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Ramblings of the depraved.....
Welcome to my blog!
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What's grosser than gross?
Posted:Mar 9, 2021 4:40 pm
Last Updated:Mar 13, 2021 3:15 pm

Using the public restroom where I wor

What's grosser than that??

Having the toilet in the next stall overflow at an alarming rate.

Yah, I think it's safe to say....

I nearly withered up and died at that very moment. When I could see 'stuff' floating on the floor at my feet I started to dry heave and nearly vomited.

In one fell swoop I lost a pair of shoes, socks, and pants as they were now tainted with disgust and sights that could not be unseen.....

"It's not that fucking bad!"

"Yah, maybe if I lived in a fucking third world country. Good God..."

Pissed, I tip toed out of the bathroom to get as little funk on me as possible and went right to Boss #2's office.

"I just had to wade through ankle deep toilet water with sewage floating in it in the bathroom, you may want to get [maintenance crew] on that as soon as possible. I'm going to go home and throw out everything that touched that water and take a shower before I go to the dentist. See you tomorrow."

I'm still pretty pissed off. Those were my new work shoes with the memory foam soles...

A little food for thought....
Posted:Mar 9, 2021 3:39 am
Last Updated:Mar 9, 2021 3:40 pm

Getting my teeth cleaned today, I'm super excited!

I know what you're thinking....

Excited about the dentist??

I'd rather have bamboo shoots shoved beneath my fingernails. I'd rather scrape my knuckles across a cheese grater at high velocity.

I'd rather have any other unimaginable torture befall me before going to the dentist!!

Here's the thing....

There will come a time when we no longer have to sport our masks. The time will come when we can come face to face with people and have conversations with them allowing us to see them in full.

A time when we can see smiles once again!

For me, my smile is important. Up until now, it was always one of the first things people noticed about me, my beautiful smile.

Not because my teeth were perfect, they certainly are not.

Not because my teeth are dazzling white, I do my best but you can't see them from space.

But because my smile is genuine, and and warm, and a beautiful smile can turn someone's whole day around.

So it has always been important to me to see the dentist.

When someone meets me for the first time, the last impression I want to leave on them is...

Yikes! Look at Lady Cletus over here.... She's missing her chewing straw.

Happy Tuesday!
Guess who got their vaccine today?!
Posted:Mar 8, 2021 3:08 pm
Last Updated:Mar 17, 2021 10:02 pm
, it was .

So far experiencing a slight limp and I can still kind of see of my right eye.

Am I supposed to be able to taste the color purple??

told the memory loss is temporary....

Shit, forgot what I was doing.

On a more serious note, I did, in fact, get my first COVID-19 vaccine today. So far, so good, no symptoms and my arm isn't even sore at the injection sight. curious to see how I'll feel tomorrow, most of the people I've talked to who have had the vaccine suffered some sort of symptom after both doses.

I guess time will tell.

Wish me luck!
When you live in a small town....
Posted:Mar 7, 2021 6:09 pm
Last Updated:Mar 8, 2021 11:57 pm

I forced the Spawn come with me tonight while I ran errands and went to the gym.

She was looking entirely too happy, all curled up in my bed, eyes glued to her phone...

Forcing your offspring to spend quality time with you is a right of passage!

Sullen angry faces....

Sarcastic retorts....

Flippant eye rolls...

It's the BEST!

We were in the parking lot doing a curbside grocery pick up when a couple of coworkers approached my car.

"I thought that was you over here."

"Uh, yep! It's me! Even I need to get groceries sometimes."

The Spawn was huffing and puffing in the backseat throughout the whole conversation. I wasn't exactly thrilled about having to make small talk with my coworkers on my day off, but I couldn't just say "Hey, got my groceries! Hasta!!" Thankfully one of them got a phone call and I was able to make my escape.

We got to the gym and again I saw a familiar face.

"Hey, I wondered if I'd see you here! It's my first day bac"

"Hi! Yah, I started back up again just this last wee"

"I got my vaccines a couple of weeks ago so I've been venturing out again."

"Good for you! I'm happy hear that. We need start returning a more normal life, again."

