Testing, Testing... 12 MUST KNOW Facts & A Personal Story
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Posted:May 24, 2017 6:22 pm
Last Updated:May 26, 2017 10:23 pm
9729 Views
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Yeah, I'm talking about that R word...responsibility.
Some facts:
1. The MOST common symptom of an STI is no symptom at all.
2. 1 in 5 adult males have genital herpes.
3. 1 in 4 adult women have genital herpes, because female genitalia put them at higher risk of infection..
4. More than 1.2 million people in the US are living with HIV, and 1 in 8 of them don’t know it.
5. From 2005 to 2014, the annual number of new HIV diagnoses declined 19%.
6. The spread of both HIV & Herpes can be massively reduced by regular STD screenings and medications that reduce the liklihood of transmission from infected partners to uninfected partners.
7. People at risk of HIV infection or who have experienced accidental infection can take PrEP to prevent the infection from actually taking hold.
8. People who have been diagnosed with genital herpes can take Valtrex to reduce the transmission of the virus to uninfected partners.
9. Taking all STI medication as instructed is critical to reducing the spread of STIs.
10. Failing to take antibiotics as prescribed can result in antibiotic resistant strains of infections like gonnorhea.
11. If you do not disclose a positive status for genital herpes or HIV, you may put MANY innocent people at risk, including, but not limited to, unborn .
12. EVERYONE deserves to know if they are going to have sex with someone who has an STI so they can make safer choices and choices they can live with.
Get tested routinely if you are sexually active. Don't be part of the problem. Be part of the solution.
First of all, this story has a good ending. Don't skip to it. Just trust me, okay?
At Christmas time, I decided to audition a bunch of men for sex...because I wanted a new partner or some new partners that I actually liked having sex with...I'd had it with having little to no sex, at all, and it was time to fix my problem. So I proceeded to do so...meeting people here, meeting people on another site, and trying things out. It went well until Christmas Day I got sick. I was sick for a week. I got sick again almost immediately.
A few days later I had an itchy sore in my pelvic area--close to the top of the area a bikini bottom would cover. I thought it was a bug bite. Two days later there were more. I started freaking out. It looked nothing like genital herpes, but I couldn't find any other explanation for what I was seeing. I made my doctor test me for genital herpes. She also tested me for shingles. She didn't really know what it was.
The rash continued spread in a Christmas tree shape and the medications she gave me helped, but not enough at the dose she gave me. I read there were other doses that were fine, so I took more every time it wore off. I didn't know my test results yet, but found research tying zinc orotate to being effective against genital herpes, so I ordered some and started taking it. It took over where the anti-vitals left off. The tests came back negative.
I was still sick, I was still getting bumps, and just kept taking the zinc because the next doctor seemed just as confused by what he was seeing as I was. He insisted that, however, my infection didn't look like herpes in any way, shape, or form, and the results made it clear that it wasn't.
The rash calmed down, but I was still not feeling well, in general, even if I felt better and then I started getting canker sores. Again--freaked the hell out thinking I was now getting herpes in my mouth--even though my tests had been negative, because what the hell else explained what I was seeing? But the doc had been clear--I did not have herpes. I took comfort in that, at least.
And I was tired of going to the doctor and too busy for work. So I just kept being mildly ill, getting cankers, not really seeing some of the bumps that had originally emerged heal up completely. They were all different. They just arrived itchy and all at the same time, pretty much.
Finally, about 12 weeks later...I felt better.
I still didn't know what had been wrong with me.
I was about to start dating Mr. Sweet Thing and I was still freaking out...so I did more research. I finally found an obscure blog entry by a medical student that described what I experienced...apparently there is a virus in the herpes family, much like chicken pox, or mono, that my experience seemed to resemble. Usually it only gives healthy people a cold, but causes Karposi's sarcoma in immune compromised individuals. Some relatively healthy people experience what sounded exactly like what I'd had...only the rash gets A LOT worse...being on the anti-vitals and the zinc made a big difference.
At least I finally had an explanation. I felt a good deal better...
But...like a medical student, as soon as I started covering HIV with my students, I freaked the fuck out again...even though my symptoms didn't really line up. I couldn't help it. It's scary!
So, I finally got tested. I had to wait a whole week...and didn't get through it anxiety free, for sure.
Everything was ok. No genital herpes, no HIV, no STI infections.
I'm assuming at this point that my hypothesis about the illness described by the med student is probably correct. Either way, I both feel better and my tests came back clean, so there's the happy ending I promised you all.
