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 Welcome to Sexy TIMES!This blog will report various, often random and sometimes dubious thoughts, quirks, observations, trivia, tales, questions, dreams, rants, opinions, truths, musings, stories, lies, hopes, moans, fantasies, etc in the hope of tempting you to get involved. Our mission is to put the facts in the public domain! Please feel free to write a letter to the editor at LETTERS TO THE EDITOR. Back issues of Sexy TIMES are available at INDEX OF BACK ISSUESSexy TIMES editor: spunkycumfun, Esq. Sexy TIMES proprietor: Rupert Murdoch Sexy TIMES executive designer: [blog cherimore] The editor and, of course, the proprietor take no responsibility for accuracy of the content, nor any responsibility for the propriety of how the content was gathered. Otherwise, Sexy TIMES subscribes to the highest ethical standards of journalism. |
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JUST PULLING YOUR LEGS
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Veröffentlicht:14. Juli 2021, 10:54 Uhr
Zuletzt aktualisiert:11. September 2021, 5:35 Uhr 40083 Aufrufe
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Above is me stretching my legs during an early morning ballet workout.
I want to thank everyone who mailed me recently checking to see how I was after twisting my ankle in a ballet routine; I can say to everyone that it’s heeling well.
Last week I took my legs on a long-haul flight to Japan but they suffered greatly from jet leg when I landed in Tokyo.
To compound matters, I fractured my right leg while on the flight; it turned out to be an airline fracture.
While in Japan, I joined a group of archaeologists gathered to find the leg bone of an ancient human. It was a real shindig.
On the dig, the lead archaeologist told me that he can’t bend down easily because of a knee problem that I also suffer from; it’s a joint issue.
When out in Tokyo, I visited a geisha bar - well, someone has to go! At the bar a man offered to sell me eight legs of venison. I asked him how much. He answered, “50,000 yen.” I said to him, “That’s too deer.”
Also at the bar, a blind geisha offered me some personal services. I said to her that I’d like a hand-job. She ushered me into a back room and, after undressing me, she said that “it’s the biggest cock I've ever held in my hand.” I replied, “No love, you’re pulling my leg.”
Since flying back from Japan, my left leg keeps making a mooing noise. I think I may have a calf problem.
The problem got so bad that I was rushed yesterday into hospital to have surgery. After the operation, and on coming round from the anaesthetic, I screamed to the doctor, “I can’t feel my legs.” The doctor replied, “I know. I amputated your arms.”
I like my legs; in fact, I’m quite attached to them.
Without my legs my cock would get very sore from being dragged around!
Do you like your leg pulled?
Do you like your legs?
Below are the legs I like the most.
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IT'S SQUEAKY BUM TIME
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Veröffentlicht:10. Juli 2021, 13:34 Uhr
Zuletzt aktualisiert:11. September 2021, 5:35 Uhr 36199 Aufrufe
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It’s squeaky bum time here in England (and Italy). England are about to play Italy in the final of the 2020 UEFA European Football Championship; the tournament was postponed from last year due to the covid pandemic.
I love tournament football - solid football for a good month! The Euros are almost as good as the World Cup, because all the top teams, except for Brazil, Argentina and Uruguay, contest the tournament.
Squeaky bum time occurs at the endgame of a tense sporting contest; it involves sitting nervously on the edge of your seat knowing that victory or defeat for your team is imminent. The term ‘squeaky bum time’ is attributed to Alex Ferguson, the highly successful manager of Manchester United.
England, while drawing with Scotland, have beaten Croatia, Czech Republic, Germany, Ukraine and Denmark to get to the final. And, slightly more impressively, Italy have beaten Turkey, Switzerland, Wales, Austria, Belgium and Spain (on penalties) to get to the final.
England have only ever appeared in one final of a major tournament and that was way back in 1966; in case anyone has forgotten, England lifted the World Cup that year. Italy have lifted the World Cup four times and have won the Euros once in 1968.
Despite being the so-called home of football and having the richest football league in the world, England have not done well at major tournaments, particularly when compared to Germany, Italy, France, Spain and Netherlands. Even Czechoslovakia, Soviet Union, Denmark, Greece and Portugal have a better record at the Euros than England.
So tomorrow (Sunday), for England fans especially, is major squeaky bum time; will England finally do it?
When was the last time you experienced squeaky bum time?
Do you say football or soccer?
Do you like football (or soccer) and if so, what’s your football team?
My football team is Leeds United, though I do support Shrewsbury Town as my local team when I was a kid and Montrose as my adopted Scottish team. Also Montrose were my favourite Subbuteo team. Subbuteo is a table-top football game, where you flick miniature plastic footballers to a football into a net.
