won’t strive to say or do the right thing all of the time—and in fact, he will live just as unapologetically as you dream and in just as vibrant of colors. He will never express regret for being the man he is or for the sometimes rough winds of change that follow him in this life.

This man might be a warrior, or more likely—he’ll just be a good man who happened to fall in love with a wild woman.

Your good man won’t bite his tongue to save you pain, but your heart will break just a little bit more watching him and the actions of his heart that improve and bless the lives of all of those around him.

The truth is that a nice guy wouldn’t even know what to do with you, darlin’—and that’s why you’ll never get him, but what you do get will be so much better than you can even imagine.

This good man is going to be able to give you exactly what you’ve always needed but never knew you wanted. He’s going to be able to handle your storms, and he will stand tall in your presence knowing that while others may see the unattainable, he only sees your sunshine and warmth.

He will look at you and not see you for the woman that you think you should be but for the woman that you actually are—scars and all. Yet he’s not going to look at those marks as imperfections, because for him they are just more reasons he loves you.

It’s those marks that the world can’t see, but that you still choose to bare to him in honesty and hope, that will let him know he has a piece of you that no one else does—or ever will. It’s those parts you hold sacred that will make him fall in love with you just a little bit deeper and will have him wanting to protect you as best he can.

Not that you can’t take care of yourself—because we both know you can—but no matter who we are, we all need to be taken care of sometimes.

It won’t be one-sided though, because you’re going to love this good man so hard it will leave him a little breathless at times—he might even have a hard time believing that it’s real.

Don’t worry though, he won’t stay away from you for very long—just enough time to think about what life would be like without you, and soon he’ll realize that while you may drive him crazy at times, he doesn’t want anyone else doing that but you.

You will have met your match my wild woman with a soft heart, and I know that it will be scary at first, because you’re going to think that he is like all the rest—that eventually he will leave, the broken promises leaving ashes in his wake.

But one day you’ll realize that no matter how far you pushed your good man away—he never really stayed away for good.

You don’t need a nice guy—you need a good man.

A good man with a strong heart and tender hands—someone who won’t mind holding onto you over the bumps that sometimes happen in this life, because this man will be the only man to know exactly what to do with a woman like you.

Your Mistress
Posted:May 2, 2020 2:41 pm
Last Updated:May 18, 2020 10:22 am

You re Mistress

When you finally stumble bed
I smell her you
not the sweet
newly open

that seems promise
is sour ..stale
mixed with sweat
and indifference

and a not give a shit air that you adopt when with her

the false hope
but empty relationship shattering


not trying
not caring
not wanting change
not even for love
a future

not for you
not for anyone else

you dont even make the half assed promises anymore
of not being with her
and instead with a real love

the ugly stench hangs in the air

you reek of her

the bed rocks
then a thump
you flop on the bed

and my throat catches in my mouth
It use be I would catch my breathe in anticipation with you coming bed
Now it is...dread

only a few short months ago
I would wake you
coming bed and
pulling my sleepy body towards you
and we tangled in one another
In passion

Now its yo;re clumsy pawing and its not even really you really want
this feels empty

the nothing
not love behind you reaching for

I whisper its not you want

not the girl whose
name you would whisper..a special name that felt meaningful
You don't even like her anymore and that name spoke by you is now criticize

as you are not interested in... passion.. intimacy
No this is some misguided ........shit

its her I smell on youre breathe as you grasp for me and I pull away
you mumble I must be angry

I laugh under my breathe as angry isnt what I feel if simple anger would explain it?

My feelings are so much more complex

deep ..painful.. heart wrenching
but only felt by me
because no tear stained face and open pain seen in my eyes cuts through the love you have for her

It has gone beyond anger that I feel
and I am exhausted.


SHE demanded youre time ..again

early it was creative lies youre part
of you not being tired..needing unwind
one more tv show
and I was the fucking ever understanding patience loving soul

and it meant.... nothing

But she...she wants more and i;s her who had youre devotion.

the whole exchange with you was
seeing the look you had on youre face towards me
it was a look that you wanted me to leave
so you could spend ..... intimate time ...with her

so I went to the big.. vast.. lonely bed
to tired to even weep

thinking how when you do look at me
the thin veil has fallen away and all I get is a look of disinterest..sometimes an eye roll or one that doesnt even hide youre disdain..

for me?
I am the sensual... sexy..playful...naughty... daring... seductress giving ..and loving the pleasure it brought you
It's the thing that brings me joy

Youre fantasy come to life....
all you only imagined realized as we go places, and do things experiencing the pleasure and pain all tangled so delicious.....
and you said you always wanted have that experience ...revel in it
and ..I believed it and so foolishly let down my guard and so openly delved in
And yeah a moment for my ego here as it has taken a beating....

and I lock it ... now.... that part of who was the woman you said exuded sex

but now
a fortress once again
the armor back the rusted banged dented armor in place

and silly fucking stupid girl of it in my writings early with you how I laid down my armor.... for you?

