Curiousity is killing me...lol
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Posted:Dec 27, 2007 4:41 am
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2011 6:19 pm
62803 Views
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Closer To Fine
Indigo Girls
I'm trying to tell you something about my life
maybe give me insight between black and white
and the best thing you've ever done for me
is to help me take my life less seriously
it's only life after all
yeah
well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
and lightness has a call that's hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it
I'm crawling on your shores
I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the , I drank from the fountains
there's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in a crooked line
and the less I seek my source for some definitive
(the less I seek my source)
the closer I am to fine
the closer I am to fine
****************************************************************
Hey darlins,
If you don't mind, please leave me a message so I know who you are.
Thank you for stopping in.
Kisses
since my blog is getting so long i thought i would highlight some posts and make it easier to find what you might be looking for.
funny:
why doesn39t that sound right, How I almost got cock blocked by a doglol, I don39t know, did i just say that, You are pushing too hard, i really have nothing to say this weeklol, Dam Northeast weather, i am on a roll,
dinner with middle aged peoplelol, weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, sex in the city, whoooopssssyyyyyyyyyy,
drunk in publiklol, who knew there was a learning curve, why can't we go green
what you should know about me:
why i have an im full of people i don, no matter how many times, blood noir by laurell k hamilton, song from music and lyrics the movie,
can39t loose for winninglol, Stay, yes size does matter, Hurt myself again today, Homophobia, what, cold bitch vs emotional wreck, What did he think I was gonna say, I was once very pregnantlol, why i am on a sex site, Who's promiscuous, againlol, bleeding love, cute but absent mindedlol, why should my emotions stop me from getting what i wantlol, kisses, messed up head or messed up heart, sex a to z, everyone is judgmental about something, i know this is a sex site but,
i don't swallowlol, example of clumsylol,
stripper stories (oops i have 2 sixes. they are dif stories):
stories of the canadian ballet 1, stories of the canadian ballet 2, stories of the canadian ballet 3, stories of the canadian ballet 4, stories of the canadian ballet 5, stories of the canadian ballet 6, stories of the canadian ballet 6, stories of the canadian ballet 7, stories of the canadian ballet 8, stories of the canadian ballet 9, stories of the canadian ballet 10, stories of the canadian ballet 11, stories of the canadian ballet 12, stories of the canadian ballet 13, stories of the canadian ballet 14, stories of the canadian ballet 15, stories of the canadian ballet 16, stories of the canadian ballet 17, stories of the canadian ballet 18, stories of the canadian ballet 19, stories of the canadian ballet 20, stories of the canadian ballet 21, stories of the canadian ballet 22, stories of the canadian ballet 23, stories of the canadian ballet 24, stories of the canadian ballet 25, stories of the canadian ballet 26
zen:
i like this so much used as a comment and a postlol, Andrew Weiss Beginning Mindfulness, buddha isn't an ashtray, oppose force through yielding, it is what it is
belong in more then one category..lol or none of the categories:
The FrayLook After You, total chaos, ooo ooo mr carter mr carterlol, yes i am a soccer momlol, and then, stuck in a snow stormhe he he, be yourself, who is that sleeping in my bedlol, emma goldman, really cool first date, standard members only have like 5 emails a day
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, 53 Pending
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cheater vs swinger vs polyamory
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Posted:Jan 19, 2008 10:28 am
Last Updated:Nov 25, 2011 4:39 am
58541 Views
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"When you learn to separate love and sex and take them for what they really are, emotional feeling and physical pleasure, you eliminate the reason why most relationships don't work out."
Polyamory (from Greek πολυ (poly, literally “multiple”) and Latin amor (literally “love”)) is the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Polyamory is distinct from polygamy, being closer to a personal outlook than a predefined bonding system. It is grounded in such concepts as choice, trust, equality of free will, and the more novel idea of compersion, rather than in cultural or religious tradition.
Swinging is generally "non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity, that can be experienced as a couple."
Cheating is -- as an act of lying, deception, fraud, trickery, imposture, or imposition. Cheating characteristically is employed to create an unfair advantage, usually in one's own interest, and often at the expense of others.[1] Cheating implies the breaking of rules.
I love wikipedia. It is a great reference source and you can find the whole article just by putting those terms into the wikipedia search.
Poly, swingers and traditional can cheat by breaking the rules that form the boundaries of their relationships.
