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Lady’s Lair 📚 🖊
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This is a place where I share my thoughts, stories and interesting information.
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Men and Women Have Different Sexual Fantasies
Posted:Sep 23, 2021 4:04 pm
Last Updated:Oct 14, 2021 10:39 am

Even the most sex-positive folks can find themselves feeling confused and uncertain when reflecting on the arousing, erotic mental images known as sexual fantasies they may have.

Chances are even your most taboo fantasies are normal and healthy. In fact, evidence suggests that those who have sexual fantasies experience less anxiety and a greater sense of self-esteem.

Most adults have them and yes, there are differences in what women and men fantasize about.

A 2017 study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior involving Canadian university undergraduates revealed 64% of participants had some interest in multi-partner sex.

Another study published in Personality and Individual Differences involving British adults found that men specifically may fantasize more about multi-partner sex. Male participants of the study were more likely to fantasize about sex with multiple people and with anonymous partners. Meanwhile, women's fantasies were more likely to include same-sex partners and famous people.

Some people are aroused by light restraint, others by intense physical pain. Psychological roleplay may also be considered BDSM as it involves an exchange of power.

Justin Lehmiller, a social psychologist whose research focuses on sexuality, discovered this fantasy is popular when doing research for his book on the science of sexual desire called Tell Me What You Want. He found 93% of women and 81% of men had fantasized about being sexually dominated. Further, 85% of men and 76% of women had fantasized about being sexually dominant.

Sex in public is another popular fantasy that may fall under exhibitionism. In Lehmiller's same survey, he found 81% of men and 84% of women were aroused by a public sex fantasy.

Brett Kahr, a British psychotherapist and author of Who’s Been Sleeping In Your Head? analyzed the sexual fantasies of British and American adults.

Here are some other interesting findings:
~41% imagine sex with someone else’s partner (75% of people think this one trait makes you more attractive)
~39% think about sex with a work colleague
~25% (particularly men and younger people) fantasize about celebrities
~18% percent of women fantasize about sex with two or more men

Before you start trying out fantasies with your partner there are important aspects of experimentation you should ensure are in place for utmost safety and pleasure.
1. Establish consent
2. Discuss boundaries
3. Use proper protection
4. Treat your partner with respect

Sexual fantasies are nothing to be embarrassed about. Desire is a key part of sexuality and having fantasies is normal, common, and healthy.
Sex Facts and Myths
Posted:Sep 22, 2021 7:31 pm
Last Updated:Sep 28, 2021 3:22 pm

It’s amazing how many myths continue to exist about sex. So let’s debunk some more.

Sex Burns Major Calories

Estimates are that you burn between 80 0 calories. put that into perspective, you need to burn about 3,500 calories to lose a pound of body weight, so if you were using 0 calories every time you had sex, you could lose one pound if you had sex 35 times. The problem is most people are not having sex for thirty minutes straight. Instead, the average duration of sex is closer to minutes. Guess that bursts a few bubbles.

Women Always Orgasm During Vaginal Sex

Nope. Not all women do. In fact, a study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy found that 18.4 % of women said intercourse alone led them to have an orgasm. 36.6 % said clitoral stimulation was necessary for orgasm during sex. An additional 36 % indicated that, while clitoral stimulation was not needed, their orgasms felt better if their clitoris was stimulated during intercourse. Toys can be great for this too.

Sex Affects Sports Performance

This theory has been debated for many years, with coaches often telling their athletes to abstain from sex at least 48 hours before big games or competitions. However, a 20 study in the journal Frontiers in Physiology suggests sex has impact on athletic performance and could actually have a positive effect instead.

Male & Female Genitalia Are Totally Different

Most people think that male and female genitals are about as different as can be: penis=male and vagina=female. But even this basic dichotomy is not quite correct: the genitals emerge from the mass of embryonic tissue. For the first weeks of life, the tissue masses develop identically. At about 6-7 weeks, depending on whether the fetus has XX or XY chromosomes (usually), the tissues start to differentiate. One part of the tissue begins to form the clitoris or penis and another forms the labia or scrotum. Another area begins to form into either the testes or the ovaries. This means that physiologically, male and female genitals are made of the same stuff and work in similar ways.

