Rewriting My Life
Bits and pieces of a life reimagined, having escaped a life that was no longer my own.
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Standard members may contact me here.
Posted:Mar 15, 2016 11:16 pm
Last Updated:Aug 4, 2019 1:15 pm

It seems hard for standard members to send me messages at times. Here's a place where you can do so! I suggest you leave a kik handle for me to message you back.

Here's my profile info:

Intelligent, youthful, fun type looking for same.

Woman seeking friends and lovers for low key, local fun. Very much anti-Trump, so if that's a problem, don't waste your time. Apparently I have to tell people this...

I like strings, and men who are both kind and a little bossy. I can tell the difference between authenticity and bullshit, and need time to decide if a connection makes sense to me before I follow through. I am conflict avoidant, and yet, find ways to communicate when I'm unhappy that are lower drama than many.

I'm just a standard member (unless they give me free gold for a stretch, which happens) and single ladies are pretty popular around here, apparently, so if you want me to reply, be sure to send me an intelligent email and some pictures that will pique my interest. It's just a matter of how many minutes I have in a day. Work With Me Here following simple instructions

Ideal Persons of Interest:
Socially and emotionally adept males who understand consent, realize men need feminism just as much as women, and light my fire.

If you want to know more...there is a list of Requirements Goals
Are you capable of actually being fully Naked?
Just...Oh, myyyyy, oh my, oh my, oh my

Make sure you attach a picture.

When I say heteroflexible, that means I'm more sexually interested in men, and male minds and bodies, but I've found a couple females I've been interested in kissing. I'm not really going to go for a situation where really I feel like a woman wants me to be super into her. It's way too much pressure.

Wait--there are rules?
There are rules for contacting single females on this site, or any internet dating site, whether you realize it or not:

1) Be interesting and interested.
2) Be forthcoming.
3) Convince the sexy, hot vixen that you are not a sociopath or psychopath waiting to r*p* or murder her in the dead of night.
First, be not stupid
because it's lazy

Remember that the people here aren't doing the advertising and guarantee you nothing, even if the site, itself, does.
Why are you here, anyways

Also, don't be a dick!
Dramafree and NSA
Alpha males

When you are a dick, you quickly become blog fodder, because writers use writing to deal with their feelings and emotions, and they will write about it. Don't piss off a writer!
That's Gay A Primer
Sometimes, ya have to wonder

Safety Third
Your job is to convince me you are a worthwhile and reasonable risk or I just hit delete. Every time. You may want to read this to help understand what women face when dealing with men on this site...Would you

And, yes, I'm not only real...I'm fun...and intelligent...and I will treat your intentions as suspect until you've given me reason to feel otherwise.

We're strangers--remember?
If you are outside my predetermined age range, I won't reply.
If you are outside my predetermined area, I won't reply.
If you are particularly vague or boring, I may give you an opportunity to up your game. If you can't, I will no longer reply.
How To Handle Rejection Exhibit A
Remember, Boys amp Girls, Talking To People on the Internet is Talking To Strangers

Dick is abundant and low value
Remember: The reality in online dating is that it's a numbers game. On this site, those number vastly favor the women, as with most online dating sites. Remember, "Dick is abundant and low value" (Google it if you don't recognize the phrase and learn about internet Dickonomics). I've met plenty of people from online dating sites. If I choose not to meet you, it's because I haven't been given a reason to do so. That's just the Dickonomics of these things. Just be thankful you weren't born with any Exploding Penises.

Keep in mind:
A List of Things I39m Too Old For

If you are feeling particularly testy after reading all of this, feel free to throw in your .02 in the battle between the sexes:
Hey You Can't Be A Feminist
0 Comments , 8 Pending
Would you?
Posted:Mar 8, 2016 6:44 pm
Last Updated:Dec 18, 2018 3:46 pm

So...imagine you are having a HUGE craving for chocolate. On the table, there is a gigantic bowl of candies. It must have 300 colorful candies. There are no distinguishing markings aside from the rainbow of colors in front of you. You are told there are 145 chocolate M & Ms, 145 Skittles, and 10 filled with cyanide.

