The Dossier of Agent J
These are the not-so secret files of Agent J.
He is a terrible super spy, but he's a really good guy! So stop by and read these musings he posts. They are hilarious!
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Leave me a private message...
Posted:Feb 2, 2009 12:34 pm
Last Updated:May 15, 2019 7:52 pm

For those wanting to talk to me...

I am inviting anyone who wants to stay in contact with me to leave your private messages here. Just post them here. I will not post them or approve them so that you will not have to worry about others seeing them but you can leave your info or private messages here.


Agent J
0 Comments , 3 Pending
Another weekend alone...
Posted:May 18, 2019 7:04 pm
Last Updated:May 18, 2019 7:06 pm

Saw my kids yesterday and it allowed me to recharge my batteries yesterday. Had a long talk with my daughter about her being dumped and told her that she wasn't the only one that was dumped recently as I told her about my lunch date that failed. I think it made her feel better knowing that being dumped can happen to anyone. It's not fun, but you move on and overcome it and find someone that's better for you.

I woke this morning, still tired, but I knew I had stuff to do. I got up, ate, showered and shaved, did a ton of laundry for my folks, mowed the front and back yard, and ran out just in time to go grocery shopping and stop and get some hot dogs at a local joint near my house, and rolled in just in time before a storm hit. It wasn't too bad, but after that, I took a small nap, and then continued with the house cleaning.

I just deleted two paragraphs you will never see because there are some things even I want to keep secret.

It's a Saturday night and I am here alone in my room by myself again. I've masturbated 2 times today, and it doesn't help the feeling of me being alone. You know, I would rather trade in sex with one of the hottest women with her being subservient to my every whim just so I could hold someone and have them love me. I hate being alone. Hate it. Ever here the phrase "shit or get off the pot"? This is one of those moments.

I'm near 50. I'm lucky if I can stay up past 11 as I get tired. I feel old. Unloved. Alone. I want to fall asleep in bed with a woman that loves me. I want that feeling of spooning her, naked in bed just the two of us, and being totally relaxed. I can barely remember that feeling. That feeling of being safe with her next to me.

Instead, it's another Saturday night. By myself.

I'm just tired. Tired of having to deal with my mom sick. Tired of being alone. Tired of work, of bills, of my ex-wife, of not being able to get the things I want in life.

I'm just sick and tired. And tired always follows sick. Sorry, bad Bill Cosby joke there.

Last week I bought a 12 pack of condoms thinking on the off chance I was going to use them. They are still sitting on my desk in the back, unopened. You know why I bought them? Because the other pack of condoms I bought back in 2014 were past the expiration date so I tossed those unopened box of condoms to get the new ones. Why? I don't know. I probably won't use the new one's I just got either.

I'm sorry. Maybe I need to go to bed early and get some rest and hope tomorrow will be better. I'm sorry for dumping on you guys. I normally try to stay positive for my blog readers to help them out. But tonight...I need a lot of things...sleep, hope, hugs (real actual hugs), a shoulder to cry and vent on. Instead, I think I might be going to bed early.
Today I was struggling to come up with a blog topic today...
Posted:May 17, 2019 11:40 am
Last Updated:May 18, 2019 1:56 pm
781 Views today we're just posting random shit and see where it sticks. Watch out for the flying poop!


Yesterday I was out of sorts when I posted my last blog. I have to admit, I was frustrated with the people here who tried to contact me, yet I don't believe a single one of them has any serious intentions of actually wanting to get together. If they did, they would have contacted me the same day or at least the next day. So today...I messaged every one of them and told them if you were serious about meeting, you would have made the effort to contact me, but you didn't so, bugger off.
One of them messaged me back and said "I'm a busy mom with 2 kids and I was sick this week, I don't always have time to meet with strangers. Bye."

Then why did you contact me in the first place? Eh, I guess I Matrix-ed that bullet. Sorry...I'm a bit salty today.