Men Are More Aggressive Than Women

It depends on what you mean by aggression. Men and women are not different in expressing anger and general aggression, but men are more likely to use physical aggression overall. The sexes are more or less the same when aggressing towards one another, but men are larger and, usually, stronger. Men are not naturally "more aggressive" than women, but can use physical aggression more effectively than women can (barring guns and other weapons). This pattern says more about gender, societies, and male physical size than it does about hard-wired human nature.

The Pull-out Method Can Be Used By Itself For Birth Control

The pull-out (or withdrawal) method, also called coitus interruptus, is when the partner with the penis pulls out of the vagina before ejaculation. Planned Parenthood reports that about 27 out of 0 women who use this method get pregnant each year, meaning it’s about 73 percent effective preventing pregnancy in real life. That’s not as effective as condoms, which are about 82-percent effective IRL, or birth control pills, which are about 91-percent effective. Use the pull-out method in combination with another birth control method, folks. Human error happens.

Having Sex Will Cause a Pregnant Woman Go Into Labour

This myth is so pervasive that even doctors will tell their full-term patients to give it a try. But, not does having sex near your due date not start labour, it may actually delay it, according to a study published in Obstetrics & Gynecology. Researchers found that women who were sexually active in the final weeks of their pregnancies carried their babies an average of 39.9 weeks, compared to 39.3 weeks for women who weren’t having any sex.

You Can Tell If Someone Has An STD By Looking At Them

Robert Huizenga, MD, author of Sex, Lies & STDs says that a common sex myth people believe is that you’ll be able to tell if someone has an STD by looking at them. The truth is that many STDs don’t show outward symptoms or may not show until much later. There’s no substitute for getting a medical screening and being totally honest about the results.

A Woman's Vagina Will Show How Many Partners She Has Had

Vaginas can temporarily stretch to accommodate a large object, how else would women ever survive childbirth? However, they don’t stay stretched out. That means, multiple partners, a partner with a large penis, or using large sex toys don’t affect the vagina. How tight or loose a vagina feels depends on the woman’s genetics and the fit between her and her partner.
Cook Before You Eat
Posted:Sep 21, 2021 8:22 pm
Last Updated:Sep 23, 2021 12:01 pm

Everyone knows to avoid eating raw meat and eggs. But there are plenty of other foods that you definitely want to cook before eating. Some of these might surprise you.

Raw eggplant contains solanine, the same toxin that makes raw potatoes problematic. Young eggplants in particular, or eggplants that were harvested early in their plant lives, contain the most of this toxin. You would have to eat a whole lot of raw eggplant to experience the unpleasant gastrointestinal effects of solanine poisoning, but you might want to go ahead and cook your eggplant anyway. Plus, some people may have allergic reactions to even small amounts of raw eggplant. Maybe that's why you never see it in salads?

In recent years, the FDA and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have identified raw flour as a potential health hazard. During its journey from wheat stalk to supermarket shelf, flour may have come into contact with pathogens such as E. coli, which can only be banished by cooking whatever the flour is in. I remember eating some raw cookie dough when I was a .

Kidney Beans
This normally healthy food can be dangerous if eaten the wrong way. Red kidney beans are packed with protein, fibre, and antioxidants, but eating them raw can wreak havoc on your stomach. Uncooked kidney beans contain the toxin phytohemagglutinin, which can cause unpleasant gastrointestinal discomfort and symptoms similar to food poisoning. Make you boil kidney beans for at least ten minutes before eating them. I used to pick these out of homemade chilli.

This mealtime staple should never be eaten raw! Eating potatoes raw can cause bloating and undesirable gastrointestinal effects because potatoes contain starches that are resistant to being digested. Cooking the potatoes successfully breaks down these starches. Even scarier, if raw potatoes spend a long time in a warm or damp area, they can turn green and develop a toxin called solanine. If a potato appears to have green spots on it, you should avoid eating it altogether, because the solanine could cause food poisoning. I always thought you could just cut around the green spot.

Rhubarb Leaves
These leaves contain a high level of oxalic acid—a toxin that in high doses can cause kidney damage, various stomach problems, and even death, on rare occasions, according to Hampshire College. This “anti-nutrient” interferes with iron, magnesium, and calcium too, the Independent reports. A lethal dose of this toxin would be hard to consume naturally, but it’s mostly people with kidney issues that should be concerned with avoiding these leaves, per Healthline. Fortunately, never tried eating these.

