Ramblings of the depraved.....
 
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Eight more hours....
Posted:Aug 27, 2021 9:13 pm
Last Updated:Aug 28, 2021 8:22 am
7861 Views

Eight more hours of the Crucible left for the Boot Camp .

I'm a hot mess of emotion right now....

The Spawn and I are looking at a house in the morning, on a fluke I had seen it for rent and decided up the number.

There had been other people looking at the house, so I didn't really think I'd even be a consideration, but somehow I managed be.

"I just wanna be upfront with you. I had some people look at it yesterday, and I'm schedule show it today at noon. You sound like you'd be qualified to rent it, but I don't want you to get your hopes up."

Professionalism was not this woman's forte....

But, I was sitting in the break room at :05 when my cell rang.

It was the house lady.

"You wanna come look at this house? It's not going work out for the others."

We'll see what happens.

The house is in Bellaire, which is about 40 minutes from where I live now, but it would give me that opportunity kind of make a fresh start somewhere without having give up my job do so.

I guess we'll see what happens tomorrow.

If it was meant to be, it will happen.

I'll keep you posted!
9 Comments
When did I become so.... Social??
Posted:Aug 25, 2021 2:42 am
Last Updated:Aug 27, 2021 9:19 pm
8224 Views

I went to a coworker's birthday get together Monday night, after work.

Not a big deal, just a few people hanging out, eating pizza and drinking beer.....

Now I'm suddenly invited to a surprise birthday get together for another coworker on Friday night as well.

It's like an alternate universe!

Y'all know how much I 'love' hanging out with the work peeps after work....

Not!

I can't say no, now. I've already been to one, now I 'have' to go to the other!

It's just *so* much fun always being the single one in the group. No built in conversation partner to mingle through the group with.

When you're single, you're flying solo!

My plan is to make a quick appearance, wish the birthday girl a happy birthday, and escape unnoticed.

Wish me luck!
31 Comments
This week...
Posted:Aug 24, 2021 2:54 am
Last Updated:Aug 27, 2021 9:41 pm
6455 Views

This week my Boot Camp Boy becomes a Marine.

Needless to say, I'm all sorts of crazy emotional.

He is facing the Crucible, the final challenge that transitions that recruit into a Marine.

I am beyond proud of him, words can't even describe. I only wish I could be there to see him march onto that parade deck Saturday morning and receive his eagle, globe, and anchor.

I have just one more work week until I leave to see him graduate.

I've never been so excited for something in my entire life.

I was not ready to let him go yet, but the thing is, I probably never would be no matter what the circumstance.

And, I find myself thinking back to a conversation I'd had with my oldest when he was 24. He'd wanted to transfer to Colorado and I had talked him out of it.

I told him it was too far away, what if he needed my help? I wouldn't be there to just bail him out of his shenanigans.

He's always deeply embroiled in some sort of mischief.....

I think I should have let him go.

My mother instincts tell me to hang on tight, protect those babies and keep them close. They need me!

They deserve to spread those wings, though.... No matter how difficult it is for that Momma.

And, I'm here to say, it IS difficult.

It is the Ultimate Mother Challenge!

Motherhood Crucible

Three

Two of them Adults

One Spawn of Satan

Will I pass that final challenge??

Only time will tell....
24 Comments
Sometimes....
Posted:Aug 22, 2021 4:43 pm
Last Updated:Aug 27, 2021 9:51 pm
7053 Views
Sometimes I have those days where I feel small and insignificant.

Today was one of those days.

I decided to trek out and enjoy the sunshine while we still had it and found myself in TC doing some shopping.

I didn't really buy much....

I don't actually need anything.

But I found myself at the book store browsing for what seemed like hours....

Until I found this.



And it was at that precise moment that I knew....

I had to have this planner.

Not so much to plan my day, necessarily, but to chronicle those moments when I believed I could so I fucking did!

