The Effects of Porn On Your Ability to Get Laid; AKA "You'll Go Blind You Filthy Bastard!"  

VenusRedux2 46F
337 posts
1/28/2019 11:29 am
The Effects of Porn On Your Ability to Get Laid; AKA "You'll Go Blind You Filthy Bastard!"





If you want to get laid here, stop watching porn. Seriously.





This site isn’t a choice of real sex OR porn. It is offering real sex AND porn. Unfortunately, those two things are opposing each other, not complimenting each other. And this is all to our collective detriment.

Yes, yes, I know. We were all indoctrinated into believing porn is harmless. There are innumerable studies to that effect that you can point to.

However, those studies were all done in the 60’s and the 70’s … 50 damn ago! Do you really think that’s still applicable today? A lot has changed since then. The amount. The type. The ease of access compared to before. The age of first exposure (shockingly young, enough to make even the most liberal minded among us feel uncomfortable).

These days, boys are masturbating to a dozen open windows of videos, looking for exactly the right thing that’s going to get them off. Porn, by itself, isn’t enough anymore. A hot scene, also, isn’t enough. They don’t have the patience to get through the scene. It has to be the exact stimulation they’re looking for within the scene, no matter how unorthodox or unrealistic.

The problem there is that meeting a real woman for real sex can never be instant gratification. It takes time to talk and cultivate that relationship. It takes witty banter. It takes intriguing conversation. It takes sensitivity to circumstances and situations to create a level of comfort and trust. That takes time.

On top of which, the sex act itself isn’t anything like porn. It isn’t as intense (nor do I want it to be), and has more...how do I phrase this?...unpleasantness...associated with it. Come on, we’re trading bodily fluids, it’s dirty and messy, it has sights, sounds, and smells that can never be confused for “erotic.” I don’t to change positions every 10 seconds. The whole routine of oral-vaginal-anal followed by cumming on her face cycle needs to be scrapped entirely. Real people just don’t have sex like that. Hell, real sex has more HAIR than porn will ever portray.

Guys are a little too focused on giving a woman a screaming orgasm that can be heard by astronauts in orbit. Don’t get me wrong, those are always fun, but that’s not quite what makes a sex session great. I want to have a good time. I want to laugh. It should be fun and look like fun. It shouldn’t look like you’re doing an SAT prep course. Relax a bit. Stop doing that weird lip biting thing. A guy looking that serious will not be invited back for a second audition. Seriously dude, loosen the hell up!

But if we’ve never cultivated that aspect of things, if we’ve never made laughing a priority, then it’s not going to magically happen now simply because we’re now naked together.

Sure, even mediocre real sex beats the best porn you’ll ever find. But porn is low effort. It takes no real investment in time, money, or energy. It is guaranteed to give you exactly what you want.

Meanwhile, real sex is high effort. There’s a huge investment in time. There’s a financial aspect to consider (it’s really hard for it to be completely free). You have to bring your A-Game in terms of personality and charisma.

Porn is comfortable. Porn is a known quantity, you know exactly what you’re going to get. Porn is a guaranteed orgasm. Real sex has none of that. First-time sexual encounters are anxiety ridden experiences. It’s all fumbling and awkwardness. Orgasms aren’t guaranteed. If anything goes wrong, that’s shame on a deeply personal level that is witnessed by another person – that’s hella anxiety!

Whenever the Effort to Reward ratio gets too high, porn eventually wins the day.

This is exactly reflected in my online conversations – Low Effort.

Guys seem unable to carry a conversation without bringing it immediately to sex. They don’t do this consciously or even deliberately. But what other outcome is possible when the instant gratification of porn is the alternative? Either the woman they’re talking to accept immediate graphic sex chat, or guys will instinctively default to porn to fill that desire. So I'm stuck competing with porn.

The whole process of attracting a woman, instead of being part of the fun, is instead viewed as cumbersome chore. Like watching a video and skipping to just-the-right part, the whole process of a sexual encounter wants to be skipped to get to the “good” part. There’s no “thrill of the hunt” anymore. There’s nothing in between the initial Hello and the money Shot. That’s enticing to absolutely no one!

Even with NSA/FWB/whatever-you-want-to--it, there’s still some degree of relationship there. You know each other somehow. Presumably you talk about stuff together. The more your online approach to women takes the form of porn, the less meaningful those relationships are. When the relationship is weak, the sex suffers. If you don’t intrigue me, why would I ever want to see you? (and don’t say because you’ll service me orally as if that’s some rare unicorn, that's just proving my point)

The thing is, I think guys want this too. They’re not getting from the relationship what they’re looking for, but they don’t know why. They’re blaming all the wrong things. They’re blaming it on women being “uppity bitches,” they’re blaming it on women wanting clownishly large genitalia, they’re blaming it on some mystical something else.