Alfalfa and radish sprouts can contain pesky harmful bacteria like E. coli, Salmonella, and Listeria. Sprouts are grown in warm, moist conditions where these bacteria thrive. Because of this, you should aim to buy your sprouts as fresh as possible; consider buying them locally or from a farmers’ market. And, of course, wash them and cook them. I only eat them cooked.

Wieners aren’t the most nutritious food as it is, but eating them raw can be downright dangerous. It’s a common misconception that, since they’re pre-cooked, wieners can be eaten right out of the package like lunch meat. This isn’t the case at all. According to the FDA, packaged wieners can become contaminated with the bacteria Listeria, which can only be killed by reheating them. Will never do that again!

This root vegetable, a staple of South American cuisine, is packed with vitamins and minerals. But it’s also hiding a sneaky, potentially lethal ingredient. The leaves and roots of raw yucca contain cyanogenic glycosides, chemicals that release cyanide when eaten. Yucca is still edible, but make sure you wash it thoroughly, rinse it, peel it, and cook it before consumption. Have never eaten this.

The above should not be confused with a Raw Food Diet which is based on food that can be safely eaten raw. That diet is predominantly based on vegetables, fruits and legumes. The diet is believed to help people find health when they are struggling to get healthy by eating a normal Western diet.
Eliminate Redundant Words
Posted:Sep 20, 2021 6:49 pm
Last Updated:Sep 25, 2021 8:49 pm

English is a complicated language. Yet, we continue to make it more difficult by adding extra words to simple phrases. They become common practice, when in fact, they are just extra and unnecessary. Here are some great examples where we should stop being so extra! Remember, less is more!

Forever and Ever
Did you ever describe someone as droning on and on (and on!) forever and ever? No need to add “and ever” to descriptions of forever. Daily Writing Tipsrecommends you avoid using the phrase, because forever is, by definition, endless.

New Innovations
According to Oxford Dictionary, “new” already exists within the definition of innovation, which is a new method, idea, or product. So if you want to win the prize for redundancy, go ahead and describe something as a “fresh new idea innovation product method.”

Blatantly Obvious
According to Grammarist, redundancies are “word overflows.” Blatant and obvious mean the same thing. There’s no need to descriptively modify one term with the other unless you want a deluge of word overflow, then by all means, go for it!

Please RSVP
You know you should RSVP for parties, but what do the letters stand for? Respond So Verification Promulgates? Actually, it’s a French phrase. RSVP refers to “Répondez s’il vous plaît,” which translates to “respond if you please.” Adding the “please” is redundant.

Unexpected Surprise
All surprises are naturally unexpected. This phrase is redundant, and you’ll often find it used in cases that weren’t, in fact, surprising. Ever hear anyone claim, “What an unexpected surprise!” after they’ve opened your gift? Or when you show up uninvited at dinnertime?

Advance Warning
It’s not really a warning if it doesn’t occur before whatever it is you’re being warned about. The weather centres don’t give warnings about storms that have already moved on. All proper warnings happen in advance.

Sudden Impulse
Trying to have an impulse that’s not sudden. A true impulse can’t be pre-planned. You just have to let it happen involuntarily according to the dictionary definition. All impulses will be of the sudden sort. Avoid redundancy when describing them.

End Result
Technically, the result (for whatever) will occur at the end (of whatever). The result is the conclusion, the outcome, the final product, the finish. In other words, the result is the end. Feel free to use “result” or “end,” but never both. End redundant results!

Definition of redundant: not or no longer needed or useful; superfluous
Sunday Funnies
Posted:Sep 19, 2021 10:32 am
Last Updated:Sep 22, 2021 3:09 pm
Peace and happiness to one and all on this glorious Fall day!

Lets Talk About Tantric Sex
Posted:Sep 18, 2021 4:40 pm
Last Updated:Sep 22, 2021 12:06 pm

The concept of tantric sex came from ancient Hinduism and ideas around tantra. Tantra stems loosely from religious texts that focus on spiritualism.