I love compersion that is the taking of pleasure from your partners pleasure. Now what is wrong with that...lol but we get so caught up in our own insecurities that we begrudge the people we love their needs. Because we can't or won't fullfill them. How silly is that? That is like saying honey you love golf and I don't so you can't have it. You can love someone and get your physical needs fullfilled somwehere else and it doesn't change your love. We do it all the time with our other needs (like friendship and common interests) so why is it different with our sexual needs?
and why should all the other relationships in our lives change when we find one person we want to have a more intimate relationship with? Isn't that like saying to the people in our lives thanks for being a place holder?
Love is not a check book. We don't make deposits and take out withdrawals. Love is infinite. We can love lots of people in lots of different ways. and preferably all at the same time..lol
I am so poly...
ADDENDUM:
blog posted with this question:
Do you think it is right for someone to assume they will be everything you need and that they are worth you giving up valued friendships?
I think it is unrealistic for someone to think that. It takes a village and not just for but people in general.
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Customer Help Section
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Posted:Dec 26, 2007 5:17 am
Last Updated:Jun 30, 2011 6:48 pm
55393 Views
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I got tired of explaining this over and over again...lol
CUSTOMER HELP SECTION:
Send a picture from your phone to your computer:
go to the picture on your phone, select options, select send, type in your email address, select send
Save a picture from your email to your computer:
go to your email, save your picture to your desktop (usually open email and right click on picture and save as just make sure you save to desktop or folder where you can find it)
Attach a photo to your TSdates.com email:
in TSdates.com hit reply to my email, go down to where it says attachments, select browse, go find the picture you saved to your computer, click on the picture, click open
If you mention another communication program or website your email will be deleted and sent to the recipients bulk folder. Also if you are too blatantly sexual (this is a sex site so i am not sure what that constitutes but it has happened...lol)
New members: If no one is contacting you within the first three days it is because only Gold Members are allowed to look at your profile and respond to you for the first three days. Now that is just silly and not a benefit to any new men. (for the women it doesn't matter you will be inundated with more email then you could ever handle in a life time..lol)
When you like someones blog, from their blog you can select "watch blog". This lets you see when they make a new post so you can go in and read it.
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If you are looking for a sexual object please move on.
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Posted:Jan 22, 2008 10:38 am
Last Updated:Jun 12, 2014 8:34 am
55947 Views
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Profile for velvttouch
READ THIS PART FIRST
If you email me, you are giving me blatant permission to link to your profile, blog, and to copy and paste your words into whatever venue I see fit.
I am petite and curvy. My friends say I have two speeds 90 miles an hour and out cold - lol. I like to walk the beach, read, and take martial arts. Caring, passionate, easy going, intellectual, (I am more mental than physical), gemini with the duality to go with it - lol. I am a free spirit and do not do exclusive relationships.
CUSTOMER HELP SECTION (more in blog velvttouch):
Send a picture from your phone to your computer:
go to the picture on your phone, select options, select send, type in your email address, select send
Save a picture from your email to your computer:
go to your email, save your picture to your desktop (usually open email and right click on picture and save as just make sure you save to desktop or folder where you can find it)
Attach a photo to your TSdates.com email:
in TSdates.com hit reply to my email, go down to where it says attachments, select browse, go find the picture you saved to your computer, click on the picture, click open
My Ideal Person: I want someone who can carry on a conversation and has a sense of humor. Smart asses are welcome. Kind, gentle, has manners a bonus. Someone who understands common courteous and will give me at least the same consideration you would give a business contact if not more. I have been to a few private swingers parties and enjoyed the experience and would like to have more experiences with the right group.
1. Please attach photos to your email. Standard members can't enlarge photos and see what you look like...and please no cock shots. I want to see your other head...lol.
2. Please do not contact me if you are in an exclusive relationship or if you are just looking for someone to talk dirty to you on the phone or the computer or if you are just looking for someone to bang for one night---lol.
3. I am not interviewing people and I don't want to be interrogated. I want to meet people and get to know them with the intention of becoming friends. If we go any farther cool if not that is cool too.
4. I don't think I should have to say this but I have been informed that I am not clear enough...lol. I do not want no strings attached sex. If you consider common courtousy and friendship strings, then I want strings but very loose strings. I want men to be friends with that i may have sex with. I don't want men that fuck me and call it friendship. It is not the same thing.
5. If I was a new male member to TSdates.com I would complain. Only gold memebers are allowed to contact you or look at your profile for the first three days of your memebership. With the male to female ratio on here that is not a benefit to you...lol also, if you mention another communication program in your email it will be deleted by customer service and end up in the bulk folder.