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Public Sex: I have. Have you?
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Posted:May 23, 2017 7:13 pm
Last Updated:May 25, 2017 5:50 pm
7989 Views
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In response to a visitor on yesterday's post, I decided to make this entry, as my response to him was obviously going to be as long as a blog entry.
So, I've been to a sex club once. It was a more intimate, small type setting. There were a good deal of couples fucking around other couples, along with some swinging. My ex was rather controlling, so we didn't really do much there beyond play with each other and observe. He turned down sex with a rather hot couple, even. I was a bit perturbed about that! The most interesting part was sitting and watching people in the exhibitionists area of the place. Seeing how people (who mostly knew each other some already) in real life do things is something to see.
Beyond this, I had a lover once who was a very long drive from me. We'd meet in the middle--one time at the head of a hiking trail, another time we had a treat and went out to a park after dark and banged in the open and then in his van...and then in his van at a Park & Ride. That was a very hot night. One time I just gave him an exceptionally long blowjob in the back of that van in a residential neighborhood...and another time we did it in the back of my old Suburban behind a restaurant.
I've had car sex a few times...but seriously...I'd rather go where there is a helluvalot more room. Cars are not made for sex and I like a lot of sex. A lot of sex in a car is really not the way to go.
There were also a few times in camping/hiking areas with my ex...but let's not get into that...
I've had sex with my last boyfriend at night in a tent right near all of my friends who were outside partying. They are burners, so I'm fairly certain it didn't even faze them. I did this with another guy I saw for a bit too...minus the tent.
Recently, my lover held me in front of the doorway of his apartment (which was a bit risqué, but definitely no one around), while he came up from behind slipped his arm around me and pounded me. This was also pretty damned hot...as was the rest of that night. 
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Kinky things...how far would YOU go?
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Posted:May 22, 2017 5:22 pm
Last Updated:May 29, 2017 2:35 pm
8165 Views
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So, I see a lot of people identify as being kinky or kink friendly. I haven't done much in this area, because...well...as I've mentioned before...that avenue hasn't ever felt very safe to me when I was with my ex, or wasn't something my last significant partner was really into.
I know there are some things I've tried with my ex that didn't really last long at all, and others I'd try...and others I'm not going to do...but there is an awful lot of wiggle room between those two things that I might be interested in exploring with the right person.
What about going out in public? What kinds of kinky or semi-kinky things have you done?
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"This is inappropriate..."
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Posted:May 21, 2017 7:09 pm
Last Updated:May 23, 2017 5:39 pm
7917 Views
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Time and again, men prove to me how incredibly fruitless it is to tell most of them "I'm not __________________. I'm not interested."
Seriously, blokes...what is so complicated about that? Are you just so enthralled with your very essence that you cannot believe that someone else doesn't want to fuck you?
Things I've tried...
"You live too far away."
"I'm not attracted to you."
"You are outside my age range."
There really is ZERO way to convince most men we ladies aren't interested without some kind of a weasel response.
Who the hell wants to date a weasel?
THIS ONE wanted me to tell him WHY I wasn't attracted to him.
What does he expect me to say?
"I am not interested in Magnum PI types as they make me think of them as a dirty old uncle, and it gives me the creeps because it feels like pedophilia, even though it's not?"
I mean, come on! You menfolk don't want to know. Trust me! It's better that way!
But...I digress...noticed a guy...a 73 y.o. male stalking the hell out of my profile again today, and didn't want to deal with it in an ongoing manner...so I dealt with him...
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How much sex is best for you? Nothing less than...
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Posted:May 21, 2017 2:46 pm
Last Updated:May 22, 2017 11:04 pm
8604 Views
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So, I've been thinking about this a lot...because I've had some experiences that were definitely too brief for my liking...and the men involved seemed to think they had done a job well done.
Well, for most people, sure, 45 minutes to an hour and a half is good. Barring some unalterable obligation, it's reasonable.
But ffs, if you are meeting ME for sex and that's all you intend to dish out, I'm going to wind up having a conversation about this before we do this again...if I hadn't managed to mention it beforehand (which I try to remember to do).
I would appreciate a solid 2-3 hours, nothing less. If you stop before that point, I'm going to feel jipped...because...wait...what...you thought that was enough? *so confused* "Where's the rest?"
On the other hand, if you want to go more, let's take a break and then go at it again.