Tantric sex is a slow, meditative form of sex where the end goal is not orgasm but enjoying the sexual journey and sensations of the body. It aims to move sexual energy throughout the body for healing, transformation, and enlightenment.

Proponents of tantric sex believe that tantric techniques may help resolve sexual complications such as premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, or anorgasmia.

Tantric sex encourages people to get to know their own bodies and become in tune with them. By understanding the desire of one’s own body, one can incorporate this during sex with a partner. This may lead to greater sexual fulfillment and more intense orgasms.

How to Prepare
There are a few things a person or couple can do to help prepare for tantric sex. For example, they can:
~Read further into it: The more knowledge someone has on the topic of tantric sex, the more they are likely to feel prepared.
~Set aside time: Tantric sex is about moving slowly and being in the moment. In some cases, it can last an hour or more. Therefore, be sure to set aside some time to fully engage and enjoy the experience.
~Prepare the mind: Focusing on the moment can be difficult if a person is experiencing stress or has many things on their mind. Meditating or stretching before tantric sex may help achieve a clear mindset.
~Find a good place: Environment has a key role in tantric sex. Ideally, it will take place in a relaxing setting with a comfortable temperature. A person may want to dim the lights, light a scented candle, or put on relaxing music.

How to Begin
Begin by facing each other and gazing into each other’s eyes with your clothes on. Focus on one of your partner’s eyes; this keeps you intimately exposed. (Some people look back and forth between the two eyes to reduce the tension).

Make sure you’re breathing the right way (yes, there’s a wrong way). Next, synchronize your breathing with your partner’s: breathe in together, exhale together. Then move into breath exchange: You inhale when he exhales, then exhale when he inhales, as though you’re breathing each other in. Practice this for at least 10 minutes.

What does tantric sex for beginners look like?
To take this into sexual Tantra, try the same process but with clothes off. Sit on your partner’s lap, and wrap your legs around their waist. Do the breath exchange, but move into kissing and caressing. In time, begin slow intercourse, but continue caressing and kissing. Keep eye contact.

As you become more proficient, you can develop the ability for prolonged orgasm. For both women and men, you remain at the peak of ecstatic pleasure without climaxing. There are all the feelings of a typical orgasm, but it lasts for many minutes (or even hours), without a traditional orgasm.

Personal Experience
I can attest the orgasms are unlike any other. No drugs or alcohol of any kind were consumed prior to or during. This was also with someone who had been studying Tantra for years. Although I have never tried hallucinogens, it is the only thing I can liken it to. They were multi-layered, multi-coloured and multi-dimensional. At times, it felt like an out-of-body experience that I was witnessing from above. Afterwards, I slept for hours and woke up with an all-over glow and felt completely relaxed.
Posted:Sep 17, 2021 7:28 pm
Last Updated:Sep 20, 2021 4:38 pm

I learned a long time ago, to accept Myself for who I am.

I don't try nor want to be anyone else.

If you can't accept Me for the strong, resilient woman that I am, that's Your problem, Not Mine. Just keep walking.
Great Sex. When Is The Right Time
Posted:Sep 16, 2021 5:41 pm
Last Updated:Oct 15, 2021 7:31 pm

If you feel like you and your partner have fallen into a rut with your sex life, your timing might be to blame. The most popular time for love-making also happens to be the worst time.

A study in Frontiers in Psychology shows that the timing of men’s and women’s libidos are at polar opposites: Women feel the most desire in the evening, while men are most aroused in the morning. The study found that the average MF couple is most likely to have sex between 9 p.m. and midnight which is bedtime for many people. But experts say that pre-sleep sex isn’t necessarily ideal for a few reasons:
~Most people are exhausted and there’s a good chance they won’t have the energy for the most mind-blowing encounter.
~ Night-time sex can also overstimulate you.
~For others, sex is a tension reducer and relaxer and they have sex to help them fall asleep.

If you actually sleep together afterward, while you’re resting, your body is building up hormones, and you’ll wake up with more energy and perhaps creativity for satisfying sex.

Other factors include:
Testosterone Difference
Men do have a spike in testosterone between six and nine o’clock in the morning. They naturally like to capitalize on a good morning erection. Unfortunately, women have their lowest amount of daily testosterone in the morning and a minimal increase by evening.

