Ghosting .....WTF !!!!!  

yesoyes2021 69M  
36 posts
7/30/2021 8:37 pm
Ghosting .....WTF !!!!!

Haven't written my blog in some time but i wanted toss the subject of "ghosting" out there and what my experience has been predominantely other "dating" sites.

I have never understood the trend of "ghosting" --- ghosting as you know is when the other person you are communicating with via text/phone /email / Instant Messaging suddenly stops and they simply disappear or go away never to be heard from nor knowing why they stopped or disappeared.

I literally have had at least a half dozen women do that to me this year alone --- we dated , I wined them and dined them , had sex with them , exchanged dozens and dozens of messages only to watch them suddenly vanish without explanation or excuse. Whats with this trend ????

My thought is good: if you don't have the maturity or courage simply tell that you no longer wish see just say it and be gone. Show a little courage and a little honesty would be also be appreciated . I would rather be told to fuck off than be abandoned like a little puppy on the side of the road ......kind of crappy behavior in my opinion. Your thoughts ?????

plzthese40ds 46M/43F
32 posts
8/30/2021 9:09 am

My thoughts on the matter are exactly how you described it. You are 100% correct! People these days are rude! They are cowards! They lack any sense of general compassion, manners, respect or morals! Instead, they simply vanish and resort to ignorance as THEIR easiest and most convenient ticket out, because nobody gives a damn about anyone or anything at all these days. Bluntly said. If people cared, the world wouldn't be in the shape it's in...on any level at all. People only seem to care about what's in it for their own self-interests and most selfish, self-centered reasons and conveniences.

You're right, although blatantly rude, I'm much rather be told to "fuck off" just to simply form a level of closure [then put them on public blast for their rude behavior] rather to be sitting around abandoned and then surrounding my thoughts in several dozen potential possibilities of whether or not someone is busy, having technical communication issues, on vacation, not interested, working, sidetracked, pre-occupied, in the hospital or any other dozens of reasons that someone may not be responding back.
There's just no other way to say it...people these days are beyond rude, inconsiderate, selfish and self-centered. If someone's feelings or concerns do not impact their gain or loss, then people are easily disposed of like trash. The good days of humanity are long behind us.

Yet in all fairness [but still not acceptable], it seems that you have had some level of success in things to perhaps help justify at least some of your time, effort, kindness or expenses in the matter by at least scoring in the end. I mean, you have at least seemed to have met at least six real and legitimate women this year, wined and dined, then have had sex and exchanged many emails before everything screeched to a halt. By that fact, at least you have some justification of "success". The ones which really irk me are the ones who I spend a massive amount of time, effort and kindness [plus tip points] in dealing with, then poof, they fall off the face of the earth by ignoring you infinitely or without any advanced communication they simply deactivate their account overnight after I've invested days, weeks, months or even upward to a year or more in attempting to build friendship or common ground with them....all gone in a blink of an eye like the sinking of the Titanic as you're left with no sense of conclusion, no justification, no answers, no acknowledgement, no communication and nothing but mystery, bewilderment and dozens of questions and frustration.

This is a trend which is common between both sexes. It's unacceptable behavior, immature and despicable!

The hardest part of it all is when I put things into perspective and look at the global view as what we are as humans.
We have spent the past two millions years of our human past evolving into our species.
We have then spent hundreds of thousands of years navigating the globe and dispersing throughout in small groups, as we've slowly learned and evolved.
We have then spent tens of thousands of years slowly gathering groups together and civilizing as towns, cities and empires.
Man then evolved into what we know him to be within the last several hundred years, creating machinery, building functional cities and working together.
Finally, here we are at the end of that present day chain after a two million year journey. We end up with the best of the best technology to communicate, to make things as simplistic, as convenient as possible. We can contact anyone in the entire world from a powerful, practical and useful device which we carry in our back pocket these days, which is no larger than a deck of playing cards. Yet, nobody complies. How is it that we have the best technology imaginable to communicate, yet communication now in 2021 with one another is no better than when Alexander Graham Bell first invented the telephone way back in 1876????? The answer to that doesn't lie within the technology being used. The answer is that society itself has reached a deplorable state of existence. If you cannot fix the social, behavioral or interaction disorders in people, then sites like this and the people who reside here simply have nearly no potential or incentive to function as it's intended to.
It just blows my mind to think that two million years of human evolution has yielded what we currently have become today as humans and how we treat one another. That's just sad and pathetic! "Is this honestly the best we can do?" I constantly think to myself.

