Ramblings of the depraved.....
 
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Feeling a little blue today.
Posted:Aug 29, 2016 1:19 am
Last Updated:Aug 30, 2016 12:34 am
5641 Views

My grandmother who raised me would have been 84 on the 27th.

I miss her every day.

She died of cancer when I was 20, I have never really been the same since. Anyone who has lost a parent knows this sorrow. They build you up when you are feeling down, they bring you happiness when you are sad, they are the backbone when you are weak....

She CHOSE to do this for me when my own parents chose not to.

I know you are probably thinking this is the reason why I'm feeling depressed today, but it is not.

I feel depressed because my dad's birthday was on the 28th. My dad who is still alive and well..... My dad who has not been a part of my life since I was 9 years old. When I was a I would cry because he left my brother and I with our crazy mother and wished often that he would come save us.

I'm sure you can guess he never did.

I take comfort in the fact that today is a new day, and I can put those thoughts behind me.
0 Comments
Dumpster Diving Ettiquette
Posted:Aug 27, 2016 7:28 pm
Last Updated:Aug 29, 2016 6:42 pm
7882 Views

The Do's and Don'ts of Dumpster Diving

-DO wait until the store is closed and the employees have left.
-DO make sure you wear gloves or some kind of protective gear.
-DO have help to get IN and OUT of the dumpster.

-DO NOT dumpster dive after dark.
-DO NOT scare the shit out of employees as they attempt to throw out the garbage.
-DO NOT ask the employees to help you out of the dumpster.

An old man popped out of the dumpster tonight when I attempted to throw out the garbage.

You could hear my terrified scream 3 towns over, I'm certain.

I don't really know what he was after, about the only thing we put in the dumpster is physical garbage and broken down boxes, but there he was. What was even worse, he was unable to climb out on his own and had been stuck in there for a while.

After my initial terror had ceased, I ended up getting pretty pissed.

Pissed that I work for a company that could potentially put me in harms way. What if that had been an attacker?

I don't even want to think about how bad this situation could have been.
5 Comments
Hello cruel world....
Posted:Aug 26, 2016 6:59 pm
Last Updated:Aug 27, 2016 7:14 pm
7274 Views

Starting next week I'm back to nearly 40 hour work weeks again.

Ugh.....

I have so enjoyed my summer schedule of working 3 or 4 days a week. It's going to be tough transitioning back. Working retail can really suck sometimes.

Working weekends, nights, holidays.....

It's a job, though, and I'm paid well. There are a lot of jobless folks out there right now who would kill to work weekends, nights, and holidays.

On an entirely different subject - Question for those of you who may be reading this blog.

When it comes to 'dating', is marital status a consideration when you are making your choices?

There was a time, when I was married, I made the decision to only consider other married men as potential lovers. I felt it was a level playing field, we both went in with the same expectations and knew where our priorities lay.

With my divorce, my feelings have changed.

I have been contacted by a few married men on here and found my conscience wouldn't even allow me to consider the thought anymore. It becomes complicated when one person is married and the other is not, with complication comes strife.

Have you ever had to turn someone away because of their marital status?
4 Comments
It's 2am. I should be sleeping, but I'm not.
Posted:Aug 25, 2016 11:57 pm
Last Updated:Sep 4, 2016 6:25 pm
5366 Views

My mind won't shut off tonight.

I've been missing the physical act of sex, it's times like this that I miss it most. The middle of the night was always my favorite.

Half asleep, half awake..... Snuggled together, feeling comfy.

I knew my relationship was over when my sex drive started to diminish. After a while, I had no drive at all, I wasn't even masturbating.

This is something I have never experienced before.

Part of me wondered if I would ever get it back. Was I just getting older? Did I lose that urge? Did I just NOT need physical intimacy anymore?

It's apparent to me now, that was not the case.

It's the only thing that has been on my mind tonight.
1 comment
Let the back stabbing begin!!
Posted:Aug 25, 2016 4:40 pm
Last Updated:Sep 2, 2016 6:13 am
5560 Views

Sigh.....

For such a small store, there is a huge amount of drama that happens within those four walls.