I guess the reason I'm a bit salty is because yesterday was a bad day for me. My mom was having a terrible day yesterday with her chemo and it was so bad, I had to escort her up the stairs and put her into bed early. I felt weird because here I am, a grown man now, putting my own mother into bed. She used to do that for me when I was a child. Now I'm putting her to bed.
Add to it that my daughter called me and told me that her boyfriend broke up with her yesterday, a week before the Junior prom. What's worse, he texted broke up with her. He didn't even have the balls to do it in person. So my daughter was a wreck all day. To add to it, the dumb ass kid kept texting her to tell her how she was the problem because she's "too independent, doesn't cater to his needs because he likes his women dumb and needy, and she's too outgoing." WHAT THE FUCK??? I had to tell her she's better off and the guy complimented you because she's intelligent, smart, independent, and likes to make friends with others. She was depressed yesterday, so I felt really bad for her, with it being that this was the first guy she fell in love with, and this dirtbag dumped her. I actually went looking for my aluminum baseball bat, I was so mad.
And then to top it off, I was rejected for a personal loan from the bank for some money I desperately needed for a major purchase of a new computer I wanted.

So, this week hasn't been going well for me. When things aren't going my way, I have a tendency to fall apart for a bit, but only for a little while, and then I try to reassess my problems and see what I can do to make them better or fix things. The only problem is, when it's stuff out of my control, it's times like now, when I can write about them or take the time to think about them. That's when I realize things are out of my control and I have to give them up to God, and let him take control so that he can handle things that are out of my control.


I'm supposed to be at work right now, but since this is a Friday, and I'm currently fried from this entire week of work and stuff, I'm praying Saturday and Sunday are better.


I had Mexican food today. Bit of a mistake there. It tastes good going down, not so good afterwards. I just had to take a writing break because I had the Johnny Cash Ring of Fire happening. The older I get, the more I have to remember that green and red chili sauce does not mix well with tacos.


I had a bad case of the hornies last night. I wanted to masturbate so badly, but I just focused on going to sleep. Plus the rainstorm we had last night helped. It stinks not being able to enjoy a woman's company.


OK that's all I have for now. You've escaped the poop. Go about your normal daily business.
Getting a bit tired of the bullshit here...
Posted:May 16, 2019 1:16 pm
Last Updated:May 17, 2019 6:52 am

Today's not been a good day.

I've had 6 conversations in the past two weeks. All of these people have for the most part pretty much have been a waste of time.

-I had one person ask me for my phone number, so I replied back that if she's serious, she'd give me her number first. I've gotten no reply.
-Another person ask me for the same thing, so when I asked her if she's serious, she give me her number, so she said "I am serious, but I asked you first." So I called her on her bluff, and gave her my number. It's been 3 days and she hasn't replied back at all. -It doesn't take 3 days to call someone or even text them for that matter.
Remember the person that stood me up last week for the Thursday lunch date and said she'd text me back soon? It's been a week. It doesn't take a week to get back to someone.
-How about the person that messaged me back saying she missed me on Sunday? I haven't heard from her at all, even after I gave her my number so we could talk.
-Of course, then today I had a woman from Texas try to contact me to talk to me and get me to talk offline. I'm not messing with a long distance relationship.
-And then someone else who I messaged yesterday to where we could set up a meet, and she hasn't responded after that.

And then to top it all off, I get contacted by some woman here who at first wanted to get together with me, but ONLY after she said I joined her fan club and bought tokens for her website (I'm not going to mention her name or her website) and that I became one of her members of her fan club on her website. I've gotten her profile banned twice so far, and today I reported her profile again for solicitation, so hopefully this will be the 3rd time.

I know that there are some live women here on this website. I know some of them are serious and they are for real. But when confronted by another man who's also serious and real and wants to actually meet, they panic and then disappear like a bad fart in the wind. Or they're hiding that they are married. Or that they're here just to get phone numbers so that they can text you shit about hooking up with prostitutes. Or here to promote their cam sites.

It's fucking ridiculous. And I hold no hopes of TSDates fixing any of this. It's literally the same crap that's happened here for over 20 years, but worse. Look I have no doubt some people actually meet up here. But how can my luck be so shitty? If you owned this website, what would you do to fix the massive problems here? What changes would you do to make this site better?
Long distance relationships...
Posted:May 16, 2019 7:05 am
Last Updated:May 16, 2019 1:20 pm

I just had a lady from Texas message me to see if I would talk with her offline.