6. Life is a dance, an interaction between two people, a cooperation.. i move and you follow, you move and i follow. It isn't any fun if one half is always stepping on the others feet because they can't follow a lead...lol
7. Watch the show Life on NBC. If you don't understand it, you probably won't understand me...lol.
8. I had a man tell me recently that all the women on here sound angry...lol. Well I dare any of you to read some of the emails I have gotten over the last two years and not get angry (I put an example in my blog if you want to read it..lol). But I also try to laugh about it and get you to laugh about it with me.
9. View me and approach me as a person first. I have a problem being viewed as a sexual object by strangers(but not by my friends...lol). I think I am your average girl next store with a few kinks in the closet..lol and that if you want a sexual object you should go buy a playboy..lol or a doll. Yes i know i have some interesting pictures but that is just a small part of me.
10. I realise alot of men on here are just looking for a sexual object. I am looking for men or couples that can share the people in their lives in open relationships. You will not change my mind. I know what I want.
11. I am a standard member allowed a limited number of emails a day. If we are having a conversation and I suddenly disappear, it is because i have run out of emails for the day. So if you have another way to contact me do so...lol
12. If you treat our email exchange, phone calls or first meet and greet like a negotiation for what type of sex or relationship we are going to have that is not going to work for me. It is too cold and a complete turn off. Chill! lol Hang out. Go with the flow. If you treat me like a person and there is a connection and an attraction then the sex will come. and maybe so will you...lol
velvttouch's Information:
Gender: Woman
Birthdate: May 24, 1969
(42 years old)
Sexual Orientation: Straight
Lives in: Rochester, New York
(0 miles from you)
Marital Status: Single
Height: 5 ft 0 in / 152-153 cm
Body Type: Average
Smoking: I'm a non-smoker
Drinking: I'm a light/social drinker
Education: Prefer not to say
Race: Caucasian
Bra Size: Prefer not to say
Speaks: English
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my giddy up and go, got up and went...lol
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Posted:May 15, 2009 9:29 am
Last Updated:Aug 17, 2011 9:44 am
50904 Views
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you know sometimes there is a pattern in your life. one that keeps repeating over and over again. one that you just can't do anything about.
i had the same im conversation that i have had with countless men and couples over the past few years and it almost always takes the wind out of my sails..
i have an std. i am tired of the ignorance of the general population. even with commercials on tv about stds, even with sex ed, even with articles in popular magazines.
hello people wake up!
1. why i don't post that i have it right on my profile
a. the fact that i have an std is not the most important thing about me and putting it as my headline says there is nothing more to me.
b. people are rude and ignorant and i do not trust their response.
c. although i am tempted to change my opening line to "i am not your tutor. if you haven't researched stds on planned parenthood then don't contact me." of course they just look at the pictures so whatever...lol
2. if you are having sex you are exposed to stds. period. end of story. there is no safe way to have sex unless you have one partner your whole life that has never touched anyone else or you have never touched anyone else. and when i say touch i mean touch as in non sexual touching as well, never kissed anyone, never rubbed their skin against anyone.
3. it is not my fault i have an std and you are attracted to me. we can talk, we can go to the movies, we can hang out. we do not have to do anything that will give you an std. writing me off sexual does not mean you have to right me off as a person.
4. this has nothing to do with stds but men in general. if you have a problem with this then just say so. don't be so rude as to tell me you are gonna call and then never call. men are in the moment. they say whatever to have fun and make the date go smoothly. blah blah blah. that is bullshit, a rationalization. a cop out and rude rude rude.
5. oh and this really has nothing to do with this but it really pisses me off that a guy i have blocked still looks at my profile all the time. he shouldn't be allowed to do that...
now back to our regularly scheduled program..
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double divas
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Posted:Jan 13, 2013 2:15 pm
Last Updated:Jun 12, 2014 8:32 am
32210 Views
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Is a show on lifetime about these two women who own a lingerie shop.
How funny it was to hear one of them tell a man that she had a cover up so his banana and potatoes didn't show..
lol
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Strangest excuse yet to stand me up
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Posted:Jan 13, 2013 1:49 pm
Last Updated:Feb 18, 2013 7:38 am
32250 Views
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So i am chatting with this guy, we set a date and 15 minutes before our meeting time I get an email saying:
him
1/13/2013 3:46:13 PM
I can't meet you. You dated my brother.
me
1/13/2013 4:05:00 PM
Seriously?
him
1/13/2013 4:06:30 PM
Yes it would be weird. He's my step,brother blank.
me
1/13/2013 4:10:53 PM
Dated is a polite way of saying what we did. Lol
Did not end well
I wish u had figured that out sooner
Take care
him
1/13/2013 4:12:04 PM
He had nothing but good things to say about you. Good luck
--------------------------------------------------------
Now, his brother and I FUCKED. No dating involved unless you count the ice cream and walk we had as an initial meet and greet a date. After that we did nothing out of bed. Then he freaked out about the herpes, came over one last time, got blown and disappeared... Sent me an email on here saying he wanted to try again and when i was like you are a schmuck said i must be confusing him with someone else.