Many women have a thing about being clean before sex. So, for her, the thought of morning breath and a night’s worth of sweat and genital odour can squash any desire for wake-up sex. These issues may be the last thing on a man's mind as he feels the warm closeness of his partner’s relaxed body.

The Best Time
According to hormone expert Alisa Vitti, the best time for a man and woman to have sex is 3 pm. Which may require some organization, given that most of us are at work around that time.

Alisa explained to the Daily Mail that a bit of afternoon delight works best for men and women, as in the afternoon women feel at their most alert and energetic, thanks to increased levels of cortisol. Men reach their peak levels of estrogen at the time, which makes them more emotionally present during sex.

So, 3 pm is the ideal time for the maximum mutual enjoyment of heterosexual sex.
Amazing Autumn Facts
Posted:Sep 15, 2021 1:14 pm
Last Updated:Sep 20, 2021 4:55 pm

Autumn, also known as Fall is my favourite season. The air is cool enough for a sweater and the days get shorter.

This year, Fall officially arrives on Wednesday, September 22, 2021. In its honour, here are some fun and interesting facts that you may not know:

The Fall Equinox occurs when the sun crosses the celestial equator. The word equinox comes from the Latin words "aequus," which means "equal," and "nox," which means night.

On the first day of autumn, the autumnal equinox has 12 hours of daylight and 12 hours of darkness.

Both Fall and Autumn are correct English terms for the season preceding winter. Autumn is primarily used in British English, while fall is a term more frequently used in American English.

Meteorologists use a different method of defining the first day of fall. And, in some countries, the beginning of the seasons is determined by average temperatures rather than fixed dates or astronomical events.

When days become shorter, animals in high altitudes experience biological changes. One of the weirdest examples is found in the male Siberian hamster, whose testicles swell almost 17 times their normal size, in preparation for mating according to Mother Nature Network.

You may gain weight. When the days shorten and cool, we are not outside as much in the sunshine (the primary source of Vitamin D for most people) and that reduces fat breakdown and triggers fat storage.

You can stand an egg on one end during the Fall Equinox, but it has nothing to do with the changing of the season. Some believe the reason eggs can be balanced on one end most likely has to do with tiny bumps on the end of the shell that "act like little legs holding the egg up."

Since 1997, Autumn has been one of the top 100 names for girls in the United States.

According to Swedish studies, women lose more hair in the fall. Hair cells are also the body’s second-fastest-growing cells (after bone marrow) and are sensitive to environmental changes including seasonal variations.

Fall babies are better students. Human born in autumn (September through December) are more likely to excel in school than those born at other times of the year, according to a UK Department of Education report.

Fall babies are more likely to live longer. born between September and November are more likely to live to be 100 than those born at other times of the year, according to a University of Chicago study of 1,500 centenarians.

Monarch butterflies travel at speeds of between 12 and 25 miles per hour. They are the only insect that migrates up to 2,500 miles for nicer weather.

While heart attacks and automobile accidents rise in the spring following the commencement of daylight saving time, the converse is true in the fall: heart attacks and accidents plummet the Monday after daylight saving time ends.

In the fall, both men’s and women’s testosterone levels are at their peak. Scientists believe the increase is the consequence of old mating impulses (e.g., the fall “rutting season”) or that it is triggered by diminishing daylight.

According to scientists, men evolved to be sexually stimulated by food, making the harvest season in fall an excellent time to locate a partner and breed.

According to research, a combination of pumpkin pie and doughnuts enhanced penile flow by 20%. The use of a pumpkin pie-lavender mixture improved penile blood flow by 40%.

September is the most popular birth month of the year.

Will He Ever Love Her
Posted:Sep 14, 2021 6:21 pm
Last Updated:Sep 16, 2021 1:05 pm

She walked into the house. It was quiet except for the sound of running water. She dropped her purse and keys on the kitchen counter and started down the hall.

She didn’t even bother knocking, just turned the doorknob.

The door to the bathroom was slightly ajar and through it, she saw steam clinging to the mirror over the sink.

Noises coming from the shower: the continuous spray of water, the soft thud of a bar of soap being dropped and quiet cursing as he retrieved it each time.

