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Ramblings of the depraved.....
Welcome to my blog!
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When life is like a dumpster fire at the trailer park....
Posted:Apr 19, 2021 3:52 pm
Last Updated:Apr 20, 2021 6:25 pm

It's time to make s'mores.

Have you ever noticed people's memories on this site are short?

I received a message just now from a guy who I had royally pissed off when I teased him about his bathroom selfie.... Pissed off to the point that he said some really mean stuff to me about my profile pic and called my blog 'trite'.

He wanted me to remind him why I was mad at him.


What a fucktard!

I responded by telling him it was he who was mad at me.

To which he said.... Can we start over?

Um, yah... That's a hard NO.

Getting furious over the fact that someone pointed out a toilet in the backdrop of your 'good' selfie isn't exactly screaming...

Pick me! Pick me!!

Retaliation with harsh scrutiny about my feet pic's and the "stupid shit you journal about" didn't earn any brownie points either!

I gotta be honest.

I'd kind of like to just chuck this guy into that dumpster fire.

I think it would ruin the s'mores though.... Nobody wants to eat a s'more that tastes like douche bag.....

I politely told him no, I wasn't interested in revisiting that fun experience again.

I'd rather eat a s'more that was cooked over a trailer park dumpster fire!


Happy Monday!
Knight in shining armor....
Posted:Apr 18, 2021 5:43 pm
Last Updated:Apr 19, 2021 2:45 pm
Not my knight, but a knight none-the-less.

The Spawn and I trekked out the lighthouse in Ludington today.

It was a beautiful day, definitely worth the drive!

There just isn't anything better than a little family bonding time!!

Here we are, mother and , soaking it all in and enjoying our day!

Yep, that's her.... My Spawn.... Walking miles ahead of cause, ya know... God forbid she be seen with her mother.

Gives you the warm fuzzies, doesn't it?!?


I had just gotten home when I got a message from my Real Life Best Friend telling me that the Hippie had come her rescue.

She and her autistic had decided walk the entire length of beach at Sturgeon Bay and, upon reaching the end, she wasn't sure she'd be able walk it back her car. Thinking it might be easier just walk the paved road, she and her started walking the road only discover, the road itself was hilly and had a bunch of winding bends and turns.

The Hippie had driven past her though, and turned around.....

Coming back offer her a ride. A ride that she'd gladly accepted because she was pretty sure she wasn't going be able make the walk even though her was still going strong.

He always was such a nice guy.

And today, he was her knight in shining armor.

Here's to best friends and Sunday knights....

A Tire Story
Posted:Apr 16, 2021 3:58 am
Last Updated:Apr 20, 2021 3:02 pm

I got to the tire place yesterday and I was happy to see the guy who I had spoken with on the phone was the guy who I would be dealing with in person.

There are always issues when you're dealing with someone else.

That's not what he quoted....

These aren't the same brand....

He didn't say anything about an extended warranty....

So, when I stepped up to the little computer desk he was working at and recognized the voice, I felt way more at ease.

"Is that your CR-V out there? Outside the window there?"

I looked to where he was pointing and yep, it was.


"Ok, I'm just going to go check the tire size and make sure it takes that standard size."

He headed for the door and was gone in a flash. Glancing up, I noticed a bunch of guys on the other side of a windowed wall staring at me from the tire change bays, and feeling a little on-display, I decided to just turn around and take a peek at what the sales guy was doing to my car.


He wasn't at my car.

He was looking at the tires on the car next to mine... A much older, crappier version of the same car.

Oh my fucking God, what are the odds that I would park right next to another CR-V?!?

Heading immediately to the door, I caught him as he was trucking back inside.

"That wasn't my car."


"You weren't checking the tires on my car, that was someone else's."

He was baffled! I wondered to myself, am I not good looking enough to drive a nicer car?

"My car is right next to that one."

"The tan one??"

He is in disbelief that it is my car.

I shook my head yes and out the door he went to check the tires on the correct one.

Taking his place behind his little computer, he started furiously typing away with a furrowed brow.

Turns out, my car didn't actually take the most commonly used standard size. It took a bigger tire. As he was explaining it, I swung around to do a comparison on the tires of the two cars out in the parking lot and, sure enough, I could see a size difference even from where I was standing.

