The Dossier of Agent J
These are the not-so secret files of Agent J.
He is a terrible super spy, but he's a really good guy! So stop by and read these musings he posts. They are hilarious!
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Leave me a private message...
Posted:Feb 2, 2009 12:34 pm
Last Updated:Jun 2, 2019 5:05 pm

For those wanting to talk to me...

I am inviting anyone who wants to stay in contact with me to leave your private messages here. Just post them here. I will not post them or approve them so that you will not have to worry about others seeing them but you can leave your info or private messages here.


Agent J
0 Comments , 3 Pending
Pickle juice is good for cramps? Who knew?
Posted:Jul 16, 2019 7:01 am
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2019 1:34 pm

OK so for a while now, I was experiencing some leg cramps during sleeping and man, were they painful! They would wake me up in the middle of the night and there would be some silent screams of pain, trying to not keep up my folks from waking them up in the middle of the night.

So one of my readers read this and suggested bananas which I knew about, but eating a banana in the middle of the night, it would take about 2 hours before the cramps would subside. And before going to bed, I was drinking Gatorade in order to , but I was peeing like a race in the middle of the night in order to deal with cramps. But then same reader suggested something a bit bizarre which through me off.

Drink some pickle juice. The salt brine of the pickle juice has massive amounts of potassium which is used to with cramps. Pickle juice? Really? So in order to further science, I got a jar of pickles, got a shot glass, and drank some of the juice before going to bed. I was skeptical, but I was willing to try anything. downed shot of pickle juice and I got the dill juice instead of the sweet juice. Man, it was a bit weird, and the taste was a bit bleyuck, but...I went to bed, and waited to see what happened.

I am happy to report last night, I was leg cramp free! And I only got up once in the middle of the night to pee, but still I was able to sleep through the majority of the night without having any leg pain or cramps at all! Man, did feel good to get a fairly decent night of rest! Plus I went to bed early so I was able wake up early, shower and shave, and I feel like a normal human being this morning. I'm still drinking Gatorade however, because the next week is going to be blistering hot this week and weekend, and I plan on staying indoors if I can. We're supposed to have temps near 100, but near Lake Michigan with the humidity, the temps will most likely be near 0-1 and miserable outside.

My guess is if you are dealing with cramps, pickle juice is a great way to deal with them and fast, as the body absorbs pickle juice like nothing I've ever heard of and works quickly too.

Many thanks to thax0 for passing this handy tidbit of info down!
Cleaning the carpet
Posted:Jul 15, 2019 6:24 am
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2019 6:59 am

I know you pervs think I went down on someone this weekend. Sorry to disappoint, but this weekend, I went over to my sister's, borrowed a Rug Doctor carpet shampoo device, and my dad and I cleaned mostly all of the carpets in the entire house this weekend. So if you thought this was a euphemism of me licking someone's pussy, the joke's on you. I almost thought that was going to happen however. I got a call from someone I had messaged early Friday morning, and we talked and she wanted to meet me this weekend. So I asked to meet her Friday evening after I got done seeing my s for dinner. She agreed, and the excitement filled me most of the day in anticipation of meeting her. However, around 6PM, she cancelled because one of her friends was in a car accident, and her friend was panicked, so she had to cancel.

And I'll be honest, this per was the one that cancelled the last time when we were supposed to meet. However, this time I have her actual number. So just this morning I just texted her to say good morning. I don't know if we'll actually see each other or not, but I always feel a per needs a second chance, and she actually replied back to my text, so who knows what will happen here. Maybe I'm a sucker. Maybe not. I'm just trying to actually meet someone this time and just see what happens.

Today I'm feeling a little better. I've been going to bed earlier and it's helped a bit with my sleep. And since that happened, my energy, my disposition, my exhaustion, and my mood swings have helped. I'm still not sleeping all the way through the night, but I've been drinking more Gatorade and my leg cramps have lessened. Its the potassium that I've been missing in my diet that was causing my leg cramps. Also I was skipping out on my multi-vitamins and my vitamin D3 pills, and that was causing me to lose energy. I'm back on it now and I feel a lot better and a little more balanced. I know it sounds weird, but when you're in your 40's reaching for 50, you have to adjust to getting older. The energy you lost when you were younger won't return, so you have to look toward finding things to alter and provide a better balance in your diet so you can help keep the energy you have.