Damn! Subbuteo is a Latin term which is clearly a sign that the Italy are going to beat England. This is seriously squeaky bum time, and I cannot even find any male squeaky bums to illustrate this post!
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WE’RE ALL (NOT) GOIN’ ON A SUMMER HOLIDAY
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Veröffentlicht:7. Juli 2021, 8:35 Uhr
Zuletzt aktualisiert:11. September 2021, 5:34 Uhr 35224 Aufrufe
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”We’re all goin’ on a summer holiday” is the opening line of Cliff Richard’s hit song, Summer Holiday. The problem is that I’m not going on a summer holiday mainly because of the ongoing covid pandemic!
Last year my wife and I hoping to go a delayed honeymoon to Tanzania in Africa, with a week on safari in the Serengeti National Park and another week taking it easy in Zanzibar, an island off mainland Tanzania and the birthplace of Freddie Mercury.
But because of coronavirus we decided to take short break in Skegness on the Lincolnshire coast, colloquially known as Skeggie, the nearest seaside resort to where we live in Nottingham, and to go honeymoon this summer. But again because of coronavirus, that isn’t going to happen.
Because prices for UK-based holidays have skyrocketed, and often booked up well in advance, and because of the complexities of holidaying abroad, often involving quarantining here and abroad, we’re not going on a summer holiday this year. We’ll be listening to a lot of Cliff Richard instead!
Above and below is where we went on holiday last summer and where we wanted to go on holiday last summer and this summer. I hope you can spot the difference between Skeggie’s Pleasure Beach and a Zanzibar beach and between Skeggie’s and the Serengeti’s animals! Maybe next year!
Have you been on or are you planning a summer holiday this year?
If so, where did you or where are you planning to go?
Do you say holiday or vacation?
It’s holiday not vacation, otherwise Madonna’s Holiday hit song wouldn’t sound right. Just imagine Madonna singing the opening lines, “Vacation, Celebrate, Vacation, Celebrate, If we took a vacation, Took some time to celebrate”; it just wouldn’t have charted!
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HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY
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Veröffentlicht:4. Juli 2021, 14:20 Uhr
Zuletzt aktualisiert:11. September 2021, 5:33 Uhr 37848 Aufrufe
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A very Happy Fourth of July to my American friends, well I do hopefully have a few!
I’ve been to America a few times and I love the country. New York is the best city I’ve ever visited. I don’t always like the American government, just like I don’t always like the British government, but I like America. I could live there!
The words that immediately come to my head about America are many, but if limited to five words, they would be big, tipping, capitalism, franchising, and cheerfulness.
What words would you use to describe America?
Big; America is big. I’ve only visited the East Coast - New York, Philadelphia and Washington DC. I’d love to visit San Francisco, New Orleans, Chicago, Portland and, only because Prefab Sprout wrote a song about it, Albuquerque. Everything is big in America, from skyscrapers to food portions. There’s no point having starters before the main meal because starters are the main meal!
Tipping; it’s obligatory, non-negotiable and it’s 15 per cent. On my first day in New York, not knowing that waiters, waitresses, etc rely on tips for a basic living wage, I was lectured by a barman after paying for my drinks without a tip. I learnt my lesson pretty quick!
Capitalism; it’s the country that has prospered most with a capitalist economy without much of a welfare state. This has long been the battle between American and European models of how to run things, but maybe China will trump us both with an authoritarian, capitalist solution!
Franchising; the main American sports run on a franchise model - someone owns the club and buys the right to compete in a league without relegation. American sports are run on more socialist lines than in Europe where the risk of relegation (and not earning money) is keenly felt. And America has the draft where the weaker teams have the right to recruit the best new players - this is socialism!
Cheerfulness; I’m generalising here but I find Americans to be the most cheerful people in the world, perhaps due to its constitutional “pursuit of happiness”. Europeans often chide Americans for their lack of appreciation of irony, but maybe their apparent lack of irony is the biggest irony!
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CONDOM OLYMPICS
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Veröffentlicht:30. Juni 2021, 12:45 Uhr
Zuletzt aktualisiert:9. Juli 2021, 4:00 Uhr 37903 Aufrufe
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Sagami Rubber Industries, a leading Japanese condom maker, has developed the world’s thinnest condom and intends to use the upcoming Tokyo Olympics to showcase its ultra-thin 0.01mm condom. The condom, according to the company, "can withstand 100,000 thrusts" - that’s one marathon shag!
