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Ramblings of the depraved.....
 
Welcome to my blog!
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Death by step ladder....
Posted:Feb 9, 2021 2:55 pm
Last Updated:Feb 11, 2021 9:42 pm
20651 Views

So, yah!

Ever had one of those moments where you do something so stupid embarrassing you just want die??

I have them often....

For once, I was able pull one of these moments off without an audience.

Miracles do happen!

I was updating the information board outside my office and trying like hell be creative and artsy.

Something I struggle at so I put a lot of thought into it while I'm doing it.

So much so, apparently, that I can totally forget I'm on the top step of a little step ladder and just....

Step back!

As you can imagine, did not go smoothly.

That 2 foot drop can come as quite a shock when your expecting your foot to touch down much sooner.

Somehow, I managed to land on my feet and merely stumble back, catching my balance on the wall behind me.

I wanted to die!

Looking around immediately, I couldn't believe my eyes when NOT A SINGLE PERSON was milling about, ready to see my humiliation.

Thanking God, I suddenly realized my hands were a little shaky and my heart was beating fast.

Adrenalin.... An amazing thing.

It wasn't long before my Fitbit was telling me I need to lower my heartrate with some breathing exercises and de-stress.

Damn!

I managed to escape injury but nearly gave myself a heart attac

Happy Tuesday!
27 Comments
How cold is too cold??
Posted:Feb 8, 2021 3:36 pm
Last Updated:Feb 9, 2021 2:38 pm
21451 Views


It was so cold, my car ran for 20 minutes and STILL wasn't warmed up when I left for wor....

It was so cold, my eyelashes froze together.....

It was so cold, I left my mask on to walk to my car after wor.....

It was so cold my fucking mask FROZE from the moisture that accumulated during wear all day....

It was a cold day, folks, 3 degrees when I headed into work and I think it *might* have gotten up to 15 degrees at it's warmest.

Ugh!
22 Comments
Confessions of an Ugly Duckling
Posted:Feb 7, 2021 5:20 am
Last Updated:Mar 10, 2021 3:59 am
27982 Views
True story.... Once an ugly duckling, always an ugly duckling in the back of your mind.

I was the awkward Irish girl who grew up being raised by grandparents with ideals and beliefs from another era.

I sported red hair with bad haircuts, giant ears, and super pale skin.

Talk about the total package!

At some point we grow up and those big ears aren't so big anymore..... And, we're capable of choosing our own hair styles and clothing.

But that mindset remains.

I once asked my grandma if she thought I was pretty and I'll never forget her answer.

"Well, you're no beauty queen."

I hadn't said anything, but I was devastated by her answer. I knew what I saw when I looked in the mirror, but for some reason I had hoped that others were able to see something different....

I hoped wrong.

Eventually I grew up, and what I lacked in beauty I gained in personality.

The funny thing is.... As a grown up, I wasn't all that ugly anymore.

My hair wasn't quite so red and my freckles had faded..... The pale skin was still pale but with the miracles of make-up I no longer looked like a serial killer in the making.

The problem is, as a grown up, I still feel ugly.

When I catch a man looking at me, I feel judging eyes and the insecurities spring forth.

How does my hair look? Can you see my ears? Why is he looking at my outfit? I knew I shouldn't have worn this shirt today... What was I thinking??

Once an ugly duckling, always an ugly duckling in the back of your mind.....

So, I'll bet you're wondering what this little duckling looked like as a , so here you go folks.

Time for the big reveal.



Second Grade 1981

Happy Sunday
51 Comments
My day summed up in one sentence.
Posted:Feb 6, 2021 4:26 pm
Last Updated:Feb 8, 2021 3:53 am
22873 Views

Went the store for toilet paper, came home with paper towel.

Yah....

This is what happens when you don't stock with a lifetime supply of toilet paper at the beginning of a pandemic!

I didn't actually notice until I got home and told the Spawn to put the toilet paper under the bathroom sink.

"Mom! I thought you said to put the toilet paper under the sink."

"I did."

"Then why did you hand me paper towel?"

"I didn't."

"Yes you did."

She danced her way down the hall and and flamboyantly held out a 2 pack, double roll package of paper towels.

"Well, shit. Guess I need to start reading the words that follow 'double roll'."

Dancing her way back down the hall, I could hear her singing....

"It's a paper towel weekend, from out of the blue... Wiping our butts with paper towels, ewwww....."

Happy Saturday!
12 Comments
Saturday Morning Post
Posted:Feb 6, 2021 5:57 am
Last Updated:Feb 7, 2021 2:38 pm
22450 Views

Still kind of stormy outside....

