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Lady’s Lair 📚 🖊
Thank you for stopping by.
This is a place where I share my thoughts, stories and interesting information.
Your comments about my posts are always welcomed.
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Who You Are
Posted:Mar 6, 2021 11:42 am
Last Updated:Mar 8, 2021 10:40 am

You are not your age,
Nor a photo on a page.

You are not a weight,
Nor whether you are gay or straight.

You are not the colour of your hair,
Nor the size of your derrière.

You are not your n.a.m.e
Nor whether we speak the s.a.m.e

You are all the books you read,
And all the steps that you have tread.

You are all the tears you have cried,
For those y.o.u know have died.

You are the smile that crosses your f.a.c.e. ,
When those you love, you can embrace.

You are all the things you believe,
And all that you did achieve.

You are made of so much more,
And feel deeply f.r.o.m y.o.u.r core.

Celebrate who y.o.u are a lot,
Stop defining yourself by the things you are not.

Gaslighting Is Real
Posted:Mar 5, 2021 12:53 pm
Last Updated:Mar 6, 2021 3:06 pm

Gaslighting has become a popular term more recently, with increased online usage. I knew I had heard it but really didn’t know what it meant so decided t.o research it’s origin and definition.

The word originated from a “1938” p.l.a.y by the British dramatist Patrick Hamilton which was subsequently made into a popular movie in “1944” Throughout the film, a husband pushes his wife t.o question her own sanity by making her think she’s having delusions, so he can commit her t.o a mental institution and steal her inheritance. He secretly dims and brightens the gaslights in the house and makes strange noises at night, and when she brings it up, he tells her it’s all in her head.

Intimate relationships are probably where gaslighting occurs most often, but it can also occur in other relationships, such as work environments and in family dynamics. Where gaslighting is successful, usually involves some sort of control or influence that the perpetrator has over the victim.

While gaslighting often targets individual victims, i.t can also be implemented on a much larger scale, as a method of political control. By pushing a narrative with such a strong sense of conviction, that people will believe it. It takes lying t.o a new level by completely redrawing reality, instead of just covering something up. They say it as if they believe it and in a way that everyone around them believes it

Similar t.o other forms of psychological abuse, those more susceptible t.o gaslighting are often those in vulnerable positions. The American Sociology Association states that gaslighting is rooted in social inequalities, such as race, gender and sexuality.

T.h.e.r.e are some signs that can indicate someone is being the victim of gaslighting in their relationship. If someone is always speaking in a self-deprecating way or putting themselves down, they could be echoing the words of their gaslighter. They may not even realize this until someone else points that they’re being overly critical of themselves. It can help t.o ask someone that is always harsh on themselves why they feel that way, t.o help them determine if those are really their thoughts or the thoughts of someone else.

Over time, gaslighting can seriously damage your sense of identity. Seek professional help when necessary.

The most important thing t.o remember is that you are not the issue. If you’re being gaslit, it’s not a reflection of you. It really is about the abuser and their need for power and control.

You Are Not Everyones Cup of Tea
Posted:Mar 4, 2021 12:15 pm
Last Updated:Mar 23, 2021 8:16 pm

The world is filled with people who, no matter what you do, no matter what you try, will simply not like you.

Don't waste your precious time trying t.o convince people who aren't your people that you have value. They won't get it. They never will.

You are not for them and they are not for you. You are not their cup of tea and they are not yours.

But the world is also filled with those who will adore everything about you. Those who love you: they are your people.

Not everyone will like you....but not everyone matters.

Be who you are. You are not every's cup of tea but you will be someone's glass of champagne

Choosing A Relationship
Posted:Mar 3, 2021 10:52 am
Last Updated:Mar 4, 2021 1:21 pm

He picked up her wine glass and filled it partway.

She accepted the glass from him, took a sip and then set it down. “We need t.o talk.”

“Really? About what?” he asked.

“About this,” she replied, pointing back and forth t.o each of them. She felt impatient with her own inability t.o express herself.

“What about it?” he cocked his head, his tone gentle, not challenging.

“Are we trying t.o have some kind of relationship?” She could barely catch her breath yet had t.o continue, “We aren’t young anymore. Life is complicated.”

“I hear you,” he commented as he sipped his wine. “We are adults. We have jobs, responsibilities and commitments.”