Yeah defenses back and fuck you

try not let the pangs of guilt invade my thoughts as being the sensual being ALWAYS ..always is something be ashamed of because who hasn't like you pulled THAT out as a stab my ego.

Yeah, I am slow with seeing... learning ...knowing ....rejection
First I had the eagerness joy playfulness and a hint of coming bed with would be that you wanted...because my gawd after it's !
The woman whose sexuality sensuality you praised and reveled in
Now ,I am no match for her it is my ego not just bruised.. it is battered ..beat..tossed around stomped ..then kicked aside...... shattered
Not even a forlorn sad look from means anything

and bargains..
the coming bed with for're half assed attempt of pretending you give a shit
{ because for you it is ALWAYS sneaking down for more of her under the pretense of how or why you can't spend the night in bed with }

Now the not even give a shit of my being hurt
Sometimes you're fuck you is a shrug
other times you boldly say "yeah I AM staying right here with her" and you look annoyed that I am still standing in front of you because most people take that kind of insult and being ignored and get the hint.

You though have told me how you will defy and fight and push and stubbornly fight against any attempts I make of her.... she always wins and you always resent me... not even love wins..not support not understanding not caring.. no... that from means nothing in comparison her.

But threshold for pain..abuse... is much higher as I have a history of far far worse at the hands of the fuck did I reason with you it's not so bad when I in my mind remember physical blows and think at least those I know how to contend with?

I have such a tolerance.
{[ And how pathetic, and what does that say of me as a human> ? but I know I am now in that space and mindset I am no longer even that ..and you you have reinforced that with alienating me and making me feel so less.... less then}}

So, I reason with myself youre shit is nothing in comparison and that ugly voice is already chastising myself.

But now being ignored by you... my body reacts and the pain of the fibroy decides for me and I drag my sorry ass the stairs and flop the bed.
My mind doesnt let rest though as there is always the beating myself that follows
everyone forever has done it from my mother the last abuser in 2009

She has made you her slave her.. bound her...misplaced devotion

you always want more of her...
then even more

Only a little time you say

and I cant quit now like this..I need her you say

I will do better ..change.. and even those comments..
{and that shit is not }
Because that... that would take some kind of genuine caring or effort
No..she is soooooo easy
Loyalty..devotion..want desire ... for HER!

What is that saying?
You have want make things better?

for family

She has taken you from and its her you defend ... lie for... go out of youre way for..and leave the bed spend more time with

just a little more time

and it is clear


Is who you have you're mind

Either defiantly

off the car
the bedroom
hidden time
with her

then the guilty look and accusations towards me because

I know

Even when she betrays you ,and you are sick from being with her
To much of her combined with youre bodies other disease
...and you retch and you're body heaves and there is the gut wrenching sound of youre body purging you of her deny it is come home with more.
That amber color.. by itself looks harmless but what she represents just seeing it makes my belly churn.

Another night with youre Mistress
and a disapproving look towards me of pointing it out.

with her....

and not
loved ones
or a BBQ enjoyed
Because even then you sneak her in
the lie of never doing that with the family here
because you are what?
devoted to... attention ...spend time with for ..and like their company?
What? you cry over them when they aren't here
talk of them ..missing them
being with them
spending time.. more time with them
And THAT is a lie !!!
when they are here is HER you are with ...with the bullshit pretense of doing things with
You check out when they are here
And ..I step in do what should be done by you..but youre Mistress lured you away

No..she ALWAYS ruins the simplest of plans

or shared intimacy

Not even
the idea of important time together
When we were
saying something or nothing

just together
because I wait
and cherish that being together

and how dare I because youre love
DEMANDS youre time
Steals ANY time I want
then when she is enveloped into youre brain
I become the bad guy

once she arrives
you tune me out

or make biting comments
criticisms roll off youre tongue
as any thoughts of sensitivity are dulled by her