Yesterday was a bit of a weird day as well, as while I was cleaning the carpet in the house, I was really thinking of my . Yesterday she went on her trip to Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore to do a 12 day pre-college course for pre-med. She was nervous to go at first, but she arrived safely and now she's starting her first day today. I was excited, but also a bit nervous for her, because I hope she has a good time and that she can learn a lot there as well. I had given her my St. Christopher medal that my grandfather gave me, and I hope it protects her on her trip. I know, some of you are like it's just a hunk of silver and steel, but for me God does mean something to me.

Well, work is calling. I got a lot to do today. Of course, I still have to focus on my mom today, she starts up another round of chemo today. She's still having issues and yesterday was a bad day for her, but I hope the chemo does it's job and helps her out. And it's the start of another work week. I just hope things are quiet and go smoothly this week.

That's all I can hope for. Thanks for reading. Hope you had a better weekend than I did.
Should I go to a ?
Posted:Jul 10, 2019 6:30 am
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2019 10:54 am

Yesterday I talked to one of my posters here and he suggested that because of my feelings of needing someone physical and because I haven't had sex in a long time, that I might consider seeing a "woman", in order to fulfill my need for intimacy and physical sex.
Now normally I wouldn't consider doing this, paying someone for sex. And I don't look down on sex workers for the most part, because sometimes they fill the needs of people who are lonely. Now, I've never gotten a sex worker before. I have considered it in the past, but never acted on it. The thought of me paying for sex is normally not something I would consider doing. And right now, the thought of me spending over a couple hundred dollars for an hour of sexual gratification...I could be using that to pay down my bills to improve my situation. On the other hand, it's tempting.

So at this time...I'm torn between the idea of actually doing this and not doing it. I really don't know what to do. Part of me wants to do it. Another part of me is saying "Are you sure you want to do this?"

What are your thoughts on this? Would you ever consider using a sex worker? And if you have used one before, what were your thoughts before and after?
Hate feeling like I am now...
Posted:Jul 9, 2019 7:19 am
Last Updated:Jul 10, 2019 1:42 pm

Right now my feelings are very mixed and confused at the moment. On one side, I want to have a relationship and lots and lots of sex. Or just sex. Lots and lots of sex. LOL! Ultimately, I do want a relationship. But when one has gone without real sex, not just stick it in and that's it with no cares in the world or a one night stand, but actual intimate relations with a woman. Being able to look into her eyes, and see that she wants you and you want her, and to feel your heart swell with love because she wants you and only you. That is what I really want. To feel wanted. I could even do without the sex part for a while. It's being wanted by a woman. That feeling is amazing.

On the other side...which I'm on mind is a confused and jumbled mess of things. I don't even think I could comprehend a relationship right now. My mind is a blur of work and taking care of my folks who are both sick and tired and my mom with a host of issues and problems. Plus taking care of my ren. Plus focusing on my bills. I thought that the days off that I was going to have was going to be restful for me. Instead I stayed at home and did nothing but cook and clean and take care of my folks and my family. I got very little rest this weekend. No real getting away or escaping reality or getting away from it all as I felt plagued by my life at home. I still feel like that. Like I'm trapped. Honestly, I want to get AWAY away, if you know what I mean. Like I could escape and go somewhere even if it's for a weekend and just not have to deal with my folks, my s, my bills, everything, and just be in the arms of a good woman and just be held and hugged, and doted on for a while so I could feel like a normal human being. Because right now, I'm not feeling that way. And there's this pain. It's like being in a pit of despair, and I know I can get out, but the feeling of panic has overwhelmed me to where I can't see a way out. I know there is a way out, but I'm so overwhelmed with daily life, I can't focus and see that way out.

