Table for 6....Nope!...better make it 4............
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Posted:Jul 18, 2012 10:34 am
Last Updated:Dec 17, 2013 7:38 pm
4959 Views
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A husband, who has six , begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this. "Mother of six," he would say, "what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer!" She gets very frustrated. Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, "Mother of six, I think it's time to go!" The wife immediately shouts back, "I'll be right with you, father of four!"
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Ring a Ding Ding!
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Posted:Jun 18, 2012 10:42 am
Last Updated:Dec 17, 2013 7:38 pm
5013 Views
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Once upon a time there was a lady who was tired of living with men who were either physically abusive, who ran away from her, or who were horrible in bed. So she put an Ad in the paper, that was asking for a man who:
1) would treat her nicely 2) wouldn't run away from her, 3) would be good in bed.
Three weeks passed, and there was no reply from any man. So she just figured that there wasn't a man alive who could live up to these expectations, so she just gave up. But then, one day she heard the doorbell rang. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.
The man said, "I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you."
The woman replied, "Yes, but are you good in bed."
The man said with a smirk in his face, "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
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Bad pick up lines....
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Posted:Dec 23, 2011 10:41 am
Last Updated:Jan 28, 2015 6:52 pm
5468 Views
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We've all heard them, hell some of us have even used them....the "bad pick up line"!
I've got one that i think is pretty good...
Me: Hey, wanna get married? Girl: No Me: Good me either, can I buy you a drink?
Tell me what you think! lol
I'd also like to hear some of the worst pick ups lines that you've ever heard or had used on you...
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I'm the one walkin out alone....
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Posted:Dec 22, 2011 12:09 pm
Last Updated:Jan 6, 2012 12:04 pm
5067 Views
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Husband and wife walk into a cemetery....it's dark and eerie just like one would expect.
Husband: I don't know about this...it's pretty scary. Wife: What?
Husband: It's just creepy, I'm not sure about it. Wife: What are you scared for, I'm the one who has to walk back alone.
Corny..yes. But funny just the same!
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Did You Know?
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Posted:Nov 2, 2011 11:10 am
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2024 2:57 am
5162 Views
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— The average American man's erect penis is five to seven inches long with a circumference of four to six inches, according to The Kinsey Institute. — 46% of women would give up getting laid for two weeks rather than logging off the Internet for the same amount of time, according to a survey conducted by Intel. — Want the ultimate orgasm? Abstain from any sexual activity at all for three weeks. That's the amount of time it takes for your testosterone levels to peak and boost your libido, according to a study published in the World Journal of Urology. — There are 500-1,000 deaths per year from autoerotic asphyxiation. that's equal to the numbers of murders in New York City each year.
— Spain, Brazil, and Italy produce the best lovers, reports global research site OnePoll.com. The worst? Germans, who women dubbed "too smelly." Englishmen were too lazy, and Swedes finished too quickly. As for the Yanks? They landed somewhere in the middle. — Forget hitting the shower after a romp — 36% of people under the age of 35 go right onto Facebook and Twitter, according to consumer electronic site OnePoll.com. — 11% of guys say they use sex to relieve stress. — You help her get a good night's sleep. University of Pennsylvania researchers claim that women in stable relationships get better shut-eye than single women do. — More than one in three women are having sex at least three times every week. Not quite one in four men (28 are as lucky.
— Not going out as much? 32% percent of men say they are masturbating more since the recession. — Sex-related entertainment (porn mags or videos, strip clubs, services, phone sex, sexting, etc.) has taken the plunge with the economy: Forty-two percent of guys cut it from their budget entirely. — Women are having sex 17% more often than the average guy. — One in three men and women are completely satisfied with their sex life. (Alas, the same number of both sexes think their sex life could drastically improve.)
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Dirty, STD infested, Diseased, Drug addict....REALLY???
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Posted:Oct 28, 2011 1:33 pm
Last Updated:Jan 28, 2015 6:53 pm
5421 Views
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I wonder....
Why do so many people place seeking....
"Clean" "STD free" "DD free" "Disease Free"
or any other variation?
I mean REALLY??? Is there anyone on here seeking a dirty, STD infested, diseased, drug addict?