What I wouldn't give to be independently wealthy.

As the designated nice guy, I'm stuck listening to EVERY single comment, complaint, and gripe my coworkers have.

Kinda sucks!
0 Comments
Ex Husband, Ex Friends?
Posted:Aug 24, 2016 4:41 pm
Last Updated:Aug 24, 2016 7:33 pm
6656 Views

Why are things always awkward when you see a friend of an ex?

Standing there, forced smiles, looking in every direction but at the other person, waiting for someone to break the ice and make the first comment.

In my case, it's usually the other person. I was always painfully shy anyway, even without the drama.

"How are you doing [secret_lade]?"

"I'm good! I'm good! How are you doing?!" Forced cheerfulness.

"Oh, I'm doing pretty good too!" Eyes wide, wide fake smile.

Complete silence..... Cicadas are buzzing off in the distance.

"Well, it was great catching up with you! Until we meet again...." dramatic hand gesture. Why am I making this into a joke?? I want to crawl into a hole and die.

"It was good seeing you, too, [secret_lade]. You look good." They always sound surprised when they say that. I know my ex husband has not said one kind word about me in the 4 years since we've been divorced, I can only imagine what people think.

It has taken me a long time to get back on my feet again, I left my marriage with virtually nothing. God knows my ex husband made NOTHING easy on me so I can't help but feel triumphant whenever I think about how badly he wanted me to fail and the fact that I came out on top anyway.

The best revenge is living well.
3 Comments
Here's to 'hopefully' getting a good nights sleep.
Posted:Aug 23, 2016 4:51 pm
Last Updated:Sep 2, 2016 8:02 am
7880 Views

I did a little 20 minute beginner's yoga thing tonight.

TOTALLY kicked my ass.

I'm really, very embarrassed by this, I actually broke a sweat. My arms are going to be sore in the morning.....

Is this normal?

Yoga is one of those things that I'd always thought about doing, and mentioned several times I'd like to try it, but never did.

Followed the yoga with a nice, hot shower, using my black chamomile aroma therapy shower gel, then followed that with the black chamomile lotion before I got dressed.

Keep your fingers crossed that I can actually sleep tonight.

Last night was pathetic. Fell asleep at midnight, woke up at 3am, stayed up until 5am, slept until 6am, and have been up ever since. The bags under my eyes have bags of their own.

Wish me luck!
3 Comments
Everything else is just... Meatloaf.
Posted:Aug 22, 2016 7:40 pm
Last Updated:Sep 2, 2016 6:14 am
6304 Views

Meatloaf.

A hodge-podge of meat and vegetables mixed together in a bowl and baked until brown.

One of my specialties!

"Yum, this meatloaf is good, Mom," my said, crunching away across the table from me.

Yes, I did say crunching.

Chuckling to myself, time had gotten away from me and I managed to overcook it to the point it became a little crunchy in spots.

"Thanks, babe," I smiled back.

It's those treasured comments that seem to come when I least expect them that make my day.
3 Comments
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Posted:Aug 22, 2016 12:09 am
Last Updated:Aug 22, 2016 8:09 pm
6191 Views

It keeps me up at night, I fall asleep, but never for very long.

It doesn't allow my mind to shut off. I focus on small incidents that I feel didn't go as planned and replay the scenario in my mind over and over again.

It isolates me. I feel like everyone is judging me, mostly because I am always judging myself.

On my bad days, I have difficulty making even the smallest of decisions without an immeasurable amount of stress.

It is exhausting. Overthinking every decision, every conversation, every action, every minute of the day.

And, I deal with this every day.

Most of the people who know me don't know I have these struggles. I do a great job of pretending. Having worked in management positions most of my adult life, I've gotten pretty good at faking confidence when I sometimes feel inferior. I stand behind knowledge and use it as a shield when I have to face a situation that causes me anxiety.

Knowledge is something that makes me feel secure.

Today was a high anxiety day for me, I'm not really certain why. It doesn't always have a trigger, sometimes it just is. When I got home from work, I yelled at my because the apartment was a wreck, and spent the next hour cleaning that up, even though my feet hurt and I was starving.

