Ramblings of the depraved.....
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Just between you and I
Posted:Sep 26, 2016 5:20 pm
Last Updated:Oct 14, 2019 5:04 pm
0 Comments , 6 Pending
Points to ponder....
Posted:Nov 11, 2019 3:39 pm
Last Updated:Nov 11, 2019 7:29 pm

One of my work friends sent the funniest, yet TRUE, memes today.

I had to share.

Before you marry someone:

1. Listen to them eat a bowl of cereal.
2. Ask them which side of the bed they sleep on.
3. Watch them brush their teeth.
4. Make sure you are temperature compatible.
5. Survive one cold and flu season at minimum.

#1 & #3 - CRUCIAL

In other news, Boss #1 was back to work today. He still seemed pretty shaken up over his accident last week. Every time I turned around he was either in my office or talking to me from his own office asking me how I was doing and if I needed him for anything.

I know him well enough to know he was having a rough day.

Thankfully my sarcastic humor and good natured ribbing is on his list of things that make him feel normal. I was able to elevate his blood pressure enough to see the vein pop on his forehead and watch him clench his fists.

It was good to see him returning to his normal crazy.
The Price of Beauty
Posted:Nov 10, 2019 10:49 am
Last Updated:Nov 11, 2019 3:16 pm

Or, should I say torture??

It's been a while since I've manicured my brows. They aren't all that thick and a good portion of them are hidden by my glasses, now.

Out of nostalgia today I decided it was time to tame those beasts.

I quickly discovered why it was all so easy for me to abandon my daily plucking ritual when I started wearing glasses.

It hurts like a bitch!

plucks in and my eyes were watering and my lip was twitching. This might just end up being an all day job requiring large amounts of alcoholic beverage.

For the moment I have ceased my self inflicted torture and have decided to focus on a pedicure.

I may just leave it to the experts and get those bad boys waxed.
I thought of you today....
Posted:Nov 9, 2019 2:56 pm
Last Updated:Nov 10, 2019 12:24 pm

I thought of your cock, a perfect fit for my mouth. Your taste is intoxicating, drawing me in.

I thought of your hands entwined in my hair, slowly tugging and pulling as your climax draws near.

I thought of my hand gently stroking your shaft, my tongue moistening your skin so lips can glide smoothly.

What did you think of today?
How do you walk the walk?
Posted:Nov 8, 2019 4:40 pm
Last Updated:Nov 9, 2019 3:59 pm

I had much better things to do with my day...

Unfortunately, I didn't do them. I did, however, decide to secretly scrutinize my fellow coworkers and the way they interacted while walking with me.

It was very interesting....

I led an orientation class today and part of the process is doing a tour.

As usual, everyone trailed behind me in an endless single file line.


When it takes 5 minutes for everyone to catch up on each stop of the tour, I begin to wonder if these people need electric mobility carts. I don't walk that fast, people, speed it the fuck up!

On the opposite end of the spectrum is the fast walker. It's pretty obvious my short little legs can't keep up with you when your 3 strides ahead of me, why do you even bother with trying to have a conversation with me? If you have to yell over your shoulder as my retreating form becomes a dot on the horizon, you're walking to fast. I'm not going to bother trying to keep up with you as you could care less whether I do or not.

It was my walk with Nose Hair that surprised me the most. I've mentioned before that he is tall, he's got to be at least 6'3, but he matched my pace, stride for stride. He could have easily sped ahead of me leaving me in the dust, yet he did not.

He earned some brownie points today....

I now feel obligated to tell him the next time I see a cliff hanger dangling from the nose hair.
Stuck behind the wheel of the struggle bus.....
Posted:Nov 7, 2019 3:31 pm
Last Updated:Nov 8, 2019 4:42 pm

Today was a shit show for me.

Accidently slid my ass along the salty truck parked next to me when I was headed into work, that was fantastic! Nothing beats a white ass on a pair of black dress slacks. If that wasn't bad enough, I swallowed a breath mint during the 9 o'clock meeting and started to cough violently while the blistering wintergreen crystals burned my throat. Classy! About the thing missing in this scenario was me naked in the front of the giving a report....