Condoms have often been given out free to Olympian athletes as a way of promoting safe sex. In 1988, 8,500 condoms were given to athletes at the Seoul Olympics. In 2016, 450,000 condoms, including 100,000 female condoms, were given to athletes at the Rio de Janeiro Olympics - that’s 42 condoms per athlete! Also at Rio, 175,000 packs of lubricant were given out to athletes.
In justifying the 150,000 condoms given out to athletes at the London Olympics in 2012, Tessa Jowell, the minister responsible for the games, said: "All these athletes with beautiful bodies all together, once their races are over, will end up having lots of sex." She forgot to add that in the London Olympics of 1948 men in Britain’s Olympic team were each given a pair of white Y-front underpants!
Back to the Tokyo Olympics, given the ongoing coronavirus pandemic, free condoms will be only given to athletes at the end of the games to discourage intimate encounters and encourage social distancing during the games.
Do you always have condoms at hand just in case?
Do you have a favourite type or brand of condom?
Do you think the Tokyo Olympics should go ahead?
I always have condoms at hand, though they’re probably past by their use-by date now - I must do a check.
I like the sound of Lucky Dip condoms that I once found in the bottom drawer in my parents’ bedroom. My favourite condoms are Durex Pleasure Me condoms; they are ribbed and dotted designed "to speed her up"!
Sagami ultra-thin condoms:
Lucky Dip condoms:
Durex Pleasure Me condom:
Me speeding my partner up:
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THE LYCRA BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
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Veröffentlicht:26. Juni 2021, 7:30 Uhr
Zuletzt aktualisiert:28. Juni 2022, 9:33 Uhr 40625 Aufrufe
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The Tour de France starts today. I’m watching it as I write; a stupid spectator has just caused a mass crash! It is the 108th edition; it starts in Brest and ends on the iconic Champs-Élysées in Paris on 18 July. The Tour covers over 3,500 kilometres, about 2,200 miles, over 21 day-long stages - there are just two rest days. It is one of the most physically demanding sporting races in the world.
There are 23 teams, with eight riders in each team, entering the Tour. The winner of the Tour de France is the rider who reaches Paris in the least time; he will wear the coveted yellow jersey, le maillot jeune.
My predicted top three riders, in order of finish, are Jumbo-Visma’s Primož Roglič, UAE Team Emirates’ Tadej Pogačar, and Deceuninck-Quick-Step’s Julian Alaphilippe. Primož Roglič and Tadej Pogačar are from Slovenia - what do the Slovenes eat for breakfast? Julian Alaphilippe is from France; the French will go mad if he wins as no French rider has won the Tour de France since Bernard Hinault way back in 1986!
I love the Tour de France. I love the riders dressed in lycra, plus socks; I love the spectacular views of France, especially the sunflower fields; I love the crazy fans screaming at and running with the riders; I love the crashes, provided no one is seriously hurt; and I love the bunch sprints as the riders strain to the finishing line.
Do you enjoy watching the Tour de France?
When’s the last time you rode a bike?
Do you like men in lycra?
The last time I rode a bike was over ten years ago. I couldn’t wear lycra because my bulge is too big!
For other Tour de France blog posts, see BICYCLE RACE, LE TOUR DE FARCE, THE PELOTON AND A WHEELSUCKER, A DOMESTIC GODDESS AND A DOMESTIQUE, WATCH ME NAKED ON THE TOUR, BACK FROM LYON, LE MAILLOT JAUNE, SOME COLOMBIAN, AN INCIDENT AT THE SWIMMING POOL, MEN CAN MULTITASK, THE CURSE OF YELLOW, A COCK WAS SHOWING AND THE ALPS ARE COMING, EL DIABLO39S NAKED GRAND TOUR, LE TOUR DE FRANCE, BRITS WEARING SUNGLASSES INVADE FRANCE, LE TOUR EST FINI, LE TOUR DE LYCRA FROM DSSELDORF TO PARIS, NO SUMMER FUN IN FRANCE, NEARLY EVERYTHING YOU WANT OR AT LEAST NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LE TOUR DE FRANCE and THEY THINK IT39S ALL OVER, IT IS NOW.
Primož Roglič:
Tadej Pogačar:
Julian Alaphilippe:
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THE FIRST, THE LAST AND THE BEST
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Veröffentlicht:23. Juni 2021, 8:53 Uhr
Zuletzt aktualisiert:9. Juli 2021, 3:58 Uhr 40137 Aufrufe
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Above is the half-nekkid, feminist punk band, The Slits. Inside is a half-nekkid me playing the guitar!