Look, I obviously don't have sex every day, you guys. This means I want a fucking marathon when I finally do get it.
1. I like oral--giving and receiving.
2. I'm a squirter, so bring the towels, or have me bring one (it will be a fucking beach towel...because...wet, wet, wet woman here. Gagging on cock creates a full on water fountain AND drives me crazy.
3. I'm submissive...which means I'm not looking for a dom, although you are welcome to play dom games with me a bit. Just be prepared to take charge, because that's what works for me...and I do like a little bit of pain with my pleasure.
4. Don't choke me.
5. I'm not licking anyone's ass.
6. Wear condoms...so bring enough! Safety third!
What about you? How much sex are you looking for when you get together with someone?
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Asking for what you want
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Posted:May 20, 2017 2:19 pm
Last Updated:Jun 2, 2017 7:40 pm
7300 Views
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How good are you at asking for what you want? When it comes to sex, while I can write about it, I often struggle to ask for it.
1. I'm a people pleaser, so I don't like saying anything that makes my intimate partners feel bad. I won't do it unless it's a bit of a big deal for me.
2. I'm just plain shy about talking about personal things in sex, although I'm getting better about it, because I'm getting better talking about it, in general, because I have to do that for my job.
3. I'm always nervous about what other people will think. It's foolish, I'm sure, because they are often absolutely delighted when I do say something, but I'm still a bit nervous about it.
So, now I have these TSdates.com toys...do we call them toys?...and wound up talking with someone I see a bit of about them...and he's sounding pretty excited to try them out with me...AND didn't realize I measure good sex in hours instead of minutes, and seems rather excited to do something about that the next time we see each other, as well...so speaking up was NOT the worst thing in the world...so there's that #3
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...Sexual Surrender (Part 3 of 3)
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Posted:May 19, 2017 8:22 pm
Last Updated:Jun 20, 2017 5:24 pm
7694 Views
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To Sexual Surrender Part 2 of 3
So, with Mr. Sweet Thing, this was the first time in my adult life, I was really interested in someone who seemed very interested in me since the bf & I had broken up...and I was finally ready for that.
And for the first time in my adult life, I wasn't in a situation where I felt answerable to someone else for how things went. It really was just he and I getting to know each other.
We had talked enough beforehand that I had some sense of who he is and what he's about.
And like I said in a past post, from the moment I met him and got into his car, I wanted to kiss him...but I'm not straight up impulsive...so I didn't...but he didn't wait for dinner to ask me if he could, either, saying HE had wanted to kiss me from the time I got into the car.
It was a lovely dinner, and he was a very good date, asking me a lot of questions about myself...and on our way back to the car, as I'd mentioned, he made out with me pretty much ever 10 feet until he took me in the back of the car like a and went down on me until I came.
The next date we had, I went to his place, which, first of all, is lovely, because he made sure it was, and secondly, the lighting was candles and low...and there was music...because he is a musician, among other things.
And this time, for me, it was full sexual surrender. He already knew I'm quite submissive in the bedroom, not in the D/s sense, and he took charge and I just let go and let him do so.
And it was amazing...and I was hooked...and so Mr. Sweet Thing might get his space and I might date others, but hmm...it's going to be a little hard to completely let go of that...because...
I realized that being able to completely lose myself in a sexual encounter like that...and then still be my own independent self, doing my own things, achieving my goals, that's something I crave.
So, I will keep looking, because he insists he can't be that person for me right now...but I won't stray completely out of his line of sight, either...
...because as frustrated as I get with him not prioritizing me, when he calls, my heart skips a beat, I like to look at him, I like to hear his voice, and I WANT him on a deep, visceral level...full sexual surrender.
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...To Sexual Surrender (Part 2 of 3)
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Posted:May 19, 2017 6:15 pm
Last Updated:Jun 2, 2017 8:21 pm
7792 Views
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From Emotional Abuse To Sexual Surrender Part 1
So, there were things I was not very comfortable doing with my ex. Oral was one of them. It felt like too much surrender...and I couldn't do it most of the time, although once in awhile I got into it.
I'd find BDSM hot once in awhile, but usually it just felt unsafe to me.
I also hadn't squirted and started learning about it...and I'd try and try, and got nowhere for the longest time...for two years to be fairly precise.
With new people, though, I'd be okay with oral. I don't know if it's because I accepted that it was more or less part of the deal when getting together with people in the nonmonogamous world, or if it was because the danger to my psyche wasn't there, or what. So, once in awhile, we'd engage in some nonmonogamy and I'd try to get more comfortable with it that way.