I guess I have to spell this out again, even though it's on my profile. *sigh*

I have no problems with talking with other people here from outside of my area, and I appreciate talking to everyone, because it's really interesting to talk to people from all across the USA and even the world. However...I've had people contact me from everywhere asking to get involved with me from hundreds, even thousands of miles away to start up a relationship. Trust me, I've done a long distance relationship before...and it didn't work.
The constant calling everyday, spending hundreds of dollars to travel to see that person, and the worst is thinking that person is faithful when in fact they are seeing other people and you don't know it until after the fact.

So for me, I'm trying to stay local to the area. Now...if you are planning to move to the Chicago area, or even visit for a while, I'm all for seeing you, spending time with you, showing you the area, hanging out, maybe even getting our freak on if there is an attraction between the both of us. But unless you are planning to permanently locate here to the Chicago area, I can't invest in a woman emotionally. It's not possible. I'm sorry, we can be friends, we can chat via the blog, but I'm not investing in a long distance relationship. From my experience, you have to put in an incredible amount of effort, and it has to be from both sides. When I did my last long distance relationship, it was me doing all the calling, me doing all the travelling, me buying everything, because I thought I was in love. When in fact it was mostly one sided. Rarely did she call me. Rarely did she come to visit me. Rarely did she buy me anything, send a card, or a letter, or anything. In short, it was me putting in most of the effort. And that's not fair to the other person in a relationship.

So with all due respect ladies, I appreciate you visiting my blog. I appreciate the attention. But at the same time...I'm not getting involved in another long distance relationship UNLESS...unless you have plans already to move to the Chicago area, which at that time I can emotionally invest in that person. I can't make it any more clearer than that.
Even the most confident people wavier from time to time
Posted:May 14, 2019 3:59 pm
Last Updated:May 14, 2019 5:06 pm

I wouldn't call myself a confident person. Rational, a realist from time to time, yes...but confident? Sometimes yes, and other times, no. If I ever approached someone when I was younger, it wasn't because I was confident. It was because I just didn't give a fuck about people.

Me in my 20s: "Hi, I'm Joseph. Care to dance?"
Hot woman in her 20s: "With you? No."
Me in my 20s: "OK, whatever." (looks at her semi-hot girlfriend) "How about you? Would you care to dance?'
Hot woman's friend: "Get lost loser."
Me in my 20s: "Ok, whatever, I'll go ask the women over there. I'm sure they have more class than both of you."

And then I'd go up to a really smoking hot woman and say: "Hey you see those two women over there? They turned me down when I asked them to dance. Would you do me a solid favor? I don't want to be disrespectful, but would you dance with me so I can make them look like shit, so I can get back at them?"
Really hot smoking woman: "Sure, I'll even kiss you when they are looking."
Me in my 20s: "That would be awesome!"

And then we'd dance right in front of them and she would proceed to make out with me on the dance floor.

And once in a great while if I was lucky, we'd actually talk, connect, and I'd go to her place and have sex all night for a one night stand.

Now back then, I didn't care about women.

Now...I do care. Because I have a daughter. And I want to have a relationship with a decent woman. And I don't have the same confidence because my ex wife did a bang up job at tearing me apart and making me feel like a piece of shit.

Me as I am now, my confidence isn;t what it was back then. Oh sure, I can just not give a shit about women, but that's not me anymore. I have feelings. I don't want to be just another guy that uses women like toys or playthings just to get laid. I want a deep, meaningful connection with a good woman and be in love with that person. AND....have lots of sex as well with my partner. LOL! Who doesn't?

The point is...I honestly don't know if I'm going to find someone soon. You've heard about a woman's biological clock ticking, yes? Well we men, sort of have that as well. I'm not that good looking as I once was. My youth is going. And I don't know if I can find someone I can connect with and fall in love again. I want to, dear god, do I want to. And I'm willing to be patient, but man, I don't know how much longer am I going to be able to keep searching like this.