I could hear the Spawn mumbling away in the background, she was faceTiming her little best friend.

'my mom knows everybody, it's so embarrassing....'

Little shit! That attitude was starting get the best of , so once we got in the car we had a little chat.

"You realize, the more attitude you throw my way, they more bonding time the of us are going be enjoying, going forward."

"uuuuggghhhh!!! Why do we have bond?"

Throwing her hand over her eyes in a dramatic gesture, she tossed her head back and pretended to die.

"Won't work, I know CPR."

The last stop of the day was a special surprise, we rolled through the drive thru at Wendy's to get a frosty.

"Hi! It's been a while since I've seen you!"

Are you kidding ?? Even at the fucking drive thru window of Wendy's I see someone who I hired not once, but twice work at the store.

"Hi! How have you been?"

"I'm good, they're making a team leader here."

"That's fantastic!"

"Did you hear I had my baby? It's a girl."

"That's great! How is she doing?"

"Well, we just got back from Helen Devos 3 days ago..." "She had adult seizures..." "Too long in the birth canal..."

For the life of , I'll never know why people reveal all that stuff .

"I'm so sorry hear that."

Thankfully there were other cars in line at the drive thru and I could break away.

"How do you know all those people?"

One of the main reasons the Spawn hates running errands with is because everywhere we go, I run into someone I know.

"It's a small town babe and I've worked with the public for a long time."

Living in a small town has its good .... And it's not so good .

It can suck when a 5 minute errand turns into a 45 minute conversation with someone you bumped into, but it can be wonderful when your car breaks down and everyone is popping out of the woodwork to make sure you have rides to get where you need to go.

Small town life on a Sunday!
It's 2:18 am.....
Posted:Mar 6, 2021 11:52 pm
Last Updated:Mar 7, 2021 5:12 pm

Of course I'm wide awake.

I've been wide awake for a while now.....

My mind is my Middle and the realization that his time with me is coming a close. In short weeks he'll be shipping out basic training and his life will be....

Beginning again.

The time for him be my little guy is done, it has been done, but until now I've been able hang that notion that I can keep him safe, keep him protected.

Probably one of the best things he could have done for this year, his last year at home, was become independent, breaking out of the old familial routines. It was subtle, but slowly... The of us became the two of us as the majority of the outings and adventures were with just the Spawn and I.

He is doing his own thing.

That was the hard part.... Picturing what life would be like without him in it every single day.

No need drive him school anymore, he now drives himself. No more band concerts or robotics tournaments to attend, his new school interests were welding and auto shop. No longer did he want to hang out at the beach or go on my adventures, he was going on adventures of his own with his friends and coworkers.

So, little by little, I got used to a life without him in it every single day.

Tonight he told me that his Sargent doesn't think the COVID restrictions are going to be lifted in time for his graduation from basic training, that the Spawn and I may not be able to see him in person on that special day...

And I cried.

There isn't a whole lot in his next chapter that I get to be a part of, but that was something.

Something big!

And now I'll most likely be watching it live stream from many states away, wearing my gross old pajamas with my hair in a weird bun. Kinda negates the specialness of the event when you can snack chips and view this moment in history from a toilet seat.

Not that I plan doing either of those.... Just sayin'.

It appears it is time bring this post a close as I've made myself cry again.

Damn it's hard be parent....

Everyone always tells you how difficult life is when they are a baby. They don't warn you about how difficult it is watch them become an adult.
The vendor, the sign, the black widow...
Posted:Mar 5, 2021 3:26 pm
Last Updated:Mar 6, 2021 11:57 pm

"So, are you the Black Widow?"

Unsure of what he was talking about, I glanced up to see a product vendor staring at through my office door.

"Well?? Are you the Black Widow? That's a pretty big spider!"

My coworkers that were within ear shot were dying, you could hear their laughter on the sales floor.

If y'all remember....

It was not that long ago that my friend Meme Guy had hidden a spider in my desk and scared the shit right of .

I now keep that spider on my desk as a souvenir of my near death experience.

"Maybe I am, maybe not. Want to take your chances?"