No ..its her

then you escape
and check out

shush you say
if I want some precious attention
nothing is more important then nothingness on the tv
and her wrapped around youre tongue
taking what little is left of youre brain
whispering to you luring you with nothing
no future
not love
not caring
not real..But

She means more
demands more

never mind
a real
No..youre Mistress demands you betray any sense of love or caring or

Only SHE is worthy of youre love
and any thoughts or mention of me saying how
it was me you always wanted to be intimate with always
share that closeness
lustful connection

why ,they are met with ridicule

youre brain fuzzy
she is on youre mind

This Mistress demands youre time
and kills any desire for a woman who not so long ago
was willing to let down her guard
be open
take you places you never have been
and to heights only imagined in yo;re fantasies

taboos explored

with a touch of my hand to youre chest ...
would willingly

But ,no
she is what lures you in the dead of night

and I am no match for
that seemingly sweet
but deceptive and empty promise

Not even when I hear what sounds like you sacrificing what sounds like you're very guts
Over and over hanging over the toilet and any semblence of a soul ..a heart goes with the poison you spew.
She has taken any feeling for anyone else
Any love ..caring..kindness,..compassion .she demands that as well and you give it ... HER .

And with her twisted logic any argument of

another being here for you ..with you is no match for her.
You now resent anyone who dare mention her as its her that consumes you..blinds you
and clouds youre judgement.

she is hard resist and no manner of
come be with me
share a bed with me...
keep the loneliness at bay... is enticing

No she is the
you crave
Lust at First Site/ Feb 2018
Posted:May 2, 2020 2:30 pm
Last Updated:Jul 21, 2020 10:55 pm

Have you ever met someone and

immediately had a physical attraction them?

That at the first light touch of your hand across theirs was electric.. sparks

flying and a feeling of things to come

something deep within you is awakened

a feeling you know you have longed for yet couldnt put into words

~igniting something so deep in you that is dark ,and raw ,and has you catch

your breath and you want more~!

a feeling so charged

so full of anticipation... desire.... a need... such a raw need...

~something you know you want so desperately yet when given the chance and

they are right there within arms reach you you cant act on for fear of once you

give in you will never want to stop

consumed with such lust

feeling it so deeply ..wanton hunger

then finally after so much sexual tension fills the room

you reach for one another...

not so much an embrace as a clutching to clinging to one another in a

crescendo of lust

passion realized and tears from finding something so longed for is right here

and thinking please don't let this ever stop god its what I

want,need,desire,lust,crave ............must have

And as they kiss,touch,fondle,squeeze,hug.grope and you do that back in turn

in a desperate release of emotions

what escapes from your lips is a moan of such ecstasy

their body melting into yours ...feeling like such a perfect fit

and you think

I want to devour this man!

How to describe the lust

maybe there has been in the past an inkling of such desire, but none quite like

this's something once tasted you never want to be without

a thirst quenched but leaving you wanting more

thoughts throughout the day of when you can be together again

How to define the isnt just the sex

Love and lust felt at once.... a desire for him and a hope for more

hope develop and build ..friendship....lover..partner

but not one in the traditional way....

A hope for being for each other what has been longed for.


How it is consuming for you

How his touch is longed for

How every time it is a surprise like a gift unexpected

and once opened better then one ever hoped for.

One that occupies your time your and thoughts right under the surface

conjures it up leaving you with that stupid grin on your face

what did he call it?

The canary that ate the cat

yeah its that good.

How you replay those mornings over and over

hope that you will have them again... say a silent prayer

in the morning when you hear him stirring and hold your breath

sneaking a peek and seeing his silk pajama pants coming off and mouth a quiet

thank you as he pulls you over onto him

and the way he is so forceful in the way he manhandles you

[god, i love that word as it so fits just how he does so]

as a possession....wanting be his

as in a way that says you are mine

and it is just what I wanted be

yes.. please yes

And even when the other stuff is shit

you have that
you have him
you have your desire met in a way only he can do


Drug.... the Drug of being with him sexually...?

say sexually doesn't seem quite define it

sure it is sexual but so much more

and ever time yes every fucking time it hits a deep dark need always longed

for and now finally being fulfilled and one you hoped wouldn't end

not end just as you found it just found him

and hope that in spite of all the other shit he wants you keeps you

the feeling lingering in your bones and flesh

imprinted in that dark place in your soul

the one that you need

it will always be there

having forever changed you

leaving you wanting more.....

and with an ache....... god the ache

hoping for

longing....desiring once again taste

for more
Posted:May 2, 2020 2:28 pm
Last Updated:Jul 22, 2021 9:14 pm

Met him here HE is the Lust at First Site on another blog here

Disappearing... no call ,no good bye, no fuck you, no I'm sorry it's not you it's me. a coward move no wasn't a move... go those lengths say of a job move?