Seriously men are so funny...
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wow. it's been almost a year!
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Posted:Dec 14, 2012 4:29 pm
Last Updated:Jun 2, 2018 2:43 am
32894 Views
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I haven't posted in quite a while.
Just to catch you up, I'm an old boring lady these days. lol
I have a few minor health problems.
The has bad knees and we are coming up on the second knee surgery.
I am still getting random penis sent to me. Ask first, I might say yes. It is kind of rude to just text it off with out asking. Probably even a crime...lol
I have been too busy and too tired for strippers or much in the way of sex but I do have an occasional encounter. Not just with my vibrator...
There is a squirrel in my crawlspace and a trap to try and catch it. Little bugger is tearing up my new insulation. 
I like men that are dominant in bed and a gentlemen out of it. Really really hard to find.
I really like 6 to 7 inch, average girth penis, preferably cut... again pretty hard to find. I had one and it moved an hour away. I miss it...lol
I am still single and not doing much to rectify the situation.
I have a man insisting I must be in the KKK because he is of color and I won't give him the time of day. It couldn't be because he is rude and derogatory. NAH!
I don't like my boss these days and it gave me stress for a while. Now I really don't care. I am going for my work zen self...lol
Actually I am going for a life zen self as i dont have the energy anymore to freak out over everything...lol
Well I hope everyone has a Merry Xmas and a Happy New year as God knows when i will be back.
Kisses to all.
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4
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banana hanger
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Posted:Dec 30, 2011 5:01 am
Last Updated:Jan 25, 2012 5:58 pm
37471 Views
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No not men's underwear...lol
my bananas are sitting on my counter and the bottom where they touch the counter is getting brown and i don't like my bananas anything but yellow.
so
i text my mother i need a banana hanger
she texts back 4 what
i text to hang my bananas on
she texts r u asking me to find you one...
now i would think that would have been self evident...lol
i should have said something dirty... my mother is used to it from me...
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absent minded much
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Posted:Dec 30, 2011 4:38 am
Last Updated:Dec 30, 2011 3:42 pm
37569 Views
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i am at the gym getting dressed and you know ny. cold cold cold.
I always put on bra, tank and thermal bottoms, dry my hair and sit down to put on jeans and boots.
i sit down i put on boots. stand up and laugh as my jeans are sitting on the bench next to me. hello i am not going outside like that.
this is not as bad and my mother however
who put her cell phone in her bra and then made all the grand look for it when she couldn't find it...lol
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wardrobe malfunction
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Posted:Dec 21, 2011 9:47 am
Last Updated:Dec 24, 2011 3:29 pm
37670 Views
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i have had two in 24 hours and not really in the way you are thinking..lol
1. walking out of my parents house and my right foot steps on my left pant leg. i stumble but don't go down...lol
2. i am having sex and can't get out of my bra. lol I am on my back and i curl up to give my hands room but for the life of me i can't figure out my bra. so i laugh and tell him to figure out my bra. he laughs because it isn't the normal hook and eye but more like a bathing suit closure and he couldn't figure it out right away either. funny thing i take it on and off no problem when i am alone...
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Ten Politically Incorrect Truths About Human Nature
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Posted:Dec 14, 2011 5:44 pm
Last Updated:Jan 25, 2012 5:57 pm
39297 Views
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Published on Psychology Today
Ten Politically Incorrect Truths About Human Nature
Human nature is one of those things that everybody talks about but no one can define precisely. Every time we fall in love, fight with our spouse, get upset about the influx of immigrants into our country, or go to church, we are, in part, behaving as a human animal with our own unique evolved nature—human nature.
This means two things. First, our thoughts, feelings, and behavior are produced not only by our individual experiences and environment in our own lifetime but also by what happened to our ancestors millions of years ago. Second, our thoughts, feelings, and behavior are shared, to a large extent, by all men or women, despite seemingly large cultural differences.