A crowd was forming now, it was quite the scene.

"Maybe I hang on to it to scare away all the other spiders, maybe it's a memento of my past loves...."

Picking up the spider, I started to laugh, and raised my eyebrows.

"I am single."

Thankfully the person he was actually waiting for showed up this point to make his display signs and they were off.

"Lucky for you I have work to do."

Lucky for ? Lucky for him, he lives to see another ....

Happy Friday!
You know you're old when....
Posted:Mar 4, 2021 5:34 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2021 2:48 pm

You get new glasses on Tuesday and you're still trying get used the bifocals on Thursday.


This getting thing is a fucking bitch!
Tonight at the gym....
Posted:Mar 3, 2021 5:03 pm
Last Updated:Mar 4, 2021 5:44 pm

It's been a while since I've said that!

Damn, I've missed going the gym....

As punishment for her snotty attitude, I forced the Spawn come with me for some special bonding time.

Just me.... Her.... The large, older man who kept wiping his arm pits with his towel and tossing it onto the treadmill next to me....

I couldn't have asked for a more special mother / experience.

I was minutes into my treadmill time when I heard her little voice facetiming her best friend.

"You should see this guy. It smells like armpits in here."

"Show me"

Horrified, I glance behind me and see the little stinker holding her phone up show her friend the guy.

"Hey! Why don't you go sit on the couch and talk [BFF]!"

There is no possible way this guy wasn't acutely aware of what was happening behind him. If it were possible, I would have died of embarrassment on the spot.

Lord have mercy on my soul....

Happy Wednesday!
Tuesday night with the Spawn.
Posted:Mar 3, 2021 3:37 am
Last Updated:Mar 4, 2021 5:45 pm

"Why is there a CapriSun juice thing in the shower??"

"I was thirsty."

"Did you take a shower? You were thirsty in the shower??"

"Yah. My goldfish crackers were salty."

What alternate universe have I stumbled into.....

"Ok. Let me get this straight. You were in the shower eating goldfish crackers and drinking juice. Why??"

"Duh!! It was an after school snack mom, I was hungry!"

Snatching the empty juice package out of my hand, she turned on her heel and huffed down the hall to throw it out.

Just when I think I've seen it all.....


Shower snacking!
What's in a name?
Posted:Mar 2, 2021 5:32 pm
Last Updated:Mar 3, 2021 9:51 am

Quite a bit when someone has been calling you by the wrong name for over a year.

The restrooms where I work are a hub of activity.

People entering....

People exiting....

People milling about.....

They are quite possibly the water cooler of the retail world.


I was exiting the ladies room at the same time Fozzie Bear was exiting the men's room earlier today, we glanced at each other and said .

In the usual, walking in the same direction awkward small talk, we exchanged a few pleasantries as we were rounding the corner to the sales floor.

"Hey Nate!"

Coming toward us and heading into the men's room, Nate the Great returned my greeting and asked me if I would stop by the leadership office to help with something.

"Yes;, give a call when your done."

Fozzie Bear and I had walked about steps when he turned to , puzzled.

"What did you him?"


"Why did you him Nate?"

"Because that's his name."

"I've been calling him Nic"

Unable contain myself, I burst laughing.

"Sorry, but that just made my whole . I haven't laughed this hard in forever."

"Why didn't he tell his name wasn't Nick?"

"[Fozzie]! He wears a name badge.... You've been working with him over over a year now. He was probably wondering how long it would take before you realized you were calling him the wrong name."

Fozzie Bear was NOT seeing the same humor in the situation.

It's a good thing I could....

Happy Tuesday!
It was a snooze button kind of day....
Posted:Mar 1, 2021 3:59 pm
Last Updated:Mar 2, 2021 4:53 pm

You know how you can tell it's a Monday?

You start considering the parts to your morning routine you can do without just to hit snooze one more time.

Make up? Who needs make up?? I've got to wear a fucking mask anyway.


I don't really have to curly my hair... I'll just throw it up in a pony tail.


I'll just stop and grab a cup of coffee at the gas station on the way in to work. Maybe I don't even need coffee...


