Ramblings of the depraved.....
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Spontaneous human combustion?
Posted:Oct 31, 2021 2:10 am
Last Updated:Nov 4, 2021 4:42 pm

Or hot flash?

Every fiber of my being is hoping for spontaneous human combustion....

Unfortunately, I think it's hot flash.

I was dying when I woke up yesterday morning. Untangling my legs from the sheets that were wrapped about them, I slid off my bed and stumbled in the bathroom. Certain I would see heat lines emanating from my body when I looked in the mirror before .....

There were no heat lines, just tiny little sweat beads along my hairline and above my upper lip.

For a while now I've felt like I'm transitioning in a whole new phase of my life, one that I'm not ready face.

Grey hair...

moving on...

Red faced, sweat beaded, hot flashes...

But, I'm facing it none-the-less.

I hopped in the shower and cried a little while the cool water cooled down my body. I can already tell, I'm not going handle this hot flash thing very well.

Wish luck! That was only hot flash number two and I already wanted die.

Happy Sunday!
Public restroom? Or cesspool from hell....
Posted:Oct 28, 2021 4:09 pm
Last Updated:Oct 31, 2021 2:38 am

You be the judge.

The restroom at work has taken on an all time low. Dried boogers wiped on the walls, flies buzzing overhead, overflowing trash can spilling out into the middle of the floor....

I have been in port-a-johns that were in better condition.

The sad thing is, we have a third party cleaning crew that 'supposedly' cleans these bathrooms EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Yah.... I'm going to say, NOT!

When the stench from the women's restroom makes your eyes water and your nose hairs curl, you've got a problem.

I was in my office talking to an employee when I happened to see a fly buzz past me and land on my wall.

"Oh my God! There is a fly on my wall!! What if it's one of the flies from the bathroom!!!"

The employee, also a woman, knew exactly what I was talking about and burst out laughing.

"Well, there's only one way to find out. I'll be right back."

I managed to scare the stupid thing out of my office, but I know it will be back. They always come back.

"Well?? Are the flies still in there?"

They employee had returned and she was still laughing.

"You're safe, the flies are still in the bathroom. Someone is going to have to put a fly strip up in there, I think they're multiplying."

Nothing says Million Dollar Company like a ladies room you can smell from twenty feet away and a swarm of flies to greet you at the door.

It's a sad state of affairs, I tell ya!

Happy Thursday!
On today's episode of 'What the Fuck Wednesday'....
Posted:Oct 27, 2021 5:10 pm
Last Updated:Oct 28, 2021 3:36 pm

I didn't sleep very well last night....

So by the time I got work I was already cranky and feeling tired. The last thing I wanted see standing outside my office was a line of people waiting for get work "help" them with their various shitty needs.


Let's top that with an orientation, an employee suffering from a panic attack, and another employee who was having suicidal ideation and I was ready to leave this day on the cutting room floor.

Good God....

I've never had someone come to me to tell me they were feeling suicidal so I was completely unprepared.

What do you do? What do you say??

I called for help immediately, thankfully Dan the Man was able to break away and take over. He'd experienced this before at a previous job so he kind of knew what to do.

I did manage to have a bright spot to my day today, though.....

Not only did my Oldest call me, but I also got a call from my Mighty Marine as well.

This Mom's heart is bursting with pride.

Happy Wednesday!
The OVER vs UNDER debate is solved!
Posted:Oct 25, 2021 3:18 am
Last Updated:Nov 21, 2021 2:35 pm

At least, for me it is anyway.....

I have a morning routine.

Every morning.

I wake up.... I lay in bed for a few minutes cursing my body for the aches and pains I feel... Then I get up an pee...

Sometimes I don't have time to do the first two, and I immediately get up and pee.

Today was one of those days.

Imagine my surprise, in my half asleep state, when I went to grab the toilet paper and pull off a handful only to discover I would wind up with half a roll all over the bathroom.

Since it had been unseasonably warm in my area, my furnace has hardly run since the move.

Up until now, it had never been running while I was in the bathroom....

I discovered today one interesting flaw in having a furnace duct right beneath the toilet paper holder that is attached to the wall.

I reached out, I grabbed a square and started to pull.... Only to discover the air coming from the furnace vent could create an upwind strong enough to send that toilet paper sailing, sailing all over the bathroom.

"Oh my God! Oh my God! Make it stop!"

It was a parachute of toilet paper in a matter of mere moments, when loaded in the 'over' method, there wasn't enough resistance to keep the TP in place and it continue to stay in flight.

Finally realizing what was happening, I grabbed what was left of the roll and stopped the unwind.

From this point on, 'under' it is!

Happy Monday!