That way, on days like today, when I feel as though I'm invisible to the world, I can look back on those moments and know.... that I am not.
31 Comments
Not my circus, not my monkees.
Posted:Aug 21, 2021 6:25 am
Last Updated:Aug 23, 2021 5:22 pm
7182 Views

different employees approached yesterday tell they didn't receive their paychecks.

An employee who has been working with us for about a year...

A brand new leader...

And a young guy who falls somewhere the spectrum...

Not going lie, the only one I felt bad for and went out of my way help was the employee who has the challenges.

You see.... The thing is....

Where I work, it's the employees who are ultimately responsible for taking care of their own direct deposit accounts.

They can do it at ANY time.

Using their phone apps or any computer, they have access this function day or night.

My only interaction with this process, ever, is during onboarding when I put them in the system.

Even then, the only thing I do is state them....

"Ok, we're doing direct deposit now. the screen, scroll down the bottom, and enter your routing number, bank , and account number where those red asterisks are calling out for them."

And, yes, it never fails, the fucktards will always return with "Here? Is this where I put the routing number?"

I want scream 'Yes asshole!! You do have the cognitive ability READ A WORD without needing seek out my approval!!'

Instead I say "Does it say routing number?"

The first employee approach about not getting her check was an employee who had been working with us for about a year. She had come earlier in the week and said I needed change her direct deposit in the system.

"I'm sorry, I don't have access that. You do, though, you can do it at any time. Just go into [database] and click the tile that says ."

", ok."

I never gave it another thought after that.

Fast forward Friday when she stood before once again.

"I went in and changed my direct deposit ok, but I didn't get my check today. So, when I went in just now to look at the account number I put in, one of the numbers is different. What are you going to do?"

What am I going to do?

Hmmm..... Think I'll shrug my shoulders. Not my issue to fix, this is why it is entirely in the hands of the employee.

"This isn't something I can fix. Did you call your bank yet to see if the deposit was rejected?"

"No."

"Did you fix your account number so your next check will deposit correctly?

"No."

"Ok. You have to do these things to take care of your issue. Once this is done, I will email payroll and alert them to look for your returned deposit and let them know your account number is corrected."

Not me.

It was later in the day when the brand new leader told me he had issues with his pay.

"I didn't get my paycheck this week. I checked this morning and I checked just now."

"Did you look at your payslip?"

"No...."

"Ok, first we need to see your payslip."

You'd think something like that would have already been done?? He's a salaried leader, does he even have the experience he claims to have??

", it shows I was paid."

"Yep. Check your numbers, is the account in there correctly?"

"The routing number isn't correct. It's for a fifth third bank, but not the one I use."

He'd been fiddling around on his phone for about ten minutes while he was looking this shit .

"Well, if you want be paid correctly going forward, you're going need put the correct routing number in there and call your bank. If it hasn't already been returned back payroll, they may be able route it into the correct account. If it has been returned back to payroll, I'll send an email stating the routing number was corrected and it will be reissued with your next check."

For someone who *ran* a store employing upwards of 30 people, I'd think he would have been experiences at something like this.....

And then there was the young man who falls on the spectrum.

I truly did help him.

He had called me and said he hasn't received any paychecks yet.

"Let me look at your payslips and see if it's being direct deposited."

"Ok"

"I'm seeing you're receiving direct deposits. Let's go over your account information."

I read aloud his account number that was in the system and asked him if that was his account number.

"No, that's not my account number. This is my account number."

He read to me his account number.

"Ok, here's what you need to do. You need to call your bank, ok? Let them know you have accidentally put the wrong account number in your direct deposit and ask them if they've returned your checks. When you've done that, I want you to call me back. Ok?"

"Ok."

Thankfully there are some people in this world who will look out for those who need it, and the girl he talked to at the back was one of them.

"Hi. The lady at the bank told me to come here."

I was happy to see him! I wanted to make sure we got the account information in there correctly this time.

" good! I was hoping you could stop by so I can help you! I'm going to verify your bank info as we put it in this time, ok?"