I don't know why I feel like this. I'm not in a bad place right now. My bill situation is slowly getting better. I can buy stuff for my s right now. Things are improving in some areas. But others feel like I'm just trapped and I can't get out. What's worse is I still have that feeling like my mind is mush right now and I can't focus. I should be happy I'm working and have a steady job right now, but I'm so lethargic I don't feel like I want to do anything. And that's a bad thing. Yesterday I sat at my desk, and hardly did anything. Work feels like a massive chore.

Have you ever felt like this? If so, how did you escape feeling like this? What did you do to help you out of this haze?
96 hours, part dos
Posted:Jul 8, 2019 6:34 am
Last Updated:Jul 9, 2019 6:33 am

What a long weekend!

Thursday morning was crazy. As soon as I got up, it was non stop rush as I had to prep everything for the 4th of July party for our house. Plus my dad had something wrong with his foot, so he was incapacitated and could barely move around, so it was all me on Thursday for the most part. Cleaning, getting all of the food prepped, rush over to pick up my sister and her s for the party (their car broke down), and then play host and cleanup again. I was lucky because my sister helped me cook the food and I think somewhere in there I got a half-hour nap in at the party. Then I had to drive my sister and her s back to her home and by the time I got back on Thursday night, I passed out. I will admit, it was a good day however as I was able to have my entire family over for the party, and I know it helped my mom and dad because they were able to have the family over and it brightened their spirits, even thought they were not feeling well. But man I was so exhausted as it was a long day. And at the end, I know fireworks were going off all night, but I didn't care and I think I slept through a lot of it.

Friday I got up early, showered and shaved, and rushed out the door to go and pick up my s only to find that my ex thought I was coming at 4:30PM when in fact I was there at 11:30AM to take them out for lunch. My was still sleeping at 11:30AM, which made me laugh because I used to be like that when I was a and sleep late in the summer. When she finally got up, we drove over to pick up her check at work, and then afterwards we went to lunch and then the mall. I ended up spending way too much money on them as usual, spoiling them, but it makes me feel good knowing I can take care of them now, instead of not being able to do so when I was unemployed. My needed a special dress for picture day for senior year of high school pictures, and my needed...well, wanted his Funko pops that he collects. Afterwards I gave my 100 bucks to help her with her trip in which she's going to Baltimore to study in her pre-med course she was selected to go to, and she's super excited, because it's her first real trip away from home. I'm proud of her, but at the same time, I'm a bit nervous and worried, and I hope she gets back home safe.

Saturday I actually felt relaxed for the first time since I was off. I slept late and took care of my folks. Plus my sister dropped off her rug shampoo carpet cleaner, and I went to town cleaning all of the rugs in the house. It seems our was marking her territory, and with the fireworks she pee'd a lot in the house due to her being scared. So the house smelled like pee. But after I got the carpets cleaned, it smelled a lot better and I got the high traffic areas looking a lot better than they normally had been earlier with dirt tracked on them.

Sunday felt weird. I knew it was my last day off, but I didn't have any plans with the exception of seeing the new Spider-Man movie, however it just felt...odd. I watched a lot of TV and the Women's World Cup final which was cool seeing them win, but I just felt in a haze. I wanted to do so much for the time I was off and instead I ended up working at home a lot and not doing much of anything. I did on Sunday however get out to catch the movie, but I just felt like I wasted 96 hours of free time that I wanted to do and didn't get a chance to do much of anything except chores around the house. And I felt like I needed another 96 more hours to actually do the stuff I wanted to do, but instead, now I'm back at work and it's a Monday. But I will say that part of me is glad to be back at work, so I can actually do work and get back to a normal routine again.

In short, all the stuff I wanted to do, I ended up having a party on Thursday, Friday was a day with my s, Saturday was a blur of work and house chores, and Sunday I saw a movie and watch a lot of TV. Not an exciting 4-day weekend. But still a fairly good one just the same. How was yours?
My mind is on vacation mode
Posted:Jul 2, 2019 11:03 am
Last Updated:Jul 3, 2019 6:20 am

Well, since I got back from my 4 day vacation, and I'm looking forward to Thursday again for another 4 day vacation, my mind is on standby vacation mode. I'm at work right now, and all I want to do is just to pass the time to get through today and tomorrow so I can be off for another 4 days of relaxation. I'm almost kicking myself that I wish I had taken more days off, but if I can just ride out the rest of today and tomorrow, I should be ok.