The first record I bought was Alice Cooper’s School’s Out, still a classic. On the same day my younger brother bought Sweet’s Little Willy. Despite being younger than me, he was taller than me but at least I had the bigger willy!
The last record I bought was Master KG’s Jerusalema; it’s very catchy. It went viral with many clips of people, especially African kids, dancing to the song.
The best record I bought was Primal Scream’s Screamadelica. I love having sex to this album and, for that reason alone, it beats Joy Division’s Unknown Pleasures and Alabama 3’s La Peste to the top of my list.
What was the first, last and best record you bought?
What was the first, last and best gig you attended?
The first live gig I attended was Roxy Music. I was thirteen years old and it was the first, and probably last, time my boarding school allowed its pupils to attend a gig. The last gig I went to was Kennedy Caitlin, a Dolly Parton tribute act; well, I had to go because she sang at my wedding!
The best gig I attended was Joy Division. They were supporting the Buzzcocks; they blew them away and they blew me away. Ian Curtis, Joy Division’s lead singer, so didn’t want to go to America on tour that he killed himself. It was a bit more complicated than that - it involved two women - but that’s the story I like to tell!
Alice Cooper’s School’s Out
Master KG’s Jerusalema
Primal Scream’s Screamadelica
Roxy Music
Kennedy Caitlin
Joy Division
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WHAT DO POINTS MAKE?
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Veröffentlicht:21. Juni 2021, 11:35 Uhr
Zuletzt aktualisiert:21. August 2021, 4:28 Uhr 46223 Aufrufe
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In the television show, Play Your Cards Right, its presenter Bruce Forsyth would ask the audience, "What do points make?" The audience would always shout back, "Prizes!"
Well, I have earned 65,006 points while being on this site. I’m not sure how I got them. And I’m not sure what I can do with these points but I’m sure, knowing TSdates.com, they don’t make prizes.
What can you do with points?
What do you do with your points?
I’ve noticed that a few bloggers do points giveaways. Perhaps I should give away my points for prizes because points always mean prizes to me!
In my teenage angst-ridden years I started to write a book grandly titled The Point. But I gave up after the first page as there seemed to be no point to life.
What is the point to life?
In The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams says 42!
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KINKS
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Veröffentlicht:16. Juni 2021, 10:32 Uhr
Zuletzt aktualisiert:9. Juli 2021, 3:57 Uhr 40399 Aufrufe
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The Kinks were a quintessentially English band formed by two brothers, Ray Davies and Dave Davies. They had many hits, such as You Really Got Me, Waterloo Sunset and Lola, from the 1960s to the 1980s.
The Kinks were one of the first British bands to make it in America but, because of the constant fights between the Davies bothers, they were banned from touring there. Their songs have been widely covered by many other bands such as The Fall, The Jam, The Knack, The Pretenders and Van Halen.
Do you like The Kinks?
Though I like The Kinks musically, I much prefer the kinks sexually. Kinky sex refers to unusual, unconventional sex. Clearly the term is very subjective - my kink will be someone else’s vanilla; the term means different things over time - my present kinks now are much different to my past kinks; and the term is very contextual - different sexual partners often involve different kinks.
What are your kinks?
What’s the kinkiest thing that you’ve done?
Over time my kinks have included alfresco sex, anal sex, fetish-wear, sex games, mirrors, bondage, spanking, pegging, stranger sex, swinging, group sex, sloppy seconds, rimming, ball weights, water sports and scat. Basically I’ll try anything that’s consensual at least once provided it doesn’t involve kids, beasts or corpses - the latter is just dead boring!
My favourite kink is almost certainly a sex party. See inside for the one kink I’m desperate to try!
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LEOPARD PRINT REALLY DOES IT FOR ME!
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Veröffentlicht:12. Juni 2021, 11:18 Uhr
Zuletzt aktualisiert:9. Juli 2021, 3:57 Uhr 38784 Aufrufe
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CELEBRITY ONE
Leopard print has an enduring legacy. While many fashions come and go, leopard print has remained popular over the decades. Often if I’m sitting at a pavement table outside a bar, I play a game with friends see can spot the most people wearing something leopard print. The city of Leeds in the north of England seems have the most people, mainly women, adorning leopard print.
Some people think that leopard print is loud, brash, tacky, trashy and even vulgar. I think that’s why I love leopard print. Leopard print gets you noticed. 's sexy, especially when worn with denim.
But when I last wore leopard print - a very tight-fitting pair of briefs, my girlfriend at the time observed that I was no Tarzan! Inside is a photo of me wearing leopard print briefs, or at least what I thought I looked like!
Do you like leopard print attire?