Would you eat some? Would you eat even one?

This is what it is like for women to date. 1 in 4 are sexually assaulted, with date r*p* being the most common Many are victims of domestic violence. Women are nearly always faulted for anything bad that happens to them when dating. Abusers know if they start out by being abusive that most women will leave, so they wait until it is difficult for them to do so. Even very intelligent women can get trapped in these scenarios.

If men think dating is easier for women, they seriously need to wake up! Even saying no to a date to the wrong person can have grisly consequences. Women do NOT have it easier in the dating world. Even non-abusive men can tend to be unreliable, noncommittal, and unable to alter course to accommodate a woman's preferences or needs. If all y'all think you have it so bad, think again.
Posted:Mar 22, 2018 11:21 pm
Last Updated:Aug 4, 2019 1:16 pm

So, time with Superman is still FUCKING AMAZING albeit too much time passing between rendezvous. I saw him Monday night after MONTHS. Dude just works too damned much...we are talking 16+ hour days, 7 days per week, 365 days per year. I’d love to see more of him, obviously, but the time apart never seems to really interfere with our time together. We connect warmly and instantly every...single...time. Monday was no exception to this rule. If anything, it was hotter than any time before.

I made up with an old friend about 4 months ago after he had flaked on me 2 YEARS AGO. He recently came to town and we then “made up” made up, and well, that is also TOTALLY FUCKING AMAZING. We’ll him Authenticity, because when I met him it was just to be friends and he was looking for authentic connections. It’s more than that, though, because the intensity that he exhibited these times I saw him was something I had not experienced, and he was 100% present in a way that startled me. I really had not expected it. Anyways, while he was here, we got together twice, and then I took him to have some fun with some friends, too.

Along with a dear someone I had to move away from about 7 ago (let’s him Timeless, because when we were together, time stood still), and Mr. Sweet Thing, these men take me to another plane of existence when it comes to ways that are unexpected, and amazing, and I got to have sex with one of them twice and the other one once in the space of 8

These men, in fact, have always met me in a very different place than anyone else every time we are together. Of them, only Mr. Sweet Thing is really someone I won’t see anymore. Alcoholism is sad. Even though I haven’t mentioned him before, Mr. TImeless and I will always see each other at whatever level we are available when we are in the same city. The time I spent with him is imprinted in indelible ink on my mind. It’s just that we aren’t often anywhere near one another geographically, so it doesn’t often come up.

Superman has become my barometer, because he’s been the most current and consistent of those I see. I know if I am dating someone and if there is no way they could hold a candle to how I feel about him that it’s just going nowhere. The instantaneous connection speaks volumes when compared to my marriage, where I always had to “warm up” to my ex after not seeing him for a patch.

And I’m getting some other people in my life who are also fairly great sex partners that I see a little here and a little there.

And I go on dates, have sex, and next the vast majority after a time or two around, because I want it to be “right” if I do it again.

Then there was a guy who had major potential as a primary relationship, who was such a cool geek. It doesn’t get much geekier than growing up to write and direct your own i-fi film , writing everything in your garage of artifacts that you built for other projects, or picked up along the way.

But he had a major divorce-related freak-out, so he wasn’t really ready.

I do worry that every time a guy gets close to me, I find myself fairly afraid they will try to possess me, rather than respect me and care for me, so if they come on too strong...buh bye! Like, let me get to know you first, please?

I really don’t want to wind up feeling tied to someone out of guilt or obligation. I want to only date someone I know I can feel good about indefinitely.

Oh, and I have a kind of girlfriend. I’m not into girls really, but we are friends, and she has had me along on one of her “dates” for some fairly accepting heteroflexible level interactions and another of those is coming up, so...”kind of” girlfriend.

So, yeah, I’m sort of figuring out how to at least get a decent amount of sex even though I have not yet found someone that would be right for primary partner. If their availability were right, any of those, sure, I’d love to be with any single of them. The fact that 3 out of 4 are still important in my life isn’t a half bad compromise, though, for the time being.