The problem is that all I want to do is sleep or relax or not do work. In fact even typing this blog is a chore today. My brain is in such a fog, that just typing this is a chore at the moment. And I hate that feeling. Sometimes I can it by slapping my face cheeks several times hard in order to force myself to wake up, but even that today didn't help much. I'm just so lethargic today. I just want to put in my time, do the minimal amount today and get through the day as quickly as possible.

I'm hoping this will pass soon, but I think this week is basically screwed as I don't want to do much of anything for the next 27 hours so that way I can start up another 96 hours of relaxation. What's worse is I catch myself focusing on stuff to do this extra long weekend. I definitely want to catch the new Spider-Man movie out this weekend with my s along with spending time with my s. Just not sure what I want to do though other than that. I also want to go and do some swimming this weekend. Nothing better than being in the water on the 4th of July, however Lake Michigan is freezing. Maybe I'll take the s swimming or something at a local pool.

What are your plans for this weekend? Maybe I might steal one of your ideas and do something different. Anything special you like to do on the 4th of July weekend?
96 hours
Posted:Jul 1, 2019 6:21 am
Last Updated:Jul 1, 2019 11:17 am

Well, as soon as I Wednesday evening ended, I did a whole lot of nothing. But it was a good whole lot of nothing.

Thursday I woke up late. Only to have one of my co-workers contact me to get some server blades working. So I called my boss, and my boss said he'd handle it and apologized for me being disturbed on my vacation time off. Around 1PM I got my eye exam done and knocked out of the way, and I have a new set of glasses being ordered which should come in about another days. My eyes are ok, but my vision degraded more, so its a new prescription. And I had my pick out my new frames, because she said they would look better on me. She helped me pick them out ahead of time from the previous week before. After , I did some grocery shopping and picked up some well needed things from the store.

Friday, I got up and the clouds were overcast, but it was still a warm day, so I was able to pick up my s and we went to the beach. We hung out there for a couple of hours, relaxed, I got some sun, and we had a good time just chilling Lake Michigan. I also bought some sandwiches and some drinks and made it a picnic by the beach which was cool.

Saturday I did absolutely nothing and it was glorious. I watched the entire sea 2 of Daredevil on Netflix, and I made a nice Italian chicken vegetable pasta salad because it was so damn hot outside, I couldn't go out to do anything.

Sunday, had a major storm roll in in the afternoon, so I spent my day watching part of Sea 3 of Daredevil and doing laundry. Plus I got some KFC for dinner. As I get older, I'm noticing KFC is more greasy than anything, so I didn't eat as much of it as I liked. I wanted grilled, but my mom is stubborn and likes original recipe better.

Throughout the whole weekend, I didn't look at any internet or phone hardly throughout the weekend. I think I needed because I just needed to get away from technology for a while and catch my breath and just relax. I didn't watch any news either, which I think helped my stress levels drop considerably. My whole 4 days off was nothing but me trying to unplug and unwind and I did a pretty good job for the most part just trying to get myself centered and back to normal.

On the plus side, I have another 3 day week this week and another 4 days off due to the early holiday weekend, which I most likely will be trying to figure out what to do again. But it was great to just get away and not do much of anything. However, I'm back for now and posting again for the time being.
Reading the language...
Posted:Jun 25, 2019 8:15 am
Last Updated:Jun 26, 2019 6:37 am

As I was talking in my last post, I had a per that I was talking to and in the early rounds of conversation, the per at first seemed to be genuine. Later the conversation broke into short answers and then the per disappeared abruptly. In one of the replies I got back it got me to thinking that sometimes, while things seem real at first, it can develop into where people are trying to gain confidence into thinking that they might be real when in fact they are a fake, scammer, or outright fraud.

So I decided to share some ideas that might help the reader know when there are dealing with a fake.

