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It's 2:20 in the morning on a Tuesday....  

secret_lade 48F
14251 posts
12/7/2021 12:40 am
It's 2:20 in the morning on a Tuesday....

Of COURSE I can't sleep.

Ugh....

I have not been sleeping worth shit lately. Too many things on my mind.

You know, meaning of life shit.

That's the bad thing about this time of year for me. While everyone else is out there spreading holiday cheer and feeling the warm fuzzies of Christmas, I'm over here contemplating whether or not I should seek professional help for my depression.

I hate this time of year.

It doesn't help that it's dark when I leave for work, dark when I'm coming home from work, the last few days have been a veritable blizzard so the roads are SHITTY to drive on...

And I'm feeling a touch lonely.

I was driving through a whiteout on Alba Highway last night with an asshole truck right on my ass when I thought to myself, whoever is driving that fucking truck better back the fuck off!

But I also thought, if I were to go into the ditch on a day like today, there's not a soul out there that would even notice. Nobody to check in with to say, hey! I'm headed home from work. If I'm not there in an hour, come look for me.

The majority of my drive home is a cellular dead zone, I couldn't make a call for help even if I tried.

That's the bad thing about Christmas.

When you are alone, you REALLY feel alone.

I did manage to make it home just fine. The Christmas tree was on and my fresh balsam candle was lit. The Spawn was chasing around the Tilly Cat, all the while telling me about an episode of 'Hoarders' where the lady had 'a million' cats.

And everything felt normal again.

Well... As normal as 'normal' can get for me, anyway!

Happy Tuesday!


CL_Love 50M/49F
425 posts
12/13/2021 8:06 am

((hugs))


secret_lade 48F
9227 posts
12/8/2021 12:19 am

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    That white-out area is not a good thing.

    I understand where you're coming from.
    Yep... I do. I try and keep busy. It tricks the mind into staying focused, instead of drifting to sad and lonely places. 😶❗
It's this time of year that I think about my Grandma, and miss her. I had a much bigger family when I was growing up, everyone was close. There are only a few of us left, the cousins, and we are scattered across the US now.


secret_lade 48F
9227 posts
12/8/2021 12:12 am

    Quoting nicebuttocks1950:
    I feel sad for you lady, being alone. Even with your child, there is still a need for someone who wants to be with just you, for yourself!!! And being alone is much different than being lonely!!!
You are correct, being alone and being lonely are 2 different things. A person can be both. A person can also feel lonely even among a group of people.


secret_lade 48F
9227 posts
12/8/2021 12:03 am

    Quoting fwblook4unow:
    Will you be able to see your son in the military over the holidays?
Yes, he finally gets to come home for a visit, he's coming home for Christmas. I can't wait.


boobwhisperer69 59M  
8322 posts
12/7/2021 9:47 pm

There is a multitude of people just like you, that dread this time of year!! I'm one of them! Can't wait till Jan 2nd!! Well anyway hope you find someone who really misses you!!! Hugs!!!!


pagancountrygirl 65F
6466 posts
12/7/2021 2:59 pm

I think EnigmaInitiative might be on to something about the seasonal depression. The short days and holidays can do that to a lot of people. Might be an easy place to start. I totally understand about the drive being stressful when the weather is bad. Do you have extra cold weather gear stashed in your car and emergency lights, food, water?

Pagan
Hmmmm....I know I left that wand around here somewhere!


lonlyforlove2 79M  
32704 posts
12/7/2021 1:52 pm

Glad you made it home in the snow. It is always nice to step into the home and have familiar things greet you, A candle, the lighted tree and that girl chasing the cat around all happy. It has to be an instant mind stabilizer!!! Hope the countryside living is not creating some serious issue with you..

Stop by at lonlyforlove2
also see Lunch with Lonly , we get snow tomorrow
Check my blog on New Community, "A photo of my big Pecker"
also, " My Sunday afternoon with the kids'


citizen4722 64M  
74582 posts
12/7/2021 12:57 pm

Yes, although I'll be at my brother's place on Christmas Day, I will feel a bit lonely on other days around Christmas.


MrRareity 62M  
4589 posts
12/7/2021 10:59 am

I can understand how you feel because I often feel the very same way. My brother is 31/2 hrs away but at least we talk about every other week. Try and cheer up you have three wonderful children who love you very much. One might be away but he still calls you many children wouldn't. The two that live with you might give grief from time to time but they also love you. I don't know if you moved to the area you live in or moved there recently but it sounds very beautiful to me. I guess what I'm saying is count your blessings that includes me because we could have it a lot worse. Next time you can't sleep give me a call I have a feeling I'm going to have to go back to nights.

