Inside Me...
A look into the mind of a single 40 year old BBW navigating the maze of sexual pleasure.
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Sometimes you feel like a nut...
Posted:Nov 7, 2010 7:45 am
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2012 12:03 am

... sometimes you don't.

I go through phases with sex. There are times I want it all the time, and then there are times when I really don't.

I'm going through one of those phases right now. I'm crazy busy at work and will be through the end of the year and when I get home, I just want to relax. I don't want to go through the hassle of making sure the apartment is in perfect condition for visitors, my eyebrows are perfectly plucked, my pussy is shaved perfectly smooth, re-doing my makeup (or putting on makeup at all on the weekends) or doing any sort of sexual entertaining.

I've made a new friend that gives massages... really, really GOOD massages if you know what I mean... nudge, nudge, wink, wink. And it's perfect for me. I get to go to his place, climb on the table, get serviced in wonderful ways and that's about it. Yes, I do make sure he cums, because I love, love, love being coated with it. Not a joke... I really do. It's the perfect ending to a perfect massage, lying on that table covered in his sticky cum. Yum!!!

But the massage table isn't big enough to have sex on, and I do want to have sex with him, but that's going to involve him coming to my place. (I broke my own rule... he's married... but he gives MASSAGES... REAL MASSAGES... and I'm a total for those!!)

I'm a slob. I admit it. I don't do dishes until I absolutely have to. Taking out the garbage? So low on my list of priorities that it doesn't even rate. Not to mention I live in an apartment complex where I actually have to DRIVE my trash to the dumpster. I smoke, and though I burn incense, have a dozen different room sprays, etc., I just know that even though I can't smell it, it has to smell like an ashtray in here. Sometimes I think I need to find some little subservient boy-toy that'll clean my apartment while I sit with my riding crop and give orders!!

Plus I have two cats and one of them absolutely hates everybody except me, so when I have men over, there is a constant worry that she is going to attack him!!

So, yeah, hosting for me isn't the most relaxing thing in the world, though it's nice to not have to drive somewhere else and just be able to roll over in my own bed and relax after he's gone. I really prefer going someplace else for sex. For the reasons above AND the reasons I posted in my other post about the safety aspect.

But anyway... that's just another obstacle in my quest to live the life of a complete sexual wanton. I need a maid. One that's about 6'2", hung like a , cut like a Greek god and totally subservient to me. Any takers??
Today's Adventure
Posted:Oct 17, 2010 2:29 pm
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2012 12:02 am

We've already established that I can't stand liars, right?

So today I answered an ad off Craig's List. As soon as he answered me back with pics, I recognized him from here. Same pics, right? Small world.

As a matter of fact, he was someone on my hotlist because his pics were gorgeous.

So, I invite him over. When he gets here...

Well, either his pictures were 20 years old, or they weren't actually of him. I'm leaning towards they weren't actually him.

Damn it all. Damn it. Why?

He wasn't a bad looking guy... much bigger, much older than his pics. And the cock was TOTALLY different from the cock in his pics, which is why I think the pics he's using aren't actually of him.

Yes, I still let him play with me. I was horny. But I can promise it wasn't as much fun for either of us as it would have been if he'd been the guy in the pictures.

I guess I'm going to have to start making men send me a picture of themselves holding something with the date on it from now on.

I honestly love sex... and I love honesty. The two go hand in hand.

He's never going to get invited back, I'm frustrated and pissed off and the sex play (I didn't fuck him) was mediocre at best.

He got off, so I guess he doesn't care but from the way he talked, it'd been quite a long time since he'd had sex. Maybe because he's a BIG FAT LIAR?

I know the numbers are against you guys in the world of NSA sexual encounters and you all feel you have to use every trick in the book to get your dicks wet.

Doesn't change the fact that lying and deceiving are shitty things to do.

So when you men are wondering why you can't meet any REAL women on here, you can thank guys like the asshole today and the others like him that think nothing of being deceitful pricks.

Because now I'm even less inclined to invite new guys over. Once bitten, twice shy, right?

And I hate that because one day I'd really like to invite a bunch of guys from over for a gangbang, but I can't do that if I can't find a bunch of honest guys who are exactly who they say they are.

Why do married men...
Posted:Oct 17, 2010 1:12 am
Last Updated:Apr 3, 2011 10:08 am

... always think they're going to be the exception to my rule?

It's late, I can't sleep and I need to fuck. So, yeah, little grouchy here.

First off, standard members piss me off. I built my profile, put the pertinent info in there and they can't see it because they're a) too cheap to pay the fee or b) married and can't upgrade because the wife will see the charge on the credit card bill.

