11th Virtual Symposium: On Burning Bridges
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Posted:Aug 23, 2015 8:36 am
Last Updated:Aug 30, 2015 7:44 am
39771 Views
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"Sometimes you get the best light from a burning bridge" ~Don Henley
Burning bridges is a healthy, natural part of life and at times it’s a necessity to burn a bridge to ensure your own success and happiness. Now before you flame me, write me off, or decide I’m a crazy person who has no idea how to handle relationships – keep reading. What I have to say may actually surprise you. This topic has been on my list since I started blogging here and I’ve been mulling it over for what feels like FOREVER! Should I write a post about burning bridges, should people burn bridges, what does it really mean to burn a bridge anyway? It’s a controversial topic, one that shouldn’t be taken lightly, and I’ve been putting it off for those very reasons.
We’ve all been told at some point in our lives, “Don’t Burn Your Bridges!” Who am I kidding? I’m sure you’ve heard this more than once.
Unfortunately, somewhere along the way, it seems that the meaning of the phrase “Don’t Burn Your Bridges,” has become a bit misconstrued. So many of us were given this advice by loving parents who wanted the best for us and so we really took the phrase to heart. The problem is that our parents didn’t realize just how “to heart” it was being taken. Today “Don’t Burn Your Bridges” appears to have morphed into a false sense of reality that implies that we should all get along with everyone we meet, that we should want everyone to like us, and that no matter what transpires during a work or personal relationship, we should strive to keep it going for fear of some sort of retaliation or major negative consequence.
Well, that is just a bunch of bullshit! The reality is that we don't have to get along with everyone we meet, not everyone is going to like us, not every relationship is good for us, and while every choice has consequences (good and bad) sometimes accepting those consequences is better for us than accepting the status quo. It can be really hard to fight against this preconceived notion and to accept the idea that we don’t have to keep every relationship we’ve ever made. But, if you really start paying close attention to the people whom you consider to be very successful, you'll start to realize that they have indeed burnt bridges along the way, and are in fact none the worse for wear.
I want to address another misconception that we seem to have when it comes to burning bridges; it’s part of the reason why this is such a controversial topic. When we think of the classic case of burning bridges, we automatically assume that there has been some kind of major confrontation that leads to the ending of a relationship. While this does happen and will more than likely happen at least once to each of us, I’m not condoning this method of bridge burning. Just like with anything in life, there is more than one way to burn a bridge.
I believe the true meaning of the phrase “Don’t Burn Your Bridges” was meant to imply that you shouldn’t attack (professionally, mentally, physically, etc.) another person as a means to ending the relationship you have with them. It was meant to prevent you from acting like an ass, but not meant to prevent you from ending relationships.
So now that we have a better definition, just when is it acceptable or even recommended to burn a bridge? There are many times when burning a bridge is the best thing you can do for yourself. Maybe someone is wasting your valuable time, maybe they bring too much drama with them, maybe they have a bad reputation that reflects poorly on you, or maybe they are just someone who discourages you instead of supporting you.
You will find these people at every stage in your life – some of them will be very successful – though I still have yet to figure out how that happens. Just because they are successful, does not mean being connected to them will help you to succeed. It’s usually quite the opposite, they are often the ones who will bring you down. So give yourself permission to burn these bridges out of your life and your career – they are toxic and you don’t need them! Just remember that if you decide to burn these bridges, don’t let anyone see the smoke! That way, if things change, you may just be able to easily rebuild that bridge in the future.
Do you struggle with letting go of toxic people or relationships? Have you burned bridges with people in your life that you felt good about? Regret? Curious minds want to know.
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15
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Violated
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Posted:Aug 21, 2015 2:48 pm
Last Updated:Sep 7, 2015 3:17 pm
29885 Views
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We live in a society where innocent victims are preyed upon by unscrupulous individuals looking to illegally drain money from accounts without so much as a thought about what damage this may inflict upon the victim.
Today I was THAT victim.
Normally I am very diligent about staying on top of my finances. My bank has online banking and I usually verify my account history daily. Yesterday, I got busy and did not.
Today I discovered an unauthorized purchase was made to my bank account using my Visa debit card. While the charge was not over $100, it required a lot of legwork to suspend the card (still in my possession), sign a fraud affidavit to submit to Visa for reimbursement, and obtain a new card.
I am fortunate that I caught the charge. Who knows how much money the hacker would have drained from my account if I hadn't been so diligent.
Have you ever felt violated this way? How did you deal with it?