"Ok, bad news. Bigger tires equal bigger price, and I'll have to put them on order. I will have them tomorrow and if we can agree on a price, I would be more than happy to just pick up your vehicle, do the tire replacement, and return it back to you."

"Let's talk about price."

"Good news. I can do this tire, it's a better tire grade than the one quoted and if I apply [various discounts] I can get it within $75 of the quoted price."

It was only an $8 difference between the same tire in the correct size. The same tire would not be able to be shipped until Monday.

"I feel really bad about the inconvenience and I'd like to try to make it up to you."

"If that's the out-the-door price, I'll take them."

Quote in hand, away I went....

We'll see what happens today when he comes to get my car.

Will he be able to find me?

Will my office be full of coworkers like usual?

Will I become the subject of office gossip as this guy was SMOKING hot! Oooh la la!!

The Tire Salesman
Posted:Apr 15, 2021 3:39 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2021 5:55 pm

When I had my oil changed a few weeks ago the Middle had told me....

"Mom, you REALLY need to get new tires."

By the look in his eyes, I knew he was serious, so I called up the tire place and scheduled an appointment yesterday.

That was quite the experience.....

"Hello. Thank you for calling [tire place]...."

Have you noticed those chain businesses all have a spiel now? They can't just say 'Hey, this is Joe Schmoe, how can I help you? They have to offer you great things and custom experiences that will keep you coming back?

"Hi. I need to schedule an appointment to get new tires."

"Ok. What size do you need? Are we doing all 4?"

"Yes, I'm doing all 4. I need the size that fits my car."

Ok, so, I was hair unprepared. I just assumed they'd be asking me for the make and model of my car and go from there.

Tire Guy - totally laughing at the other end of the phone.

"Oh, you're serious."

"I schedule appointments with people who know what they're doing because I'm one of those people who don't."

More laughter, Tire Guy is getting a kick out of this.

"You called the right place then, we're tire experts. We'll see you Thursday night at 6pm."

I did give him the make and model of my car and he did give me an estimate over the phone, so it wasn't a complete debacle. I also checked out the pricing online with installation to make sure he was on the up and up and not upselling me something I totally didn't need, he he was not.

I have to say, I feel pretty confident in this place so far.

We'll see what happens tonight when I actually get my new tires installed.

Until then, Happy Thursday!
It's a wash!
Posted:Apr 14, 2021 3:53 am
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2021 2:30 pm

Or, more accurately, a scrub.

I bought the Spawn a face scrub a while ago and thought I'd give it a try last night.

These masks have been taking a toll on my skin....

So, there I was!

Scrub in hand, I squeezed a small amount into my palm and started to smooth it across my forehead, chin, and nose.

"Oh, that's tingly."

Using my fingertips, I gently rolled the gritty particles across my skin and focused on the areas that needed the most help.




Between sweat and oily skin beneath the masks, I managed to find myself with another pimple next to my nose and my skin hasn't had a breakout in years.

"Woah! I'm going to have to wash this off!"

What the hell was in this scrub? Eyes watering, skin tingling, I rinsed it off and patted my face dry.

Fast forward to this morning.....


It's not a good sign when the sight of your face startles you first thing in the morning.

Everywhere I had used the scrub my skin was red and tight. It's quite possible I removed more than just my dead surface skin cells......

"Oh my God, what was in that stuff??"

Salicylic acid.

Um, ok, I've used that before. It helps to keep skin clean and clear of pore clogging debris....

It has been years though.

Apparently my old skin isn't hearty enough to withstand a 's face scrub??

Good lord... Getting old is a bitch!

Looks like I'll need a burka today....

Happy Wednesday!
Oh Monday....
Posted:Apr 12, 2021 3:39 am
Last Updated:Apr 14, 2021 4:52 am

You fucking bitch.


My allergies are still out of control. My puffy, swollen eyes look like piss holes in the snow as I sit here watching the local news, slowly drinking a cup of coffee. How fantastic will it be when I've got my mask on and ALL you'll be able see my are those puffy eye sockets??

I can't wait!!

[Insert exasperated groan here]

Wish luck!