Secondly, if they actually CAN see my profile, they either don't bother to read it or read it and think it doesn't apply to them.

I love open relationships. I'm perfectly cool with couples who swing, either together or separately. I could never be in a monogamous relationship. Therefore, I am not in a relationship that is supposed to be monogamous. Pretty simple, really.

If your marriage is broken, either fucking fix it or end it. And THEN hit this site trolling for women.

Wife not interested in sex? Maybe she's just not interested in sex with YOU. What does that tell me? You suck in bed.

Oh, so you're fabulous in bed, are you?? Of course you are. Best oral skills EVER. Hung like a . Stamina of a god. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard it.

If that's so true... and your wife STILL isn't into sex... then why the fuck did you marry her and enter into a "monogamous" relationship with someone you're not sexually compatible with??

Right... you love her. Sure you do. Honey, that's not love... at least, not the kind of love a marriage should be based on. That's friendship. And you're a dick for dicking around on your friend, who happens to be your wife.

I'm sure that the married men on this site would disagree with me on numerous points, but you know what? I absolutely don't give a shit.

I don't have sex with married men. I. don't. have. sex. with. married. men. No exceptions.

Oh, and if you lie to me and I find out? Don't think for one tiny second I won't find her and tell her what a jackass she's married to.

I'm sure the married men I'm referring to don't actually read my blog so this is all for naught. But it made me feel better anyway.

I'm taking my vibrator and going to bed now. I'm sure I'll be cheerier after three or four orgasms.
1 comment
Well, well, well...O
Posted:Oct 9, 2010 6:22 pm
Last Updated:Apr 3, 2011 10:08 am

Oh my.

You just never know what you're going to get with this site, do you?

I had a friend coming over this afternoon for some play. And I was primed and ready. My pussy was so wet... I was ready to fuck.

And then he showed up, told me he had just gotten a call from work and had to go in and couldn't play. Kissed me and left.

So there I was in my fishnets and my nightie and frustrated as hell. A bit pissed off, yes. And all alone.

So I jumped online and opened the IM on here. I've made it pretty clear that I don't like younger men, but the first guy to IM me happened to be 28 and his pic was a nice shot of a very pretty cock. After a couple minutes of chat, I invited this 28 year old over. Not only was he younger, he was shorter with a very small build. I easily made two of him.

But, OH MY GOD, can he fuck!! He ate pussy better than just about any man I've ever been with and when he fucked me, he hit ALL the right spots... over and over and over. I lost count of my orgasms. He was BRILLIANT. And as soon as he came, he got hard again going down on me AGAIN. Champion kisser. Amazing hands. Gorgeous cock. Incredible stamina.

I cannot wait until he can come over again and spent a few hours frolicking in bed with me.

Today, I learned an important lesson about not judging a book by its cover. I'd tell you his screenname, but I kinda want to keep him to myself for a while!


1 comment
I'm not changing my life...
Posted:Oct 8, 2010 8:02 pm
Last Updated:Oct 8, 2010 9:09 pm

What the fuck is that?

Why am I seeing some variation of this asinine thing on 2 out of 3 profiles I'm looking at?

And the bigger question is... why the fuck would I care what you're doing with your life? Changing it, not changing it... Does it effect how well you fuck?

If I see this on your profile, you're going on my no-fuck list.
Posted:Oct 3, 2010 3:56 pm
Last Updated:Oct 7, 2010 9:26 pm

Realized it's time for a new blog post, but I'm not sure I have much to say today. It's a cool Autumn afternoon, and I'd really rather be curled up in bed with someone, writhing and twisting and tasting and stroking, but, alas, it's also the last day of my period so no playtime for me.

I'm looking forward to this week, though. There is a fabulous guy that I've been friends with for almost a year now (we met here on and we're hoping for some fun one night this week. The man has the most gorgeous cock and the sexiest little butt and loves to let me play back there. I love rimming him, and fingering him and driving him mad by playing with his tight little hole. This week, we may even try my new strap-on, if he's up for it. We're also looking at bringing in another man for him to suck for me. I do love watching that!

There are also a couple of other men on here that I'm hoping to meet up with soon. has it's problems, but I do love it!

Though I'm pretty secure in my sexuality and my sense of morals... right vs. wrong, sometimes I do struggle with it a little bit. I really, really don't think that having an active and varied sex life makes me a ... but I worry that men, as enlightened as some pretend to be, think that I am. And, yes, that does bother me.

I met with a guy from here a couple of weeks ago. He was younger than me, so I shouldn't have met with him but we'd been talking for months and I guess I sort of felt, maybe, that I should follow through, so I let him come over.