I know, it's probably weird for a guy to be opening up like this and being this vulnerable, posting stuff like this. The point is...I'm not a normal guy. I never was. I'm just me. And a lot of women don't like men being vulnerable like this, because they think it makes a man look weak. The point is, me sharing that I am not confident doesn't make me look weak. It means that I'm strong enough to show everyone one of my vulnerabilities and accept I'm not that confident as I once was. People change. And time changes people. I just hope somewhere in God's plan that one day I will find someone. But until, it sucks to be alone.
More monday musings...
Posted:May 13, 2019 6:42 am
Last Updated:May 14, 2019 4:00 pm

I just logged on today and as soon as I did I got an here asking me to go to a website and give her my so we could meet. I replied back that if they send me 1 million dollars in , I'd be glad to go to their website.

I also got a message from someone saying they want me to see them but only on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. I flat up asked them to give me their info and their so that I could see if this person was serious or not. I doubt it is, and my guess is this person is married. Look, if you are married, if you are in an open relationship, who am I to judge you. But I don't brook cheaters here on this site. If you are cheating, go somewhere else. I doubt I'll get a response back but we'll see. I'll keep you informed.

Yesterday was Mothers day. My ex called me to beg to see if she could get a small container of my mom's potato salad. Folks, my mom makes the best potato salad in the entire fucking world. No joke, it's that good. She could package it up into containers and it and she'd make millions of dollars, but the problem is, the ingredients are costly and time consuming. It literally takes 24 hours for the potato salad to gel together properly, and only our family knows the secret. Of course, my ex is not getting any of that potato salad. I'll pretend that we ate it all and tell her I tried to save her some but couldn't. LOL! Anyway, my mom got her Fanny May Turtles she loves and her giant bucket of KFC Original recipe chicken. She was in heaven. My sisters also got her some flowers so when it warms up this week, she can plant them in the garden.

Me? I worked both Saturday and Sunday morning at work, and yesterday I got home exhausted, but I still had to clean the house and do my laundry. Believe it or not, happy to be work because after I type this, taking a nap to recover. It's nice to be able to work and not have anyone here to manage me as I am my own time manager.

I took your advice on Saturday, and I contacted the person that stood me up. I told her that I would be willing to work with her if she worked with me, as she wants to talk more to get to know each other before we meet. I informed her that was fine, and I took a chance and gave her my so she can contact me. I happened to check my stuff her yesterday for a bit, and I saw her on here so I know she got the message. Least I think she did. She hasn't called or texted me yet, but its early so I'll give her until the week to contact me. The ball is in her court now.

The other person I was supposed to have a lunch date with on Thursday hasn't texted me back. I assume that she was celebrating Mothers day with her child I guess. I'll give her until the end of the week as well to contact me back. As you can see, I have multiple balls in different courts all waiting for someone to serve the ball back to me in my court. I don't know why but that tennis analogy sucks because there is no love and no one wants to serve the damn ball back to me.

My sunburn is fading away now and my peeling is almost over. It was kind of funny because my little nieces came over yesterday and I was terrorizing them with my sunburn peeling the dead skin off and they were grossed out by it. Yes, I am the weird uncle, and live up to it proudly.

Now if you will excuse me, going to get a nap in, and later when I wake up, going to eat this potato salad. And laugh evilly.
1 comment
WOW....ok I didn't expect this to happen.
Posted:May 11, 2019 6:12 am
Last Updated:May 14, 2019 2:24 pm
5124 Views I'm a bit befuddled.

In regards to this past Sunday when I got stood up by a member here, I messaged her here to tell her how disappointed I was that she stood me up. However...yesterday, she got my message and read it, and messaged me back.

"Hey, I very much appreciate for giving me benefit of doubt. Honestly, I came to the Starbucks on Sunday, since the TSDates gave me trouble I couldnt access or message you either. Regarding posting a blog I did and I didnt read any of your messages - as it wasnt inboxed. When I cleared the cache and reloaded the browser, all your messages are pouring in and I feel very disgusted.
I am not what you think I am. All I can say now is "I apologize from the bottom of my heart" I do not know how to repair what went by but certainly agree with you that it went terribly wrong. Once again any amount of sorry's will not make you feel good but trust me. I do feel terrible and It wasn't intentional. "

So...apparently she did go, and I somehow missed her as I was moving from two different Starbucks to see if she was at the other one. And thanks to TSDates, they fucked up my messages so she never got them, and she thought I stood her up, but once she refreshed her browser, all the messages I sent from last week came in. So thanks to TSDates, they helped fuck up our meet.