Happy Monday!
This week's award for most creative come-on goes to this guy!
Posted:Apr 11, 2021 5:26 pm
Last Updated:Apr 14, 2021 3:30 am

Happy Birthday Beautiful!!
4//2021 :35 am

Sorry, it's not my birthday.
4//2021 :38 am

It is and I have a present � for you!!!
4//2021 :35 am

How many times has your present been regifted?
4//2021 1:48 pm

I have to admit, it got my attention.

I even laughed when I read it....

Very creative!

Alas, I am still holding for the right partner in crime...

Until he comes along, happy Sunday!
Allergy Eyes
Posted:Apr 11, 2021 7:02 am
Last Updated:Apr 12, 2021 2:29 pm
I decided trek out yesterday....

And found myself Lake Michigan. It's kind of funny how it's always calling back, how the sound of the water and the feel of the sand beneath my feet is so soothing, relaxing.

I'm amazed at how much the beach can change from year year.... Water levels raising, lowering, beach, no beach.

It takes a while take it in, see the sights, and marvel over the changes.

Enough time that it affected my allergies, apparently.

I woke this morning with swollen, puffy eyes and I look like death warmed over.


I can say is, Benadryl, work your magic!
How much is too much?
Posted:Apr 10, 2021 2:57 am
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2021 4:18 pm

Depends on what it is.

Onions in a tuna fish sandwich.

If your eyes water every time you bring your sandwich up to your mouth to take a bite? You've got too much onion.

If the smell of your own breath is making your nose hairs curl, you've got too much onion.

If you can brush your teeth and taste nothing but minty onion? TOO MUCH ONION!

So, yah... I might be talking from experience here.... Maybe last night...

Hair .


Bald is too much....

Thursday after work I had an appointment to talk to a colorist. Those evil greys are going to rue the day they decided to appear in MY hair!

RUE I tell you!

When I got there, there was already a Mom, , and Aunt there. The Mom was moral support, the Aunt had cancer, and the was donating her hair.

So, after a week of COVID arm, mental collapse, and work stress....

I decided doing something good for someone else was needed and I also donated my hair.

And, no... I am not bald.

McDonald's French Fries

There will NEVER be too much....

The day I got my second COVID shot I had stopped at McDonald's on the way home and picked up that Big Mac meal thing for the Spawn and I.

It's been a while since I'd gone to a McDonald's... Things have CHANGED.

What hasn't changed? My love for their fries.....

I ended up trading my Big Mac for the Spawn's fries and ate nothing but fries for dinner that night.

Unhealthy? Yah....

Was it comfort food for my broken soul?


So, it's taken a minute for me to collect myself back up and get my shit together once again. But, here I am, living on french fries and onion laden sandwiches killing my heart ache with good deeds.

In my world, it feels like things are getting back to normal once again.

Until my next crisis, happy Saturday.
Me? Falling apart at the seams??
Posted:Apr 8, 2021 3:46 am
Last Updated:Apr 10, 2021 7:21 am

Nothing like a little mid-life crisis to make things interesting!!

The Middle received his cap and gown in the mail this week.... Graduation Day is looming ever closer.

I've shed so, so many tears....

His new chapter is starting soon and he excitedly awaits that next step and I'm literally dying inside at the mere thought.

Every step we take toward his independence feels like a giant leap to me.

It's been a month of change.

He is now independently insured, no longer is he on my car insurance policy. This is the last month he will be bundled into my cell phone group, going forward, wherever he goes, he has that responsibility. I was not notified of his most recent dental appointment as he was now 18 and I didn't need to be present.

I am so proud!

But, I am so scared.... I am so scared because I don't know what life will be like without him. I am scared that I can't protect him. I'm scared to let him go....

But I will.

Be prepared readers....

The next 8 weeks are likely to be an emotional rollercoaster for me and you'll probably get a ring-side seat to it all as I share my crazy here.

It's the Wednesday shit show!
Posted:Apr 7, 2021 5:36 pm
Last Updated:Apr 12, 2021 3:19 am
Pull up a seat, you don't want miss a thing!

It started with waking up COVID arm.

Not gonna lie, it's kinda unpleasant! Apparently it's a 'thing', I googled it!

So, there I was, all gimped up in my office, the heat from my swollen, enflamed arm giving me hot flashes while my glasses fogged up from my mas...

And person after person was mobbing for help.