Human behavior is a product both of our innate human nature and of our individual experience and environment. In this article, however, we emphasize biological influences on human behavior, because most social scientists explain human behavior as if evolution stops at the neck and as if our behavior is a product almost entirely of environment and socialization. In contrast, evolutionary psychologists see human nature as a collection of psychological adaptations that often operate beneath conscious thinking to solve problems of survival and reproduction by predisposing us to think or feel in certain ways. Our preference for sweets and fats is an evolved psychological mechanism. We do not consciously choose to like sweets and fats; they just taste good to us.
The implications of some of the ideas in this article may seem immoral, contrary to our ideals, or offensive. We state them because they are true, supported by documented scientific evidence. Like it or not, human nature is simply not politically correct.
Adapted from Why Beautiful People Have More Daughters, by Alan S. Miller and Satoshi Kanazawa, to be published by Perigee in September 2007.
Men like blond bombshells (and women want to look like them)
Long before TV—in 15th- and 16th- century Italy, and possibly two millennia ago—women were dying their hair blond. A recent study shows that in Iran, where exposure to Western media and culture is limited, women are actually more concerned with their body image, and want to lose more weight, than their American counterparts. It is difficult to ascribe the preferences and desires of women in 15th-century Italy and 21st-century Iran to socialization by media.
Women's desire to look like Barbie—young with small waist, large breasts, long blond hair, and blue eyes—is a direct, realistic, and sensible response to the desire of men to mate with women who look like her. There is evolutionary logic behind each of these features.
Men prefer young women in part because they tend to be healthier than older women. One accurate indicator of health is physical attractiveness; another is hair. Healthy women have lustrous, shiny hair, whereas the hair of sickly people loses its luster. Because hair grows slowly, shoulder-length hair reveals several years of a woman's health status.
Men also have a universal preference for women with a low waist-to-hip ratio. They are healthier and more fertile than other women; they have an easier time conceiving a and do so at earlier ages because they have larger amounts of essential reproductive hormones. Thus men are unconsciously seeking healthier and more fertile women when they seek women with small waists.
Until very recently, it was a mystery to evolutionary psychology why men prefer women with large breasts, since the size of a woman's breasts has no relationship to her ability to lactate. But Harvard anthropologist Frank Marlowe contends that larger, and hence heavier, breasts sag more conspicuously with age than do smaller breasts. Thus they make it easier for men to judge a woman's age (and her reproductive value) by sight—suggesting why men find women with large breasts more attractive.
Alternatively, men may prefer women with large breasts for the same reason they prefer women with small waists. A new study of Polish women shows that women with large breasts and tight waists have the greatest fecundity, indicated by their levels of two reproductive hormones (estradiol and progesterone).
Blond hair is unique in that it changes dramatically with age. Typically, with light blond hair become women with brown hair. Thus, men who prefer to mate with blond women are unconsciously attempting to mate with younger (and hence, on average, healthier and more fecund) women. It is no coincidence that blond hair evolved in Scandinavia and northern Europe, probably as an alternative means for women to advertise their youth, as their bodies were concealed under heavy clothing.
Women with blue eyes should not be any different from those with green or brown eyes. Yet preference for blue eyes seems both universal and undeniable—in males as well as females. One explanation is that the human pupil dilates when an individual is exposed to something that she likes. For instance, the pupils of women and infants (but not men) spontaneously dilate when they see babies. Pupil dilation is an honest indicator of interest and attraction. And the size of the pupil is easiest to determine in blue eyes. Blue-eyed people are considered attractive as potential mates because it is easiest to determine whether they are interested in us or not.
The irony is that none of the above is true any longer. Through face-lifts, wigs, liposuction, surgical breast augmentation, hair dye, and color contact lenses, any woman, regardless of age, can have many of the key features that define ideal female beauty. And men fall for them. Men can cognitively understand that many blond women with firm, large breasts are not actually 15 years old, but they still find them attractive because their evolved psychological mechanisms are fooled by modern inventions that did not exist in the ancestral environment.
Humans are naturally polygamous
The history of western civilization aside, humans are naturally polygamous. Polyandry (a marriage of one woman to many men) is very rare, but polygyny (the marriage of one man to many women) is widely practiced in human societies, even though Judeo-Christian traditions hold that monogamy is the only natural form of marriage. We know that humans have been polygynous throughout most of history because men are taller than women.
Among primate and nonprimate species, the degree of polygyny highly correlates with the degree to which males of a species are larger than females. The more polygynous the species, the greater the size disparity between the sexes. Typically, human males are 10 percent taller and 20 percent heavier than females. This suggests that, throughout history, humans have been mildly polygynous.