*I'll just head off to roll that TP back up on the roll now.....
Hamburger Soup.... It's what's for dinner!
Posted:Oct 24, 2021 5:24 pm
Last Updated:Oct 28, 2021 4:10 pm
I was glancing through my Crockpot cookbook last night when I saw the recipe for Hamburger Soup.

Thinking to myself.....

Self! You can totally make this!

I set out to make myself a pot of Hamburger Soup. I think next time I'm going to tweak the recipe though....

Leave out the Italian Seasoning and add green beans.

Happy Sunday!

Phone calls from the Mighty Marine....
Posted:Oct 23, 2021 5:30 pm
Last Updated:Oct 29, 2021 1:40 am

The Spawn and I decided break out of the house and head TC day.

I have say, the drive from Bellaire Traverse City is beautiful when the f colors are everywhere....

The best part of my day was hearing from my Mighty Marine, though.

We were in Old Navy when I seen his na pop up on my cer ID.

"Hi Babe! I'm so happy hear from you!!"

I still rey miss him so, so much.

"Hello Mother!"

He has liberty ti on weekends, now.... And he was excitedly telling about his "civies" that he bought and how excited he was that he can walk and talk on the phone and wear his ear buds out in public.

Apparently when they're in their "cammies", they aren't owed do any of that.

It made smile hear him laughing and talking with friends while he chatted with on the phone.

They were on their way the bowling ey...

I would have given anything bowl a fra with him.

Usuy when I talk my Marine, I feel better when the conversation is done. day I did not... day I wished he was ho.

I still have good days and I still have not so good days.....

day was a not so good day.

I can think of is, if I'm this broken up about a middle leaving the nest, what am I going be like when the Spawn leaves as well??

I may need be institutionalized.

We'll save those thoughts for another day....

Until then, happy Saturday!
"I saw this and thought of you!"
Posted:Oct 22, 2021 2:06 am
Last Updated:Oct 23, 2021 4:29 pm

Nose Hairs was pulling out his phone and searching for a picture.

"I saw it on [faceplace] market place this morning!"

It was a picture of a cat wearing a bat costume.

Not going to lie, it was cute and did crack me up. I even felt disappointed when I couldn't actually find the stupid thing to place an order for it.

Damn him for showing me the Cat in a Bat!

Looks like I'll be scouring Amazon for a bat costume.

Happy Friday from the Crazy Cat Lady!
The Country Life
Posted:Oct 21, 2021 1:36 am
Last Updated:Nov 14, 2021 8:47 am
Yesterday marked the one month date.

One month ago yesterday I spent my first night in the new house.....

It's been quite a change.

As I was pulling up into my driveway after work last night, I could see the bunny who lives in my backyard hopping around, checking it out to see who was in the driveway before he hopped back in the underbrush and out of sight.

I'm a little worried about this guy....

Winter is coming soon, what happens to these little guys when the snow flies?

I got out of my car and circled around to the passenger side, I'd picked up a few things after work and had to grab my purse, when I heard some rustling from behind me. Turning, expecting to see Bugs again, I was surprised to see a deer standing back there, looking me over with her head cocked.

I certainly wasn't very quiet as I maneuvered into my purse with an arm full of plastic grocery bags to grab my cell phone and snap a pic, but she just stood right there, moving her head around to get a better look at me.

I'd venture to guess, this would be one of my late night visitors when I first moved in.....

She was still standing there when I headed into the house, depositing my bags on the counter, and writing a note for myself to text my garbage guy about the packing boxes in my shed.

Yah, you read that correctly!

I went with the local garbage company and you literally text the owner directly with your wants or needs.

How crazy is that??

I think that has been the biggest change for me, the fact that everything is done on such a personal level. When the Spawn's bus is running late, I get a text from the bus driver. When I need a container to haul away my packing boxes, I text the garbage guy to see what my options are. When I'm out in my yard and one of the neighbor ladies drive past, they beep and wave Hi.

Not going to lie, I'm still getting used to seeing the random bugs from time to time, and the noises that go bump in the night still freak me out until I can figure out where they're coming from, but I'm really glad I made this change.

Happy Thursday!

Have you seen my boobs?
Posted:Oct 18, 2021 4:03 pm
Last Updated:Oct 23, 2021 4:32 pm

If you know me in real life, today you probably did.


I was all over the store doing my Monday stuff when one of my new hires showed up early for onboarding.

"Hi, I'm [secret_lade], are you here to onboard?"

"Yes, sorry I'm early. You weren't in your office when I first got here."

"That's ok, we'll just get started early."

"This is a awkward, but I think I should tell you your shirt is unbuttoned in a bad spot. I can see stuff."


Looking down I could clearly see what she was talking about.

"Oh My God, why didn't anyone TELL me this earlier???"

I had managed to button the buttons, but this shirt had a hidden on meant keep the seam together in the chest area so you didn't button the top button at the neck.