As far as my writing goes? Well, I’m doing a lot of it, and joined a writing group. It doesn’t leave me a lot of energy to write anything here at the end of the day.

Of course, I’ll read YOUR comments.

(Just re-read this and I’m certain’s system is messing with my text, because while sometimes I’m poor about editing my blog, I have a hard time believing, for instance, that I wrote “some” instead of “someone” SEVERAL times in this post. Anyhow, fixed it, if anyone waltzes through and notices changes.)
Just don't know where to begin any more.
Posted:Jul 24, 2017 10:49 pm
Last Updated:Jul 27, 2017 5:33 pm
Meet the press...sexretary...
1 comment
I will date fun. I do not date man-.
Posted:Jul 22, 2017 12:53 pm
Last Updated:Nov 7, 2017 8:15 pm

So I get a message on another site, “ Hello miss...great profile and pics...very, very cute. How are you?”

Curious, I check out his profile and see this, “I’m looking for a friend to hang with…” along with some activities he enjoys doing.

So I respond, “Hi Mr. I'm-looking-for-a-friend.”

It bugs me he says this on his DATING profile, and then he is flirting with me. Like…dude doesn’t know what he wants? He’s forty fucking two!

He responds with, “Lol...I don't think anyone just meets someone organically and say Hi I'm looking for a relationship.”

Well, this is a man who really doesn’t know how to hedge his bets or think a few steps ahead of where he is presently. Who, with half a brain, wouldn’t recognize that there is a bit of a fire heating up, and that he needs to respond with some fundamental strategy in mind? Either he is a) not intelligent, or b) incapable of any kind of real strategy or game.

Of course, he gets, “I'm pretty straightforward. I'm on here to date. I'm looking for someone to have a relationship with. If I go out with someone I meet here and it's not specifically specified "friend date," it's a date. If someone thinks calling it "friends" is going to get him into my pants, he is sorely mistaken.

If that's your goal and intention, make it clear!

I'm 44 years old. I don't "hang out" with men I'm interested in like I'm a . I "go out" with men I'm attracted to...on dates.”

There are a lot of grievances I can generally come up with for older men, but I must say, being incapable of calling a date a date is not one of them, so put a tally mark on the score board for older men for that one.

Dates are dates. I’m not a and I’m not interested in dating . If you aren’t grown up enough to own that you want to go out on a date with a woman, you don’t DESERVE to go out on a date with a woman.

I keep my vibrators handy…and I got them from a man who was grownup enough to own that he wanted to take me out on dates. While he definitely has his problems, which is why I’m not seeing him anymore, that was never one of them.

If you want to date me, be a grown up and treat me like a woman.
Sometimes it takes awhile...
Posted:Jul 2, 2017 1:10 pm
Last Updated:Nov 7, 2017 8:21 pm

So, I have a conflicted relationship with how I view my last long-term SO. The guy saved my ass in so many ways when my life was at a critical juncture and i would not be on the path I am today, holding my own for the most part, if it hadn't been for him stepping up and helping me.

But the end of our relationship didn't go well...because rather than getting therapy and dealing with his commitment issues, he used another person in our open relationship to drive a wedge between us.

I knew what was going on. I talked to him about it repeatedly, and he chose to take her side and left me high and dry.

Well, part of what happened is she said something that was really very shitty, I decided it was time for us to meet, and she insisted she hates LA and was never going to come here ever again unless it was for a wedding or a funeral. She lives out east, but apparently, money for travel is no option. She just "hates LA, or so she said.

Guess who I ran into at the Farmer's Market this morning...

I'm sure it's no surprise if I tell you it was the two of them.

I'm fairly certain this is hardly the first time she's been in town to spend time with him. It's just the first time I actually ran into them...which is also hardly surprising because we live a mile apart and everything I know around here is somehow related to all the time I spent with him.

So, I saw him, said hello, gave him a hug, ignored her completely and walked away.