Posted:Nov 6, 2019 3:15 pm
Last Updated:Nov 8, 2019 4:52 pm

Today I woke up and read a that hurt feelings.....

Today I was running late, but still made time to let teach how do the snake....

Today I sat in car the last possible minute before I headed into work....

Today I plastered on fake smile and told every coworker asked how was going that it was going fantastic....

Today I would have given anything to just crawl into bed and sleep day away instead.....

Today I laughed ass off when coworker texted a crazy meme about shifty pants....

Today I realized he is absolute best work friend......

Today I flossed teeth with a piece of string while Nose Hair watched and complained about our slow computer system.....

Today I drove a little too fast on the way home from work and slid past road....

Today I said Fuck It and just made faces in the mirror at while we drove around the block give it more try.....

Today I'm secretly drinking wine in a coffee mug......

Today I have both of sitting next on the couch.....

I wouldn't trade this moment for the world.
Pilgrims and Indians
Posted:Nov 5, 2019 2:54 pm
Last Updated:Nov 6, 2019 4:45 am

Boss #1 was in his 'playful cool boss' mode today.

I wanted to peel my skin off and bleed .

Starting my with, "Hey, you got a minute?" as I was taking off my winter boots and hanging up my winter coat was not what I was envisioning when I walked in.

Everyone knows Boss #1's minutes last about an hour.

"Sure, just let punch in first." Meaning.... Please God, let someone show up his office before I get back so I can tactfully avoid whatever craptastic idea he is going to try to pull off.

No such luck.

What started as a discussion about what company to get to cater the Thanksgiving luncheon turned into Boss #1 envisioning the coworkers dressed up as pilgrims and Indians.

He had put enough thought into this idea that he had actually put characters to people. Somehow he envisioned himself as Geronimo.

.... 62 year old anal retentive Geronimo. just not seeing it.

I somehow became Pocahontas.


While I know she was an actual character in history, all I could think of was the Disney character.

I guess I should be thankful he didn't make me Lewis or Clark.....
Volcanic Birds and Aligator Turtles....
Posted:Nov 4, 2019 3:19 pm
Last Updated:Nov 5, 2019 5:57 pm

What do these have in common?

They both sound totally made up, for one. The Dynamic Boss Duo has me 'researching' them in my free time.


Like I don't have enough work to do, I have to check the validity to whether animals exist or not.

Wasn't it bad enough last week when I had to find out what the difference between yams and sweet potatoes were?!?

But, I digress....

I got to spend the rest of my day bumbling through life accidentally pulling tampons out of my purse as I retrieved my name badge and having my male coworker pick it up off the floor while emphatically reliving a story, using the tampon as a new tool for hand gesturing.

I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Sleep eludes me....
Posted:Nov 3, 2019 3:47 am
Last Updated:Nov 6, 2019 8:54 pm

Sleep eludes me when I am sexually unsatisfied.

It's like an ache.... deep inside. I think about it, I picture it, I tell myself to just forget about it, but I cant.

The ache is there.

Always wanting more.
Posted:Oct 31, 2019 3:06 pm
Last Updated:Nov 4, 2019 3:20 pm

Why are we forced to accept an apology?

What if I don't want to?

Why can't I just accept someone for the douche bag they are, and move on?

A member of the corporate team was in town today. I think he was told he had to apologize to me for being a dink in an email he had copied everyone and their brother on that was meant to make me look incompetent.

It wound up backfiring on him, of course, because he did not have all the information at hand, he was over confident in himself and his assumptions, and he was wrong. When it comes to me, looks are deceiving as I look and act all cheery and delightful, but I'm a smart, talented bitch when I need to be and have a gift of human language. I, on the other hand, had all my ducks in a row and varying amounts of supporting information to discredit him completely.

I responded to everyone.

So, back to the apology.....

The douche bag shows up at work today and Boss #2 says to me they had lunch together and he wants to meet me.

I wanted no part of this.

Thankfully I was busy at the time and all he could do was shake my hand and introduce himself. He said he would circle back if he had time.

Every fiber of my being hoped there would be no time.