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8
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Women and Cats
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Posted:Aug 20, 2015 7:00 am
Last Updated:Apr 25, 2016 4:44 pm
29517 Views
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Confession: I'm a cat person. It's interesting the fascination that some women have with cats. For all the female cat lovers, this is for you.
I could never understand why women love cats.
Cats are fiercely independent,
they don't listen,
they never come in when you call,
they often stay out all night.
When they are home they like to be left alone
and they sleep all the time.
In other words,
every quality that a woman detests in a man,
they adore in a cat.
Way down deep, we’re all motivated by the same urges. Cats have the courage to live by them.
~Jim Davis (creator of Garfield )
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5
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Stay Classy, Folks
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Posted:Aug 19, 2015 6:36 am
Last Updated:Aug 25, 2015 4:59 pm
29380 Views
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"Don't let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace" ~Dali Lama
I don’t know about you but I have always tried to take the high road rather than responding to bad behavior. Even when I am furious, I remind myself I am a lady and choose to remain classy. Let me share some of my recommendations that seem to deliver the best results.
1. DON’T ACKNOWLEDGE IT
The best thing you can choose in responding to bad behavior is to not acknowledge it all. I realize this may be very difficult. I recently faced a situation in my own life and it took everything in me to do this but I did do it. To acknowledge someone’s poor behavior toward you is to tell them it got to you and they win. Refuse to give them that satisfaction.
2. BE KIND ANYWAYS
Going a step further is even better. When someone uses bad behavior toward you, choose to be kind to them anyway. I am not advising that you be their friend. I think it is best to keep your distance from such individuals, but do so with kindness. I always tell myself that just because they choose to act poorly does not mean I will do so in return.
3. SMILE AT THEM WHEN THEY DO IT
If someone does something in front of you that shows their bad behavior, smile at them. Not a true smile, mind you. Give them more of an I’m onto you kind of smile. This is really all it will take to put them in their place. It may not stop the behavior from them but they know that you know.
4. MAKE A VAGUE COMMENT
When forced into a corner by someone’s bad behavior, do not panic. Don’t retaliate by saying something you may later regret. Say something very vague. This will get to them because they know they cannot get a confrontation out of you. After you master doing this, it is actually quite enjoyable to know that the best way to get under some people’s skin is to refuse to let them get under yours.
5. KEEP YOUR COOL
You must keep your cool. Do not allow the person behaving poorly to anger you. Your cool temperament will show your class and their lack thereof. Let your actions speak for you; they speak louder than words anyway. Most people will hang themselves if you give them enough rope.
6. BE CONFIDENT
Confidence can absolutely put out someone’s fire toward you. If they know they can’t get to you, what is the point of continuing to try? They may still dislike you but who cares? If you give in and show that what they have done has bothered you, you have had it. You have most likely just made things ten times worse.
7. ENJOY YOUR LIFE
Living well really is the best revenge. I have had to learn this lesson in my own life. The best way to get back at those that attempted to hurt me was to be happy and enjoy my life. That is the opposite of what they want you to have so why not try all the harder to have it? As they see you are happy and moving on past their petty attempts to hurt you, they will know you were the true winner after all.
I would love to learn more from you. What are some classy ways you respond to bad behavior directed toward you?
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6
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I've Been Elevated to 'Cool' Mom Status
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Posted:Aug 18, 2015 6:16 pm
Last Updated:Apr 20, 2016 7:46 am
28864 Views
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You see, my has a huge interest in music and just started taking guitar lessons at school. Up until today, she had been borrowing an acoustic guitar from the school. She was told that the class is not limited to acoustic instruction; if students want to bring personal guitars from home, the instructor would incorporate their type of guitar into an individualized lesson plan.
There is a particular band and guitar player that has heavily influenced her love of music. She attended her first concert this summer (Fall Out Boy) and happened to connect with Pete Wentz, the band's lead bass guitarist.
But I digress.
I decided that my deserved an early birthday present (aside from the balloon festival vacation trip to Albuquerque). So, as any cool mom would do, I got her a Fender, Squire signature Pete Wentz signed custom bass guitar and a few accessories.
It cost me a small fortune. But being elevated to cool mom status:
PRICELESS!
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9
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One Step Forward; Three Steps Backward
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Posted:Aug 17, 2015 6:02 pm
Last Updated:Aug 24, 2015 3:42 am
28593 Views
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I've been getting a few emails from friends and watchers inquiring how my running regimen has been going. Up until today, I had been averaging about 45 miles a week splitting the distance between running and elliptical workouts.