I tend to be a bit submissive in the bedroom. I love strong men that take charge. So I let him, as comes natural to me. Mind you, he'd made big promises during the months we chatted on the Hoo... how badly he wanted my pussy, he wanted me to sit on his face, he was gonna fuck me so good, yadda, yadda, yadda.

He loved letting me suck his cock, of course. And he went wild when I dipped a bit lower to rim him a bit. Finally, when he was nice and hard, he decided to pay attention to me... by trying to shove his fist in my pussy. I've not had . I've never been fisted. It's my understanding that this takes some work... starting small, stretching, lubing... not just forcing your man-sized fist into my cooch.

So, that didn't work, of course. And ouch.

Kissing is a big deal to me. I love it... love the sensuality of a good kiss and I won't meet with men who don't kiss. It's ridiculous. A kiss is the first step to intimacy. So, lying on the bed, stroking his cock, I dipped my head down... and, yep, you got it. He turned his head.

I suppose I should have kicked him out then, but... again, I tend to be a bit submissive when I'm naked, so I didn't. He rolled me over on my belly and I thought, well, at least I'll get a good fuck (he did have a really nice cock), but he went straight for anal. Which I normally love... AFTER I've gotten my rocks off! And when I say "Go slow", what I really mean is... um, go slow. Let me adjust for a minute. Guys, if you've never had a cock in your ass, you can't understand what an odd feeling it is while your body adjusts to the feel of something going IN there instead of OUT.

He thrust for a bit, then pulled out, rolled over on his back, took off the condom and shot his wad all over his belly.

How much fun was that for me? Um... none.

Here's the thing, guys... I know you all want to get laid. And I know the odds on are not in your favor.

But... if you aren't attracted to BBWs, for Christ's sake, don't pretend you are just so you can fuck. It's cruel.

I get that not every man is attracted to fat women. And I'm really and truly okay with that, as there are plenty of men who are. There are things I'm not attracted to, either. It's okay and it's human nature. The problem is when you pretend you are just so you can get your dick wet. We women can tell.

No kissing and not looking us in the eye when you're fucking us is a dead giveaway.

I hope it was worth it for you... because it left me feeling pretty empty.

PS- Don't feel bad for me. After this guy left, I had another friend come over who knows my body very well and took care of ALL my needs!
Back Again
Posted:Sep 18, 2010 7:24 pm
Last Updated:Oct 3, 2010 3:19 pm

Once again, I've renewed my membership. is a little like crack... or, let's use sex as an example instead since I've never used crack. is as addictive as sex itself. Sure, I can go without for a couple of months, but then the cravings start... the need, the desire... the ache.

Of course, one feeds the other. Since I'm not a barfly, I'm not going to meet my sexual partners that way... certainly not through work, either. Though I've been tempted once or twice to go to church just to meet pious men and tear them down to the sexual beasts they really are, I'm not really going there. Most of the men in my circle of friends are married to friends of mine and, as such, they're off limits. So, it's or Craig's List and let's face it, CL is fun to read and answer some of the asinine ads, but meeting men off there? Bad idea for the most part.

Look, I know I'm no great catch. I'm a fat 41 year old (my birthday was this week- happy birthday to me!) that lives in an apartment with two (adorable) cats with a job that doesn't exactly put me in a tax bracket that turns me into a republican.

That being said, I also know that the ratio of men to women on here is something like 200:1. Odds in my fat favor.

I can't... won't... have no desire to... fuck every man I talk to on here. With some guys that email me, I know right away I'm not attracted to them. The 20 year olds, the ghetto rats, the illerate i-wanna-fck-ur-pusy guys.

After just deleting those idiots, I may exchange a few emails with you, yes. I'm not going to waste my time with someone I'm sexually incompatible with. The only way I'm going to know that is by talking to you for a bit. It's the dating game for women. You may well be a perfectly nice guy, but there is probably someone else I feel more of a connection with. It's a game of numbers. Many apply, few make the cut.

It really is survival of the fittest for the men here, and yes, I do feel sorry for you for that. We girls don't really have all that much competition on here and men, for the most part, aren't nearly as discriminating as women about who they fuck.

A lot of people, myself included, put a lot of blame on for there being few real women on here. Let's face it, they market to horny men. But the real culprit here is society, especially in the grand old USA. As much as we women have advanced outside the bedroom, it's still a culture of people thinking it's okay and perfectly acceptable for men to fuck without love, as much and as often as possible, yet women are still branded as whores for having the same sexual appetite. Women are supposed to be all lovey-dovey and nurturing and unable to separate sexuality from love.