My emotions are always on the surface when it comes to him, a rare thing, indeed, which speaks volumes to my deep level of attachment. I had to really work at it to make tears NOT come. There's no way I could have even spoken to her if I wanted to.

I mean, I didn't want to talk to lying liar face to begin with...but I also couldn't.

So, vindicated. He was treating me badly. She was treating me badly. I knew it. They denied it.

Obviously I knew what was going on.

I want to go off on both of them, frankly, but I won't. I won't because I've already let him have it multiple times and I won't with her because it will just upset him, I said...I've already let him have it and he's apologized repeatedly...but he also never took responsibility to fix the problem, so I don't want to be friends at this point, and so far, any efforts to reclaim even that have gone badly.

It is what it that...and having to file an "Innocent Spouse" form with the IRS because my ex underreported income in 2014, which was also quite traumatic in an entirely different way...the last three days have been a bit rough...but also are an illustration of how far I've come, because these kinds of high level emotional traumas were far more routine in 2016.

So, for the record, I definitely know now that he didn't deserve me.
Do YOU date the people you ACTUALLY find hot?
Posted:Jul 2, 2017 12:23 pm
Last Updated:Jul 23, 2017 6:35 pm

One of the problems I had with my ex-husband was that the man was constantly after me about my weight. I mean, it's a shitty thing to do to begin with, but his pestering at times could be described as something no less than neurotic. I was losing 1-2 pounds per week after a baby and he was after me about it almost every single day. It was miserable.

I'm not a skinny girl. I never really was. Even in high school, I came with curves that made me more than a little self-conscious.

I'm also not huge. I have what I'd describe as an average middle-aged woman's body. Considering I'm 44, it's no shocker.

I'm also quite curvy in all the right places, and one of the aspects of dating the way I have been is that I'm finding a lot of men who absolutely LOVE my curves and love my body. They aren't even always the men I would think would be into that--often men who, themselves, are incredibly cut. When I say they love my body...I'm not exaggerating. They comment on loving my curves and my ass and everything about those things. They are into my body.

This has been a pretty happy discovery for me, because years of being hassled by my ex did do a number on me, and it's putting a good dent in that.

So, with this history, it was interesting to read the article by Sean Illing, "Proof that Americans are lying about their sexual desires." I found it interesting, because one of his main points is that men aren't really dating who they are attracted to. Rather, they are more dating for status. They base that conclusion on the fact that "Porn featuring overweight women is surprisingly common among men. But the data from dating sites tells us that just about all men try to date skinny women. Many people don’t try to date the people they’re most attracted to. They try to date the people they think would impress their friends."

Now, I do know it's been more common for men to say things like, "Yeah, I don't like to date stick figures," but how far does that go? Do they really date who they want to date? Do you?
What do you like?
Posted:Jul 1, 2017 2:17 am
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2018 10:36 pm

I hear this a lot.

I'm never sure how to answer it.

I mean, I like sex. I like lots of things. There are about 3 hard limits for me. I like sex for a very long time, so you better have a repertoire in your arsenal. I know I do.

For starters--I like a man to take charge, because I can feel a bit shy about things, but have zero discomfort about following where he leads.

Secondly, if you like me to provide oral, you best be into it yourself...and get a bit handsy there, ok? Don't make it all about your tongue, because I want some fingers, too!

I actually do like sucking cock...deep throating...which causes me to squirt like crazy. It's like I actually have a trigger in the back of my throat that makes female ejaculate shoot right out of me. Said trigger also gives me waves of pleasure in my female parts for some reason. I don't know the science on that. I just know it's a gigantic turn on for very physically based reasons. It's not just something I like.

And I like being fucked in just about every position besides reverse cowgirl, which I always feel extremely awkward and clumsy about.

And I like being fingered.

And I like challenging myself with anal, but have trouble with it often, so I want you to know that if we are going to try it, so you make a greater effort to do things like warm the area up, poking about, using lube, and going slow, and probably using more lube.