“What are you looking for? Is it just some kind of an affair?”

“No,” he answered quietly while setting down his wine glass. ”That is not what I want.”

“O.K. Then what do you want?”.

“Something real. Something serious. Something that lasts,” he responded very deliberately.

She sat still, barely able t.o breathe. She had been putting off having this conversation for a while. However, she knew she had needed t.o hear his answer, yet this was the one she feared the most.

“I have t.o be honest with you. I don’t have all the answers right now but I am trying t.o figure this out. I didn’t know I wanted anything like this. At least, not until I met you.” His dark eyes looked deep into hers. “If you really want t.o know what I want, it’s a chance with you.”

“What? Really? But……”, she stammered.

“What I know so far is that I really like you. I like how honest you are. I like how smart you are. I like how passionate you are about things other than yourself.”

He leaned over, staring at her through the candlelight, taking her soft hand in his. “I don’t expect this t.o be easy. But I think there is something unmistakable between us.”

She blinked in disbelief.

“Why not take a chance, on us?”

She knew then, this was exactly what she wanted and was willing t.o see where it would lead.

What I Miss The Most
Posted:Mar 2, 2021 12:42 pm
Last Updated:Mar 6, 2021 10:13 am

When asked what I miss the most right now, I don’t hesitate t.o say, more than anything, it’s human touch. I know I am not the 'only' one who is missing it.

The past year has been the first time I have been apart from other people for such a prolonged period of time. Yes, I encounter others when out and about for essential goods and services or walking but that’s not the same.

Previously, whenever I visited my best friends, hugs all around were a common greeting. It’s been almost a year since I have been able t.o do that.

Although it's not a new term “skin hunger” and “touch deprived” is being used to describe the effect lack of human contact many are experiencing.

According t.o experts, humans actually need human touch t.o survive. Think about it, from an early age, we crave physical contact from our parents or caretakers. In fact, physical touch is one of the first ways we learn t.o communicate our needs.

The power of touch is undeniable. Newborns that are given nurturing touch grow faster and have more improved mental and motor skill development. raised with more physical interaction tended t.o be less aggressive and violent. Partners who cuddle have been shown t.o have lower stress levels and blood pressure and improved immune function.

People who experience a lack of touch may start t.o exhibit some symptoms of depression. Feelings of hopelessness, stress, anger and low motivation are all common.

It’s important for people t.o find ways t.o connect to their more sensual side. Here are some suggestions:
>Try giving yourself a massage using your hands, lotions or massage oils.
>Try t.o focus on the sensation of being touched and the use of fabrics or pleasurable objects can heighten this experience.
>Try hugging a comfortable object like a pillow or even a stuffed animal. There’s a reason why often hug their stuffed toys; it feels good!
>Using weighted blankets, wrapping yourself tightly in a blanket or taking a bath can also provide some relief from touch deprivation.

Sometimes, the language of touch can fully express what we feel. I for one, can't wait to be able t.o do that again.

Words Are Unspoken
Posted:Mar 1, 2021 1:30 pm
Last Updated:Mar 2, 2021 8:41 am

Words are unspoken. Letting our bodies dictate our movements.
Slowly kissing...touching...licking...tasting.
Our eyes transfixed on each other, saying everything without uttering a word.
Bodies entwined, locked together in an erotic rhythm.
Thrusting, deeper, harder, faster.
Moaning softly.
Pulses racing....hearts beating out of control.
Exploding over and over again.
Gentle, soft touches as our bodies start t.o relax and we drift off .to sleep, contented and knowing we will start again when we awaken.
Time and Money
Posted:Feb 28, 2021 1:41 pm
Last Updated:Mar 6, 2021 5:20 pm

There are different ways you can interpret that saying, just as there are different ways t..o view time and m.o.n.e.y.

Time is limited. The most you can have is twenty-four hours in a . On the other hand, $ can be unlimited.

Time wasted can never be regained. On the other hand, $ wasted or spent can be earned again.

$ can be earned whereas time cannot be purchased. $ is a commodity for the rich and not for the poor. On the other hand, time is common for everybody.

When people back on their lives, they never wish they could have spent more time in the office. However, they can regret not having spent more time doing things that were important t.o them with those that were meaningful t.o them.

