Ghosting......really?  

sensualguitarguy 48M  
6 posts
7/24/2021 11:23 am
Ghosting......really?


It's been like 5 years since I have blogged here and although I have become pretty good at weeding out the fakes, flakes and liars, there is one thing that just baffles me about the whole online thing...GHOSTING.

For me personally, when I am no longer interested or I know a connection isn't going to work out or I just want to meet someone else, I DO NOT GHOST people. It seems like this should be common sense, oh wait this is TSdates.com....my bad. Respect and human decency is in short supply around here, I understand that part of this whole silly process of chatting, flirting online, sending naughty pics, meeting for coffee/drink, checking the chemistry and ultimately ending up ripping each other's clothes off is a process.

Part of the process is just understanding that more often than not, two people will not connect after the initial conversations or even after meeting. This is part of the game.....rejection and reality are part of the process. I have been rejected more times than I care to admit and while it sucks to be told that someone else who you like does not have the same feelings, it is WAY better than being ghosted like you weren't even a thought in their head. Brad Pitt put it best in the movie "Moneyball" when he said- "Would you rather take one to the head, or five to the chest and bleed to death?" Yup pretty much dead on.

I mean jesus people, you don't even have to say it face to face or over the phone like in the old days lol YOU CAN TEXT IT.....To just leave someone hanging is selfish, cowardly, inconsiderate and just plain rude.

Now I also understand that if there is a safety issue or you feel threatened or that you are trying to be discreet and you think you know them or they know your friends....that might constitute a good ghosting......

Now I am not talking about ghosting someone after like a few sentences where your gut tell you this isn't gonna work or even after a photo swap where you are like "oh hell no". Still not the best move, but at least you haven't created a rapport or connection with that person. The relationship has not been created really and to me, that's not a huge deal, although I don't condone it.....actually it should be easier to say "no thanks, not interested" at this point.

Case in point.... I met someone a few weeks ago on a business trip. We had been talking for a few weeks,....sent plenty of face pics, naughty pics, a lil sexting, teasing and I thought we generally liked each other. She agreed to meet for dinner.....we had a nice time, pleasant ongoing conversation about our lives, great eye contact, a little flirting and nice hugs at the end. She asked if I was free tomorrow and what my schedule was like......We agreed to text and figure out what would work to get together the next day.....then the next morning POOF....she was gone.......no explanation, no "oh I'm sorry, just not really into you", or damn I have to work, nothing after 3 weeks of solid, ongoing conversation.

Now I have been here long enough to know that I now needed to move on, which I have in fairly short order cause past experience has taught me to not trust anyone I meet here lol. But it still stings and it pisses me off when people just vanish. What is hilarious about this instance though is that she was all about saying "ohh I NEVER ghost....people who do that show who they really are...blah blah blah" lol At least I got to see who she was.

Now before anyone says "Well you don't know what happened" or "maybe she got in an accident" or "maybe she was married and her hubs found out" etc etc etc....yea I get it, we don't always know circumstances and you have to give people the benefit of the doubt at times, but ghosting someone without so much as a 30 second text is beyond rude. I usually give people the "3 strikes and your out" rule. Anything after that is my own fault and I deserve to be made a fool of.

Ok rant over.......do people a favor and just MAN UP.....gimme that bullet in the head and let me move on with my life if you need to. You're doing people a favor by being honest.

Comment if you want but be nice.....you don't have to agree, but don't be an ass.

Have fun out there and be safe!

SGG

BiggLala 49F  
30157 posts
7/25/2021 4:30 pm

Ghosting is a fact of dating in our time...has nothing to do with this being A.FF.

I don't get upset anymore when guys ghost me, nor do I spend much energy/time wondering what happened. Sure, it's frustrating as fuck. However, the woman you met told the truth. Ghosting communicates more about that person than it does you (us). I learned that it tells me that person doesn't know how to communicate like an adult or one who is considerate of me. I don't need to spend energy on that person, and I don't need them in my life.

All that said, I won't sit here and claim I've never ghosted anyone. Though we've all done it in our lives, it's funny how we don't like when other people do it to us. This is why I've learned to manage my expectations as best I can and avoid getting more invested than the guy.

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jajo696 67F
4138 posts
7/25/2021 10:23 pm

No matter how one tries to protect one self from it ...it still stings. Makes you wonder and it brings up all kindsa of feelings of inadequacies and the ole whatifs...that is just human nature.
Of course, the world would be kinder n gentler if we all could communicate.

Its taken me a while to learn that.....no response is a response.

.......and also a wise blogger here ( La ) once told me to take everything anyone says with a HUGE grain of salt.

Ghosting is what inspired my first foray into blogging here~


sensualguitarguy 48M  
2 posts
7/26/2021 8:58 am

Great points ladies.....and jajo you are absolutely correct...no response is a response lol


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