I watched over his shoulder and reviewed the account info the card.

"Let's head back my office, I'm going send an email payroll let them know your account information has been corrected in the system. You'll probably be getting your when you get your next check. Let know if this doesn't happen, ok??"

"Ok"

Out of the , he was the only one who didn't get mad and pissy or expect magically fix it all.

Out of the , he was the only one who graciously accepted the fact that he'd made a mistake.

Happy Saturday!
17 Comments
How was my day?
Posted:Aug 19, 2021 3:51 pm
Last Updated:Aug 21, 2021 5:21 am
6324 Views

Well, let's see....

Someone decided to take a shit in the corner of the men's restroom stall.

And.... No, it was CLEARLY not an accident as it was not anywhere near the corner of the stall that contained the toilet.

Imaging how fun *that* was to apologize for during a customer complaint!

Absolutely fucking amazeballs!

In my whole entire life, I can honestly say, I never imagined I would find myself in this type of scenario.

"I'm so sorry you found yourself in that situation. Thank you for alerting me to this, I'll make sure it gets taken care of immediately."

Yes, by all means, please tell me how disgusted you are, AGAIN, and definitely describe the color and texture of that pile of shit.

The smell?? Oh, fantastic. Yep, I'm sure the disgusting individual who did this probably was half dead. I can smell it from here.

Corn you don't say....

Nope, I don't understand why someone would do this either. Some people are just fucking crazy like that.

Blah.... blah..... blah.....

The best part of my day was the part where this guy was becoming a dot on the horizon as he walked out the door and hopefully out of my life for good.

Happy Thursday!
29 Comments
Succulent....
Posted:Aug 17, 2021 4:13 pm
Last Updated:Aug 31, 2021 3:54 am
7664 Views

Is it just me? Or, does this word sound a little....

Sinful.

I was checking out the house plants when I heard a male voice ask from behind me....

"Are you looking for anything in particular?"

"Yes, I kind of need something hearty, easily taken care of. I was thinking..... A succulent?"

I turned just in time to see my sales guy turn five shades of red.

Chuckling a little, I said it again.

"Succulent."

"Ok, now you're just being mean."

I half heartedly apologized but couldn't contain my laughter. This was BY FAR the funniest thing I'd seen all day.

Happy Tuesday!
37 Comments
Love is in the air....
Posted:Aug 16, 2021 5:32 pm
Last Updated:Aug 19, 2021 3:29 pm
5799 Views

For everyone but me.

In the past two weeks I've had two friends get married, three friends announce their undying love to new boyfriends, and one friend announce her engagement.

I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a little bit jealous.

Ugh!

Meanwhile I'm sitting at home with the Tilly Cat being brutalized by the Spawn.

My excitement today??

Testing out my new Lume deodorant to see if it actually works.

After a long day of running around the store and sweating my ass off the 'Pit Test' revealed....

That baby is NOT your !

Oh, wait.... That's Maury Povich's line...

The 'Pit Test' revealed the Lume stuff actually works.

How could it not with such ingenious marketing though?!?

"With a gentle kiss and a wave goodbye, we sent your order on its way. Your Lume is officially en route to your loving arms! No need to wait outside by the mailbox. You can see your order status below."

Goodbye white smears on dark clothing and the smell of armpit mixed with powder....

Happy Monday!
24 Comments
I get it!
Posted:Aug 14, 2021 4:49 pm
Last Updated:Aug 16, 2021 4:43 pm
6121 Views

I'm a woman, you're a woman... We have the parts.

It certainly doesn't mean I want see your parts!

The leaders and employees where I work wear a uniform.

Ill fitting....

Shapeless....

A complete blight society...

But they wear them, nonetheless, as it's required.

"I'm going need a different size shirt, I think. This one is tight in the shoulders."

One of the new leaders that started last week has an odd body shape and I've been trying like hell find her a uniform shirt / size that will work with her.