And I'm curious about a lot of things BDSM, but haven't really found the right partner to explore those things with...and I really don't know what more to say about that because I haven't really tried much that I could say worked for me, because of the partners I've had.

And I have a little bit of a fetish about some using a crop on me, which really hasn't been done to any significant extent.

I like dominance in a partner as I have no dominance in bed in the least. I even find it a bit of a rush to be told what to do.

So there you have it. Did I miss something?
1 comment
For a Moment
Posted:Jun 30, 2017 8:26 pm
Last Updated:Jan 23, 2022 12:39 pm

For a moment, I was transported to your yard, where I know you like to relax by yourself, or with family or friends.

I remembered how familiar it all felt to me when I saw you last...

It felt like coming home.

Which was a bit ironic, because we were only together briefly for what felt like forever, each moment indelibly inked on my soul, but at first it all had felt so novel and everything about you, the way you lived, your home, your family...

I was completely spellbound every single minute I was with you.

While the world crumbled around us both, we were each others' calm in the storm.

In some ways you've changed...or maybe you were just calmer with me in your life...

But underneath it all...being with you still feels like being home again.

And for a moment, I was there with you again, tonight, by a fire, and it was sheer bliss.
Boundaries--I have them
Posted:Jun 29, 2017 6:30 pm
Last Updated:Jun 30, 2017 5:04 pm

As a woman with healthy boundaries who knows what she wants and knows how to get it, It never ceases to amaze me how thick headed some people can be when it comes to respecting the boundaries of others. Instead of listening when other people explain their boundaries, or even explain why, these tend to be healthy boundaries for people, in general, they are dead set and convincing the other person not to have them, or forcing their way around them.

It's true in real life, for certain. It takes place online even more.

What is this thing people have with violating the boundaries of others? Why do people feel so entirely entitled to the space and life energy of other people--even if they don't know them personally?

What kind of boundaries do you have?
Salacious Value vs. Intrinsic Worth
Posted:Jun 27, 2017 1:15 pm
Last Updated:Jul 2, 2017 2:54 am

So, I was having this "discussion" with a male on another site who is "writing a book." But it's about women. I take issue with this, because it's just more fucking mansplaining.

But...when I looked at the work, it was even worse than I'd imagined. He's basically writing about getting women and it's all based on salacious values.

It got me you operate and how I operate aren't necessarily the same when it comes to sex and relationships. People differ. Some are far more romantically inclined, men and women, and some are more into the physical.

Women are, time and again, rated society wide based on their sexual capital in most circumstances, rather than their worth to a company, their worth as a colleague, or their worth as a partner. The comments about being "too fat," "too thin," telling them to smile, whether or not to cut their hair, how to dress, how not to dress--it's all based on one thing, their sexual capital.

Are men constantly rated on their sexual capital? Do you comment on a weatherman's sexual capital? HELL NO! If he's hot, sure, but otherwise, meh. Most women wouldn't say a thing, because his JOB is to tell us the weather. A woman in the same position, however...not her experience, at all.

And I realized something, while physical matters to some have to hit a bar for me possibly being attracted to them...there is something else that plays a much larger role, and that's how much intrinsic value they bring to the table. I don't want to have sex with you if I don't think that you being yourself could add value to my life.

So, if you are pushy, if you are incapable of appreciating my own brand of awesome, if you think you get to tell me how to live my life...YOU ARE OUT! You cannot add value to my life, and I don't need you in my life.

What about you? Are you more about the physical? Or is the intrinsic worth of a person your primary focus in interpersonal relationships? Are you valuing the sex you are attracted to based on sexual capital or something else?
Disturbing things here
Posted:Jun 26, 2017 1:54 pm
Last Updated:Jul 22, 2017 1:44 pm

Okay, I've seen a couple things over the years that I found horribly disturbing...and both involve animals and sex.

Seriously, I don't want to know that you let your lick your wife's pussy. Just... amp;

Also, I don't want to know that you have your sights set on an actual cock of a real .

What about you? How bad has it been?

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