The Blonde at the Clock and Watch Shop
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Posted:Mar 18, 2016 9:04 am
Last Updated:Mar 18, 2016 4:39 pm
7840 Views
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A friend of mine was walking down the street and entered a clock and watch shop. While looking around, he noticed a drop dead gorgeous female clerk behind the counter. He walked up to the counter where she was standing.
He unzipped his pants, flopped his member out and and placed it on the counter.
"What are you doing, Sir?", she asks.
"This is a clock shop, isn’t it?" He replied.
“Yes it is”
"I know it is and I would like 2 hands and a face put on this!"
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Remember the first time?
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Posted:Mar 15, 2016 9:18 am
Last Updated:Mar 18, 2016 8:57 am
8365 Views
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Do you remember what it was like the first time? If I write it as a story, would I write it like this? As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him - he's done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him; more room for an easy entrance.You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it’s too painful.Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience. You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.
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THE IRISH VS THE FRENCH...
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Posted:Mar 9, 2016 5:37 pm
Last Updated:Mar 14, 2016 8:50 am
8485 Views
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The French President Francois Hollande is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.
'Hallo, Mr. Hollande!' a heavily accented voice said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare , Ireland . I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you! We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty!'
'Well, Paddy,' Hollande replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army?'
'Right now,' says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eleven!'
Hollande paused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.'
'Begoora!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to ring you back.'
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. 'Mr. Hollande, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!'
'And what equipment would that be Paddy?' Hollande asks.
'Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor.'
Hollande sighs amused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke.'
'Saints preserve us!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to get back to you.'
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. 'Mr. Hollande, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!'
Hollande was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!'
'Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!' says Paddy, 'I will have to ring you back.'
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. 'Top o' the mornin', Mr. Hollande! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.'
'Really? I am sorry to hear that,' says Hollande. 'Why the sudden change of heart?'
'Well,' says Paddy, 'we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and packets of crisps, and we decided there is no way we can feed 200,000 prisoners!'
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Talking about married life
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Posted:Mar 8, 2016 8:03 am
Last Updated:Mar 9, 2016 8:27 am
8172 Views
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I remember a friend of mine told me a long time ago after he had just been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?"
She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know....they have frozen glasses..."
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?"
She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the Bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But my sweet honey... At the bar... You know....there' s swearing, dirty words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, Dickhead? Drink your fucking beer in your frozen mug and eat your motherfucking snacks, because you are MARRIED now, and you aren't fucking going anywhere! Got it, Asshole?"
..........and, they lived happily ever after.
Now, isn't that a sweet story?!!
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Married Life
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Posted:Mar 7, 2016 9:13 am
Last Updated:Mar 8, 2016 7:52 am
7780 Views
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3 women: one engaged, one a mistress, and one married, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men. That night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stiletto's and a mask over their eyes.
After a few days they meet again...
The engaged girlfriend: 'The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me with the leather bodice, 12 cms stilettos and mask. He saw me he said: 'you are the woman of my life, I love you'...then we made love all night long.'
The mistress: 'Ah! me too, the other night I met my lover in the office and I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat, when I opened the raincoat... he did not say anything... but we had wild sex all night.'
The married one: 'the other night I sent the to stay at my mothers for the night, I got myself ready: leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes... my husband comes back from work, opens the door and says........ ......
'Alright Batman, what's for dinner...?'
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Do you more vividly remember first kiss or first sex
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Posted:Mar 3, 2016 9:31 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2016 11:16 am
6774 Views
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According to studies 59% of men and 66% of women have ended a relationship because their partner was a bad kisser. I heard on the radio this morning that a new study shows it is 80% of women dumped their partner because they were a bad kisser. Whether 66% or 80% it is very high.
My experience is that the quality of sex skills are closely related to kissing. If a female is a bad kisser the sex sucks. I cannot think of a time that was not true. I am sure there are exceptions, but I have not encountered one.
Most people remembered more about their first kiss than their first fuck. Most of us recall up to 90% of the details of that first romantic kiss, according to pSychology John Bohannon from Butler University.
The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips are Telling Us, Sheril Kishenbaum.
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47 Seconds!!!
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Posted:Feb 26, 2016 9:43 am
Last Updated:Mar 1, 2016 5:30 pm
7297 Views
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One of the TSdates.com girls I have as a friend here has a video posted of a guy jerking off to one of her pictures. From start to finish, from the time he begins stroking until he spurts out is 47 seconds!!
That reminded me of an article from the UK. "British 'Better Lovers than We Thought"' trumpeted the headline. The story: a survey by Men's Health magazine found British men were great at foreplay, spending more time on it than any other nationality: 17.44 minutes.
"But, rather disappointingly for women," the article admitted, it is followed by an average of just 1.2 minutes of sex. (Manchester Evening News) ...
If that guy who came in 47 seconds represents many American young guys the Brits look like endurance champions at 80 seconds. (80 seconds sounds a lot longer than 1.2 minutes, doesn't it?)
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help
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Posted:Feb 24, 2016 5:39 pm
Last Updated:Feb 27, 2016 12:51 pm
7411 Views
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comments on my blog posts are not showing up. Please send me a message and tell me how I can unhide. If you just comment I will not be able to see it.