Oh SHIT!! Apparently I didn't hit snooze that last time!!

And... She's LATE folks!

In other news...

It was my Work BFF's last day with the company today so it was kind of a somber day.

I'm going to miss him so much.... Ruthless scrutiny of my peers just isn't the same without him.

Who in the hell is going to fix my shredder when I neglect to empty it and it starts to jam up from the inside?? Who am I going to whine to when the new month rolls around and I'm not tall enough to to reach the push pin in my calendar to flip the month???

When he was headed out for the last time today, he stopped by my office to say goodbye. I'm not normally a hugger, but I gave him a nice, long hug and wished him well.

He'd been unhappy since the corporate restructure changed his position... Hopefully he's able to find some work/life balance with the new job.

Happy Monday!
Have you seen my sanity?
Posted:Feb 28, 2021 12:37 pm
Last Updated:Mar 1, 2021 2:56 pm

I lost it somewhere between the moment my hair dryer blew up in my hand and the moment I accidentally maced myself with dry shampoo...

I blame it on the Wolowitzes.

It's a certainty that I may never recover from the PTSD I incurred as a result of hearing them have SEX this morning.

Oh good lord!

While I didn't hear any actual *sex* noises.... Thank God! I did hear her raspy, I smoked a carton of Kool's, voice from down below moaning...

"Oh John.... Oh John.... Oh John...."

It didn't take me long to get my disgusted ass out of there!

I don't think this woman is capable of communicating in any form quieter than stadium roar.

If it's not at the top of her lungs, it's not worth saying!!

So, here I sit now. Red eyed, traumatized, and the underlying smell of burned hair has wafted through my apartment.....

Happy Sunday!

I'm off to a new hair dryer and some hard liquor.

Maybe an eyepatch...
Single Gal Adventures
Posted:Feb 27, 2021 6:24 pm
Last Updated:Mar 2, 2021 9:56 pm
The Spawn is at her dad's house this weekend so I ended up trekking out alone get my view of the blue ice.

It is definitely past it's peak....

But it was a beautiful, sunshiny day and it felt good get out. It's amazing how good the sun can make me feel.

Is it psychological?

Is it the vitamin D?

I don't know.... But, I knew it was going be an amazing day.

I was doing 83 on the expressway when a cardinal flew across the road right in front of me. It caught my attention immediately, and, yes, I am one of those people who see symbolism in the happenings around me.

I've been struggling a little for a while now, feeling alone, a little stressed out from work, anxieties in the changes that are happening with my ....

Then I saw that cardinal, and I knew everything was going be ok.

I was not alone.

I got Mackinaw and there were a shit ton of people there, once again. I didn't actually think I was going to find a parking spot, but one opened right up in just the right spot.

Luck was on my side...

The ice is on it's decline, definitely nothing like it looked when it was peak, but the weather has been warming up and we've been getting periods of snow and rain so I knew the conditions wouldn't be ideal. I could still see the hint of blue, though.

I've shared my pic's of the bridge on here before, so today I thought I'd share the lighthouse. (Seeing as how the ice was subpar.)

I stopped at the Dixie Saloon to have a beer and a burger when I was done.

Timing was perfect, I got right in and the place filled up quickly after I got there.

I had received a text from Boss #2 asking me where I kept the letter head when I heard a voice from off to my right.

"It don't bother you to eat out alone?"

I looked over and there was a guy turned toward me with a drink in his hand.

"Not really, not any more than it bothers you to sit alone over there and drink."

"I see your point."

"Besides, it's a pain in the ass when you're trying to eat and make small talk at the same time."

I laughed, he chuckled, then turned back to what he was doing. I finished my text back to Boss #2 and ate my fries.

I'm pretty sure he was trying to invite himself over to where I was sitting, but the guy was oozing arrogance and bad cologne... The last thing I needed was to be blinded by the light reflecting off his belt buckle too.

The only cliché stereotype missing was a giant mustache....

Feeling somewhat accomplished, I finished my meal and headed home. In all, it was a pleasant Saturday.

I even got a nap in to boot!

Happy Saturday!

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