He might be angry when he found her there but she didn’t give a damn. Heart racing, she sat on a corner of the bed. His bed.

For a second, she considered taking off her clothes and slipping between the sheets, to wait for him, so he could find her lying naked, ready to give herself to him. But she refrained as there was no telling how he’d react.

The water stopped suddenly and she could barely breathe, as she stared at the door. When he flung it open, she instantly regretted being there. With a towel slung around his waist, he stopped in the doorway. His wet jet-black hair was curling over his ears, his skin stretched tight over the smooth, sleek muscles of his hard abdomen.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he demanded, while she stared in amazement at his body.

“What’s it look like?” she fired back at him. “Waiting for you.”

“I thought we had an agreement. This room is off-limits”

Her heart was pounding in her chest and she felt she had to take this chance, to fight him, or risk losing him.

She walked towards him, staring confidently at him, “I have never had to pursue you. You were always the persistent one.”

“I don’t want to hear it.” He growled at her.

Angling her head upward, she defied him, her eyes daring him, her body only an arm’s length from his. Boldly she stepped up to him, so close she could smell the soap still clinging to his skin. My God, it was so intoxicating!

Closing her eyes, she touched his bare arm and felt encouraged since he didn’t draw away.

“Just hold me,” she whispered, leaning into him feeling his muscles flex as if he was fighting the impulses and urges she desired him to share.

“Oh, God.” His arms surrounded her, strong and comforting. “This is so wrong.”

“No.” She softly kissed his neck and he groaned. A tremor passed from his body to hers. He lowered his head with unerring precision, catching her lips with his, kissing her with an intensity that stole her breath.

Her arms wound around his neck and she kissed him with all the pent-up lust that had been gnawing at her for days.

“I don’t think….”

“No, don’t think. Just feel.” She caught his lips with hers and her mouth parted in an open invitation. His tongue slipped between her teeth and his hands moved slowly upward, brushing against her ribs through the silkiness of her blouse, the fabric rustling as he cupped her breasts.

Nipples erect, she rubbed against him, moaning as he kissed her eyes, her cheeks, knowing her blouse was being unbuttoned and tossed aside. Her breasts, encased in sheer lace, were suddenly free and he was touching them, tracing the sculpted edge of the lace with his rough fingers. Picking her up and holding her tight, his back braced against the wall as his tongue circled the delicate soft spot at the base of her throat.

“Oh, baby…..Baby, this feels so good. Just love me. That’s all I ask.” she pleaded.

With a groan, he tossed her onto his bed. The broodiness flickering in his eyes. “I can’t. Not yet. I don't know if I ever can.”

Disappointment and humiliation burned her to her soul.

“Are we on some kind of timetable that I don’t know about?’ she demanded, her voice shaking. ‘Damnit it! Don’t shut me out!”

But he had already turned away from her, ramming his arms through the sleeves of his shirt. The towel dropped. As she got a momentary glance of his bare butt, he stepped quickly into a pair of boxer briefs and yanked on his jeans.

“I told you this was wrong,” he yelled back at her as he stormed out of the room.

“Why can't you change?” she whimpered. With tears flowing, she reached for his towel and held it to her heart, uncertain what to do next.

Look Back, Look Ahead, Look Around
Posted:Sep 13, 2021 7:23 pm
Last Updated:Mar 1, 2022 6:33 am

I don't dwell on the past. However, I do evaluate what I have learned from each and every experience.

I look ahead with anticipation for myself and hope for others.

I look around and am always very aware of my surroundings. I am very comfortable offering help to others and have no difficulty speaking to strangers. However, I never assume what assistance they require.
Personality and Character
Posted:Sep 12, 2021 5:31 pm
Last Updated:Sep 13, 2021 10:00 pm

Personality is how you respond on a typical day.

Character is how you show up on your worst day.

It's easy to demonstrate fairness, integrity and generosity when things are going well.

The real question is whether you stand by those values when the deck is stacked against you.
~Adam Grant
Saturday Sentiments
Posted:Sep 11, 2021 2:29 pm
Last Updated:Dec 30, 2021 6:08 pm
Sometimes, words don't come easily so I look to other forms of inspiration such as those listed below.


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