The most important part of this message, however, is that you can always know how much $ you have. However, you never know when your time will be up. So choose wisely.

Life Is Like A Camera
Posted:Feb 27, 2021 11:50 am
Last Updated:Apr 12, 2021 11:53 am

When I saw this quote, I realized ‘it’ was about positivity. We should concentrate on and remember the good things. Also, t.o learn from our mistakes and not dwell on them.

However, the last part of the quote is what had my mind spinning about taking another shot or having another shot at life.

Would I want that chance?

I have been asked that question and my honest answer is No.

Despite the challenges I have encountered through varying stages of my life, I know that each experience taught me something. All of them have contributed t.o the woman I am today: strong, confident, resilient and determined.
The Power of Rituals
Posted:Feb 26, 2021 1:15 pm
Last Updated:Mar 1, 2021 10:46 am

While we may not be aware of it, we all rely on rituals of varying kinds t.o help us cope.

Our lives are filled with rituals both major and . From sitting down t.o that first coffee of the morning or walking the after dinner, t.o throwing an anniversary celebration or attending a funeral, we use rituals in a variety of ways, and for good reason. There is a lot of research showing the power of ritual and how it supports mental health for individuals, families, and extended communities.

Daily rituals and routines help keep us grounded because when we’re doing them, we’re in the moment. Going through the motions of an act we’ve performed hundreds of times also offers a sense of familiarity. Ritual engages a different part of our brain, one that is more tied t.o habit, because what’s happening is so familiar.

In a time of chaos and disorder, rituals make the unfamiliar familiar. They create structure where there is none. This structure also gives others a framework for how t.o behave.

Collective rituals, such as weddings, funerals, and anniversary parties also say t.o others that we’re in it together. Taking part gives you a sense of meaning. Certainly, not all rituals are collective. There are personal ones too.

While rituals can have many positive effects there are also disorders in which ritual negatively impacts mental health. Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a well-known example.

In OCD, unwanted or disturbing thoughts, images, or urges invade a person’s mind and cause a great deal of anxiety and discomfort. Someone with OCD engages in repetitive behaviours or mental acts, compulsions in a ritualistic or specific way. It is how they cope. Unfortunately, it can overtake their life and they are unable to function without those repetitive behaviours.

Are you doing things simply out of habit? What happens if you don’t do them?

To Be Successful You Have To Try
Posted:Feb 25, 2021 1:38 pm
Last Updated:Feb 26, 2021 1:07 pm

What I like about this quote is that in order t.o achieve something you must believe in yourself.

Once you start, your intentions motivate you t.o take action and later on t.o keep pushing yourself t.o succeed. Your dream becomes less of a dream and turns more into reality.

Think about it. How would you accomplish something if you didn't at least try?

There really is no sure formula for success. It can be as unique as those attempting t.o be. There are lots of examples from business, entertainment, science, medicine and sports. Here are a few examples of those who were not successful at first but kept going:

Harland David Sanders:
Better known as Colonel Sanders of Kentucky Fried Chicken fame, Sanders had a hard time selling his chicken at first. In fact, his famous secret chicken recipe was rejected one thousand and times before a restaurant accepted it.

Thomas Edison
In his early , teachers told Edison he was “too t.o learn anything.” Work was no better, as he was fired from his first jobs for not being productive enough. Even as an inventor, Edison made one thousand unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. Of course, all those unsuccessful attempts finally resulted in the design that worked.

Fred Astaire
In his first screen test, the testing director of MGM noted that Astaire, “Can’t act. Can’t sing. Slightly bald. Can dance a little.” Astaire went on t.o become an incredibly successful actor, singer and dancer. He kept that note in his Beverly Hills home t.o remind him of where he came from.

Babe Ruth
You probably know Babe Ruth because of his home run record during his career, but along with all those home runs, for decades he held the record for strikeouts. When asked about this, he simply said, “Every strike brings me closer t.o the next home run.”

Is Your Brain Your Biggest Sex Organ
Posted:Feb 24, 2021 1:10 pm
Last Updated:Feb 25, 2021 5:49 pm

Often you hear, the brain is the biggest sex organ. Did you know it isn’t a muscle? It’s mostly fat, but mental exercise will help keep it in shape. So in that spirit, here are some brain teasers t.o give your problem-solving and reasoning skills a workout.