Not even the decency talk like a human being.. and just tell ? Walk away like a man? and for that? that>?
Instead an elaborate lie of moving,but it's what pathological liars do
And when a loving, caring ,giving woman was in their life they chose instead ghost

The ghosting well that was done because I didn't.. I wasn't ...I wouldn't become & couldn't be the bitch they wanted me be. Then they would know how react. their pattern
I wasn't the bitch careful what you wish for
Freud shit right there

I didn't even know what the term ghosting was until recently..
And as this article says the fact they don't even care is what hurts the most
That it is someone from here
I am sure it happens often in this community

{unfortunately others have their stories of being ghosted & I have commented on a couple of threads here of it}

They tried to make it into it was only so many times as if what they said was dismissed ..saying it was only so many days ,so it ,and me meant nothing because THEY decided it??
They were gone when I was still there checked out... in bed lying right next to me.... so integrity from neither..already on to the next one they laid next to me and texted.

& I hadn't even left..saying the same shit to them.
& so quickly he was a soulmate,?,& him spewing here so glad I found are my..

the same pattern.... the same shit....
throw some gaslighting in with your ghosting

MY INTEGRITY.. that's why it's so hard..{was so hard but not now} /5*^.. my loyalty... a fucking code... a damn code fucking imprinted on my give... always ...then when critisized give some more
Because I... I don't wear my heart on my sleeve it's my soul... my soul
And it & my integrity intact

Me, I am that and it comes back for more.. and more ..and more unconditional love..
I saw it...I saw it when he said "I can make people hate me" wtf? the chill when I heard that..that should have been the indication run like hell cuz that right there it's a red banner

and what did I do?
rush him want love him...and I came right back and allowed him again... and even he was amazed at doing so.... because I kept my integrity & those kind don't know what do with it

I didn't get ugly... I'm better then that.

but they got their ugly. whew... karma

The good friend said I intimidated him. but of course

they had pick what they felt was on their level feel okay

,no game.. no guilt tripping ...not like them... so the what do you do?
Ghost I guess
Because how do you say I was good.. loving.. understanding.... and not look like a dick

I was
much.. loving giving and .. yeah there's that being honest thing unnerves those who aren't. well the insecurities they do explain the choice now

I won't get integrity back from someone that lacks it

Closure.... it's what's needed........ {getting there*5*}

The article here some solace....

Here's the article

The opposite of love isn’t hate; it is indifference. Ghosting, for those of you who haven’t yet experienced it, is having someone that you believe cares about you, whether it be a friend or someone you are dating, disappear from contact without any explanation at all. No phone call or email, not even a . Ghosting isn’t new—people have long done disappearing acts—but years ago this kind of behavior was considered limited a certain type of scoundrel. In today’s dating culture being ghosted is a phenomenon that approximately 50 percent of men and women have experienced—and an almost equal number have done the ghosting.1 Despite ghosting's commonality, the emotional effects can be devastating, and particularly damaging to those who already have fragile self-esteem.

Why do people ghost?

People who ghost are primarily focused on avoiding their own emotional discomfort and they aren’t thinking about how it makes the other person feel. The lack of social connections to people who are met online also means there are less social consequences to dropping out of someone’s life. The more it happens, either to themselves or their friends, the more people become desensitized to it and the more likely they are to do it to someone else.

“I didn't understand exactly how I actually felt at the time, so instead of trying to talk it out, I ghosted.”

“I used to disappear when it was all I thought it was [a fling], or I got scared of finding what I wanted…Or some kind of fear factor from a past relationship kicks in.”

“Looking through the lens of a coward, passive withdrawal from dating seems like the easiest and nicest route…until it’s done to you.”

“I kind of think that it's part of what makes the online dating scene so appealing. Since you don't have friends in common or weren't introduced through some other channel, it's not the end of the world if you just drop off the face of the earth.”

“I, for one, consider myself to be an honest and straightforward person. And yet I’ve ghosted...And I’ve told myself, time and time again, that it’s all the fault of the toxic dating culture we’ve created. And at the end of the day, I think that’s what we’re all telling ourselves.”

How does it feel to be ghosted?