The 2 o'clock meeting time rolled around and most of us had assembled in the conference room when Boss #1 popped his head into the room and requested a few moments of my time.


Grumbling a little under my breath, I headed out the door and put a fake smile on my face while I listened to Douche Bag apologize to me for the actions he had taken.

Still trying to be cheery, I accepted his apology and tried to retreat back to the meeting.

He kept talking,

He kept apologizing.

How much of this can I take when I actually don't accept his apology because I don't think he would have done a single thing differently had he been right? He wanted me to look like a dimwit that didn't know her ass from her elbow.

I wanted to say so much but Boss #1 and Boss #2 were both there, smiling away like this was the second coming of Christ.

To me, he will always be Douche Bag.
The Fix Up
Posted:Oct 30, 2019 3:14 pm
Last Updated:Nov 3, 2019 1:20 am

So.... I did it.

I swore I would never do it again, but I did. Now I'm nervous....

I have a work friend who is a loyal, caring guy. He wants so badly to find 'Mr. Right', but he keeps going back to the same loser guy who uses him for a few weeks then tells him he's 'suffocated' and blocks him from his life. We've talked about this many times, about the issues we face as single people and how hard it is to find the right people at the right time.

He was feeling down yesterday, and I couldn't help myself.

Long story short, I encouraged my work friend to venture outside his comfort zone and told him I had a friend on The Book that I thought he might like.

I'm always hesitant to do this kind of stuff.

What if it goes horribly?! Not only does it affect the work friend, it affects my real life friend. I've been feeling anxious all day.

My work friend did venture outside his comfort zone and did contact my Book friend and he really likes him.

I've got my fingers crossed it all goes well!

Cause, I'd hate to have the both of them upset with me for meddling in their lives.
Freak Magnet in Full Force
Posted:Oct 30, 2019 3:25 am
Last Updated:Oct 31, 2019 2:37 pm

The company I work for has replaced all of our printers with new ones, yesterday was the date of install.

The lead technician guy had a crush on me.

You know, I get it. I'm the cute nerd girl with the glasses and everything.... dressed up in her office job clothing sitting behind her desk, but come on.

I'm at work. I'm required to display a professional appearance and be very work appropriate, especially since my bosses are in the office next to me in full sight and sound of what takes place in my office.

I couldn't have been more humiliated when the two of them asked if they were going to be receiving a white envelope in the interoffice mail about the grunts and groans coming from my office.

Yes, that is correct, grunts and groans.

Who could have known that a printer on WHEELS could be so hard to maneuver around in an office?? That it would require a litany of physical exertion sound effects....

I wanted to die of embarrassment.

Boss #1 - Why is your face so red?
Me - Because I'm completely humiliated. (laughter)
Boss #1 - I didn't even notice anything until Boss #2 said something to me.
Boss #2 - Yah, I'm thinking that was all for your benefit.
Me - I don't even know how to continue on with this conversation....

I think we can just chuck this episode in the "What in the Fuck just happened" bucket.

Time and place, guys, time and place.

If you're liking a woman and want her to notice you, this is not how to do it. She will likely get teased about it for the rest of the day.
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Most Recent Comments by Others

Post Poster Post Date
Points to ponder.... (4)japaneseass
Nov 11, 2019 6:11 pm
It's true. (2)easy_going2014
Nov 10, 2019 7:11 pm
The Price of Beauty (11)easy_going2014
Nov 10, 2019 7:01 pm
I thought of you today.... (20)KX450F2016
Nov 10, 2019 10:14 am
Stuck behind the wheel of the struggle bus..... (16)KX450F2016
Nov 10, 2019 10:07 am
How do you walk the walk? (24)japaneseass
Nov 8, 2019 8:50 pm
Today.... (16)Livin_my_Life14
Nov 6, 2019 7:36 pm
Pilgrims and Indians (18)KX450F2016
Nov 5, 2019 6:06 pm
Sleep eludes me.... (14)KX450F2016
Nov 5, 2019 4:04 am
Volcanic Birds and Aligator Turtles.... (14)Paulxx001
Nov 4, 2019 6:44 pm
The Fix Up (13)s2ndegree
Nov 1, 2019 5:20 pm