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125 Things Never to Say During Sex
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Posted:Oct 28, 2011 8:06 am
Last Updated:Jan 6, 2012 11:51 am
5571 Views
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1) Is it in? 2) That's it? 3) You've got to be kidding me. 4) (phone rings) Hello? Oh nothing and you? 5) Do I have to pay for this? 6) Do I have to call you tomorrow? 7) Oh momma, momma! Oh dadda, dadda! 9) you look better in the dark. 10) This is much better than my last girl/boyfriend. 11) I thought that goes in the other hole... 12) Don't tell my husband/wife. 13) You have the same bra my mom does (worse if the girl says it). 14) This sucks. 15) Can you finish now? I have a meeting... 16) I hope you don't expect a raise for this... 17) I think you might get the job for this. 1 Damn! Is that all you know how to do? 19) Did I tell you I have herpes? 20) Now we must get married. 21) Hurry up, the game's about to start. 22) I'm hungry. 23) I'm thirsty. 24) zzzzzzzzzzzz. 25) Are you trying to be funny? 26) Can I have a ride home after this? 27) Are those real? 2 By the way, I want to break up. 29) Is that smell coming from you? 30) Haven't you ever done this before? 31) Wow!! I've never seen those before (then grope wildly). 32) Do you know what some female spiders do after sex? 33) You're so much like your sister... 34) Your mom's cute. 35) What's your name again? 36) Do I have to be here in the morning? 37) A second time? I barely stayed awake the first time! 3 But you just started! 39) You're about as good as a 9 year old, and I should know! 40) Don't touch that! 41) Can we order a pizza? 42) I think my dad is listening at the door. 43) Smile for the camera, honey! 44) Take off that damn monkey glove! 45) Get your hand out of there! 46) I think the condom broke 10 minutes ago. 47) I knew you wore a padded bra! 4 Cover me boys, I'm going in! 49) DIVE! DIVE! DIVE! 50) Fire one! 51) God, that is small! 52) Hold on, let me change the channel... 53) Who smells like fish? 54) Is it OK if my mom (and/or dad) joins in? 55) Your best friend does it much better. 56) Hope you don't mind I left my boots on. 57) Hurry up, the motor's running. 5 You're fogging up the wind shield. 59) Can I borrow 5 bucks? 60) What the hell noise was that?! 61) Stop moaning, you sound so stupid. 62) Shut up, bitch! (worse if the girl says it) 63) You know, you're not really attractive. 64) I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. 65) What, oh yea, I love you too, now let me concentrate! 66) Stop interrupting me! 67) I have to take a shit. 6 Did I leave the iron on? 69) Your breath is funky. 70) (start singing Green Day) 71) Is it OK if I call someone, its OK though, keep going... 72) Its OK honey, I can just imagine that it's bigger. 73) God I wish you were a real woman. 74) Why can't you ever shave your legs? 75) By the way, when I drove over here, I ran over your dog... 76) Oh Susan, Susan... I mean Donna... Shit. 77) Your breast milk is like my mom's... 7 You're hairy! 79) Your "happy trail" led me to a dead end. 80) Is it OK if I never see you again? 81) Did I forget to tell you I got worms from my cat? 82) Don't make that face at me! 83) All of a sudden I have a headache. 84) You're boring. 85) I like your tits. 86) Suck my dick, bitch. 87) How much do I owe you? 8 How come we each have a penis? 89) Of course you can't be on top, you're too fat, you'll kill me! 90) Your ass is hairy (worse if the guy says this). 91) Just use your finger, its bigger. 92) Does your family have to watch? 93) We'll try again later when you can satisfy me too. 94) Get off me, I'll do it myself! 95) Can you hold this sandwhich for me? 96) You're as soft as a sheep, inside and out. 97) The only reason I'm doing this is because I'm drunk. 9 My mom taught me this... 99) How cute... Peach fuzz! 100) Damn girl! My tits are bigger than yours! 101) Should I ask why you're bleeding? 102) This is my pet rat, Larry... 103) If you can't do it, I'll find someone else who can! 104) I haven't had this much sex since I was a ! 105) I was once a woman... 106) Wanna see me take out my glass eye? 107) No I don't love your mind, I can't grab that! 10 Is it OK if I tell my friends about this? 109) I'm sobering up and you're getting ugly! 110) You wanted me to use a condom? 111) You're no better than my brother! 112) Mooooo! 113) Fire in the hole! 114) I wanna see how many quaters I can fit in there. 115) Hurry up, I'm late for a date. 116) OK start... Oh! that feels so... YOU'RE DONE?! 117) You ever see Basic Instinct? 11 I'm out of condoms, can I use a sock? 119) Don't squirm, you'll spill my beer. 120) Did I tell you where my cold sore came from? 121) You got boogies showing. 122) (start reciting the 10 Commandments) 123) I think I just shit on your bed. 124) Of course I don't love you. 125) Let me spell it out for you, b-r-e-a-t-h m-i-n-t.