It's been amazing getting a whole winter's worth of snow over the course of 2 days. I couldn't be happier!!

Said no one ever....

I'm wishing I'd bought those snow shoes when I was looking into them. I wound up getting sidetracked and the idea escaped me, until just now. This would have been a perfect morning to get out there and trek around.

Nothing's stopping me from ordering them today, though.

Feeling some writer's block this morning, having a hard time finding a topic that I actually want to write about...

But, I do want to write.

For some stupid reason my anxiety is high, this morning, and I just can't seem to get rid of the 'black cloud of doom' feeling.

You know....

That feeling you get when you're certain something bad is just about ready to happen, any moment, and you're powerless to stop it. The problem is, you don't know what it is yet, you just have to *wait* for it to happen.

Argh....

Like usual, I will persevere.... And the feeling will pass.... And I will spend time cleaning my apartment, wishing I was on some tropical beach somewhere drinking umbrella drinks while soaking in the sun.

I think I just really, really need a vacation.

And some sunshine.
17 Comments
The Spawn Chronicles
Posted:Feb 4, 2021 3:52 pm
Last Updated:Mar 17, 2021 12:42 pm
24659 Views

How do you know your Spawn has too much time on her hands?

*Howling meows*

"What the hell is going ON back there???"

"Nothing...."

Um, yah, that was DEFINITELY something. Heading down the hall, I hear her whispering....

"Ssshhh.... Mom's coming."

"What are you doing?!?"

My bedroom door was partially shut so I pushed it open. Sitting on the bed is the Spawn with the kitty laying on her back in her lap.

"Hold still!"

"What are you putting on her head??"

Startled, she must have jumped about 6 inches off the bed, cat spilling onto the pillow next to her.

"OMG Mom! You scared me!! It's a stocking cap, I'm trying to put it on her head."

"Are those eye holes?? What the hell.... That was one of my socks!!"

"Yah, and, that's my scrunchie you're stretching out in your hair. We're even!"

Sensing her opportunity to bolt, the cat was like lightning as she disappeared down the hall in a puff of cat shaped smoke.

Tilly, it's your lucky day.

Happy Thursday!
13 Comments
Crockpot Catastrophe
Posted:Feb 3, 2021 5:33 pm
Last Updated:Mar 17, 2021 12:42 pm
25175 Views

We've all been there....

Trolling through the Faceplace, laughing at memes, discovering what our 90 year selves will look like, and tagging ourselves in recipes we 'plan' make at some point.

I'm guilty as charged!

Why yes! Yes I absolutely DO want know what my stripper elf name is!!

I can make a pie using a can of Sprite and a stick of butter?? Count me in God dammit!!

Is that Bernie Sanders wearing his mittens clenched between the Jaw's shark's teeth?? I am literally ROFLMAO!!!

I was trolling through Faceplace when I happened upon a recipe for crockpot chicken enchilada casserole.

Five ingredients, 4 hours in a crockpot, literally no effort on my part....

Now THIS is my type of recipe.

Um, yah....

No, it was not.

So, there I was. I tagged myself on the recipe and commented on my profile that I was cooking it up. Documenting my journey with pics, my Faceplace peeps were all anxious see how the recipe turned out.

The problem with the combination of me and cooking is....

I'm a terrible cook. I try my fucking hardest, but nothing EVER seems turn out.

This crockpot nightmare was proof of that....

I cooked the chicken in the enchilada sauce, I shredded it, I added the corn tortilla shells, the cheese, and the black olives. I did everything EXACTLY like the recipe said.

In the picture, the casserole was a gooey, cheesy glop of delicious succulence.

In reality, I had a dried out hunk of cheesy shredded chicken sitting on spongy mush.

My taste buds were cringing in horror just at the thought of eating this hot mess. I recoiled in disgust when I scooped out the first spoonful and heard it plop onto the plate.

Ack!

Everyone had wanted to know how the casserole turned out.....

So I documented that disaster as well.

And the truth came out....

If the key to a man's heart is through his stomach, my fate is sealed. He would have to have a cast iron gut to want to purposely eat my cooking.
35 Comments
On today's episode of 'What the Fuck was he thinking?!?'
Posted:Feb 1, 2021 2:45 pm
Last Updated:Feb 6, 2021 7:35 am
24935 Views

Secret_lade is facilitating an orientation for a new guy who smells like he's spent the last two weeks clam baking in a clown car.