1. Run on sentences.
The first thing I normally catch with someone who I can easily spot as a fake from another country is that when a per sends you a message, or they reply to your message that they will type and type and type and rarely end a sentence. For example:

"Hi Agent J. I saw your profile and I am looking for a man who I can love and respect and have a relationship with so I can fall in love, then we can have s and our lives will be perfect together, plus I want to know a man who is kind and generous and willing to give of himself and love and feelings....etc..."

And that one paragraph drolls on for another five minutes. That per's thought pattern cannot break up their own thoughts. If you see this, that's a red flag.

2. Broken English.
You've seen this before right? The message that a per sends and it's like:

"Hi I'm Bibi. I want to be sex with u. Can you send me message back so I talk with u?"

Ummm, yeah, unless you just moved to an English speaking country and you are still learning the language, this is not going to work at all. And it's indicative of a big red flag. Or you'll see a message and while it seems almost correct, there's one word that in the sentence it just doesn't fit. The English sentence is almost correct, but there is just one word that it just seems off that the per sent to you that doesn't make sense. Or the typed a sentence missing a word that would have made sense to put into the sentence:

"Hi Agent J. I happened to read profile, wanted to reach out to you."

You mean you happened to read my profile.

When someone sends you something like this, it raises the hackles on the back of my neck seeing stuff like this. These are tell tale signs and big red flags screaming fake. Also, be aware that some of these fakes are using Google Translate to write sentences. Now you should be able to spot this easily because Google Translate is broken somewhat, and some translations from one language to English, it will not give a proper translation, but the fakes will copy and paste it, expecting you to think that they are real. So then when you call them out on their bad English, they pretend and say "I just come from X country, Eglish not so good."

Be aware of bad grammar and broken English.

3. Words spelled incorrectly.
Ok maybe a word or two fat fingered, I can understand. But multiple words? That's a problem.

4. Incorrect pronouns.
This is when people use your and you're incorrectly, or even put the wrong pronoun in a sentence that doesn't even make sense.

5. Garbled thought patterns
This could be where the per is talking about one thing and then go completely on to another topic with no warning.

6. Not answering questions.
This is my worst pet peeve of the bunch. When you ask a question to someone and they completely ignore it. Has nothing to do with the English language but it does have to do with communicating with the English language. If you ask someone a question, if you ignore that, it becomes confusing. I swear, sometimes I have to control my anger when it comes to this, because after they have ignored answering it, and I say "You didn't answer my question" and they reply back "What was your question?" and I want to reply back "ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID? Read the question I sent you above you idiot!" There is a message chain! Go back and re-read what I sent you!

Probably the worst of the red flags out there.

Bottom line...if you pay attention to what is sent to you, spotting a fake can be so easy.
A question for the ladies...
Posted:Jun 24, 2019 11:27 am
Last Updated:Jun 26, 2019 6:37 am


So, I was messaged by someone a little while back. I sent her a polite message asking her to contact me back, and she did. She thanked me for messaging her, and then we did a bit of small talk to get to know each other better. Afterwards, I asked her if she was interested in getting together last weekend. I said that we could meet up that evening, and she could pick the place and the time and I'd be willing to be there.

Then...she didn't reply back. She was still on the site for an hour, but she never replied back at all.
A day goes by, and I asked her if she was still interested in getting together or not.
Still no reply.
3 more days go by and I asked her if everything was ok, or did she change her mind and decided not to meet up.
No reply at all.

Now I know it apparent she's got no intention of meeting. I've stopped messaging her, and moved on.

My question is this for the ladies...if you are serious about meeting up with someone, and they ask you directly to meet, and they suggest meeting at a neutral place to make things easier for you, would you go or not?
How would you describe a good meet? Would you spend some time talking to that per? How much time would be involved before meeting a per? A couple of hours of talk? A day? A couple of days? A week? Longer?

For example, you get a polite message. You respond back. He responds back, asks you some questions to get to know you better, you reply back and ask him some questions and he replies back and answers every question. He then asks, "Hey, I think we'd get along well. Would you like to meet up tonight to hang out and meet in per? If you like, you can pick the place and time, and I'll be there, so to make you feel more comfortable. Sound fair?" Would you go? Or would you ask to talk to him longer?