No cheating. No calculators. Just have fun. You will have to scroll down for the answers. Good Luck!

Counting Digits

How many times does the number five occur in the numbers from one t.o one hundred?

The Long and Short of It

Six neighbourhood : Lynn, Bobby, Delta, Charlotte, Walter, and Zenia had their height measured. Walter is taller than Delta but shorter than Zenia. Lynn is taller than Bobby but shorter than Delta and Walter. Bobby is not the shortest. List the in order of height from tallest to shortest.

Which Family Member Texted?

Sarah receives a text message from an unfamiliar number, so she texts back, “Who is this?”

She received this puzzling response: “It’s one of your female relatives. Your mother’s mother is my father’s mother-in-law.” Even assuming that this information is true, it doesn’t help Sarah pinpoint an individual, since there are two relationships it could describe. What are they?

Animal House

How many pets live in my house if all of them are snakes except two, all are hamsters except two, and all are rabbits except two?

Word Mystery

Lois and Helen, are two widowed sisters, living together out in the country. Their habits never changed: up at dawn, breakfast, some housework and gardening until lunch. In the afternoon, Helen napped while Lois watched her shows and Helen never watched TV. Then Helen would clean the vegetables for dinner and Lois would cook. In the evening, they’d read before bed. One night before they turned in, a storm knocked out the power. Everything was pitch-black, and Lois began to panic. “What should we do?” she cried. Helen just smiled and kept reading. Why did Helen stay calm while her sister did not?

He likes steak. She likes Fish

Sam enjoys steak so much that the probability that he’ll have it for dinner on any given evening is one in three. The favourite dish of his wife, Mary, is fresh fish. The probability that she’ll have it for dinner on any given evening is one in two. Because Sam and Mary always dine together, they’ll never have steak and fish on the same night. On average, how many times in a thirty-day month will they be having either steak or fish?

Twenty times. The digit five appears ten times as the last digit and ten times as the first digit

The correct order by height is Zenia, Walter, Delta, Lynn, Bobby, Charlotte.

The relative could be either a sister or a first cousin.

There is one of each, for a total of three.

Helen can't see, she is blind.

There are twenty-five nights when they will be eating either steak or fish.
Doing This Does Not Make You Shine Brighter
Posted:Feb 23, 2021 12:22 pm
Last Updated:Feb 25, 2021 7:04 pm

The world is full of so much anger and negativity. Yes, it has always been around but lately, it seems worse than ever.

Look around you and it is everywhere.

I have heard and seen comments on pretty much everything: the way people look, on the way people write, on their photography, on what food they eat, on what they wear. It’s an infinite list.

Calling someone fat won’t make you any thinner.
Calling someone dumb doesn’t make you any smarter.
Calling someone ugly doesn’t make you any more beautiful/handsome.
Ruining someone else’s day won’t make yours any better.

While it is difficult, remember that negative comments say more about the person making them, than the person they are intended for.

The fact is that you do not make yourself better hurting someone else’s feelings.

Use your words and actions t.o be kind and lift someone up. You and everyone else will be better off for it.

It Is The Little Things That Matter Most
Posted:Feb 22, 2021 11:33 am
Last Updated:Sep 23, 2021 1:57 pm

Here are some of the little things that I think matter most:
* Saying Thank You.

* Apologizing when you know you are wrong.

* Showing up on time.

* Letting the person who seems rushed, cut in front of you.

* Listening without interrupting.

* Learning and using people's names.

* Treating everyone with politeness, even those who are rude t.o you; not
because they are nice, but because you are.

* Tipping generously.

* Knowing your limit and staying within it.

* Giving freely. Go through your things and give freely t.o those in need.

* Being empathetic but don't presume you know..

* Giving someone a sincere compliment.

* Holding doors open for others.

* Smiling at others for no apparent reason.

* Sharing your knowledge / expertise.

* Avoiding gossip. Do not initiate or add to it.

* Reaching out t.o a person who has made a difference in your life.

* Being open t.o other people and their points of view.

* Being kind t.o yourself. Make peace with your past mistakes.

* Being a mentor.

* Volunteering.

* Following your dreams and encouraging others t.o follow theirs


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