Relative to monogamy, polygyny creates greater fitness variance (the distance between the "winners" and the "losers" in the reproductive game) among males than among females because it allows a few males to monopolize all the females in the group. The greater fitness variance among males creates greater pressure for men to compete with each other for mates. Only big and tall males can win mating opportunities. Among pair-bonding species like humans, in which males and females stay together to raise their , females also prefer to mate with big and tall males because they can provide better physical protection against predators and other males.
In societies where rich men are much richer than poor men, women (and their ) are better off sharing the few wealthy men; one-half, one-quarter, or even one-tenth of a wealthy man is still better than an entire poor man. As George Bernard Shaw puts it, "The maternal instinct leads a woman to prefer a tenth share in a first-rate man to the exclusive possession of a third-rate one." Despite the fact that humans are naturally polygynous, most industrial societies are monogamous because men tend to be more or less equal in their resources compared with their ancestors in medieval times. (Inequality tends to increase as society advances in complexity from hunter-gatherer to advanced agrarian societies. Industrialization tends to decrease the level of inequality.)
Most women benefit from polygyny, while most men benefit from monogamy
When there is resource inequality among men—the case in every human society—most women benefit from polygyny: women can share a wealthy man. Under monogamy, they are stuck with marrying a poorer man.
The only exceptions are extremely desirable women. Under monogamy, they can monopolize the wealthiest men; under polygyny, they must share the men with other, less desirable women. However, the situation is exactly opposite for men. Monogamy guarantees that every man can find a wife. True, less desirable men can marry only less desirable women, but that's much better than not marrying anyone at all.
Men in monogamous societies imagine they would be better off under polygyny. What they don't realize is that, for most men who are not extremely desirable, polygyny means no wife at all, or, if they are lucky, a wife who is much less desirable than one they could get under monogamy.
Most suicide bombers are Muslim
According to the Oxford University sociologist Diego Gambetta, editor of Making Sense of Suicide Missions, a comprehensive history of this troubling yet topical phenomenon, while suicide missions are not always religiously motivated, when religion is involved, it is always Muslim. Why is this? Why is Islam the only religion that motivates its followers to commit suicide missions?
The surprising answer from the evolutionary psychological perspective is that Muslim suicide bombing may have nothing to do with Islam or the Koran (except for two lines in it). It may have nothing to do with the religion, politics, the culture, the race, the ethnicity, the language, or the region. As with everything else from this perspective, it may have a lot to do with sex, or, in this case, the absence of sex.
What distinguishes Islam from other major religions is that it tolerates polygyny. By allowing some men to monopolize all women and altogether excluding many men from reproductive opportunities, polygyny creates shortages of available women. If 50 percent of men have two wives each, then the other 50 percent don't get any wives at all.
So polygyny increases competitive pressure on men, especially young men of low status. It therefore increases the likelihood that young men resort to violent means to gain access to mates. By doing so, they have little to lose and much to gain compared with men who already have wives. Across all societies, polygyny makes men violent, increasing crimes such as murder and , even after controlling for such obvious factors as economic development, economic inequality, population density, the level of democracy, and political factors in the region.
However, polygyny itself is not a sufficient cause of suicide bombing. Societies in sub-Saharan Africa and the Caribbean are much more polygynous than the Muslim nations in the Middle East and North Africa. And they do have very high levels of violence. Sub-Saharan Africa suffers from a long history of continuous civil wars—but not suicide bombings.
The other key ingredient is the promise of 72 virgins waiting in heaven for any martyr in Islam. The prospect of exclusive access to virgins may not be so appealing to anyone who has even one mate on earth, which strict monogamy virtually guarantees. However, the prospect is quite appealing to anyone who faces the bleak reality on earth of being a complete reproductive loser.
It is the combination of polygyny and the promise of a large harem of virgins in heaven that motivates many young Muslim men to commit suicide bombings. Consistent with this explanation, all studies of suicide bombers indicate that they are significantly younger than not only the Muslim population in general but other (nonsuicidal) members of their own extreme political organizations like Hamas and Hezbollah. And nearly all suicide bombers are single.
Having sons reduces the likelihood of divorce
Sociologists and demographers have discovered that couples who have at least one face significantly less risk of divorce than couples who have only daughters. Why is this?
Since a man's mate value is largely determined by his wealth, status, and power—whereas a woman's is largely determined by her youth and physical attractiveness—the father has to make sure that his will inherit his wealth, status, and power, regardless of how much or how little of these resources he has. In contrast, there is relatively little that a father (or mother) can do to keep a youthful or make her more physically attractive.
The continued presence of (and investment by) the father is therefore important for the , but not as crucial for the . The presence of sons thus deters divorce and departure of the father from the family more than the presence of daughters, and this effect tends to be stronger among wealthy families.