I really, really wish more women felt as free as I do to embrace their sexuality. If they'd just stand up and say "Screw you, society, I want sex, often and varied",'s numbers would rise exponentially. But... as soon as a woman does that, she's branded with the big label. By the men... you see it on here with all the guys posting that they're looking for a slut and a and a pussy. And the women follow the men, all the while wishing they had the guts to fight the norm and inner-applauding the women who do.

Let's face it... America is repressed. And shame on us for that.

The point of this? Nothing really... just random thoughts floating in my head as I venture back into the waters of

Ooooh... so that's why it hurts!
Posted:Jul 14, 2010 2:37 pm
Last Updated:Sep 18, 2010 7:24 pm

lol... I paid a visit to my doctor today. Yes, THAT kinda doctor... the one with the fun stirrups.

I told her that I experience pain sometimes when having sex. The really deep kind.

Turns out, I have a "tilted uterus". Yes, that's a real medical condition... lol.

She told me to either find partners that are... um... less well-endowed or that I should always be in charge during sex.

I'm going with option 2, I think. And no more missionary with men over a certain length!!
To Host or Not To Host...?
Posted:Jul 12, 2010 2:45 pm
Last Updated:Sep 18, 2010 7:25 pm

I don't host.

I used to but I've really grown uncomfortable bringing men into my space. This seems to be causing a bit of a problem in my sex life.

It seems that most men my age have that live with them, at least part of the time. I'm cool with that. But is there really anything wrong with meeting at a hotel? Not asking you to pay... asking you to split it.

Let's face it... we're meeting for sex. Most men on here are searching for the elusive NSA relationship. So why should I, being a single woman who lives alone, give a stranger my address? Yes, we've exchanged a few dozen emails. Yes, we've exchanged face pics. But... that doesn't mean you're not potential stalker material. It doesn't mean you won't come drunk-knocking at my door at 3am.

My home is my sanctuary. It's my private space. It's where I feel safe and comfortable and free. Unless I'm in a relationship of some sort, bringing a man here is an invasion of that space.

Look, I'm just like you guys. I'm not looking for a relationship. I'm looking for hard and dirty sex. We might meet again, we might not. Regardless, it's just sex. Only sex. Does meeting at a hotel really make it any sleazier than it already is? No one has to worry about it not being discrete, no one has to worry about clean sheets, there's no awkward question about how long to stay, everybody goes home sated and safe.

I've gotten a little push-back on this policy... a little of the "Well, you have your own place and you don't have any ... why can't I just come over there?"

Maybe men don't really understand the danger a woman faces on here. I don't know about anyone else, but the Craig's List killer is never far from my mind when I'm setting up a liaison. Yes, that happened in a hotel room, but at least at a hotel, I've got a fighting chance of someone hearing me scream. And I don't have to worry about some creep knowing where I live.

And, no, I don't mind going to your place. Looks can be deceiving, but I can get a good idea of the type of person you are from your neighborhood, the place you live in, etc.

No meeting is ever 100% safe. Even if you meet for drinks first, you're still not guaranteed of not being assaulted or robbed behind closed doors. My #1 defense is my gut... my 2nd defense is not telling you where I live.

Pay by the hour is fine. We don't need 4-star accommodations. Just a bed and a shower and we're good to go.

I'm just wondering how other single women on here feel. Do you host?
1 comment
Posted:Jul 9, 2010 6:40 pm
Last Updated:Jul 10, 2010 10:37 pm

Seriously, SERIOUSLY??

I re-upped my gold membership last month. Afterwards, I turned OFF the auto renew. Very carefully. Double checked it. Because I had heard from others that will turn it back on.

I checked every time I logged in. Every single fucking time. Still turned off.

But, the past few days, I've been using the app on my phone instead of logging in on my computer.

So what did they do? That's right... they turned it back on and renewed my gold membership.

Of all the sleazy, back-handed, FRAUDULENT, slimy, shitty things...

I was going to renew, But I really prefer to do it myself, thankyouverymuch. You assholes.
I don't normally name names, but...
Posted:Jul 4, 2010 1:12 pm
Last Updated:Jul 6, 2010 8:52 pm

I really have to make an exception this time.

I know a lot of men think women have it easy on this site... after all, the numbers are in our favor. But most men don't have to deal with tripe like this email I just received...

48 year old Man
Paducah, Kentucky

Well now
Jul 4, 2010 3:49 PM EDT
If your an Obama loving Democrat I hope you fucking starve to fucking death and all you bleedin heart liberals that dont know how to manage a dollar. If you cant make a living on ur own and ur not old,severly retarded or disabled you have no reason to live on this earth so quit breathing my air !!!!!!! ***

Isn't that the sweetest thing you ever read?? His use of English is exemplary. I guess that's what happens when cousins fuck.