I get ghosted plenty of times. Although not acceptable by any means, I believe in karma. Give respect and get respect...that's my motto. If someone proves to intentionally ghost me, then they are forgetting that this site is also a social media outlet. They are also forgetting that everything is digital on here, including history, screen shots, copy / paste features, photos and so on. That being said, those who mistreat me will only get retaliated on by having their public reputation tarnished when word easily spreads across the community of members on this site very quickly, along with the physical proof which backs me up [screen shots, emails, IM's, copy / paste, photos, etc..]. You have a freedom to be a dick in life, if one chooses to be. But with any freedom, it never comes without the potential of consequence for one's own poor actions.

You're not alone in the game of ghosting. Call out the offenders. It's the only way to break down that trend. On a site where good reputation and testimony means everything for someone's own success; the very last thing that offenders hate is to look bad when trying to actually attract others for success. Food for thought, my friend.

1deeptouch 79F  
113 posts
10/25/2021 7:10 am

It's all about them. Not about you.

That said, the occasional reasons I might stop corresponding or seeing someone after a date or two would be because I clearly noticed some dealbreaker reason in something said or done. So you say its ok to say fuck off. I say that is definitely not safe. When going a reason for ending a relationship it is always important to make the reason about yourself rather than the other person. It is not necessary to hurt their feelings and could even result in unwanted rage. So the times I have done this were: Someone I liked ws a long distance away and kept making and then having to break dates due to other things/priorities coming up. Next! Or 2 men who both shoveled food into their mouths while talking. My response to this is that I don't feel we have enough in common. This even happened on Zoom call. Feels like fingernails on the blackboard. Or someone who asks me out to eat, (wants sex) but never asks me anything about myself, just talks about themself. Or the fellow on a first date who berated a waitress who was just starting at that restaurant for errors. Tells me a lot about his temper and need to look like a big man.
Certainly there are many reasons for simply saying no thank you or saying you don't feel a good connection or simply stop answering. Sorry, I just don't advocate blowing someone off. It can come back and bite you.

yesoyes2021 69M  
10 posts
10/27/2021 7:08 pm

Hi Sage ,
The Ghosting issue has happened on numerous ocassions and often leaves me pondering " what did I do wrong" . I'm especially vexed by this because I personally make the effort on a first ,and second date, to listen , actually hold a conversation , put down the cell phone, and focus on her . A first date is always about making a good first impression but what kills me is when all of those things "seem" to be clicking with followup texts or calls the next day , even the occasional "why don't we go back to my place" and things are REALLY clicking only to be dusted off a few days later -- I dont get it , I really dont. Unfortunately it has turned me into a "ghoster " -- if we don't click or a dealbreaker comes up I simply don't respond / text / communicate any further -- my silence should be sufficient to know that I'm not interested.
Thanks #1 Fan ,

plzthese40ds 46M/43F
32 posts
12/25/2021 5:41 am

I think the irony here is that this blog is geared around "ghosting", yet you only make follow-ups to 1deeptouch ( a.k.a. Sage ) and don't even acknowledge the other person ( me ) who has taken the time to compose an even longer and in-depth reply to this blog that is three times longer that Sage's. Is it just me or do I find this a bit hypocritical that on one hand you claim that the ghosting trend isn't something you enjoy, approve of or understand, yet on the very same blog, you actually pick and choose while ghosting others who chime in. Maybe I'm processing this too deeply or critically here. I've noticed the same trend by you on not just this particular blog, but other blogs of yours where you'll only reply back to Sage, even if there are a handful of others who chime in.
Just my two cents here Steve, but I feel that you act upon a form of ghosting, even though it's something you say you're against.
As Sage said perfectly here: "It's all about them. Not about you." - and this seems to align precisely to your actions. If it's not Sage chiming in to any of your blogs, it's not relevant to you, therefore you dismiss them, ignore them, don't acknowledge and don't reply....which ( to me ) is a form of ghosting, when someone selectively shows favoritism to one person on a public blog and omits everyone else.

Food for thought on your "ghosting" topic.

Become a member to create a blog