The rea I'm asking this is to better understand why some women go dark after I ask them politely if they would like to meet up and talk. I guess I'd like more info to better understand what's going on inside a woman's mind. Thanks in advance!
Another weekend ending...
Posted:Jun 23, 2019 2:25 pm
Last Updated:Jun 26, 2019 6:38 am

Well, I had my 's birthday happen this weekend, and this Friday evening I celebrated it with my and . For the most part my had a good evening. My on the other hand was acting up, because it was his sister's birthday. He was acting a bit snotty. Like any year old younger brother. Toward the end of the evening, he was "I'm tired". The rea he was tired was because he was staying up late and not getting enough sleep. My ex ended up after he got home tearing into him because of his attitude. I later found he hasn't been doing his chores like he should, and just sleeping a lot during the day. Which isn't good. I don't agree with everything my ex does, but she was correct in that if he has been acting up, he needed an attitude adjustment, but at the time, I don't like yelling at him like that.

Saturday, I didn't do much, just a bit of light house cleaning and watched a lot of Netflix. I ended up catching the first sea of Luke Cage, and now I'm watching the first sea of Iron Fist.
I also caught that someone had given me a free month of gold just before my expired, so now I'm good mid-July. Whomever did it, well, I truly appreciate that. I wasn't expecting it, so again, I have say thank you whomever did that for me, it's much appreciated.

Today, I slept late. I got up at , something very uncharacteristic of me, but I must have been tired. I can never sleep a full 8 hours now, I just sleep about 4 hours, get up, go the bathroom, and then come back and fall asleep for another 4 hours. When you gotta , you gotta . I then just went over get a 70 minute massage with aromatherapy special they had a place I normally go for Father's Day. I thought I was ok at first, but man, she was hitting muscles I didn't realize were that sore, and when she was manipulating them, it was painful. But after I got back home, I just took a shower, cleaned myself off and now I feel like jelly.

The next weeks should be good ones, because I work Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday for both weeks, and have day weekend this week and next week. Man that will be nice! I'm looking forward the extra days off and I hope I can take it easy.

Well, I can smell the glazed ham that I put on a of hours ago beeping in the oven so that's my queue end it here. Thanks for reading!
Can't think of a intro for this one.
Posted:Jun 21, 2019 6:31 am
Last Updated:Jun 26, 2019 6:39 am

Right now, I'm...

My mom got back from the doctor. She has extremely large blood clot in her lung right now The doctor said at any point in time, the clot could break off, and float into her bloodstream until it hits a vital organ or her brain, cause a major blockage and then she would die from it. The doctor said it could happen at any time, so they immediately gave her some medicine to see if it would start to dissolve the blood clot. In short, it's a ticking time bomb. She could die tomorrow, or next week, or a year from now. The doctor said that hopefully the medicine will work to dissolve the blood clot somewhat, but she could be living with this clot for the rest of her life. They can't go in via surgery to remove the clot as if it breaks off while in surgery, she's done for, so they're opting for medicine to get the job done or at least keep the clot from getting bigger and pray it doesn't move or break off.

I don't know how to take this. First I was dealing with the cancer she has now. Now I'm dealing with a blood clot that could kill her at any time. One is a slow death. The other is could be a rapid death and happen at any time.

To make matters worse, it's my 's birthday tomorrow, so tonight we're supposed to celebrate it. I'm debating if I should even tell her or not. Plus I'm not good at faking being happy when this is weighing on my head.

Yesterday, I had to sit down with my mom, and she hugged me. I felt yesterday that this could be the LAST time I hugged my mom, and it was hard to let her go, so, so hard. I had tears welling in my eyes, but because I didn't want my mom to see me like that, I just held back the tears, and for some rea, I blocked it off in my mind. My mom is alive, not dead, so I just stashed this knowledge in the back of my mind like it was an unimportant fact. But it's not unimportant.

Dealing with the mortality of one's parents is so difficult to comprehend. You know death is inevitable, but you just don't want to accept it. They are here now and you want them to live forever.

Happy Friday everyone. Make sure to tell your family and loved ones how much you love them today. It might be there last day. You never know. Sorry for being a downer today with this post.

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