Well, today my body decided to give me a reality check by letting me know that I am no longer the agile twenty-something I once was.
I was doing dead lifts using lighter weight this morning when I felt a pull accompanied by pain in my lower left back. The exact same same injury occurred to my back two years ago while in a precarious sexual position. 
I've been doing all the right things- icing it, taking NSAID's and most recently I started a Tumeric (Curcumin) supplement.
For those that aren't familiar with it, Curcumin is thought to have antioxidant properties, which means it may decrease swelling and inflammation. It's also being explored as a cancer treatment in part because inflammation appears to play a role in cancer.
Here's hoping that I can be all well before my Chicago trip because sex is definitely on my agenda among other things!
Welcome to my Monday! How's your week shaping up?
XOXO,
myelin
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9
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Putting a Name With a Face
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Posted:Aug 16, 2015 8:04 am
Last Updated:Aug 19, 2015 7:47 am
27938 Views
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So, yesterday was a whirlwind day. I had to get up at 5am to be in Wichita by 8 for an alumni board meeting which lasted until 2pm.
Following the board meeting, I had pre-arranged a get together with a blogger at a local brewery for a quick meet and greet. (I had to be home later that evening for a friend's 50th surprise birthday dinner).
To avoid miscommunication and hurt feelings, I was upfront about my lack of sexual interest before the meet. He jokingly accused me of "overthinking things." Since when do therapists NOT overthink things?!
Confession: I have an unspoken rule that I prefer sexual partners that reside further than 2 hours from me. It keeps things from getting too serious. Sorry to all of my watchers from Wichita! (He thought that rule was weird and maybe it is).
I kind of felt bad because I can generally connect with people I meet but for some odd reason, I did not with this person. I think he probably felt the same way.
Notwithstanding, I felt it was time well-spent. I enjoy meeting people and at least putting a name with a face. To the blogger I met yesterday, thank you for the gift of your time. It was good to meet you. 
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6
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So Good I had to Steal This
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Posted:Aug 14, 2015 6:27 pm
Last Updated:Sep 3, 2015 7:01 pm
29885 Views
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I stumbled upon this Gif on_Vain_'s blog. It has been my experience with lovers that those that are good kissers seem to have a natural talent with bringing me countless orgasms through oral stimulation.
I was especially wowed earlier this year by one lover's extreme worship of my pussy. I even wrote a blog entitled, "Pussy Worship" however for some reason, I can't link back to it. Never before had I experienced a lover that was truly into worshiping my pussy until him. For me, some of the best sexual experiences involved heightened oral stimulation prior to penetration.
Of course, not everyone enjoys kissing, giving or receiving cunnilingus. I've been with lovers who dislike kissing and typically they aren't interested in giving oral sex. But for some odd reason, they enjoy RECEIVING it. To that I have to say, "WTF?!"
What are your thoughts about oral sex? Do you like giving oral sex? If you were with a lover who did not like performing oral sex, or refused to do so, would that be a deal breaker? Do you consider lovers who refuse to perform oral sex to be lazy or unadventurous? Curious minds want to know
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16
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Are You Afraid to Fall in Love?
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Posted:Aug 12, 2015 5:28 am
Last Updated:Aug 14, 2015 1:13 pm
28087 Views
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Feeling loved. At the most basic level, love is a survival instinct wired to our primal core of being. All humans share a hunger to be loved, nurtured and secure in our relationships. This urge fuels our desire to create strong personal bonds. Love gives us the assurance that we are not alone in the world.
For many people, however, the need for love hides deep insecurities. When we enter an intimate relationship, we often feel emotionally vulnerable. This is especially true if we have felt let down or hurt in previous relationships. Feelings of insecurity often begin with our childhood family or unhealthy early relationships. These negative experiences can also interfere with our ability to choose good partners.
Loving someone opens you up to the possibility of getting hurt. Loving wholeheartedly means finding the courage and willingness to risk tremendous loss. Many times, we are not willing to take this risk.
So, when true love is standing in front of us, we may feel compelled to withdraw, obligated to put up a wall or even to run in the opposite direction of love, leaving a trail of dust. Instead of exposing ourselves to the risk of pain or rejection, we position ourselves to hold the power.
When insecurities, fear, obsessive thoughts and feelings of powerlessness go unchecked, your ego convinces you to take control. Your ego hates the unknown. Your ego hates taking risks. Your ego hates being vulnerable. Your ego hates being weak and powerless, so it takes charge and actually destroys what you treasure most.