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Tiny Tidbits...
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Posted:Oct 25, 2011 12:18 pm
Last Updated:Dec 22, 2011 9:39 am
5184 Views
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You can reduce tooth decays by kissing every now and then. And, it is actually healthier than shaking hands. There is this tranquilizer known as Valium. It is used to relieve anxiety and relax muscles. Save the money because making love is 10 times more effective than this, and it is the safest too.
Some people suffer from Formicophilia. People suffering from this condition have a strange sexual desire to be crawled upon by small insects such as ants. Gross or funny!
Men happen to be the funnier of the two sexes. One of the main reasons for this fact may be the urge to impress ladies. Well, if we talk about Superman, he need not be funny. His body of steel and bulging muscles, and not to forget, that super cool flying suit, are more than enough to melt the heart of the ladies. When it comes to an average man, the one thing which he can be best at, is, inducing that laughing-out-lungs kind of laughter in the lady. And for ladies, they are free from the obligation to impress men. Men are always and at any time, impressed by them, even if they are strangers.
Looking for a responsible and neat and tidy men? Go to the dry cleaner. The men who come there have a job and bathe everyday. If you're man did not call you, you might suppose that he might have forgotten, lost your number or the like. Wake up! He did not call because he did not want to!
Men stay happy by loving their women a lot and not trying to understanding them at all. No matter how strong a man is, he cannot fold a piece of paper (no matter how big) into half more than 7 times.
If a woman asks you as how does she look? Mind it! She does not expect an honest answer from you! In Italy, women with the name Mary are prohibited to take up the profession of a
It is in the woman's nature to read any emails that is left unlocked on the computer. Women tend to walk faster in opposite direction at the sound of whistle. When women wear high heels, they expect their men to be still taller! A gynecologist in Bahrain can examine a woman's private parts, only through a mirror. In Rome, when a man would testify, he would first swear on his genitals.
Banging one's head against the wall, can burn about 150 calories. (If I were you, I wouldn't try it).
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Finish my thoughts....
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Posted:Oct 11, 2011 12:03 pm
Last Updated:Nov 1, 2011 8:09 am
5139 Views
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Start off slowly kissing and caressing your neck....deep breaths in your ear....I continue to caress your hair and slowly suckle the nape of your neck....you also begin to breathe more heavily, yet your not ready to submit....you fite back your urges but aren't stopping me, so I continue to seduce you with deep gazes and slow caresses of my toungue....
I slowly work my way to your supple lips....breathing deeply and just barely touching our lips, but i pull back....increasing your desire and curiousity....I work my way down your neck.....slowly and softly....kissing and caressing between your breasts....with just glancing flicks of my toungue near your supple nipples....
Mmmmmmm.....your heart begins to beat more and more.....your breaths continue to deepen....you begin a slow low moan....mmmmmm.....under your breath....you're about to completely submit....but i pull back soon enough each time....and make your desire even stronger....but you know the game...and your up for it.....I slowly move my way down your soft and smooth stomach....kissing and caressing it from one side to the other....
Mmmmmm....making my way to that oh so sweet spot, that you desire for me to spend such special time with....you're breathing gets heavier and you're squirming with desire....mmmmmm.....heart pulsating....lips swolen with anticipation.....a slight touch of the tongue and a deep suckle of your lips rolling between my tongue and teeth....softly....mmmmm.....you are breathing and pulsating into a frenzy.....anxiously awaiting more....your soft moans become deeper.....
That's got it started....let's hear some of your finishing touches to that great beginning.
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Before and after....
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Posted:Oct 11, 2011 11:33 am
Last Updated:Nov 1, 2011 8:09 am
5049 Views
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Before Marriage:
John - Ah... At last, I can't hardly wait! Jane - Do you want me to leave? John - NO! Don't even think about it. Jane - Do you love me? John - Of course! Always have and always will! Jane - Have you ever cheated on me? John - NO! Why are you even asking? Jane - Will you kiss me? John - Every chance I get! Jane - Will you hit me? John - Hell no! Are you crazy?! Jane - Can I trust you? John - Yes Jane - Darling!
After Marriage:
Read from the bottom back to the top...
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