Beautiful people have more daughters
It is commonly believed that whether parents conceive a boy or a girl is up to random chance. Close, but not quite; it is largely up to chance. The normal sex ratio at birth is 105 boys for every 100 girls. But the sex ratio varies slightly in different circumstances and for different families. There are factors that subtly influence the sex of an offspring.
One of the most celebrated principles in evolutionary biology, the Trivers-Willard hypothesis, states that wealthy parents of high status have more sons, while poor parents of low status have more daughters. This is because generally inherit the wealth and social status of their parents. Throughout history, sons from wealthy families who would themselves become wealthy could expect to have a large number of wives, mistresses and concubines, and produce dozens or hundreds of , whereas their equally wealthy sisters can have only so many . So natural selection designs parents to have biased sex ratio at birth depending upon their economic circumstances—more boys if they are wealthy, more girls if they are poor. (The biological mechanism by which this occurs is not yet understood.)
This hypothesis has been documented around the globe. American presidents, vice presidents, and cabinet secretaries have more sons than daughters. Poor Mukogodo herders in East Africa have more daughters than sons. Church parish records from the 17th and 18th centuries show that wealthy landowners in Leezen, Germany, had more sons than daughters, while farm laborers and tradesmen without property had more daughters than sons. In a survey of respondents from 46 nations, wealthy individuals are more likely to indicate a preference for sons if they could only have one , whereas less wealthy individuals are more likely to indicate a preference for daughters.
The generalized Trivers-Willard hypothesis goes beyond a family's wealth and status: If parents have any traits that they can pass on to their and that are better for sons than for daughters, then they will have more boys. Conversely, if parents have any traits that they can pass on to their and that are better for daughters, they will have more girls.
Physical attractiveness, while a universally positive quality, contributes even more to women's reproductive success than to men's. The generalized hypothesis would therefore predict that physically attractive parents should have more daughters than sons. Once again, this is the case. Americans who are rated "very attractive" have a 56 percent chance of having a for their first , compared with 48 percent for everyone else.
What Bill Gates and Paul McCartney have in common with criminals
For nearly a quarter of a century, criminologists have known about the "age-crime curve." In every society at all historical times, the tendency to commit crimes and other risk-taking behavior rapidly increases in early adolescence, peaks in late adolescence and early adulthood, rapidly decreases throughout the 20s and 30s, and levels off in middle age.
This curve is not limited to crime. The same age profile characterizes every quantifiable human behavior that is public (i.e., perceived by many potential mates) and costly (i.e., not affordable by all sexual competitors). The relationship between age and productivity among male jazz musicians, male painters, male writers, and male scientists—which might be called the "age-genius curve"—is essentially the same as the age-crime curve. Their productivity—the expressions of their genius—quickly peaks in early adulthood, and then equally quickly declines throughout adulthood. The age-genius curve among their female counterparts is much less pronounced; it does not peak or vary as much as a function of age.
Paul McCartney has not written a hit song in years, and now spends much of his time painting. Bill Gates is now a respectable businessman and philanthropist, and is no longer a computer whiz . J.D. Salinger now lives as a total recluse and has not published anything in more than three decades. Orson Welles was a mere 26 when he wrote, produced, directed, and starred in Citizen Kane.
A single theory can explain the productivity of both creative geniuses and criminals over the life course: Both crime and genius are expressions of young men's competitive desires, whose ultimate function in the ancestral environment would have been to increase reproductive success.
In the physical competition for mates, those who are competitive may act violently toward their male rivals. Men who are less inclined toward crime and violence may express their competitiveness through their creative activities.
The cost of competition, however, rises dramatically when a man has , when his energies and resources are put to better use protecting and investing in them. The birth of the first usually occurs several years after puberty because men need some time to accumulate sufficient resources and attain sufficient status to attract their first mate. There is therefore a gap of several years between the rapid rise in the benefits of competition and similarly rapid rise in its costs. Productivity rapidly declines in late adulthood as the costs of competition rise and cancel its benefits.
These calculations have been performed by natural and sexual selection, so to speak, which then equips male brains with a psychological mechanism to incline them to be increasingly competitive immediately after puberty and make them less competitive right after the birth of their first . Men simply do not feel like acting violently, stealing, or conducting additional scientific experiments, or they just want to settle down after the birth of their but they do not know exactly why.
The similarity between Bill Gates, Paul McCartney, and criminals—in fact, among all men throughout evolutionary history—points to an important concept in evolutionary biology: female choice.