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Moral of the story
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Posted:Feb 24, 2016 8:28 am
Last Updated:Mar 1, 2016 8:28 am
7057 Views
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The madam opened the brothel door and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
'May I help you sir?' she asked.
'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.
'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else', said the madam.
'No, I must see Valerie,' he replied. Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. But there were no discounts. The price was still $5,000. Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs. After their session, Valerie said to the man, 'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?'.
The man replied, 'Ontario'.
'Really,' she said. 'I have family in Ontario.'
'I know.' the man said. 'Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to personally give you your $15,000 inheritance. '
The moral of the story is that there are three things in life that are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
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Questions about women and men in 40s and 50s
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Posted:Feb 24, 2016 8:25 am
Last Updated:Feb 24, 2016 9:52 am
7186 Views
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I blogged results from a study that showed 1 out of 4 women in their 40s and 50s are taking prescription drugs for depression and anxiety. For men it was 14%. Several people commented and there was agreement and disagreement.
But I wonder. Is it because men get more life satisfaction from their job while women get more satisfaction from raising their ? I am not being sexist. There is a very statistical significant difference between men and women. There has to be an explanation in generalities always recognizing there are exceptions.
Maybe it is that women pay greater attention to their health. But women in their 40s and 50s are still young. I would not think it is so much health related as it is environment related. What has changed from women in their 20s and 30s to their 40s and 50s?
Need more input.
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Women in their 40s and 50s and older
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Posted:Feb 23, 2016 9:38 am
Last Updated:Feb 25, 2016 8:05 am
7106 Views
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I just read an article that stated that one out of every four women in their 40s and 50s are on prescription medication for depression and anxiety. Only 14% of men are medicated. I was shocked. How do you explain thIs?
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Life is full of choices. Choices have consequences.
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Posted:Feb 22, 2016 9:06 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2024 6:31 pm
7313 Views
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We had once before had coffee and talked. She was in her early twenties. She was beautiful and had a nice body. This time it was dinner. She met me at the restaurant having come straight from work. I had chosen a corner table, actually a booth. But it was not a booth in the classic sense. There was one bench seat curved in the middle, like an expanded V. So we both sat on the same side of the table facing the large dining room, but tucked away in the corner. It was more romantic that way, or so I thought. We talked some and took our time before placing an order for dinner. We both started with the Caesar salad. Our server rolled a cart to our table and began to prepare the Caesar dressing in a wooden salad bowl. Pouring in some olive oil, he added Worcestershire sauce, dried mustard, white pepper, anchovy filets, garlic, oregano leaves, salt and stirred before cracking two eggs adding the raw yolks, a few other ingredients and then a generous amount of olive oil. He added the lettuce, parmesan cheese, and croutons and tossed. He scooped the salad onto the plates, adding fresh parmesan cheese and serving each of us. The preparation at the table was entertaining. I had ordered a bottle of 2003 Beranger Private Reserve Cabernet. I remember having cellared a case of the Beranger Private Reserve a few years back when it was named Wine Spectator’s wine of the year. We talked about wine and life bouncing from subject to subject, nothing in particular. We were just getting to know each other. My friend had said she had not found a red wine she liked, but when she tasted the Beranger, she almost purred; she liked it. Not an uncommon experience. Bad wine is bad wine. This was excellent, and yes the price reflected it. I invited the sommelier to taste the Beranger since she said she had not ever tasted this one. She brought over a glass and poured herself a small amount and sniffed several times before taking the taste and rolling the wine around her mouth, tasting on all the taste buds. She described what it tasted like and I agreed. Very much a Beranger made wine. We ordered filet mignon steaks, hers well done, mine blue rare and a side of the mashed potatoes. The potatoes were my friend’s choice, not mine. But then we were there to celebrate her, not me. Both steaks came with a mushroom on top and the server added au jus. My friend said she usually did not like mushrooms, but this one was good. We ate and drank the Beranger. We talked about life and life experiences. As usual I had a lot of unusual stories of my world experiences and I shared some. The wine was a great compliment to the beef. They cleared the table and brought a bowl of fruit and nuts along with Roquefort cheese and the little toasts. I showed my friend about adding butter to the cheese and spreading it on the toast. Her eyes sparkled with the new experience. It was time for desert and it was to be Bananas Foster. Again the cart was rolled to our table, this time with a burner. Into the pan went heaping spoonfuls of brown sugar that would be caramelized along with brandy which was lit and flamed high at the table. Bananas were added to the now caramelized and brandy flavored sauce, and then the bananas were lifted to two plates, on which ice cream was added and the sauce poured liberally over all.
The dinner was hours long and wonderful. At the end I suggested we get a room and play, a real desert. But my friend turned me down. So it goes. Not all my times end with a marvelous play time. We kissed and went our separate ways. It was not as long a night as I had hoped for, but it was an excellent meal and very nice time of getting to know one another.
She wrote on her Facebook page this: “I went to an AMAZING dinner at El Gaucho in Seattle. It was nothing that I have ever experienced before, I felt like the whole experience was out of a movie. All I have to say is that something like that could make reality settle in.”
I never saw her again. I never called. I never sent a text. She did contact me after a few weeks. But I did not respond. For me it was a wonderful dinner experience and entertaining to get to know her. Life is full of choices and those choices have consequences. She made her choice. I made mine.
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