Facts of Life
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Posted:Jan 20, 2016 9:51 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2024 2:30 pm
7210 Views
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Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.
Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
Don't worry about the world ending today... It's already tomorrow in Australia. (unless you're in Australia -- then start worrying)
Character is what you are. Reputation is what people think you are.
Drive carefully It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work..
A man usually feels better after a few winks, especially if she winks back.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
If at first you don't succeed ... well, so much for sky diving.
A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't understand two things: 1 -- Women, 2 -- Fractions
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So want your thoughts on this.
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Posted:Jan 18, 2016 3:58 pm
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2024 2:30 pm
6957 Views
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Tell me if you agree with this which was written by lil_whimsical
"OK guys ... here's the dirty truth ... attractive, mentally stable women don't have no-strings sex with men they meet on the internet (other than maybe once or twice if they've gone through a bad break-up, or they want to try something new).
An attractive woman can pretty much have sex with any guy, at any time, if she makes him believe that she won't want a commitment from him.
Hooking up with multiple partners is a male fantasy and not a female one. For women, there are just too many risks ... in terms of their health, physical safety, and risk of pregnancy ... to engage in that sort of activity.
The female profiles that you might see on here that pretend to do that ... are likely to not be real, or just be women (or men) playing online games ... or if they ARE real ... they are not going to be women you're going to want to sleep with (as in "crazy" or likely to steal something from you).
So don't be discouraged or feel like there's anything wrong with you because you joined this site thinking there was going to be all this free pussy .... and nothing is happening for you. That's the way the world already works, remember?"
Tell me what you think
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BEST QUOTE EVER REGUARDING WOMEN
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Posted:Jan 15, 2016 9:45 am
Last Updated:Jan 18, 2016 2:53 pm
7434 Views
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Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby, give her a house, and she'll give you a home, give her groceries, she'll give you a meal, give her a smile , she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of SHIT!!!
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Quite the story
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Posted:Jan 14, 2016 8:13 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2024 2:30 pm
7658 Views
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In 1998, my friend Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moment. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged . As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1998, Peter couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed his stupid ass against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
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Truth is stranger than fiction
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Posted:Jan 13, 2016 9:49 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2024 2:30 pm
7504 Views
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This is a true story. A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his hands around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man (Classy or what??). While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go.
And you thought YOU were having a bad day!!!! I'm still laughing!!!!
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Only in Northwest Florida
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Posted:Jan 12, 2016 8:46 am
Last Updated:Jan 13, 2016 9:46 am
7560 Views
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In the Northwest Florida Daily News (4/8/2010) was this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. She took a deep breath and stood up boldly to face the crowd. She looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband, who had been standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have five stitches in his forehead!
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Arnold has a big one; Michael Fox a small one
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Posted:Jan 5, 2016 9:21 am
Last Updated:Jan 5, 2016 1:29 pm
7488 Views
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Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women..
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
What is it?
Answer below!
The answer is: 'A Last Name.'
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A friend of mine sent me this: Must read.
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Posted:Dec 30, 2015 10:01 am
Last Updated:Dec 30, 2015 10:56 am
7528 Views
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“We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Year's Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.
My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, "He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother."
A few minutes later, I get into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said, as we drove away. "That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"
The cab driver hit a parked car.
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A very curious thing happened when I was flying
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Posted:Dec 18, 2015 1:51 pm
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2024 2:30 pm
8473 Views
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I am headed to California Saturday for Christmas with grandkids. Flying reminds me of one time I was flying and there was a woman sitting next to me in first class. The woman sneezed and took a tissue and wiped between her legs. I saw what she did and thought it was a little strange (wouldn’t you?). When the woman sneezed again and took a tissue and wiped between her legs, I was really puzzled at what she was doing. Once again the woman sneezed and again took a tissue and wiped between her legs.
I could not contain my curiosity any longer; I had to ask her, “I couldn’t help noticing that every time you sneeze you wipe between your legs. Why are you doing that?”
To which she responded, “It's a medical problem. I orgasm when I sneeze.”
“Oh I'm sorry. What do you take for it?”
She smiled and said, “Pepper.”
That is why I always take a can of pepper with me when I am flying.
Have a great rest of the week, great weekend and Christmas!! (and yes, it was a joke, not a true story) And there is a new scientific study out that says happiness begins at 50 years of age. I am over that. One of the top ten reasons is that when you are over 50 you can tell more jokes and a second reason if when you are over 50, you have an excuse for telling the same stories (and jokes) over and over again.
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Questions..
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Posted:Dec 15, 2015 9:34 am
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2015 8:00 am
8429 Views
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What’s the difference between snowmen and snowladies ?Snowballs
Why doesn’t Santa have any ?Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it’s down the chimney.
What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve ?They go into town, and blow a few bucks
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To link to this blog (senecaguy2) use [blog senecaguy2] in your messages.
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