Welcome to Kentucky.
Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire...
Posted:Jun 25, 2010 6:14 pm
Last Updated:Sep 18, 2010 7:27 pm




You know what's important when you meet people for NSA hookups? Honestly, that's what.

At least, it is for me.

Look, I'm 40. Forty years old. And about 9 months. I've earned every gray hair that I cover with Ms. Clairol. I've earned every wrinkle that I smooth with Revitalift. Every experience I've had, good and bad, every moment, every tear, every laugh. They're all mine, accumulated over my 40 years.

I try to be as honest as I can about myself here. I'm fat, I'm single, I own cats... I share face pics with men I'm going to meet. I tell them my desires, my fantasies and my fears. I hold little back other than that which could be detrimental to my family, my friends, my safety and my job.

I don't lie easily. I'm bad at it and I almost always get caught... because liars always do.

Men that are meeting me deserve to know exactly what they're getting with me. My looks, my age, my limits, etc.

Is it really too much to expect the same in return?

Twice recently I've met men that have lied about their ages... one from here and one from Craig's List. The first one was a guy who said he was 40 on his profile... my age. Cool. We met several times, had a lot of fun. Then one night he let it slip that he has a that's 25 years old. I asked him how in the hell he could be 40 with a 25 year old . He sheepishly told me that he had shaved a few years off his age.

Whatever, I let it go... no big deal. He was great in bed.

Now his profile says that he's 39. So he's shaving off more because suddenly he's younger than me.

This week, I met a man from Craig's List. His ad said he was 54. Fine, cool, whatever. So I go meet him and I can tell immediately that he's not 54, but I'm bad with ages so I didn't really realize how hold.

Until he mentioned that he's getting ready to go to his FIFTY YEAR HIGH SCHOOL REUNION. Now, I'm not great with math, but that would mean he graduated when he was 4 years old.

I know age is just a number and all that... but really? I'm forty and he's old enough to be my dad.

This pissed me off.

Guys... why?? Why do you lie?? I've had several mature men tell me that women aren't interested in men over 40. Maybe it's just me, but I really don't believe this. I'm not attracted to younger men so maybe it really is just me. I don't want some 20-something. I'm getting to the point where I don't want some 30-something, either. Maybe the truth is that women aren't interested in men who say they're 37 when they're obviously in their late 40s. If you lie about that, we can't really believe you're telling the truth about anything else, can we?

I'm not asking for a ring, or even dinner. Or even necessarily to see you again. I'm just asking for honesty. And, seriously, I WANT you to be in your late 40s!! Early 50s!! Yay for mature older men!! WOOT!!

So when you're sitting there editing your profile, thinking about shaving a few years off your age in hopes of scoring some 23 year old hard-bodied, big perky breasted blonde, please pause to consider what you're doing. Those 23 year olds aren't hanging out on Us 40 year olds are. Do we really want to create an atmosphere on here where a 23 year old woman sets out to meet a 37 year old man and instead they find a 40 year old woman and a 55 year old man?? He's going to be let down, she's going to be let down, neither will trust the other and I think we can all agree that this isn't conducive to great sex, is it?

Be real. Get laid.

It's pretty simple.
So I Got An Email Today...
Posted:Jun 15, 2010 3:03 pm
Last Updated:Jun 15, 2010 5:52 pm

It started off nice enough... like to meet you, blah, blah, blah... standard stuff, right?

So I check out his profile and it says that he has a preference for petite to average size women. Which I'm not. And I don't hide that at all. So I responded and said that due to that line I didn't think we were a match and wished him luck.

No hard feelings, different strokes for different folks. Some men aren't attracted to us BBWs and that's okay. I have certain things I'm not attracted to, either, as I'm sure all of us do.

But here's what got me- He wrote back and said that yes, he prefers petite women for LTRs, but he doesn't care when it comes to an NSA hook-up.

Am I wrong in the way I took that? To me, he's saying I'm not good enough to be seen with in public but I'm totally good enough for an anonymous fuck.

Guys, yeah... I'm on here for the sex. But that doesn't mean I'm a desperate looking for any cock I can get. I'm not one to play with a guy just because he can't find the skinny blonde he's looking for. There may be some women that are fine with that... but I'm not one of them.

I keep looking until I find what I'm attracted to... and if he isn't out there, I can wait until he is. I would hope that the men that approach have the same outlook.

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