Do you wear or have you worn leopard print clothing?
Can you the famous person wearing leopard print shoes above and the nine famous people wearing leopard print below?
A top prize will be given to the person can identify the most celebrities decked out in leopard print.
CELEBRITY TWO
CELEBRITY THREE
CELEBRITY FOUR
CELEBRITY FIVE
CELEBRITY SIX
CELEBRITY SEVEN
CELEBRITY EIGHT
CELEBRITY NINE
CELEBRITY TEN
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A FEW YEARS LATER ...
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Veröffentlicht:4. Juni 2021, 13:46 Uhr
Zuletzt aktualisiert:9. Juli 2021, 3:56 Uhr 40338 Aufrufe
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Since my last blog post well over three years ago, a lot has happened.
On the downside (at least for me), Britain has left the European Union, the Tories are still in power and more tragically, coronavirus has done and is doing its worst across the world.
On the upside (again for me), Trump is no longer in power, the US has re-joined the climate change talks and more importantly, my beloved football team Leeds United are back and doing well in England’s top league.
I’ve now retired from the world of work. Oh I nearly forgot, I’m also a married man - below are some photos where I got married. And, yes, my wife knows I’m on this site! I’m poor now after retiring from work and paying for the wedding!
What’s changed the last few years?
How have you been over the last few years?
What have I missed in blogland?
I hope everyone is okay. I have missed you all. I just needed a break from the routines of blogging.
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GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
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Veröffentlicht:31. Dezember 2017, 9:58 Uhr
Zuletzt aktualisiert:14. Juni 2021, 3:16 Uhr 175842 Aufrufe
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This post is my very belated contribution to the 37th virtual symposium on 'Santa’s List : Naughty or Nice'. Please visit the Virtual Symposium Group’s #37 December Topic quot; Santa's List: Naught or Nice " LINK Here to read other contributions to the virtual symposium.
My past Christmas was both very nice and quite naughty. It was great not to work but that didn’t stop me thinking about work!
Christmas Day was spent with my girlfriend and her family, opening lots of presents, eating lots, dancing lots to disco music and drinking lots of wine. I got too drunk to fuck but at least I managed to last the day unlike last year where I crashed out in the early evening.
Santa bought me lots of much-needed or at least much-wanted presents, including many bottles of fine wine, baklava sweets, chocolates, an electric shaver, a Nottingham Panthers notebook, a diary, two torches, a jacket, several shirts and the obligatory socks and pants.
It always pays to issue a present list before the big day to ensure you get wanted presents. The only present I didn’t like was some spiced cigarettes which came from someone not in receipt of my list! These cigarettes have since been recycled to another unsuspecting smoker!
How was your Xmas?
Over the last few weeks I took a break from blogland. I was getting a little jaded with my blog routines but I’m now refreshed after my blogging funk. The ghost is back despite the ocean of yellow waiting to be navigated!
Have I missed anything exciting in blogland?
As you can see, Santa misread my Xmas present list as his Xmas present lust!
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I'M ALWAYS THANKFUL FOR CHRISTMAS
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Veröffentlicht:14. November 2017, 10:45 Uhr
Zuletzt aktualisiert:14. Juni 2021, 3:16 Uhr 202973 Aufrufe
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This post is my contribution to the 36th virtual symposium on 'What Are We Thankful For'. Please visit the Virtual Symposium Group’s #36 November Topic Link to read other contributions to the virtual symposium.
Christmas seems to be starting very early this year. Since early November shops are full of Christmas decorations and Christmas wares and television is full of Christmas adverts and Christmas films.
I’m not complaining about Christmas starting earlier because I love Christmas despite not being Christian. I love being off work for a good week; I love watching trashy movies; I love giving and receiving presents; I love eating a roast turkey dinner; and I love drinking lots of Champagne on Christmas day.
As Christmas has started early it’s only proper for me to issue my Christmas present list earlier than usual.
On my Christmas present list this year are a big roast turkey dinner, Marlboro Gold cigarettes, lots of fine wine, a watch, a suitcase, a parmesan cheese grater, a spitroast (I’m happy to go ether end!), a double penetration (as one of the two penetrators not the penetrated), and a Christmas sex party!
What Christmas present are you planning to get me this year?
What will be on your Christmas present list this year?
I still haven’t been around blogland much of late; work has been very busy and my head was in a bit of a funk! I’ll get round to my watched blogs over the next few days. I promise I will otherwise Santa Claus won’t pay me a visit this year!
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Um diesen Blog zu verknüpfen (spunkycumfun), verwende [blog spunkycumfun] in deinen Nachrichten.
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