They can't see that I'm lamenting in my pain with my office door shut???

I pretended be on a conference call for a while before finally deciding my hair was driving nuts, so I headed the bathroom throw it up in a pony tail.

Little did I know the maintenance guy had just been in there and fixed the heating element in the hand dryer...

So, I put up my hair, I blew my nose, I washed my hands, I went use the hand dryer....


My wet hands disappeared into a cloud of black soot from the hand dryer.

"What the hell?!? Holy SHIT!"

The soot fused itself to my wet skin.

Gimped arm, hot flashes, black hands...

I tried to straighten my glasses without touching them but the door bumped my arm as I was leaving the restroom and my glasses flew off my face and slid squarely into the men's room as a customer was going in.

I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

Gimped arm, hot flashes, black hands, glasses in men's room....

"I see you used the hand dryer."

It was the maintenance guy. Super nice guy, I really do like him. Today, however, I wanted to beat him with my dead arm.

"Yah. What the hell??"

He laughed.

"Hey, can you get my glasses out of the men's room? They slid in there when I was trying not to touch them with this hot mess."

I was dramatically waving my hands around, he laughed and apologized. I don't think he realized the black cloud of death would escape during the first use.

He retrieved them and we talked for a few minutes more before I headed back to my office sanatize my glasses with a clorox wipe and hopefully get some of the soot off my hands as well.

Worked like a charm!

Unfortunately, this was just a precursor for how the rest of my day would turn out.

And now? Here I sit... My arm hurts like a bitch, my amazon fire stick is fucking up, and I can hear fire works shooting off somewhere in the distance.

Just your typical Wednesday night...
Kinda like Gloria Gaynor....
Posted:Apr 6, 2021 3:00 pm
Last Updated:Apr 10, 2021 7:45 am

I will survive.

I got my second COVID vaccine yesterday, everything still appears be in working order.

My arm is swollen at the injection sight and it feels warm and tender the touch, but aside from that, I'm side effect free.

I'm VERY thankful!

I'm not ready to talk about the Spawn yet.... But, we have hugged it out and things are better.

I've just got so many emotions, some of it is being fueled by the fact that my leaves in a few short weeks. Just typing these words brought tears to my eyes.

I don't think I can talk about that either.

A post best saved for another day....
And the Scum Mom of the Year award goes to....
Posted:Apr 4, 2021 7:56 am
Last Updated:Apr 7, 2021 2:11 am


It's Easter, he has risen.

It's a day when families are supposed to come together and celebrate the resurrection of Jesus.

What am I doing?

I'm screaming at the Spawn because she's worked my last nerve and I refuse to put up with her newly developed 'entitled' attitude and clear disdain for me in general.


I'm crying at the thought that my Middle , the one that loves me, is leaving me soon and I'll be left with HER...

The one who hates me.

"Give me that phone RIGHT now! Ear buds too. Gone!"

"Really mom? Is that how you're going to this?"

"Oh, that's not enough? I didn't take away enough to make you feel it yet? Ok, I want ALL of the stuff I bought you yesterday. Everything!"

"Whatever, I haven't formed an attachment to it yet."

"Fine, I'll take the stuff you did form an attachment to. Pick out an outfit, 1 pair of pants, 1 shirt. NOW!"

Grabbing her arm and throwing her into her bedroom, she started to cry instantly but picked out one outfit.

"Great! See this outfit?? You're going to get real comfy with it because for the next month, this is ALL you're going to be wearing."

Now here I am, silently crying out on the balcony so she can't hear how upset I feel.

what started all this?

It all started when I came home from the gym this morning and found my cute little kitty waiting for me the door. I picked her up, listened to her purr for a minute, and headed down the hall to wish the Spawn a happy Easter.

Glaring at me, she curled her lips and sneered "What?!? What!!"

"Tillbot and I want to give you a hug and wish you a happy Easter!"

"Oh my God, get away from me...."

And, that was it. I saw my lifetime of motherhood flash before my eyes and any composure I once had was gone. I morphed into a raving lunatic throwing packages of underwear down the hall and screamed.

I'm pretty sure this feeling I'm feeling, right this very moment, is the feeling of my heart shattering into a million little pieces.....

I don't think it can ever be the same again.

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