"That was the men's XL, right? Let's try the women's 2x, it might be looser in the shoulders because they're cut bigger in the chest."

I handed her the shirts and asked if she'd like try them in the restroom.

"Nah, I'm good. I always have a shirt underneath."

Um.... yah. By shirt she was referring an extremely small spaghetti strap tank top with one shoulder hanging by a thread.

", woah.... Ok, guess you're trying here."

"We've got the parts. I'm ok with it."

And.... I prefer not see yours, thank you! So, no... I'm not ok with it.

", yikes. That one fits worse than the men's shirt."

"It's these." Half Naked Leader cupped her breasts and rolled her eyes. "I need start wearing the right bra. I've just always worn a sports bra and it just isn't going work with these shirts."

And I'm officially uncomfortable!

"It does help have the right under-gear."

Good God, what am I supposed say that? Your sports bra gives you a uni-boob and the reason why you can't find a button down shirt to fit you is because they're hanging down to your waist??

It was finally decided that the men's 2x shirt was the best fit for her, there was just going to be a lot to tuck in.....

And, I hope to God this is the last time I ever have to do this again!
22 Comments
On today's episode of "The Spawn Chronicles"
Posted:Aug 12, 2021 4:27 pm
Last Updated:Aug 16, 2021 4:44 pm
6215 Views

Secret_lade and the Spawn are in the drive-thru line at McDonalds.

"What do you want?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?? You're the one who cried because you wanted to go to McDonald's."

"I didn't think it would work. You're normally much meaner."

"Really?!? That's what you tell your mother who went out of her way to take you to a fast food place when she said she was cutting fast food out of her life??"

"Consider this a test of your willpower. I think you'll pass."

Saved by the drive-thru speaker! After what seemed like an hour, she finally made up her mind and we headed up to the window to pay.

"I hate it when they do that."

"When they do what? What are you talking about?"

In usual McDonald's drive-thru fashion, I started inching my way forward from the payment window to the pick-up window.

"Guys. You're clueless. That guy was low-key flirting with you."

Rolling her eyes in the back seat, visibly disgusted.

"Him? He was like 5 years old. I don't think so."

"Really Mom?? 'Have a beautiful day', 'You guys look like you're having fun'.... And just because someone is younger than you are it doesn't make them 5."

Scoffing in the back seat, her lip was curled in disgust.

"Awww.... Look at that. He could be your new Dad!!"

She did not find me very humorous.

I thought I was hilarious.

Happy Thursday!
28 Comments
A Secretary of State story...
Posted:Aug 11, 2021 2:05 am
Last Updated:Aug 14, 2021 4:16 pm
5868 Views

I think every state probably calls it something different, but here in Michigan, we call our Department of Motor Vehicles the Secretary of State.

A pain in the ass regardless of any name it goes by....

I was at work last week when I received a random phone call from a woman who stated she bought my car.

"Um, I don't think so, my car is sitting out in the parking lot."

"Yes, I did. It was for sale on the side of the road."

"You have me confused with someone else, I'm sorry."

She then proceeded to tell me the story of how she came into possession of my old car.

Apparently the guy who had purchased my old car had neglected to put the car into his name the entire time he had it.

Four years he's had that car!

"I haven't owned this car in several years now. I don't understand why you're calling me now."

"I just need you to get a title release for it so I can put it in my name. We are in desperate need of a car, our car broke down....." and the entire white trash story unfolded, including the part where her mascara wand had broken that morning.

"Ok, this car has been paid off for 10 years now. I'll call and have them fax it to Secretary of State."

Simple enough, you would think....

Turns out, I'd financed my car when I bought it brand new in 2007 from GMAC Financing, which had gone through several name changes, finally becoming Ally Financing. Ally financial had no record of my car because it had been so long since it was paid off that it had fallen out of the system. I did not have the title or any of the VIN info that they needed to look it up because I HAD NOT OWNED THE CAR IN YEARS.

Yah, it was *that* kind of a pain in the ass. All the new owner had to do was call them up and get the release herself.