I began squirting one night after some mild drinking...maybe I was just relaxed enough to find the right muscles or something. I was delighted. My ex was less so...but he didn't really like any changes in me, so whatever. I liked it and he learned to get over himself.
It wasn't until my lover in Seattle and I started seeing each other, who I fell quite hard for, that I became comfortable to the point that I actually wanted to give him oral very much...so I did.
And that was pretty much par for the course for the remaining 4 years I was with my ex.
Then the last bf came on the scene...unassuming, kind, gentle, curious, and open, and I WANTED him. As I got to know him, I would try more things, because he was interested and not at all pushy about them. He mentioned he thought deep-throating was hot...it took a little while, but it wasn't long until I started doing it with him...and I liked it.
I didn't just like it. I learned that it triggered a squirting reflex...while simultaneously turning me on more. It wound me up like crazy!
He would test my limits, seeing how long he could get away with stimulating me before I tired of it...which he eventually figured out didn't really ever happen.
Eventually I figured out that there were two distinct functions for me as far as wanting sex goes. 1) I can be in the mood independent of who is around. But the other one I had never experienced before with my ex and hadn't ever been with someone else long enough to identify it was a thing, so number 2 is me wanting to have sex because I want to have sex because I deeply desire to have sex with that particular person.
This wanting to have sex with a particular person is a central force...and it's what happens when everything lines up--mind/body/energy. Even when I'd been with the bf for almost three years, I still strongly desired him and wanted to have sex with him whenever and wherever he really was up for it...and it's because I wanted HIM.
Sexual Surrender Part 3 of 3
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From Emotional Abuse To Sexual Surrender (Part 1)
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Posted:May 18, 2017 8:05 pm
Last Updated:Jun 10, 2017 9:25 pm
9299 Views
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I was married to someone for about 10 years too many. Having had a passel of with him, however, I felt the alternative was going to be than worse...so I stuck it out.
...and on and off I was so completely miserable, because of his emotional abuse, that I'd want to die.
Instead of stopping the emotional abuse in the moment, he'd suggest I go to the emergency room.
All while this was going on, I was reminding myself that I would NEVER put up with this shit with anyone, not ever again...because I shouldn't have been putting up with it then, but the alternatives seemed even worse.
So I was on HIS emotional rollercoaster for a decade...and becoming increasingly detached from my emotions and my needs, because how dare I have any in the presence of someone whose demands and emotions towered over everything I'd want or ask for...basically...ever? It was only acceptable when he deemed it acceptable for me to have emotions or needs. Otherwise, how dare I?
So, I detached. Having an open relationship was really my only escape...and he'd make me pay emotionally for that, as well, even though he wanted more than anything to fuck around, himself.
Being emotionally detached in sex from the time I was only 19 or so really didn't do a lot for my sexuality, because I ddin't really know how to be the sexual being I really was, because that's all I knew. I thought I just had average sex needs.
No. I had far deeper sexual/emotional needs that were impossible to realize in that situation.
Eventually I had a lover whose way of relating to me allowed me to tap into a much deeper and profound part of myself.
To a large degree, it was actually painful, but I instinctively embraced our connection anyways. It was a relationship with a built in expiration date...because I was moving soon.
My ex almost divorced me over it, because he was so jealous.
He made me pay dearly for it...and never quite got over it, even though on occasion he would be magnanimous enough to "allow" me to spend time with my lover when he'd visit or I'd go to see him. I didn't care. It was worth it. I love that man. He and I still love each other. We just will never live near one another, so we support each other and care for each other from afar as we remember to connect from time to time during our busy lives.
But I had begun to learn the art of sexual surrender to someone I cared deeply for...and I never could let go with my ex like that--because...later I realized...it just wasn't ever even remotely emotionally safe for me to do so
Eventually I met another lover who I cared for similarly and my ex had his girlfriend and said it was fine, but then he completely unraveled. He thought his girlfriend was the cat's meow...a LOT younger...which...I guess that's supposed to be a positive?...which I don't get, but okay, to each his own...and he was an ass to me in his pursuit of her.
Eventually he decided in a fit of rage that he was going to divorce me because he said something that I was confused about. Apparently, the worst thing in the world was for me to be confused by something he said, which never made a whit of sense to me. He expected telepathy and I was horrible for not having it.