It’s not something else. It’s the porn.



CookiesNMischief 35M

4/28/2020 7:24 am

- My personal observation is that people tend to hide behind the veil that is literally a screen of some kind, be it computer, or cell phone; when people play like their the Wizard of Oz behind the scenes, it's easier to portray whomever you want to be.

I find a majority of people can be a charming sort, knowing exactly what to say and how to say it, in order to engage the interested party into more. And as human beings, we all long for a mental stimulus, of being our brain being made love to that will keep the candles burning well into the next chat.

The trick is, how well can one carry the art of the conversation from what takes place online to say, in a public setting when the object of your wants and desires happens to be right in front of you? Addendum: I'm not going into a whole segment about the reasons people "flake" because that, on it's own, requires a whole other post.

This is the balance you were mentioning in your post, meeting in the middle - a guy needs to tone down their constant need for arousal and couple that with engaging and raising a woman's desires to a matching point. Most often than not, men fail miserably at conveying even the most erotic of notions in a manner that is subtle and imaginative. Usually, the mindset of a guy is skipping forward on all the dialogue in porn and simply get to the parts that will basically get him off, forgetting that along this travel towards sensual understanding is also a woman in need or at least looking for direction with an understanding and giving partner.

We are in an unprecedented situation, of being safe at home and left mostly to our devices. I think men can help themselves this way with focusing less on the nature of porn and keeping themselves busy in way that test not only their physical capacities, but their mental strengths as well. And this isn't going to happen overnight - there are millennia of the way men have always thought and acted, but times have changed; it's about time men themselves change as well. At least for the betterment of sex itself.


VenusRedux2 replies on 4/28/2020 11:41 am:
I've found that most guys here are decent and respectable. I've written more extensively about this in other posts, but there is a fundamental disconnect between the state men are in when they're on here and the state women are in.

Men are often in a state of hyper-arousal

Women are on what I dub "Conversational Autopilot"

The trick to getting women to open up more is to induce women out of their autopilot state. Women can have entire cybersex encounters totally on autopilot.

To be fair, I think men WANT to do this, but they don't have the skills to KNOW HOW to do it.

rdy2try4 56F  
3304 posts
5/19/2019 9:44 pm

I STILL LOVE YOUR BLOGS!! I haven't been in the blogs for quite some time, but I have given out directions to your blogs, as we discussed long ago, to help guys get the idea of what this site is really like. Kudos to you for still being on top of the game!!


rwefuckin2nite 48M

2/19/2019 5:29 pm

Unfortunately, I was not able to comment below your reply to my initial statement. I should have re-worded my initial comment to reflect that some men are able to distinguish porn movies with horrible plots are fictional in nature. The same way in which some men know how to articulate themselves and are able to laid on here and off this site. Your insight in astounding regarding this subject and there is a large number of men and women on this site who should take heed to your suggestions.

Yes, PIED is real and the overload is because its not done in moderation. I'm sure that many of these men do not engage in sexual intercourse on a regular basis. My counter argument is not a justification for anyone's porn addiction. I will not speak for all men and/or women. I am mentioning women because there are plenty of women who maybe addicted to porn as well. I merely stating that some men and/or women can do watch porn in moderation without suffering from PIED or any other sexual dysfunction.

The same argument you've eluded to can be made for people who use sites like TSdates.com too much or frequently to engage in sexual behaviors, fantasies, chatting and etc.


rwefuckin2nite 48M

2/18/2019 2:35 pm

I agree with how people approach sex on this site. Some people think you are going to get engage in sexual intercourse after a few online conversations. Yes, the dialogue has to be engaging for someone to be mentally stimulated which can eventually lead to building trust and a desire to want to be sexually involved with someone. However, I will disagree with your notion that not watching porn will probably give men the needed motivation to get off their lazy asses and put the necessary work into it. Porn is a form of entertainment, nothing more and nothing less. There are plenty of men who can distinguish between the two. Some men find it challenging to be able to charm a woman, to be witty, to stimulate her mind so her body will follow.


VenusRedux2 replies on 2/19/2019 6:54 am:
Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction (PIED) is a real thing and recognized in the medical community. The ability to recognize the difference intellectually is inconsequential to the biological phenomena occurring. The brain is hardwired to work the way it does. As such, there IS such a thing as sensory overload from too much porn, and the brain adapts. This is well studied with little dispute in the scientific community. The only counter-argument comes from people naturally trying to justify their porn addiction.

40Deuce 44M
5725 posts
2/11/2019 5:20 pm

No matter how loudly anyone screams the astronauts won't hear it - sounds waves and vacuums and all that

Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.