So I made a judgement call after reading this, and I decided to give her another chance.

Here's what I sent to her:

Look...I'll be honest here. After taking some time to think about it, and reading your message, I feel I came down a bit hard on you.
I believe people can make mistakes, and if you would like, I would be willing to give you a second chance, if you want it.
I believe that everyone deserves a second chance. However, that's up to you. And I think if you do want a second chance, then if you are willing, if you would like to give me your number, I'm willing to call you and we can make arrangements to set up a meet in which will work for both of us.

What do you say?

She still hasn't responded yet, but for now...but I'm willing to give this a second try if she is.

I'm really not happy with TSDates, but what do you guys think? Should I give her a second chance if she asks for it? Or am I setting myself up for disappointment?
Well I'm moving on up! Mov-ing on up....
Posted:May 8, 2019 7:07 am
Last Updated:May 9, 2019 1:54 pm

I never really dug the Jeffersons. It was ok...but everytime I hear song, it puts a smile on my face.

OK so yesterday, I asked for advice, and man....did you guys lay it on me! LOL! Definitely well heeded advice. By the first people, everyone all had said to move on. Which in order for me to do , I had to send one final message to let the person no showed me on Sunday how I felt. I needed to do this to let this person know how not only had she hurt me, but how her actions were not acceptable. So this is what I sent:

Ok final message from me...

I want you to know what you did to me on Sunday was wrong. For you to not show up was highly rude and inconsiderate. I seriously don't care what excuse you had, whether it was legitimate or not, for you to not show up or at least contact me before hand when I drove 30 miles into the city in an attempt to meet you, was disrespectful.

And then I can see you logged in yesterday and posted your blog post. Which means you had to have read all of your messages yesterday, and then you chose to ignore all of my messages to reply back and explain yourself. So then once again, you are rude and inconsiderate for not replying back to explain yourself.

Because of these, you've shown you are very immature and have a LOT of growing up to do. I would have had a lot more respect from you had you at least replied back and explained yourself. But you chose not to, which further shows to me you your lack of respect for others.

Listen...I don't hate you. I feel sad for you. I hope you understand you hurt a person with feelings by not attempting to show up and then further not explaining yourself. I honestly hope one day you understand hurting others isn't ok. How would you feel if someone did this to you?

In short, you will probably ignore my words because you think I'm doing this to spite you or attack you. And 's not the case. I just hope you understand you missed out on meeting a really good person, and maybe my words sunk in. 's it. I'm done. Have a nice life.
Get read receipt
5/7/2019 :05 pm

After , I was free. It felt like a weight had been lifted from my soul, and she no longer has a hold on me anymore. It was like Jim Carey came over, put his hand over my head and said "I HAVE EX-OR-CIZED THE DEMONS!" LOL!

And then...literally a half hour later...I got contacted by someone else here at the site. I used the Heathen G approach (Asked to meet the same day) and she countered (Can we meet Thursday at noon for lunch?), and I agreed. super secret agent has a not so super secret lunch date for tomorrow! LOL! It's weird how life can take one thing away from you and then give you something else the next day. I will definitely keep you folks informed on how it went.

Of course, I look like crap because my sunburn from Saturday is now starting to flake off like crazy right on my nose and forehead. LOL! Never a dull moment with me folks! Never a dull moment!


On another note regarding my mom, she is getting better. The pink eye is clearing up, and I think the effects of the chemo, which took a toll on her last week have been relaxing to where she's been getting energy back somewhat. It's a slow process, as she's been sleeping a lot and trying to rest up. It's difficult, but she's hanging in there fighting the cancer.


Which reminds me, this weekend is Mother's Day! Which means I need to get my mom some Fanny May candy and a bucket of KFC chicken. 's her favorite. LOL!


Finally thank you all for those who stopped by yesterday to give me your advice and support. I truly appreciate it and the words of wisdom given to me.

To link to this blog (whoisagentj) use [blog whoisagentj] in your messages.

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