If you’re not getting what you need in your relationships, insecurity may be to blame. You can not depend on others to lift you out of your 'funk." Only you can do this. And sometimes it requires reaching out to someone and taking a risk. Be vulnerable. Allow yourself to let love in.
xoxo {=}
myelin
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5
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Increased Cell Phone Usage Linked to Depression
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Posted:Aug 12, 2015 5:09 am
Last Updated:Aug 13, 2015 11:49 am
27788 Views
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When was the last time you looked at your phone? For most of us, it was probably fairly recently, which could be an indicator of a booming social life or a hectic work schedule. But could it also provide insight into our mental state? Researchers at Northwestern University believe so, claiming the more you use your phone, the more likely you are to be depressed.
The new study, published in the Journal of Medical Internet Research, found that depression could be detected from smartphone usage—and it's possibly a better indicator of the condition than one's own self-assessment. In fact, scientists were able to identify people with depressive symptoms with 87% accuracy, just according to their phone data.
According to the findings, people with more depressive symptoms were found to visit fewer locations, spending the majority of their time between "favorite" locations such as home and work. No surprise there. But phone usage was also a key factor in determining the severity of depression, as higher levels of depressive symptoms were directly related to more use of a phone, in terms of both duration and frequency.
Because cell phones are such an integral part of our daily lives—and because phone sensors can track our daily habits so accurately—researchers believe the devices could play an important role in determining early signs of conditions like depression, and possibly even improving treatment options down the line.
I have recommended smartphone apps to several that suffer from depression and other mood disorders. Apps that my have found particularly helpful are those that promote Mindfulness and Daily Affirmations.
Curious minds want to know- would you (or have you) used any apps on your smart phone to help decrease stress or depression?
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3
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Sick Days Suck
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Posted:Aug 11, 2015 10:48 am
Last Updated:Sep 6, 2015 12:52 pm
27197 Views
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I woke up this morning feeling fine. It wasn't until midway into seeing my first that I started to get a queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I suffered through seeing my second when it hit me full-on. I managed to make it through the session and ran next door to the store thinking buying some pepto might help alleviate it.
But I was wrong. Decided to cancel my afternoon and headed home to recuperate. It takes a lot to get me to miss a workout but my body wasn't having it.
Made it home just in time when the projectile vomiting decided to hit. After my stomach emptied itself and following a warm soak in the tub I came to the conclusion that I must have acquired food poisoning from something I had for breakfast.
I'm laying in bed feeling better and like the biggest pussy for taking the day off.
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6
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What Gets Your Attention?
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Posted:Aug 10, 2015 7:46 am
Last Updated:Aug 24, 2015 4:28 pm
26996 Views
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I realized something yesterday while going through my "hotlist." There was a common theme among each of the 9 individuals that I had hotlisted. The common denominator was that each person's main profile photo was represented by their torso. More specifically, eight profile photos had full on chest shots while one photo had their back on display.
Of course, this led me to speculate that I must secretly have a fetish for a nice, well-defined torso. Aside from an intellectual mind, I do find that a well-defined chest and torso gets my attention.
This led me to wonder, what gets your attention the most when perusing through profile photos? Do you find yourself gravitating toward certain types of photos?
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8
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Are You a Lazy Lover?
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Posted:Aug 9, 2015 2:00 pm
Last Updated:Aug 10, 2015 5:57 pm
27192 Views
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When you see the words ‘lazy lover’ you know exactly what I mean.
They want to do the least amount of work possible. They halfheartedly give a few rubs before asking you to finish. They jump straight from gentle kissing to sex because foreplay is just too. much. work. They lay back and let you do all the work, each and every time. Oh – and you probably initiate all the time too!
When you have a lazy lover, its important to assume best intentions. Give them the benefit of the doubt and take this time to explore more things that bring you both pleasure.
Talking is always the first step. But maybe your partner doesn’t know they’re being lazy. Maybe they aren’t actually lazy but just lack self-confidence or get timid in bed or are experiencing pelvic pain. If you don’t bring the problem up, it might go on forever.
Depending on how lazy they are, you might have to be a little forward. Try grabbing their hand and guiding it where you want it. Let them know (with moans or words) when they do something that feels good and remind them to “keep going” and “don’t stop!”
Above all, if you find yourself gravitating toward being a lazy lover, never assume that foreplay is overrated. Try setting the stage with some over the top teasing ( a good kisser always makes me super wet ) and strive to ensure the environment is conducive to sexually stimulating the senses.
Have you ever been with a lazy lover? How did you handle it?
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7
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To link to this blog (myelin36) use [blog myelin36] in your messages.
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