Fast forward to yesterday when my cell phone starts blowing up.

You'll never guess who it was!!

Ok, so... yes, it was in fact White Trash Car Woman.

She is now at the Secretary of State and needs my signature on something.

"Do you know how hard you are to get ahold of?!?"

She sounds irritated.

"Yes, I do know how hard I am to get in touch with while I'm at work. I'm at work."

"Well, I need you to sign something."

"You're going to have to explain a little better than that."

"The lady at Secretary of State says you need to sign this form in order for me to get this car transferred out of your name. I'm here right now."

Are you fucking KIDDING me?!?

She put the woman who had been helping her on the phone and I had apparently signed the wrong line on the title when I originally handed it over to my .

Yep, that's right. In the beginning, I had given this car to my to drive around in when he turned 16. He never actually drove the car because he didn't feel it was 'manly' enough so he sold it to a guy who knew his dad.

And, there in lies the problem!

NEVER sell shit to 'friends'! Especially if they are friends of ex's!!

At 11:30 am I told Boss #2 I had to leave to go to the Secretary of State to sign a paper. It would be 5 minutes..... It was 12:40 pm when I returned back to work.

I'd missed one conference call and my lunch.

It took me 30 seconds to sign my name on a line, one hour and 9 minutes to get called back up to the desk, and zero minutes to know I never wanted to go through this bullshit again.

Happy Wednesday!
32 Comments
Scary Movies
Posted:Aug 9, 2021 3:35 am
Last Updated:Aug 11, 2021 8:37 pm
6479 Views
How do you know when it's time to say 'when'?

You attempt to take a cute, cuddly photo of your Tilly Cat in her new scratchy tree and end up with this....



I'm still not entirely certain I won't be evaporated by those laser death eyes.....

Happy Monday!
32 Comments
This Week in Review
Posted:Aug 8, 2021 12:25 pm
Last Updated:Aug 12, 2021 2:40 am
6555 Views
1. Cleaned the Spawn's bedroom.


Holy hell, that's six hours of misery I never want to experience again. That bedroom could have been used as a set prop for the movie 'Hostel'.

Thing's I discovered during that journey:

* An orange snow sled hidden under the bed. Really?!? When did we get a snow sled?

* The closet door had been off the track for so long she literally didn't remember a time when it actually worked. Why did she not tell me about it??

* A little pile of sunflower seeds in the far corner of the bedroom. Wouldn't normally be so bad, except, none of us actually eat sunflower seeds.

* The bedroom carpet beneath all that junk. I had to empty the vacuum canister three times while we uncovered the floor, section by section, but it eventually made it's appearance.

* Together, the Spawn and I can accomplish anything!

2. Sewer gnats are a real thing.


I'm still grossed out by the whole ordeal, but thanks to all the suggestions I received, I've got the situation nearly taken care of.



3. Apartment Complex Stud has officially moved out.


I know, I know! This time I know for certain. He knocked on my door and said "Hey, I'm moving out today."

I wonder who will wind up being the next occupants in the apartment across the hall....

4. Someone needs to invent an adult bib.


It's a little embarrassing eating my lunch with a napkin tucked into the neck of my shirt.... But I've decided I'm just going to have to do it!

Every single day last week I wound up dropping food onto my chest while I was eating lunch.

* Monday - salad dressing coated tomato

* Tuesday - gravy dribble from a Healthy Choice tv dinner

* Wednesday - broccoli floret from yet another Healthy Choice tv dinner

* Thursday - yogurt from a blueberry that clung to the bottom of my spoon until I got it nearly to my lips. I swear to God there's a fucking bull's-eye on my chest!

* Friday - chicken from my grilled caesar chicken salad wrap

I've taken to eating my lunch with a Tide pen and hand wipes.

Classy!

And there you have it.... Another Sunday in the books.

Let's just hope that next week is just as exciting.

Happy Sunday!
33 Comments

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