Smiling through the sex
This is my life!
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Unrealistic expectations
Posted:Oct 3, 2019 3:31 pm
Last Updated:Oct 24, 2019 3:48 pm

So I know why I have such a hard time with relationships. It’s the unrealistic ideal movies and books give us. How many movies do we watch and enjoy have an bad ending? (other than horror movies) I was watching fifty shades today. A mousey girl gets the hot rich handsome man by being nerdy. Really? like that actually happens??? Got me thinking about all my favorites. Sixteen Candles...nerdy girl gets the handsome rich dude. Pretty messed up girl gets the rich handsome guy. See a pattern there? It’s depressing, this stuff never happens IRL. Maybe I just watch the wrong movies? Maybe I just need to watch horror movies. Anyone can die in those. Would fit my mood.

New goals
Posted:Sep 29, 2019 12:52 pm
Last Updated:Sep 30, 2019 1:49 pm
Ok nothing new on the love end. But I’ve been talking a few guys that are helping me learn about men. I thought i knew what man want but I guess I was delusional. Men don’t want the same thing women do, not by a long shot. BUT maybe it’s older men? We all get a little jaded after being in a failed relationship. We aren’t the same people we were when we were young and carefree. With so much baggage on both sides how is even possible be in a committed relationship? And being at the same point in our lives! Sheesh. Good luck on that!!

But I want sex. I want someone caress me and tweak my nipples. Use ice cubes make them more sensitive and a warm breath on them....oh the feelings. I wanna suck deep and hard on a love stic Cup the balls and squeeze gently. Lick up his stomach and suck on his nec And ohhhh a nice wet kiss. Tasting myself on his lips. Feeling the first plunge of his penis into me. That is the best feeling. His balls slapping on my ass. Turning over and having him balls deep and reaching down and rubbing sensitive parts. Even the cuddle after feels so good, waking up in the morning after a long night of sex and wanting more. The slide in as I lay on my side ...barely awake. His sucking on my neck giving me love bites.

God I miss it. But I also want more. The feeling of walking next to your love. Him holding your hand because he wants to touch you. The bend down and kiss just because he cares. The gentle caress of a lover when you don’t care if anyone sees.

I’ve had it and totally miss it. Is it even real anymore?

Cold dead heart
Posted:Sep 21, 2019 4:27 am
Last Updated:Oct 24, 2019 5:19 pm

I’ve been accused in the past of having a cold dead heart by an ex. And to an extent I think it was frozen. But I know now it wasn’t dead....just hibernating. This last guy woke it up and now it hurts. Oh I will get over it. And be stronger for it. I’ve got some great friends are there for me. They plan on keeping me busy. They do say best way to get over someone is to get under someone else lol.

You know they say people don’t change but I changed. In my youth I was a one man woman. Never cheated always with one guy and never looked (ok I looked) but never thought about cheating. When all the crap happened I changed into a one night stand, just for sex kind of person. Used men and threw them away. Had a fwb but wasn’t faithful. needs to be with a fwb? But now I am changing back. I want one man wants me as much as I want him. I’ve got men want me in my town but I don’t want them.

I used to think it was because I was heartless. Just a “cold hearted bitch” I think it may have been a defense mechanism? To not get hurt again? I opened my heart and it’s hurt again. It’s better that I know now what kind of guy he is. Now it’s just a small crack in my heart but it will heal. I’ve been cold for so long my friends laugh at me because it’s a side of me they didn’t

Well, off to the casino today! Wish me luck. Tonight a big concert in town that I plan on flirting with a few guys, may drink a little...ok maybe more?

Posted:Sep 7, 2019 10:52 am
Last Updated:Sep 8, 2019 3:13 am
Damn I have no patience or willpower. Talking him again. Just talking and he alludes his feelings but puts off every time. Either ignores certain questions or says he will talk about it later. When is later? Is he playing games with me? He isn’t winning anything, we aren’t having sex. messages and that is it. I tend be the asking for time. What kind of guy doesn’t want sex like I do? I know not all men want it as much as me but once a month? And he is younger than me !

I want just give up on him and move on. I have a few guys I’ve been talking a few guys that seem be looking for what I am. Even for this site! I am a very sexual being. I love it and totally miss it. Why can’t I let him go? Am I a glutton for punishment? Am I holding hope when there is none? I want answers but I need figure it for myself.

I didn’t end up staying for dancing classes. Got there and there were a ton of women packed in and no men. I just left. Gotta find another way to get I guess. I will be searching for new stuff do. I will be busy for the next week or so. I’ve got a big painting job do. Will take a while, I’ve got a helper help with the fill ins but I’ve gotta get the design done first. So if I get thru this weekend I won’t have time stress over him. I’ve gotta give myself a time limit on how long I try. I’m thinking this weekend. With a week after “get over him” and get back into following thru on some dates.

Gotta kiss a few frogs til I find prince?

Looking again
Posted:Sep 2, 2019 3:50 am
Last Updated:Oct 25, 2019 1:22 pm
So, i am back at it. Yup, can hear some people thinking “I could’ve told you so”. I had to try. With this throw away society I don’t want to be the one who just gave up too easily. Saw the warning signs and tried to excuse them away. But gave him his walking papers. Now to just keeping busy so I don’t cave in and let him talk me into anything again.

One thing I wonder in this small town is where to meet men? I’ve tried the mutual friend route and had no luck. Actually went to a friends sons football game...thinking maybe single dad? Been trying to make eye with guys around. Showing a little interest. Walking up and making small talk is not my style. Doesn’t really work but I am too insecure to make the first move. I do have plans to join a line dancing class this week. Wish me luck. I know now that I want more than a one night fling. They have their uses but I want more now.


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