In what realm of existence could something like this EVER be considered acceptable???

Playing it safe and getting a second opinion, I wrangled up my Evil Work Twin and Boss #2 to do a drive and verify my suspicions.

The verdict was unanimous....

The guy was as shit. The fact that his pupils were dilated to the size of dimes did him no favors, either.

The highlight of my day was having the 'Drug Free Work Place' conversation with the Pot Head.

Not surprisingly, he claimed to have been 'present' while others were smoking but did not actually *partake* in the activity.

Um... Yah.....

And, I'm a multimillionaire who works the most stressful job on earth for FUN!!

Here's the thing folks... If you can pass for an extra on the set of 'Up in Smoke', you should be in a different line of work.

Happy Monday.
19 Comments
It was a balmy 25 degrees....
Posted:Jan 31, 2021 3:42 pm
Last Updated:Feb 5, 2021 9:38 pm
24556 Views
What better reason do you need get out and stretch those legs??



I don't always get the opportunity walk the beach at Sturgeon Bay in the winter time.... This just happens be one of those weird winters where we've gotten very little snow, so I took advantage.

I'm glad I did!

It was cold as shit and the wind was brisk but I saw some amazing sights that I don't normally get to see.

Mother Nature is an amazing artist!







25 Comments
Here's your sign!
Posted:Jan 30, 2021 1:22 pm
Last Updated:Jan 31, 2021 4:40 pm
23029 Views
How do you know you've let things get of control??



The winter floor mats you set by the door so you wouldn't forget to put them in the car have become a boot mat.

....

I feel a little like a piece of has given up.

Why couldn't it have been the piece that drops food on her boobs every while she's eating lunch.... Good lord!

No, it's that piece of that makes sure she has the dishes done before inviting company over. The piece that makes her bed and cleans up the clutter....

The piece of that actually *remembers* that she's invited company over!

Nah, of course not!

As of this moment, working on changing that, though.

Thank you to the kind readers who've left the personal messages in my inbox and on my blog.

Your thoughts and input are always appreciated and valued by me. That's one of the best parts to the whole blog world....

The ability to interact with real people.

While I feel a little like suffocating beneath a black cloud of doom, my rational mind knows it's all just perspective. going to be working on changing that perspective.

After all, change does start with .
20 Comments
It can always be worse.
Posted:Jan 27, 2021 4:11 pm
Last Updated:Jan 30, 2021 1:36 pm
25784 Views

Reality check!

My orientation class today consisted of one person.

It's a big time investment for just one person so I don't normally schedule a class this small... But this had sounded so eager come on board that I made an exception.

I'm so glad I did.

With only one attendee, you get know the new employee a lil bit better than you would with a whole class of people....

Sometimes you learn things that can tug at your heartstrings.

Take for instance today.

The new employee had been milling about in the store with her husband when I went to retrieve her.

Thinking nothing of it, I assumed he'd given her a ride and chose to wait with her until it was time for her to go, so, I collected her up and off to my office we went.

I was imaging her I-9 documents when she'd quietly asked me if there was any way she could use my fax machine to fax some documents.

Prying a little.... I asked what type of documents she needed to fax and if it was medical in nature.

The story that unfolded really put my problems in perspective for me.

Her documents were for a government agency to help her get rental assistance to move into a home of some sort.

I didn't even notice the fact that she was wearing a giant backpack full of stuff and carrying around another big bag.....

She revealed to me that she and her husband worked in the food industry and this latest shut down had left them homeless.

They were currently sleeping on the couch of 'friends' and they were wearing out their welcome.... They also had 5 and no jobs.

Did I also mention no car?

Yah, their car had broken down during the fist economic shut down and they hadn't been able to afford to fix it.

So, there she was, eagerly telling me all the things she had done to keep her family together and still continued to do because she knew this was only a temporary situation and they would get back on their feet.... And I couldn't help but feel overwhelming gratefulness that my problems were so in comparison.

Sure, I nearly died yesterday...

But, I have a roof over my head, a dependable job, and I don't have carry all of my belongings around with me in a bag.

So, yes....

It caused me a lot of stress be without my car and I felt like such a burden my Middle who trucked my butt around.

But, you know what??

It could have been way worse.... And for that, I'm truly thankful it was not.
15 Comments
Winter Driving Skills Test
Posted:Jan 26, 2021 1:18 pm
Last Updated:Jan 30, 2021 1:36 pm
27017 Views

Results.....

Pass!

Barely, but pass!

Today was day I got my car back....

There nothing like a white knuckle, zero visibility, white- snow storm to make you thankful to be alive!