But my new lover helped me relocate and recover from the emotional abuse. I got reestablished 100 miles away, and he gently showed me that nearly every complaint my ex had about me was ridiculous. And he helped me heal. And he helped me learn to let go. And I did. And things that had felt unsafe became safe for me and I learned that I even really enjoyed them.
We eventually broke up because we wanted different things, but I had learned so much about myself and healed from so much that had been wrong, that even though it was like my heart had been ripped out of my chest, the other part had been invaluable. I don't know if he and I will ever be able to be friends, but I don't hold it against him. He did too much to make my life much better than it ever would have been without him.
And one thing I had learned was the art of surrender to someone I trusted enough to sexually surrender to.
I'm not a sub as in a BDSM sub. I am, however, totally submissive in the bedroom and taking charge is something I almost never do...and recently, I realized how very amazing it can be when I am completely able to sexually surrender to someone who is even more emotionally and sexually compatible...
To Sexual Surrender Part 2 of 3
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7
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Trumpertantrums in an Echo Chamber
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Posted:May 17, 2017 9:11 pm
Last Updated:May 19, 2017 5:43 pm
8663 Views
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So, I saw a guy having a Trumpertantrum in his blog today. Well, of course, I had to at least look. It was the typical, "He won! Get over it, pussies," bullshit. And then later on he has the gall to respond to one of the comments on his blog, claiming the person had made an ad hominim...hypocrisy much?
Which...made me laugh...so I told him I thought his whole post had to be satire, because we all know that any decent pussy can always take a pounding, whereas balls...not so much.
This has to be a very bad day for the Trumplekinder.
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That's Gay! (A Primer)
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Posted:May 17, 2017 5:46 pm
Last Updated:May 22, 2017 8:18 pm
10886 Views
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Oh, myyyy...this is irritating...same as saying something is a "girlie drink," or shaming men for having human feelings and/or desires, or the shaming of men for treating women who most would appreciate being treated.
Sooo...since grown-assed men think this is somehow appropriate and don't seem to know what words mean (see Trump in the dictionary), let me give you a little primer:
Your biological sex can be male, female, or intersex, meaning you can have both male and female parts. There is even a man running around with two functional penises. Biology is not as simple as male and female. It really isn't.
Your gender can be male, female, transgender male, transgender female, or agender. Usually simply referring to transgender people by their preferred gender is the most appropriate way to refer to them. If they want to talk about being transgender, you should leave that part of the conversation to them.
Your sexual orientation is heterosexual, gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, and/or aromantic.
Choosing to talk to a woman like she's human isn't gay. It's respectful. To some people, that really actually matters. It matters to me. If you can't handle it, you get absolutely nowhere with me.
Taking someone to dinner isn't gay, it's sweet and/or romantic.
Cooking and cleaning aren't things that are gay. They are survival skills.
Having a tender heart and caring about other people isn't gay. It's called being in touch with the humanity of others.
If you are a grown-assed adult male, get this figured out in your head, because when it comes out of your mouth, it just sounds like verbal vomit and makes you seem like an asshat.
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9
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Exploding Penises
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Posted:May 16, 2017 9:10 pm
Last Updated:May 20, 2017 12:34 pm
10166 Views
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So, yeah, ummm, a lot of guys like to moan about how they can't get enough sex.
Look, here. The honey bee males inseminate the queen bee, and in doing so, their penises explode and they die. Then she goes and bangs some more of these dude bees, and there are dead bees and exploding penises in her wake while she really gets around.
Then there are the female spiders who eat their mates.
Basically, human males, we don't eat you and your penis doesn't explode, killing you, so just chill. In the animal kingdom it gets a lot worse!
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Back to Gold...now what?
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Posted:May 15, 2017 8:51 pm
Last Updated:May 22, 2017 9:41 pm
8002 Views
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I let things lapse because I was distracted by the sweet thing that had my full attention for a bit. Now that it's established he really isn't able to follow through on what he really does want, I had to earn my way back to gold.
Dammit! It took me about 10 days to get it back!
In that time, I managed to jump back up into the Cali blogger top rankings, hookup with a fun thing I'd toyed with before, realize I had thousands of points I could actually trade in for tanglible fun things, and learn what I could when I had to walk away from Mr. Sweet Thing before he had the chance to break my heart, too...walking away before getting full on attached = a good thing.
Sooo...now I have these tangible fun things and no one to play with.
*pout*
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