For many people ghosting can result in feelings of being disrespected, used and disposable. If you have known the person beyond more than a few dates then it can be even more traumatic. When someone we love and trust disengages from us it feels like a very deep betrayal.

“I felt like an idiot. Like I had been played a fool. And more so I felt disrespected. Take the romantics away, to have a great connection with a new friend and then all of a sudden never hear from them again? That’s painful and really disappointing. No one deserves to be blown off.”

“It still felt a bit like someone had punched me in the gut when it happened. The disregard is insulting. The lack of closure is maddening. You move on, but not before your self-esteem takes a hit. The only thing worse than being broken up with is realizing that someone didn’t even consider you worth breaking up with.” 7

“Going from texting every day and seeing each other a couple times a week to nothing without the slightest hint of why was a kick in the gut.”

“Ghosting is one of the cruelest forms of torture dating can serve up.”

Why does it feel so bad?

Social rejection activates the same pain pathways in the brain as physical pain. In fact, you can reduce the emotional pain of rejection with a pain medication like Tylenol. But in addition this biological link between rejection and pain, there are some specific factors about ghosting that contribute to the psychological distress.

Ghosting gives you no cue for how to react. It creates the ultimate scenario of ambiguity. Should you be worried? What if they are hurt and lying in a hospital bed somewhere? Should you be upset? Maybe they are just a little busy and will be calling you at any moment. You don’t know how to react because you don’t really know what has happened. Staying connected to others is so important to our survival that our brain has evolved to have a social monitoring system (SMS) that monitors the environment for cues so that we know how to respond in social situations. Social cues allow us to regulate our own behavior accordingly, but ghosting deprives you of these usual cues and can create a sense of emotional dysregulation where you feel out of control.

One of the most insidious aspects of ghosting is that it doesn’t just cause you to question the validity of the relationship you had, it causes you to question yourself. Why didn’t I see this coming? How could I have been such a poor judge of character? What did I do to cause this? How do I protect myself from this ever happening again? This self-questioning is the result of basic psychological systems that are in place to monitor one’s social standing and relay that information back to the person via feelings of self-worth and self-esteem. When a rejection occurs your self-esteem can drop which social psychologists propose is meant to be a signal that your social belonging is low. If you have been through multiple ghostings or if your self-esteem is already low you are likely to experience the rejection as even more painful, and it may take you longer to get over it as people with lower-self-esteem have less natural opioid (pain-killer) released into the brain after a rejection when compared to those whose self-esteem is higher.

Ghosting is the ultimate use of the silent treatment, a tactic that has often been viewed by mental health professionals as a form of emotional cruelty. It essentially renders you powerless and leaves you with no opportunity to ask questions or be provided with information that would help you emotionally process the experience. It silences you and prevents you from expressing your emotions and being heard, which is important for maintaining your self-esteem.

Regardless of the ghoster’s intent, ghosting is a passive-aggressive interpersonal tactic that can leave psychological bruises and scars.

How do you move forward?

The important thing to remember is that when someone ghosts you, it says nothing about you or your worthiness for love and everything about the person doing the ghosting. It shows he/she doesn’t have the courage to deal with the discomfort of their emotions or yours, and they either don't understand the impact of their behavior or worse don’t care. In any case they have sent you an extremely loud message that says: I don’t have what it takes to have a mature healthy relationship with you. Be the better person, retain your dignity, and let him/her go peacefully.

Don’t allow someone else’s bad behavior to rob you of a better future by losing your vulnerability and shutting yourself off from another relationship. Keep your energy focused on doing what makes you happy. Know that if you are someone who treats people with respect and integrity then the ghoster simply wasn’t on your wavelength and someone better is coming your way, as long as you keep your heart open and your focus forward.

Jennice Vilhauer, Ph.D., is the Director of Emory University’s Adult Outpatient Psychotherapy Program in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Science in the School of Medicine.

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Most Recent Comments by Others

Post Poster Post Date
Your Mistress (2)sgafa4u
Oct 18, 2021 9:03 am
Ghosting (3)Joejo613
Jul 22, 2021 7:43 pm
First Rule of Friends With Benefits ..Be a FRIEND... No Really!! (19)upsidedownsky
May 2, 2021 8:29 pm
My Beautiful Wild Woman (8)Cap19632
Jun 8, 2020 3:03 pm
Lust at First Site/ Feb 2018 (2)NJGUY08090
May 5, 2020 9:45 am