I'd missed the .

Which meant every time I made any sort of movement the top of my shirt came open exposing nearly, if not all, of my brassiere encased chesticles.


"If helps, that's a cute bra."

"Um, nope, doesn't help."

wasn't much else I could do but roll with it and laugh. I snapped the top snap and said to the new hire....

"So, yah, welcome to the team. "

Happy Monday!
The Unpack Continues
Posted:Oct 16, 2021 4:27 pm
Last Updated:Oct 18, 2021 3:43 pm

I wound up taking a three hour nap this afternoon, but I'll tell you what, I felt like a new woman after I woke up.

I hadn't been sleeping well so I knew I was over-tired, I just didn't realize how much.

Naps are amazing, I tell you....

With all the renewed energy I was feeling I decided to tackle a couple of laundry baskets that had been sitting on the cabinet in my utility room. Neither of them contained actual laundry, both of them were full of stuff that had just been shoved in them and hid in my closet at the apartment for years.


I found VHS tapes, size clothing, and undeveloped film rolls from God knows when....

If it had been buried underground it could have easily passed for a time capsule.

The clothing I weeded and threw away, but the film and tapes I saved for another , a when strong enough to revisit the past.

For the moment, I'll be happy texting my Might Marine on a lazy Saturday night while I do laundry and he brags about how SWOL he's getting at the .

Happy Saturday!
A Stinkbug Horror Story
Posted:Oct 14, 2021 4:00 pm
Last Updated:Oct 21, 2021 12:36 am

I was tired, this morning, when I first pulled myself out of bed.

Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I stumbled into the kitchen and started setting up the Kureg to make myself a cup of coffee.


I had backed up a step to throw the old coffee pod into the trash when I heard a loud popping sound from beneath my bare foot.

Glancing down, I saw a a glob of green liquid on the floor about four inches from my heel.

"What the hell??"

Trying to figure out where it came from, I picked up my right foot and glanced under it.

"Oh my God! Ew!! Oh my God!! Ew!"

on the floor, right before my very eyes, was a squished stink bug, leg side up.

I had managed not NOT notice this stink bug on the floor in my kitchen but I had also managed step on with my bare feet and NOT NOTICE I had done so!

Every part of me wanted wither up and die as I cleaned up the crime scene with a paper towel.

I may need some therapy for this one!

Happy Thursday!
The Bait and Switch
Posted:Oct 13, 2021 1:58 am
Last Updated:Oct 15, 2021 3:10 am

Anyone who makes the attempt to communicate with anyone else from this site has fallen prey to this particular individual at least once.

It's the old....

'If you'd like to talk sometime, just to get to know each other' ploy, 'nothing sexual.'

Nothing sexual my ass!

I was feeling bored last night so I decided to test out the waters. I was not disappointed.

Five texts into the conversation the guy was asking me about my pajamas, hinting around that he would like to ask me for a picture but didn't want to 'waste his time and mine'.

Like usual, I avoided going down that road of conversation, I certainly don't plan on sharing that kind of shit with randoms I don't know and will likely never meet.

"You seem conservative."

And, I thought about his observation for a moment.

He was right. I guess I am kind of conservative. I had responded back to him that yes, I suppose I was conservative until I got to know the real personality of the person I was 'trying to get to know'.

Perhaps the continual, repeating cycle of coming into contact with the same kind of guy on here has tainted me in a way. I've gotten to a point where I feel like most of the men who reach out to me on here are like this guy....

They don't really want to get to know me, they just want an easy, random fuck and this is their new pick up line.

The problem is, I'm not an easy, random fuck that is content with just being used for sex.

The conversation ended not long after that.... Not in a bad way, it had just run it's course. He wasn't really interested in 'getting to know me' and I wasn't really interested in sexting with him.

But, it left me wondering.... Am I seeking out the type of guy who just does not exist anymore?

Thoughts to ponder.....

Happy Wednesday!
If given a choice....
Posted:Oct 12, 2021 3:45 pm
Last Updated:Nov 6, 2021 4:36 pm

I'd pick shoving a dried out corn cob up my ass before watching the movie 'Anaconda' ever again.

Now that's 89 minutes of my life that I'll never get back again.

I've gotta wonder....

Just how in the hell did they get so many notable actors to star in such a cheesy movie??

Good God....

Between Jennifer Lopez's lack of eyebrows, Owen Wilson's yellow hair, Ice Cube's stereotype role with the ghuetto blaster, and the tacky 'romantic' scenes and writing intermingled with imminent danger, I didn't know whether I wanted to poke my eyes out or vomit.


Note to self: Do not listen to coworkers when they say to you... "What do you mean you haven't watched that movie?!? It's awesome!" They lie.

Happy Tuesday!

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