Now I can't sleep, and I keep replaying that scene over and over in my mind, feeling absolutely terrible about it.

My rational mind knows I shouldn't. They've long since forgotten I was mad when I first got home and it's not like I made them help me. My continued to game with his friends on his Xbox and my and I watched tv together on the couch until bed time.

I just can't turn it off.
1 comment
Honesty
Posted:Aug 21, 2016 1:41 am
Last Updated:Jul 10, 2020 3:01 pm
7389 Views

Honesty is the best policy.

Honest hearts produce honest actions.

Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.

Honesty is an expensive gift. Do not expect it from cheap people.

We've all heard the cliche one-liners, these are just a few that have somehow managed to remain lodged in my memory. What they don't convey is, how hard being honest can really be.

Honesty is painful.

Honesty can be brutal.

Honesty can break your heart.

I broke a man's heart today. It is just as painful for me, as it is for him, I can assure you. I was honest with him about my feelings of unhappiness, I told him I couldn't go back to things the way they were.

And, I can't.

When you are unhappy resentment begins to grow inside you, consume you, takes over. Life is too short for unhappiness and resentment.

I've already traveled that road once.
3 Comments
LIQUID STEELE
Posted:Aug 19, 2016 4:36 pm
Last Updated:Aug 20, 2016 5:01 am
6334 Views

DRINK BEFORE SEX

[image of woman's ass here]

Does anyone else chuckle a little at the ads pictured on this site? I can't help but marvel over how things have changed over the years. When I first signed up, back in the stone ages, there were no blogs, no ads, people didn't have to email each other a specific number of times before you could exchange information.

It was pretty archaic, really.

The addition of the blog feature has been really nice, I'll admit. It's the blog that draws me back, the small circle of friends who rally around each other through rough times and rejoice in good times.

A place to reveal those secrets you can't reveal in real life.

This is my third time around, here. New phase in life, new profile, new wants, new needs...... Blah blah blah....

There is one underlying factor that remains the same, however. That need for physical human touch. I'm noticing something different this time around, though.

I'm different.

A lot of the men on here are looking for an easy piece of ass that they can hook up with from time to time. I have nothing against that at all, or them for that matter. They are being honest, they have needs that need to be met and that is, to an extent, why a site like this exists.

I'm finding... I just can't be that 'easy piece of ass'. I want more. Someone who can hold a conversation, correctly spell the word divorce, send an introduction email that contains words instead of dick pic's.

I know these men are on here, I've met them before. They are few and far between, but I can hold out until I find the right one.

Just because I'm not looking for Prince Charming to scoop me up and ride off into the sunset with me it doesn't mean I have to be the who is hanging out under the bridge with the trolls.
2 Comments
Is it just me?
Posted:Aug 18, 2016 8:41 pm
Last Updated:Aug 19, 2016 4:06 pm
6361 Views

Or, does the hair net on the bald guy seem a little..... Unnecessary??

My and I ate out last night and the guy who delivered a portion of our meal was completely bald, yet wearing a hair net.

Overkill? Um, I'm thinking yes.

Even my asked me why someone who doesn't have hair had to wear a hair net.

She's 8 years old.
4 Comments
It's National I Love My Feet Day!
Posted:Aug 17, 2016 5:53 pm
Last Updated:Aug 18, 2016 8:42 pm
6740 Views
What better way to celebrate than with a couple of photos!





In other news.....

It was a completely shitty day at work today.

My coworker who cried on my shoulder last week because she was so poor she had to take her to the food pantry to get groceries was in the store today.

SHOPPING!!

I would like to add, this was the SECOND time this week she was in shopping.

Poor, huh.... Food Pantry, huh.....

I feel a little disgusted when I see her. From the day she started it's all been a huge pity party for her. Something is ALWAYS going on. If it's not her imagined health scares it's her finances. When it's not her finances she isn't getting along well with our other coworkers and crying because they are 'mean' to her.

If I hear her talk about buying underwear at a yard sale one more time I'm going to scream. Maybe if she hadn't spent $700 on 'greens' and vitamins 3 weeks ago she could afford a new pair of fucking underwear.
1 comment

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