My Middle skipped today to drive to my car. it was not snowing when we set 8am this mornin.. Five minutes outside of Gaylord was a blizzard.

My stomach still tied in knots....

After 2 hours of driving to my car, 45 minutes of confusion and hassle to leave with it, it took 5 minutes for have a near-death experience and nearly wreck my car.

...

Believe or not, as slush pulled of control, weaving back and forth between cars and nearly hitting semi that had sucked into him when he passed, I could think about was...

I JUST got my fucking car back!! Are you kidding ????

Somehow I managed keep my calm, using my wipers twice clear slush from my window so I could see where I was spinning out of control , and managed finally roll a stop other side of the road.

Thank you God!

I had get going and merge into traffic before I caused an accident and let my know I was ok, I'd been driving right behind him.

Gingerly, I worked myself into traffic and used hands .

" My God Mom!! Are you ok??? I could see was you swerving!!"

He was scared, I knew he would be.

" ok, a good driver. I pulled myself of swerve and fine. quite a ways behind you now, but it's ok."

"I slowed way down, I could see was you swerving by that semi."

"'s ok, ok."

I waited until I was off phone with him until I had my actual break down. It's really a miracle I didn't wreck my car.... That semi driver had have known that he was creating a vacuum as he passed vehicles, pulling them over in slush.

There was an angel my shoulder today.

I spent remainder of my drive home near tears. Between stress of my car, and finding yesterday that ex in law had passed away, kind of giving the term 'emotional wreck' a good name.

Ugh....
20 Comments
Young Tom Selleck and Fuzzy Sweaters
Posted:Jan 24, 2021 5:16 pm
Last Updated:Jan 28, 2021 2:31 am
25561 Views

It's been a long week, folks....

I missed 2 days of work, I've been without a car, I cried so hard I wound up with a red spot in my eye, and I'm currently sitting on my bed watching 'Shrek'.

A lot has happened.

For starters, I wore a blue chenille sweater work on Thursday....

Chenille! The fabric that keeps on giving!!

I'm pretty sure I'll be lint rolling my way through life for the next 4 as everywhere I look I see blue fuzz.

Good lord....

Note self - No More Chenille!!

On Wednesday I ate lunch with Nose Hairs and spent the majority of the time talking about young Tom Sellec

Oooh la la!!

Young Tom Selleck!!

I can honestly say that Tom Selleck was my first crush.... From way back in the days that he played Thomas Magnum and sported that amazing tan and character building stashe...

It's because of him that I still find a mustache kind of sexy.

I have to say though, I find it kind of weird that Nose Hairs even brought up the subject by showing a pic of Tom in all his Magnum Glory.... Guys don't normally want to discuss the attractiveness of other guys with women.

On the bed front, I received an auto refund from Amazon for my new bed. Apparently, it is lost.

Lost.

How do you lose something like a bed frame? Do they have only one? A tracking number was never created and it never showed shipped...

I'm not certain how the world of sellers is created on entities like Amazon... But, I am not impressed. This was kind of a last straw, of sorts, as everything I ordered leading up to Christmas had issues with it as well.

I've chosen not to redo my order.

I'm hoping once again that Monday is the magic day I get my car bac

I never realized how much I rely on my car!

It's like my independence has been stripped and I've dropped a few rungs on the responsible adult ladder. There's something be said about being able just hop in your car and go whenever the hell you feel like it.

I will never take it for granted again!

This whole car thing has really created a lot of anxiety within ....

When I discovered on Saturday that I was not getting it back yet I felt myself kind of dip into a pit of despair.

It was not good.

I ended up slipping into a full on panic attac My heart was beating out of my chest and I was starting hyperventilate when the Spawn reached over and held my hand. I could feel myself tearing up and my face and chest felt warm....

"It's not that bad Mom."

"I.... Can't.... Help.... It...."

I closed my eyes and she scootched up next and we sat there for a long moment.

"Oh My God... I can literally hear your heart beat."

This made me laugh a little, and I could feel myself relaxing....

"I'm surprised you can't see it beating too."

I had been tempted a couple of times to come here and write, but, decided against it. It's not good for me to write when I'm in a dark place.... I tend to rehash the things that make me feel upset, making it that much worse.

God knows I didn't need to feel worse than I already was feeling...

So, for now, I'll continue to keep my hopes up that one day I'll be able to peel the sheets back on my bed and not see blue fuzzies and have my working vehicle safely located outside in the parking lot.

Dare to dream!
25 Comments

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