VenusRedux2 replies on 2/15/2019 6:37 am:
Then NASA should make vacuums that are quieter so people can be heard!!! They're NASA for cryin' out loud!

Or, better yet, just turn the vacuum off when people are talking. Problem solved.

(yes, that's a joke)

Interesting sidenote: Did you know that inside a spacecraft is actually hot? We associate space with cold, but in the vacuum there's nothing to dissipate the heat, so the heat builds up in the ship with nowhere to go. That's why the Shuttle's bay doors are always open when up there, the inside of the bay doors have radiators to get rid of the excess heat.

CowboyandaGeek 39M/36F

1/28/2019 5:09 pm

I've been considering writing a blog for sometime now, about a similar topic, and I think you've hit the nail on the head. I wasn't going to use the porn angle, but more the lack of effort and romance and tact that plenty life-stylers use.

... which probably loops back to porn, for the reasons you mentioned. We live in an instant gratification type world now. Orgasms are a click away - literally ANYTHING and EVERYTHING and ALL the things you want to beat off to. TSdates.com promises that you don't need to be lonely tonight. Tinder will net you some tail. Nobody needs to invest themselves emotionally ever again. Nobody needs to work for it. Porn is free (please don't tell me anyone pays for porn anymore) - it's there! It's EVERYWHERE.


VenusRedux2 replies on 1/29/2019 4:16 am:
Once you see the connection, it's hard to unsee. The problems with conversation here isn't the sleazy aspect to it (though it's part of it), it's the low effort mentality. Nobody is really trying. So why all the posts whining about the lack of success when the answer is so obvious? Sad to say, not even the women are immune. A whole lot can be said about porn's effect on women. Perhaps that's why so many women feel compelled to put up trashy pussy shots as their main pics? Porn is telling them to be the free porn store, or worse yet, be the free prostitute. And women are buying into it in bulk. Perhaps you can address that in a post in greater detail.

s2ndegree 62M  
9797 posts
1/28/2019 2:29 pm

Well we certainly know why every guy from 16 to 32 are going after the older ladies.Porn
We all know everyone is after sex.This site tends to take a hell of a lot of the intrigue and well intended effort out of it. . Effort becomes rather futile when those you contact are for the most part faceless and are always in a perpetual state of inconstancy.
What influence has 90% of profiles looking for a well hung adonis .Porn!

Using more than all the road!


VenusRedux2 replies on 1/29/2019 4:21 am:
Exactly. Any attempts to make it easier will make it less thrilling.

Justlookn4fun441 33M
20 posts
1/28/2019 1:04 pm

Porn is just an easy out. Sooo much more worth the effort to find an actual person.


VenusRedux2 replies on 1/28/2019 1:22 pm:
You would think. The problem is that while everyone agrees with that, the conversations most women are having are all low-effort and lazy.

Granny872 69F  
4035 posts
1/28/2019 12:27 pm

Oh my goodness, so many valid points hit squarely on the head!!

The boys are looking for porn, the girls are saying 'hey, I'm a real person, not the porn queens you see so perfectly rehearsed according to script' on your screen.

When are they (hopefully) going to catch on??

Great post!

L


VenusRedux2 replies on 1/28/2019 1:31 pm:
Unfortunately, I don't see women on this site doing a much better job of things. How many of them pimped their bodies out for the nebulous distinction of being a Top Blogger here? (if that sounds a little judge-y, it is meant to be)

I just feel very strongly about constant viewing of porn to be causing a negative feedback loop. It is shaping and reinforcing our gut instincts in a way that actually prevents us from attaining what those instincts are supposed to be directing us towards.

I don't blame people for their upbringing. Unfortunately, this is the world we live in, and unlimited access to free porn of every possible fetish is a part of that world. All of us have to break the cycle.

AliOrbit 65F
624 posts
1/28/2019 12:01 pm

Enjoyed reading this. As I read the paragraph about sex itself I had to smile because I said many of the same things to a man from TSdates.com on Saturday. And yet we want it. Thank goodness; none of us would be here otherwise.


VenusRedux2 replies on 1/28/2019 1:34 pm:
We all know it, but somehow we can't break the cycle. We choose to believe the lie. We're not fooled, we just like the fantasy too much.

Bettibenobo 65F  
423 posts
1/28/2019 11:43 am

I agree 100% with what you said.

Thank you for posting a blog that's worthy of reading.

I look forward to seeing the onslaught of comments! (Especially Heathen's)


VenusRedux2 replies on 1/29/2019 6:59 am:
I gotta admit, I typically agree with Heathen

VenusRedux2 46F
557 posts
1/28/2019 11:30 am

And I didn't even get into the fact that not watching porn will probably give men the needed motivation to get off their lazy asses and put the necessary work into it.


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