Women often say no to men. Men have had to conquer foreign lands, win battles and wars, compose symphonies, author books, write sonnets, paint cathedral ceilings, make scientific discoveries, play in rock bands, and write new computer software in order to impress women so that they will agree to have sex with them. Men have built (and destroyed) civilization in order to impress women, so that they might say yes.
The midlife crisis is a myth—sort of
Many believe that men go through a midlife crisis when they are in middle age. Not quite. Many middle-aged men do go through midlife crises, but it's not because they are middle-aged. It's because their wives are. From the evolutionary psychological perspective, a man's midlife crisis is precipitated by his wife's imminent menopause and end of her reproductive career, and thus his renewed need to attract younger women. Accordingly, a 50-year-old man married to a 25-year-old woman would not go through a midlife crisis, while a 25-year-old man married to a 50-year-old woman would, just like a more typical 50-year-old man married to a 50-year-old woman. It's not his midlife that matters; it's hers. When he buys a shiny-red sports car, he's not trying to regain his youth; he's trying to attract young women to replace his menopausal wife by trumpeting his flash and cash.
It's natural for politicians to risk everything for an affair (but only if they're male)
On the morning of January 21, 1998, as Americans woke up to the stunning allegation that President Bill Clinton had had an affair with a 24-year-old White House intern, Darwinian historian Laura L. Betzig thought, "I told you so." Betzig points out that while powerful men throughout Western history have married monogamously (only one legal wife at a time), they have always mated polygynously (they had lovers, concubines, and female slaves). With their wives, they produced legitimate heirs; with the others, they produced bastards. Genes make no distinction between the two categories of .
As a result, powerful men of high status throughout human history attained very high reproductive success, leaving a large number of offspring (legitimate and otherwise), while countless poor men died mateless and childless. Moulay Ismail the Bloodthirsty, the last Sharifian emperor of Morocco, stands out quantitatively, having left more offspring—1,042—than anyone else on record, but he was by no means qualitatively different from other powerful men, like Bill Clinton.
The question many asked in 1998—"Why on earth would the most powerful man in the world jeopardize his job for an affair with a young woman?"—is, from a Darwinian perspective, a silly one. Betzig's answer would be: "Why not?" Men strive to attain political power, consciously or unconsciously, in order to have reproductive access to a larger number of women. Reproductive access to women is the goal, political office but one means. To ask why the President of the United States would have a sexual encounter with a young woman is like asking why someone who worked very hard to earn a large sum of money would then spend it.
What distinguishes Bill Clinton is not that he had extramarital affairs while in office—others have, more will; it would be a Darwinian puzzle if they did not—what distinguishes him is the fact that he got caught.
Men sexually harass women because they are not sexist
An unfortunate consequence of the ever-growing number of women joining the labor force and working side by side with men is the increasing number of sexual harassment cases. Why must sexual harassment be a necessary consequence of the sexual integration of the workplace?
Psychologist Kingsley R. Browne identifies two types of sexual harassment cases: the quid pro quo ("You must sleep with me if you want to keep your job or be promoted") and the "hostile environment" (the workplace is deemed too sexualized for workers to feel safe and comfortable). While feminists and social scientists tend to explain sexual harassment in terms of "patriarchy" and other ideologies, Browne locates the ultimate cause of both types of sexual harassment in sex differences in mating strategies.
Studies demonstrate unequivocally that men are far more interested in short-term casual sex than women. In one now-classic study, 75 percent of undergraduate men approached by an attractive female stranger agreed to have sex with her; none of the women approached by an attractive male stranger did. Many men who would not date the stranger nonetheless agreed to have sex with her.
The quid pro quo types of harassment are manifestations of men's greater desire for short-term casual sex and their willingness to use any available means to achieve that goal. Feminists often claim that sexual harassment is "not about sex but about power;" Browne contends it is both—men using power to get sex. "To say that it is only about power makes no more sense than saying that bank robbery is only about guns, not about money."
Sexual harassment cases of the hostile-environment variety result from sex differences in what men and women perceive as "overly sexual" or "hostile" behavior. Many women legitimately complain that they have been subjected to abusive, intimidating, and degrading treatment by their male coworkers. Browne points out that long before women entered the labor force, men subjected each other to such abusive, intimidating, and degrading treatment.
Abuse, intimidation, and degradation are all part of men's repertoire of tactics employed in competitive situations. In other words, men are not treating women differently from men—the definition of discrimination, under which sexual harassment legally falls—but the opposite: Men harass women precisely because they are not discriminating between men and women.
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