We have two lives, and the second begins when we realise we have only one - Confucious


bbuckwwheat 63M
6265 posts
12/7/2021 8:13 am

I know some who struggle with depression find that exercise helps to counter the depression. Until you find a permanent partner for naked exercise, maybe " physical training " would help. And maybe some light therapy.

Maybe find someone ( at either end of your trip ) to call after you complete the commute when the weather is bad ( or every day ) who can send out a search party if you don't call. And then you can let them know if you will be stopping somewhere and will be later than normal.

The Spawn does a few things right ( the tree and candle )

Hang in there.

Private mailbox at my blog bbuckwwheat
Fayette, Iowa


justskin1 70M
13175 posts
12/7/2021 6:53 am

I think Depression is the reigning emotion this time of year. Between the Dark and Expectations how could it not be so. I am glad to hear that you got home fine and Tree, lights and even the Spawn's usual bit helped.
As for normal, just remember what Erma Bombeck said: Normal is just a setting on the washing machine."
As for fretting about the meaning of life and that shit. Maybe you can do what I sometimes manage to do. Remember that the meaning of life is whatever we decide to make it. Try to make it a kind one.
Sending you hugs and wishes for a safe Holiday season.

If you see me in the real world, come say "Hi Justskin."

I always behave. Preferably not well.


benard69 64M/64F  
6298 posts
12/7/2021 6:43 am

Yeah the dark cold days of winter doesn't help either..Be safe!


WyoCowboy7751 69M
2537 posts
12/7/2021 6:33 am

" I'm over here contemplating whether or not I should seek professional help for my depression. " Some in the Medical or Psychological field might say that if you are at that point of questioning yourself ; it's best too seek help !!! They are there to listen and help by giving you direction or a plan of action to help yourself and hopefully in a Non-Medication way unless it becomes a Major Issue !!!! My Personnel Opinion would be to Ask that You seek Help as previously stated !!! I also understand that, If you do, you do ; If you do not, then you do not !!!! Word being sent to the, Great Spirit in the Sky, that he sends Help you way !!! 🤠


oldbstrd55 65M
3292 posts
12/7/2021 5:46 am

Just know, you are not alone in your depression. there are many of us that have the same feeling this time of the year. I haven't had to deal with the blizzards yet. We'll get through it


spunkycumfun 62M/67F  
41171 posts
12/7/2021 4:33 am

Feeling alone is not good. I'd rescue you from a ditch in my supersonic rocket!


mc_justmc 62M
6929 posts
12/7/2021 4:17 am

The dark and cold bothers me, but I like being alone for the most part. The holidays is something I just have to get thru because I hate hate hate Christmas music. If you get feeling lonely, I'm here.


Paulxx001 65M  
22616 posts
12/7/2021 3:48 am

That white-out area is not a good thing.

I understand where you're coming from.
Yep... I do. I try and keep busy. It tricks the mind into staying focused, instead of drifting to sad and lonely places. 😶❗


nicebuttocks1950 72M
330 posts
12/7/2021 2:48 am

I feel sad for you lady, being alone. Even with your child, there is still a need for someone who wants to be with just you, for yourself!!! And being alone is much different than being lonely!!!


fwblook4unow 46M
125 posts
12/7/2021 1:13 am

Will you be able to see your son in the military over the holidays?


secret_lade 48F
9227 posts
12/7/2021 12:43 am

Of COURSE I can't sleep.

Ugh....

I have not been sleeping worth shit lately. Too many things on my mind.

You know, meaning of life shit.

That's the bad thing about this time of year for me. While everyone else is out there spreading holiday cheer and feeling the warm fuzzies of Christmas, I'm over here contemplating whether or not I should seek professional help for my depression.

I hate this time of year.

It doesn't help that it's dark when I leave for work, dark when I'm coming home from work, the last few days have been a veritable blizzard so the roads are SHITTY to drive on...

And I'm feeling a touch lonely.

I was driving through a whiteout on Alba Highway last night with an asshole truck right on my ass when I thought to myself, whoever is driving that fucking truck better back the fuck off!

But I also thought, if I were to go into the ditch on a day like today, there's not a soul out there that would even notice. Nobody to check in with to say, hey! I'm headed home from work. If I'm not there in an hour, come look for me.

The majority of my drive home is a cellular dead zone, I couldn't make a call for help even if I tried.

That's the bad thing about Christmas.

When you are alone, you REALLY feel alone.

I did manage to make it home just fine. The Christmas tree was on and my fresh balsam candle was lit. The Spawn was chasing around the Tilly Cat, all the while telling me about an episode of 'Hoarders' where the lady had 'a million' cats.

And everything felt normal again.

Well... As normal as 'normal' can get for me, anyway!

Happy Tuesday!


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